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(Fark)   I need a ruling- cat just stuck his foot in my scotch. Drink it anyway, or drink it anyway and call kitty AA?   (fark.com) divider line 119
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2652 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 May 2014 at 12:17 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



119 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-18 12:32:01 AM  
Use a coffee filter to filter out the kitty litter and drink it, for craps sake! :D
 
2014-05-18 12:32:14 AM  
Just add more Mountain Dew and it will be fine.
 
2014-05-18 12:33:11 AM  

ladyfortuna: HairyNevus: Krustofsky:   Assuming the scotch is 40 proof (20% alcohol)

Uhh, which planet is that a reasonable assumption? Never seen lower than 80 proof.

He's a microbiologist, not a distiller ^_^


Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a distiller!
 
2014-05-18 12:33:30 AM  
Dont light a match by that cats paw. Not even if you fart
 
2014-05-18 12:33:40 AM  
How does one get shirty?
 
2014-05-18 12:36:07 AM  
I had a live cockroach in a glass of vodka. I drank it (the vodka, not the cockroach. Scooped him out with a spoon). Why yes, I am an alcoholic.

/ Haven't had a drink in almost 10 years.
 
2014-05-18 12:37:27 AM  

abhorrent1: So this is what you TFers pay for? You're dumber than I thought.


Actually, they have gamer night on Fridays and swingers parties on Tuesday Night.  Thursday is the all you can eat nacho bar.

Sometimes they raffle off a car.  Last one was a VW Beetle with a Ferrari engine painted hot pink.
 
2014-05-18 12:47:15 AM  

what_now: BadReligion: What kind of Scotch? Also, cats are gross.

Balvanie 15 and no, you.


Drink up and no, you don't use the good stuff for common disinfecting!

/salute your discerning taste sir
 
2014-05-18 12:49:41 AM  

K3rmy: Sometimes they raffle off a car. Last one was a VW Beetle with a Ferrari engine painted hot pink.


Who paints an engine pink?
 
2014-05-18 12:50:25 AM  
Youve got the balance off. You either need no cats or more liquor or quit drinking or a shiatload more liquor and a shiatload more cats
 
2014-05-18 12:50:30 AM  
Put it in a silver cup and swish it around some.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_uses_of_silver#Water_purificati on
 
2014-05-18 12:52:52 AM  

EatenTheSun: The teenage mom cat in this house likes to drink water by dipping her paw into the bowl and then licking the water off her foot. It's very amusing. I assume she learned this during her days as a stray.


They all seem to do that at least occasionally. I think it's how they get water that's out of reach of their face, in the wold. Mine doesn't usually, but every once in a while will decide to, and if he runs out of water in his bowl, will always do it to reach water in my glass.
 
2014-05-18 12:54:31 AM  

Cyclometh: I'm drinking Macallan 12 tonight. I had my eye on a bottle of Laphroaig earlier but after all these assholes voted to change Washington's liquor laws, pretty much all my favorite booze doubled or tripled in price.The same bottle I could get for sixty bucks last year is $125 now.



Bah, I hate sin taxes.  I don't really approve of drinking because people are farking idiots and "I need to have fun!" then get alcohol poisoning (which really should have a rule as to how often it's treated before the person is left on to their own devices to survive).  Smoking is bad as well.

You know what's also bad for you? Soft drinks and all manner of junk food. Yet soon you go around talking about putting a tax on it people come for your head. "Fat tax." Yeah it's a fat tax in a way, but really it's another 'sin tax'.

Like tax it all or none of it.
 
2014-05-18 12:54:40 AM  

EatenTheSun: The teenage mom cat in this house likes to drink water by dipping her paw into the bowl and then licking the water off her foot. It's very amusing. I assume she learned this during her days as a stray.


My Mom's former-stray does this as well. The other two, indoor for life, don't. Wonder what the impetus is for strays to drink that way.
 
2014-05-18 12:55:28 AM  

ladyfortuna: meow said the dog: Oh FFS just drink it and stop clogging the queue with such banal bullshiat. You also have shiatty taste is Scotch.

OMG. A post that makes sense.


"You also have shiatty taste is Scotch" makes sense to you?
 
2014-05-18 12:56:15 AM  

ornithopter: EatenTheSun: The teenage mom cat in this house likes to drink water by dipping her paw into the bowl and then licking the water off her foot. It's very amusing. I assume she learned this during her days as a stray.

They all seem to do that at least occasionally. I think it's how they get water that's out of reach of their face, in the wold. Mine doesn't usually, but every once in a while will decide to, and if he runs out of water in his bowl, will always do it to reach water in my glass.


They must be really jelly of our hands.

img.fark.net

All that AND opposable thumbs?

