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(Uproxx)   Tom Cruise has just become self-aware. Mankind is doomed. DOOMED   (uproxx.com) divider line 70
    More: Scary, Tom Cruise, Edge of Tomorrow  
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9917 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 17 May 2014 at 1:22 AM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



70 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-17 12:07:54 AM
He didn't do as much running in Born on the Fourth of July.

Or A Few Good Men either.
 
2014-05-17 12:30:38 AM
He should become self-conscious
 
2014-05-17 01:26:14 AM
i hate to say it, but his new flick- ground hog day with powersuits- does sound pretty great
 
2014-05-17 01:30:51 AM

tlchwi02: i hate to say it, but his new flick- ground hog day with powersuits- does sound pretty great


Yeah, say what you want about the guy, but I appreciate the way he's embraced doing science fiction in the past decade or so.
 
2014-05-17 01:37:55 AM

fusillade762: tlchwi02: i hate to say it, but his new flick- ground hog day with powersuits- does sound pretty great

Yeah, say what you want about the guy, but I appreciate the way he's embraced doing science fiction in the past decade or so.


Those kind of movies only work if they have a movie star selling them. Otherwise, they're not believable.

I appreciate the fact he's using his star clout to get them made.

It's classic Hollywood cinema.

TOM CRUISE in "MOVIE #456".
 
2014-05-17 01:46:17 AM
Say what you want about him, but I enjoyed him in A few good men and Jerry Maguire
 
2014-05-17 01:46:55 AM
For some reason I really enjoyed Oblivion and really want to see this movie in the theater. Crazy as he may be with his beliefs etc.. but I really enjoy his movies. He was hilariously awesome in Tropic Thunder.
 
2014-05-17 01:51:38 AM
I didn't realize he was in magnolia and vanilla sky to the extent that I kind of blended them together and don't recognize a synopsis of either of them as movies I've seen.

That's pretty cool actually.
 
2014-05-17 01:53:18 AM
Running is bad for snakebites.  He should do a movie where he get bitten by a snake then runs.
 
2014-05-17 01:57:01 AM
I'm also kinda surprised of his 35 or so movies released so far I've seen about 25 of them and I don't think any of them have been a stinker. (haven't seen knight and day or Rock of ages)
 
2014-05-17 02:00:18 AM
Was he sucking Travolta's cawk in the VIP room?
 
2014-05-17 02:02:31 AM
My favorite thing about that Supercut is that includes all of the movies where he  didn't run in any scenes, just for contrast.

Because that kind of highlights the fact that there are  only four of them.  In his entire career.

// I don't know why subby thinks Cruise wouldn't be aware of and even appreciate the joke... it's not like it's insulting or anything, and it's not like people hate him or anything.  If anything, people mostly think of him as a generic leading man, which is, y'know, basically "you can feel secure in your paycheck and Christmas bonus for a long time" in actor terms.
 
2014-05-17 02:02:55 AM
Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Also, he runs like he's wearing a steel corset and has pins in his hips.
 
2014-05-17 02:11:15 AM
I don't understand how people can see anything other than Tom Cruise when they watch him. But whatever.

The true Always-Running-In-Every-Movie Star is Warren Beatty. Every farking movie. Not action hero running, just running.
 
2014-05-17 02:18:07 AM

Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Also, he runs like he's wearing a steel corset and has pins in his hips.


johnny queso: I don't understand how people can see anything other than Tom Cruise when they watch him. But whatever.

The true Always-Running-In-Every-Movie Star is Warren Beatty. Every farking movie. Not action hero running, just running.


do you guys hold your pinky out when you masturbate? get the fark off my website
 
2014-05-17 02:25:00 AM

fisker: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Also, he runs like he's wearing a steel corset and has pins in his hips.

johnny queso: I don't understand how people can see anything other than Tom Cruise when they watch him. But whatever.

The true Always-Running-In-Every-Movie Star is Warren Beatty. Every farking movie. Not action hero running, just running.

do you guys hold your pinky out when you masturbate? get the fark off my website


What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.

And for the record 4 fingers and thumb. Pinky out is saved for the asshole.
 
2014-05-17 02:27:18 AM
johnny queso:

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.


i125.photobucket.com
 
2014-05-17 02:30:11 AM
^ plus he plays the bad guy in collateral.
 
2014-05-17 02:30:15 AM

Trocadero: johnny queso:

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.


It's not that good.
 
2014-05-17 02:31:56 AM
If only there was some way to limit his actions...
 
2014-05-17 02:32:37 AM

roflmaonow: ^ plus he plays the bad guy in collateral.


He is still playing tom cruise. But bad guy tom cruise.
 
2014-05-17 02:36:57 AM

johnny queso: Trocadero: johnny queso:

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.

It's not that good.


Yeah, but the one where his character moves the goalposts is great.
 
