If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   GM to employees: Please don't use words like "asphyxiating," "deathtrap," "disemboweling," "genocide," "grenadelike," "Hindenburg," "powder keg," "rolling sarcophagus," "Titanic," and "you're toast"   (finance.yahoo.com) divider line 44
    More: Misc, General Motors Co., Greg Martin, rolling sarcophagus, company culture  
•       •       •

1764 clicks; posted to Business » on 16 May 2014 at 9:19 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



44 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-16 09:27:46 PM  
31.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-05-16 10:05:08 PM  
What about "5 pound key ring"?

The whole problem was the one inch slot on their keys. A single 3/16" hole at the end of the key would have headed off the whole issue.

Anyone know if I can get the accident reports and if anyone weighed the key rings?
 
2014-05-16 10:10:10 PM  
The hottest new death metal band "Hindenburg genocide" is coming to town on June 6th at that asphyxiating deathtrap of a club called the rolling sarcophagus with powder keg and "you're toast" as the openers.It will feel like a Titanic,grenadelike, disemboweling if you miss the show,

this show sponsored by GM tri-city dealers
 
2014-05-16 10:18:08 PM  
fark GM, let them die already!
 
2014-05-16 10:27:05 PM  
Oh my God, subby wasn't joking.
 
2014-05-16 10:30:25 PM  
The slide in question:

i.huffpost.com
 
2014-05-16 10:32:45 PM  
This is what happens when lawyers get involved with internal policies and procedures,
 
2014-05-16 10:48:48 PM  
That company is run by ad men and lawyers. It's been like that for a long time. Don't be surprised if the quality matches that of a company run by ad men and lawyers.
 
2014-05-16 10:50:49 PM  

Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

It took me nearly 5 minutes to read that list because I was laughing so hard. That's some serious black comedy there.
 
2014-05-16 11:00:34 PM  

Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]


LOL "Kevorkianesque" and "rolling sarcophagus."
 
2014-05-16 11:00:34 PM  

Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]


To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.
 
2014-05-16 11:10:24 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.



Perhaps, but the slide might give bored engineers...ideas.
 
2014-05-16 11:11:12 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.


You ever been in a Chevy Cobalt?
 
2014-05-16 11:12:54 PM  

Cletus from Canuckistan: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]
It took me nearly 5 minutes to read that list because I was laughing so hard. That's some serious black comedy there.


Oh, it gets better. Apologies for all the white space; it comes with the image:

htmlimg1.scribdassets.com
 
2014-05-16 11:15:54 PM  

Snarfangel: TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.


Perhaps, but the slide might give bored engineers...ideas.


I have a feeling that a lot of those were pulled from the reports of bored engineers.  I mean, who uses terms like Kevorkianesque or rolling-sarcophagus?
 
2014-05-16 11:16:43 PM  
You're toast...

Oh, do you know the muffin man?
 
2014-05-16 11:21:20 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.


Unless the report is only meant for other engineers, a good engineer will translate the technical mumbo jumbo into something easily understandable to the average idiot layperson i.e. management.
 
2014-05-16 11:29:58 PM  

umad: TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.

Unless the report is only meant for other engineers, a good engineer will translate the technical mumbo jumbo into something easily understandable to the average idiot layperson i.e. management.


Some of those words seem fine.  I can't see why words like 'defect', 'serious', 'safety', or 'critical' would need to be banned.  If there's a serious safety flaw, the engineers should be able to address it as such.

On the other hand, some of those phrases would just lend themselves to over the top hyperbole.  Saying 'there's a 3% chance for every 10,000 miles driven that the steering will lock up and the airbags will deactivate, possibly leading to a complete loss of control and a potentially fatal crash' is easily understandable and conveys the seriousness of the situation without having to draw references to major disasters from history or invoking the book of Revelation.
 
2014-05-17 12:23:19 AM  
What words will they quote when they need to throw you under the bus? That's your list.
 
2014-05-17 01:17:53 AM  

CptnSpldng: You're toast...