My cat tries to jump up and turn doorknobs.  And fails.  I think he secretly hates me for that.
 
2014-05-18 12:56:17 AM  

ornithopter: EatenTheSun: The teenage mom cat in this house likes to drink water by dipping her paw into the bowl and then licking the water off her foot. It's very amusing. I assume she learned this during her days as a stray.

They all seem to do that at least occasionally. I think it's how they get water that's out of reach of their face, in the wold. Mine doesn't usually, but every once in a while will decide to, and if he runs out of water in his bowl, will always do it to reach water in my glass.


that'd be wild. not wold. oops.
 
2014-05-18 12:57:06 AM  
www.cattell.net
Tell your cat to get its own scotch...

/it's probably fine
//you'll live
 
2014-05-18 12:57:11 AM  

Psychohazard: ladyfortuna: meow said the dog: Oh FFS just drink it and stop clogging the queue with such banal bullshiat. You also have shiatty taste is Scotch.

OMG. A post that makes sense.

"You also have shiatty taste is Scotch" makes sense to you?


It's actually still coherent with the typo.
 
2014-05-18 12:58:58 AM  
sendtodave:

They must be really jelly of our hands.

[img.fark.net image 402x299]

All that AND opposable thumbs?

My cat tries to jump up and turn doorknobs.  And fails.  I think he secretly hates me for that.


I'm pretty sure cats are responsible for the new building standards that say you should use door levers instead of door knobs. In case your hands are full in an emergency or something.
 
2014-05-18 01:00:47 AM  
Drink it. The cat drags his arse across your pillow and drools on your counter while you're out anyway.

Whatever he's got, you've got.
 
2014-05-18 01:03:39 AM  
Did the cat actually stick its foot in your scotch? Set a trap: a glass of scotch, and cover the cat's paws in lipstick. Lipstick is the tried and true Fark.com method of tracking a cat, if memory serves...
 
2014-05-18 01:04:55 AM  
Was the cat outside recently?

You do Not want to get a Scotch tapeworm. They're thin and pretty much invisible.
 
2014-05-18 01:05:05 AM  
White people problems...
/shakes head
//leaves thread
 
2014-05-18 01:07:03 AM  
Shoot yourself.
 
2014-05-18 01:08:25 AM  

Musikslayer: I had a live cockroach in a glass of vodka. I drank it (the vodka, not the cockroach. Scooped him out with a spoon). Why yes, I am an alcoholic.

/ Haven't had a drink in almost 10 years.



Neither has the cockroach???
 
2014-05-18 01:09:52 AM  

ornithopter: sendtodave:

They must be really jelly of our hands.

[img.fark.net image 402x299]

All that AND opposable thumbs?

My cat tries to jump up and turn doorknobs.  And fails.  I think he secretly hates me for that.

I'm pretty sure cats are responsible for the new building standards that say you should use door levers instead of door knobs. In case your hands are full in an emergency or something.


"With these new levers, the humans can carry and pet us while they open doors for us!"
 
2014-05-18 01:10:56 AM  
Cat's Paw Scotch has snob appeal.

Bottle it and get some sort of suit like Colonial Sander's to parade around in while you live high off the hog.
 
2014-05-18 01:11:13 AM  
What the cat is saying is, he wants scotch. Give the cat some scotch. Unless, of course, you think it's affecting his relationships or professional career. We have a Russian Blue drinks vodka all the time, wears a Ushanka, beats me with a stick when I pass by him; screams all night about the pogroms until he passes out.
 
2014-05-18 01:19:48 AM  
cltampa.com
 
2014-05-18 01:20:01 AM  
Ugh, no, don't drink it.  That's nasty.

Your cat probably dipped its paw in it because it thought it was a glass of litterbox.  Then realized, hey, this isn't a container of reconstituted clay product and pee and poop, this is something gross.
 
2014-05-18 01:22:51 AM  
That reminds me, incidentally, of a funny story involving kitty litter.

Tried using this special environmentally friendly litter that was made out of wheat... stuff.  Leftovers from flour production, stalks, I don't know, but the litter was wheat-based.

Wheat + urine = really, really, really nasty bread dough like stuff in the litterbox.
 
2014-05-18 01:27:17 AM  
Stupid cats
 
2014-05-18 01:29:43 AM  
My dog likes scotch. He normally licks it from my mustache. He also doesn't walk in his own poo.
 
2014-05-18 01:38:45 AM  

BadReligion: My dog likes scotch. He normally licks it from my mustache. He also doesn't walk in his own poo.


He does lick his balls tho
 
2014-05-18 01:40:54 AM  

zarker: BadReligion: My dog likes scotch. He normally licks it from my mustache. He also doesn't walk in his own poo.