2014-05-17 02:38:15 AM

roflmaonow: I'm also kinda surprised of his 35 or so movies released so far I've seen about 25 of them and I don't think any of them have been a stinker. (haven't seen knight and day or Rock of ages)


Dude's a watchable actor... apparently a complete doucheburger IRL but he's easy to watch on screen generally...
 
2014-05-17 02:40:12 AM

Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.


Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?
 
2014-05-17 02:41:45 AM

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: johnny queso: Trocadero: johnny queso:

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.

It's not that good.

Yeah, but the one where his character moves the goalposts is great.


He's playing a self important Hollywood douchebag.
 
2014-05-17 02:43:28 AM

fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?


But tastes delicious with two slices of pickle.
 
2014-05-17 02:48:01 AM
At first I thought he had come out, then I LoL'd...
 
2014-05-17 02:49:40 AM

johnny queso: Monkeyfark Ridiculous: johnny queso: Trocadero: johnny queso:

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.

It's not that good.

Yeah, but the one where his character moves the goalposts is great.

He's playing a self important Hollywood douchebag.


He wasn't playing one in Collateral. Or in most of his other movies.
 
2014-05-17 02:59:32 AM
His characters change, but he is always the same.
Sometimes he's a jet pilot, sometimes his a bartender, sometimes he's a retarded guy's caretaker, sometimes he is a nascar driver, sometimes he is a self help guru, sometimes he is a nazi, sometimes he is a dead guy in a state of suspended animation, sometimes he is an asshole movie producer in amusing makeup, sometimes he is a samurai, sometimes he is a jealous husband who attends an orgy out of spite/curiosity. He is always cocky/sly-smile tom cruise.

I have friends whose opinions I respect greatly who really like him. I just see tom cruise no matter what.
 
2014-05-17 03:07:05 AM
Yeah, he's a certifiable nutjob. But I do like a lot of his movies. A Few Good Men is a classic. I enjoyed War of the Worlds (mostly), Minority Report had massive plot holes but was still fun to watch. He's not anywhere close to my favorite actors, but he's made some enjoyable movies.

roflmaonow: For some reason I really enjoyed Oblivion and really want to see this movie in the theater. Crazy as he may be with his beliefs etc.. but I really enjoy his movies. He was hilariously awesome in Tropic Thunder.


That was a pretty decent movie, and the redhead was way hotter than the other chick. I felt really sorry for her in that movie.
 
2014-05-17 03:10:39 AM

johnny queso: His characters change, but he is always the same.
Sometimes he's a jet pilot, sometimes his a bartender, sometimes he's a retarded guy's caretaker, sometimes he is a nascar driver, sometimes he is a self help guru, sometimes he is a nazi, sometimes he is a dead guy in a state of suspended animation, sometimes he is an asshole movie producer in amusing makeup, sometimes he is a samurai, sometimes he is a jealous husband who attends an orgy out of spite/curiosity. He is always cocky/sly-smile tom cruise.

I have friends whose opinions I respect greatly who really like him. I just see tom cruise no matter what.



For me, the actor seems like such an empty shell that it's pretty easy for me to buy whatever he's doing.

/exception for Valkyrie, which sounded like such terrible casting that I skipped it
 
2014-05-17 03:15:14 AM

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: johnny queso: His characters change, but he is always the same.
Sometimes he's a jet pilot, sometimes his a bartender, sometimes he's a retarded guy's caretaker, sometimes he is a nascar driver, sometimes he is a self help guru, sometimes he is a nazi, sometimes he is a dead guy in a state of suspended animation, sometimes he is an asshole movie producer in amusing makeup, sometimes he is a samurai, sometimes he is a jealous husband who attends an orgy out of spite/curiosity. He is always cocky/sly-smile tom cruise.

I have friends whose opinions I respect greatly who really like him. I just see tom cruise no matter what.


For me, the actor seems like such an empty shell that it's pretty easy for me to buy whatever he's doing.

/exception for Valkyrie, which sounded like such terrible casting that I skipped it


It's tom cruise playing a nazi.
 
2014-05-17 03:16:38 AM
Tom Cruise is like Jack Nicholson.

He only really knows how to play himself.
 
2014-05-17 03:40:19 AM

tlchwi02: i hate to say it, but his new flick- ground hog day with powersuits- does sound pretty great


12:01 PM with powersuits, you mean.
 
2014-05-17 03:51:25 AM

johnny queso: fisker: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Also, he runs like he's wearing a steel corset and has pins in his hips.

johnny queso: I don't understand how people can see anything other than Tom Cruise when they watch him. But whatever.

The true Always-Running-In-Every-Movie Star is Warren Beatty. Every farking movie. Not action hero running, just running.

do you guys hold your pinky out when you masturbate? get the fark off my website

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.

And for the record 4 fingers and thumb. Pinky out is saved for the asshole.


Thumb + 4 fingers + pinky = 6.


My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
 
2014-05-17 04:27:05 AM

fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?


You just described his cult, so yes.

i1099.photobucket.com

/Only HE can save you after a car accident!
 