Oh, do you know the muffin man?


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-05-17 01:19:46 AM  
I'll just let me boss know that QA hasn't found a single defect in my code recently, just a few things that did not perform to design. Easily reparable. Design was that it would not completely crash and spit out garbage data if you pressed a certain button, I guess.
 
2014-05-17 01:21:25 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Snarfangel: TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.


Perhaps, but the slide might give bored engineers...ideas.

I have a feeling that a lot of those were pulled from the reports of bored engineers.  I mean, who uses terms like Kevorkianesque or rolling-sarcophagus?


the fark kind of car is GM designing where a windshield wiper problem could be described as "this is a very dangerous thing to happen"
 
2014-05-17 02:08:09 AM  
community.us.playstation.com
 
2014-05-17 03:49:13 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]

To be fair, I can't think of any legitimate reasons why a good portion of those words should ever be used in engineering reports.


But where did they come up with that word list?

To me it seems they were mentioning specific terms engineers had used about their cars.
 
2014-05-17 07:32:55 AM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
Ford had this problem years ago and fixed it by putting a key support on the ignition switches. Why didn't GM do this?
 
2014-05-17 08:05:57 AM  
The "article" is just inflammatory crap. It represents the normal state of "news" today though. And apparently, the normal intelligence of the targetaudience.  Which is odd, I would have thought anyone that mind numbingly stupid unable to read.

- "GM Confidential" is the default state for their documents. Even the lunch menu is "GM Confidential". So that means nothing, but it sounds cool, huh?
- We don't have "problems" anymore, anywhere. We can have Issues, Opportunities, or Conditions, but not Problems.  This isn't a GM thing, it's a business world culture thing.
- Defect has a very specific meaning in manufacturing, so no, the target audience shouldn't be using it.
- No engineer should be using opinion or embellishment.  If you don't know why, look up the word engineer.
- No company wants their testing data out in the open. Ever.
 
2014-05-17 08:21:38 AM  

godwin5: [encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 266x189]
Ford had this problem years ago and fixed it by putting a key support on the ignition switches. Why didn't GM do this?


Because it would have added a few pennies to the cost of the part.  The Big Three has, for years, always based everything on cost.  If the bean counters can run the numbers that it will be cheaper to fix a problem via a recall rather than changing it before or during production, then that's the decision that will be made.
 
2014-05-17 09:48:17 AM  
How farking hard is it to make a switch
 
2014-05-17 10:05:59 AM  

Gosling: Cletus from Canuckistan: Gosling: The slide in question:

[i.huffpost.com image 655x496]
It took me nearly 5 minutes to read that list because I was laughing so hard. That's some serious black comedy there.

Oh, it gets better. Apologies for all the white space; it comes with the image:

[htmlimg1.scribdassets.com image 850x1099]


What this sounds like is some GM lawyers reading thru company documents, encountering this kind of stuff, and imagining the possibilities if some plaintiff's attorney ever demands disclosure of any documents containing "deathtrap" or "flaming coffin".
 
2014-05-17 11:02:09 AM  
Oh look, another GM bashing thread on Fark. Yawn...
 
2014-05-17 11:19:14 AM  
You're welcome.
www.frugal-cafe.com
 
2014-05-17 11:46:28 AM  

TuteTibiImperes: I can't see why words like 'defect', 'serious', 'safety', or 'critical' would need to be banned.


Because if those words are in an email then there is documentation of a serious problem and when reviewed in court it would hurt GM.

"There is a critical defect in the ignition system that could cause serious accidents and problems with vehicle safety." Can't defend that. But easy to say the engineers never communicated how dangerous it was when they put it in technical speak "The ignition locking device is not performing to specification, the device could fail at an expected rate of 1 per 3,000,000 miles driven resulting in the car shutting off."
 
2014-05-17 11:57:39 AM  

Lt_Ryan: TuteTibiImperes: I can't see why words like 'defect', 'serious', 'safety', or 'critical' would need to be banned.