He does lick his balls tho


He doesn't have any.
 
2014-05-18 01:56:18 AM  

BadReligion: zarker: BadReligion: My dog likes scotch. He normally licks it from my mustache. He also doesn't walk in his own poo.

He does lick his balls tho

He doesn't have any.


Doesn't need balls to lick his dick.
 
2014-05-18 02:06:38 AM  

Alex_Lee: BadReligion: zarker: BadReligion: My dog likes scotch. He normally licks it from my mustache. He also doesn't walk in his own poo.

He does lick his balls tho

He doesn't have any.

Doesn't need balls to lick his dick.


Or paws or another dog's ahole or eat poop.
 
2014-05-18 02:09:37 AM  
Its all fun and games until that cat gets into your drugs too
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2014-05-18 02:16:41 AM  
I'm the first to admit that cats are filthy creatures, but I don't care.

Yes their box residue is all over you, your house, and even with frequent cleanings of surfaces to remove the lipstick, that's just the way it is.

That being said, I wouldn't drink anything a cat put a paw in.
 
2014-05-18 02:24:28 AM  
Yolo
 
2014-05-18 02:41:08 AM  
Lick the cat's feet. Give yourself 72 hours - if you dont get sick during that time, then the drink is probably safe.
 
2014-05-18 02:43:04 AM  
My ankle biter rushes me when I open good ale, and licks all over the inside of the bottleneck until I pour her a swig into a bowl 2 or 3 times. After that she gets rambunctious and starts bothering the other dogs until she gets tired and passes out.

pl8iwg.dm2303.livefilestore.com


Also my ankle biters mother, was a champion of the Mickeys 40 ouncer every Sunday morning during football season. Around 2 or so we would always be just a bit too buzzed and pass out for awhile. Pretty sure this was from a woozy Sunday awhile back.

pl8iwg.dm2302.livefilestore.com
 
2014-05-18 02:45:42 AM  
Suck the cats foot for a while, then drink the rest of your scotch.

I had my last dram of 18 year old Glenfiddich single malt next to my computer.  cat walked by, dipped his rear paw in the glass, shook the paw, and tipped over the glass  cat lost two of its lives for that one (still have the cat 6 years later)

x4.fjcdn.com
 
2014-05-18 03:08:24 AM  

Krustofsky: BadReligion: Krustofsky: Depends on the proof.  Cat probably has bacteria from the floor and the litter box, so you probably got a little bit of bacteria in there.  The higher the proof, the better the disinfectant quality.  Assuming the scotch is 40 proof (20% alcohol), the disinfectant quality is not so good (a typical Microbiology lab will use 70-75% for disinfectant).

That being said, if the cat just barely got its foot in it, I would guess that the alcohol took care of whatever is in there.  So then the question would be "Do you really want to taste it?"

/Microbiologist

Most Scotch is 80-115 proof. His is about 95 proof.

95 proof?  Then the bacteria should be mostly gone within 5 minutes.  Drink away as long as it doesn't taste like cat poop.

/last scotch I had was 15 years ago
//and it just showed


Are you sure? Pharmacies sell rubbing alcohol of at least 70% strength. I did some quick googling, and one result suggested that a 50% ethanol solution would take 15 minutes to kill e.coli bacteria. The author might find it amusing that his findings might actually be relevant to our submitter.

I'm guessing he drank it before reading too far into the thread.
 
2014-05-18 03:12:35 AM  

meow said the dog: Oh FFS just drink it and stop clogging the queue with such banal bullshiat. You also have shiatty taste is Scotch.


That was not the Meow response I expected; I was looking for;

Drink with the hair of cat is like dog hairs for the hangover, as well your scotch tongue is lacking in the tastes.


:(
 
2014-05-18 03:43:30 AM  

Cyclometh: I'm drinking Macallan 12 tonight. I had my eye on a bottle of Laphroaig earlier but after all these assholes voted to change Washington's liquor laws, pretty much all my favorite booze doubled or tripled in price.The same bottle I could get for sixty bucks last year is $125 now.


Macallan 12 is one of my fav. It was not at the tasting I went tonight so I am dissapointed.

BF uses Laphroiag as liquid smoke.

Cheers to you, sir.
 
2014-05-18 04:24:57 AM  
Blended? Bottoms up.

If its SMS, pitch it and get a new glass.
 
2014-05-18 04:33:55 AM  
My dog drinks my Damn bourbon, and woodsford ain't cheap these days. I say let it go, enjoy your lush pet experience
 
2014-05-18 05:11:32 AM  
did your cat use the paw he jerks off with?


let's be honest, scotch drinkers will put anything in their mouths.
 
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