2014-05-17 05:08:59 AM
Running? Ruining.
 
2014-05-17 06:18:16 AM

GreatGlavinsGhost: fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?

You just described his cult, so yes.


I have no concept of Scientologist economic theory, but I have never heard them hate on gays.
 
2014-05-17 06:57:06 AM

fusillade762: GreatGlavinsGhost: fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?

You just described his cult, so yes.

I have no concept of Scientologist economic theory, but I have never heard them hate on gays.


They don't hate gay people.  They've just tried to cure it in the past, have blackmailed current and former gay members with outing them, define marriage as between a man and a woman, and believe procreative marriage is a fundamental building block of society and their religion which is threatened by gay unions.  But they don't hate gay people.
 
2014-05-17 07:08:25 AM

fusillade762: GreatGlavinsGhost: fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?

You just described his cult, so yes.

I have no concept of Scientologist economic theory, but I have never heard them hate on gays.


They hate the gays because their creator hated the gays. The cult is also well-known for treating members on the bottom of the pyramid as indentured servants 1, 2.

Ironically, Wikipedia is an excellent source for all things related to the world's most dangerous cult since all their members have been banned from editing any Wikipedia articles, lulz.
 
2014-05-17 07:13:17 AM

msqualia: fusillade762: GreatGlavinsGhost: fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Tom Cruise hates gays and doesn't pay his workers a living wage?

You just described his cult, so yes.

I have no concept of Scientologist economic theory, but I have never heard them hate on gays.

They don't hate gay people.  They've just tried to cure it in the past, have blackmailed current and former gay members with outing them, define marriage as between a man and a woman, and believe procreative marriage is a fundamental building block of society and their religion which is threatened by gay unions.  But they don't hate gay people.


Yes. The cult does everything to strip LGBTBBQ people of their rights, because they don't hate them.

/;)
//that'sthejoke.jpg
///Elron was once quoted as saying, "I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Homo ..."
 
2014-05-17 07:18:55 AM

GreatGlavinsGhost: They don't hate gay people.  They've just tried to cure it in the past, have blackmailed current and former gay members with outing them, define marriage as between a man and a woman, and believe procreative marriage is a fundamental building block of society and their religion which is threatened by gay unions.  But they don't hate gay people



This is the only aspect you mentioned that can appropriately be attributed to hating gay people.
 
2014-05-17 07:25:53 AM
Can anyone think of a way that we could arrange to have Tom Cruise paid for not making any more movies?
 
2014-05-17 07:55:19 AM
You know who else plays himself in virtually every film he's in? Jeffrey Coombs. Yes, the guy from "Herbert West: Re-Animator", and many other bad horror films. Playing each role basically the same way isn't necessarily bad, unless the actor is playing a role that really doesn't work with that actor's persona. Luckily for Mr. Cruise and Coombs, they've gotten roles that work for them.

Now that I think of it, I would love to see Tom Cruise star in an film adaptation of a classic H.P Lovecraft story, perhaps "The Statement of Randolph Carter", with Jeffrey Coombs. Tom (obviously) would play the title role of Carter, and Jeffrey would play the doomed Harley Warren. Obviously they would extend and "Hollywood-up" the story some, but that could be a fun movie.
 
2014-05-17 08:41:38 AM

Duane Dibbley: johnny queso: fisker: Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Also, he runs like he's wearing a steel corset and has pins in his hips.

johnny queso: I don't understand how people can see anything other than Tom Cruise when they watch him. But whatever.

The true Always-Running-In-Every-Movie Star is Warren Beatty. Every farking movie. Not action hero running, just running.

do you guys hold your pinky out when you masturbate? get the fark off my website

What movie is he in that he isn't playing himself? He is always Serious-Tom-Cruise-Guy.

And for the record 4 fingers and thumb. Pinky out is saved for the asshole.

Thumb + 4 fingers + pinky = 6.


My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.


*turns and runs*
 
2014-05-17 08:59:03 AM
"...Mankind is doomed. DOOMED"

DOOMED!

www.wearysloth.com
Special Guest Star: Jonathan Harris
 
2014-05-17 09:14:15 AM

Gyrfalcon: Sorry, I don't watch Tom Cruise movies for the same reasons I don't patronize Chik-fil-a or Walmart.

Also, he runs like he's wearing a steel corset and has pins in his hips.


I had planned on going to Walmart and buying Oblivion, and stopping by Chik-fil-a on the way home for a nice chicken sammich.
Guess you better put me on ignore.
 
2014-05-17 09:14:25 AM

LonMead: "...Mankind is doomed. DOOMED"

DOOMED!


Special Guest Star: Jonathan Harris


Hush, you primitive poster of preposterous poppycock!
 
2014-05-17 09:27:04 AM
Despite some of his nuttiness he seems like a cool guy.
 
2014-05-17 09:39:19 AM
Every dollar paid to see a Tom Cruise movie probably adds ten cents or more to Scientology's coffers. They're not getting my money. No sir.
 
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