Because if those words are in an email then there is documentation of a serious problem and when reviewed in court it would hurt GM.

"There is a critical defect in the ignition system that could cause serious accidents and problems with vehicle safety." Can't defend that. But easy to say the engineers never communicated how dangerous it was when they put it in technical speak "The ignition locking device is not performing to specification, the device could fail at an expected rate of 1 per 3,000,000 miles driven resulting in the car shutting off."


Which then gives GM cover to fire the engineers and replace them with n00bs who get paid just barely enough to buy the fuel necessary to actually travel to and from work, when the emails are reviewed in court and the ruling hurts GM.

Inversely, the presence of this document would likely end up hurting GM , since they're specifically ordering their engineers NOT to communicate how dangerous the defects are (though instructing the engineers from refraining from making references to the Challenger, Hindenburg and Titanic disasters is understandable)


/"We need some sophistication here. We'll call the Australians!"
 
2014-05-17 03:04:35 PM  
Back in the late 90's, early 00's when VW was an utter shiathole of a company making awful cars they spewed this same kind of bullshiat. Now that they make a decent car, the constant threats from corporate disappeared.

The frame Gosling posted is worse than the main topic. That looks like a company trying to cover up their shiatty behavious, not a company trying to improve their vehicles.
 
2014-05-17 03:17:31 PM  
I liked the old days when GM ignitions would wear out and didnt require a key to turn over the engine. Now I have to snap a key off in the ignition.
/hates dangling, jingling keys
 
2014-05-17 03:36:59 PM  
If we're talking about GM, how about "shiatty", "liars", "greedy", "lemons",
"corporate stooges", etc...
 
2014-05-17 05:31:26 PM  

Lt_Ryan: TuteTibiImperes: I can't see why words like 'defect', 'serious', 'safety', or 'critical' would need to be banned.

Because if those words are in an email then there is documentation of a serious problem and when reviewed in court it would hurt GM.

"There is a critical defect in the ignition system that could cause serious accidents and problems with vehicle safety." Can't defend that. But easy to say the engineers never communicated how dangerous it was when they put it in technical speak "The ignition locking device is not performing to specification, the device could fail at an expected rate of 1 per 3,000,000 miles driven resulting in the car shutting off."


According to the list, the word "failure" isn't allowed. I'd imagine that extends to "fail", so you'd have to find some way to euphemize that, too.
 
2014-05-17 06:14:43 PM  

Kanemano: The hottest new death metal band "Hindenburg genocide" is coming to town on June 6th at that asphyxiating deathtrap of a club called the rolling sarcophagus with powder keg and "you're toast" as the openers.It will feel like a Titanic,grenadelike, disemboweling if you miss the show,

this show sponsored by GM tri-city dealers


Dude, Hindenburg Genocide hasn't been a thing for ages.  It's really just a cover band since Safety Defect left to play guitar for the Widöw Mäkers.
 
2014-05-17 06:33:17 PM  
At least they can still use "9/11", "Benghazi", "Three mile Island", "Chernobyl", "Tsunami"
 
2014-05-17 07:54:45 PM  
Wait. Corvair-like?
 
2014-05-17 10:27:56 PM  
2008?  Aren't they actually a different company now?
 
2014-05-18 01:14:12 AM  
"Write only what you know and leave out the hyperbole" is SOP for technical reports. It turns out that's not the place to try out your amateur comedy routine.
 
2014-05-18 03:04:30 AM  
It just seems like the person putting together the presentation was having a bit of fun.  I like it.
 
2014-05-18 09:09:08 AM  

advex101: 2008?  Aren't they actually a different company now?


Just because 2 of my turds are different colors, and one has nuts, doesn't mean they aren't both made by me, in the exact same method.

I remember my gymnastics teacher showing me that he could remove the key from his GM car and it kept on running. That was in the late 90s. The key just slid right out.

I wonder if we are going to bail them out again.
 
Displayed 44 of 44 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report