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(CBS New York)   Old and busted: Shotgun weddings. New hotness: Ambush weddings   (newyork.cbslocal.com) divider line 42
    More: Spiffy, celebration, tags, Thanksgivings  
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5154 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 May 2014 at 11:06 PM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-16 11:10:13 PM  
It's more merciful.  Less dread and suffering beforehand.

Same amount of dread and suffering afterward.
 
2014-05-16 11:13:38 PM  
Haven't folks been doing this for a while now?

I didn't know it had a name, but I've been to two of these.  One in the late 90s, the other one about 6-7 years ago.

not-CSB time: at the second one, one of the attendees decided to let everyone know that she wasn't a fan of the couple getting married.

/she got worse as she got more drunk
 
2014-05-16 11:21:18 PM  
You know, I was thinking the headline was referencing Ala kachu.  Be careful what you wish for.
 
2014-05-16 11:34:07 PM  
I can still feel the icy cold steal of Old Man Johnson's shotgun up against my back that cold October morn.
 
2014-05-16 11:38:32 PM  

Lord Jubjub: You know, I was thinking the headline was referencing Ala kachu.


Gesundheit.
 
2014-05-16 11:40:27 PM  
Father Hill has hit every major wedding in the state, and hit 'em hard. Upstate, the church has been overrun by ambush wedding squads. New Jersey is standing by to be overrun. We also have reports that a division of Ladies of Honor has occupied all of the city of New York south of the Hudson River. In strategic terms, Charlie's cut the east coast in half... the civilian press are about to wet their pants and we've heard even Cronkite's going to say the brides and grooms are now unable to back down. In other words, it's a huge shiat sandwich, and we're all gonna have to take a bite.
 
2014-05-16 11:49:53 PM  
Why not just not get married? What could be less stressful and expensive than that?

My niece and her girlfe insist on a big deal wedding because they both grew up wanting to be Brides. I'm pretty sure they'll both wear gowns too, none of that heteropatriarchal emulation stuff. The whole thing sounds silly, it seems even more troublesome than a straight wedding, but I love my sister and her kids and they expect me to attend (without busting out laughing or rolling my eyes too hard or whatever). What's more the niece's wife will take her last name, disregarding my suggestion that they pick a third name or just use mine (my sister's maiden name), because my sister and the younger kid adore her and even my right-wing brother-in-law is way more accepting of it than her family and likes the chick personally; so it's a big deal that she's joining my family, or that part of it anyway, and she'd fit right in with those professional University librarians and Master's in Music and psychology professors emeriti and what-not.

My niece-in-law-to-be is too "normal" for me, but comparing my OK Cupid profile with the niece's a few years ago showed what 12 years of Catholic school during this Reaganite era did to her mind: I couldn't put up with somebody like that in close quarters for very long, but she's probably refreshingly "wild" to the fireman's daughter. What's funny is she thinks she's so left-liberal but she's really just an ordinary bourgeoise of her time and place, while my niece is an unofficial disciple of the Dalai Lama. Those two are like throwbacks to the '70s (i.e. they left their "youthful excesses" behind them but remain faithful to the essential spirit of it all). It's all so cute.

Marriage. Feh. Technically speaking I'm against the institution for anybody, but discriminating against gays is wrong whether I approve of the whole thing or not. And for example as far as I'm concerned the Roman Catholic Church should be disbanded, the buildings turned into bordellos and the College of Cardinals shot on TV, but if women want to be priests more power to them. As for reinforcing these institutions I loathe, well, what do 7 billion humans have in common? They. Just. Don't. Farking. Listen. So y'all will just have to live with the consequences, while I point & giggle.
 
2014-05-16 11:50:37 PM  
static6.businessinsider.com

LOVES this idea.
 
2014-05-16 11:52:38 PM  
Overly Attached is my favorite vlogger.
 
2014-05-16 11:56:39 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: I can still feel the icy cold steal of Old Man Johnson's shotgun up against my back that cold October morn.


That wasn't his shotgun.
 
2014-05-17 12:03:37 AM  
The institution of monogamy needed more dysfunction.
 
2014-05-17 12:07:07 AM  
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Groucho
 
2014-05-17 12:16:13 AM  
You know who isn't crazy about this idea:

1.  Wedding consultants and planners everywhere.
2.  Wedding and bridesmaids dress designers.
3.  The entire industry set up to realize profit whenever a big, elaborate wedding occurs (I'm looking at you florists, limo owners, banquet hall owners and caterers, and wedding bands).
4.  Mothers of the bride who live for the day they can be there to plan, meddle, control and generally drive everyone crazy.
 
2014-05-17 12:23:06 AM  
I would be upset if someone tried to "surprise" marry me. I want to make sure I wear clean underwear on my special day.
 
2014-05-17 12:42:58 AM  

audiblesmile: I would be upset if someone tried to "surprise" marry me. I want to make sure I wear clean underwear on my special day.


The article seems to indicate that it's a surprise for the guests, not the bride or groom.
 
2014-05-17 12:47:32 AM  

Excelsior: audiblesmile: I would be upset if someone tried to "surprise" marry me. I want to make sure I wear clean underwear on my special day.

The article seems to indicate that it's a surprise for the guests, not the bride or groom.


The first part of the article. Keep reading. :)
 
2014-05-17 12:58:32 AM  
Sometimes it can be both...

Link
 
2014-05-17 01:02:21 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-17 01:28:13 AM  

steklo: [img.fark.net image 640x850]


Cold War Soviet version of a shotgun wedding?
 
2014-05-17 01:34:06 AM  
How does that even work?

[bride crouches in bushes, preacher by her side]
[bride leaps from bushes, seizes man]
[preacher leaps from bushes]
Preacher: YOU! take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife!
Man: I do?
Preacher: I now pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride!
Bride: *SMACK*
Preacher: Hi-ho Silver! Away!
 
2014-05-17 01:44:17 AM  
If I had tried this with my wife I would still be single.
 
2014-05-17 01:48:49 AM  

The One True TheDavid: Why not just not get married?


One assumes they intend to extend their relationship into owning most of their property jointly, or having children?  Both of those things are immensely easier if you're married and the state assumes that the pair of you are the same legal actor by default.

The convenience of the contract is nothing new, there's a reason that the institution of marriage in one form or another predates every surviving civilization and religion.  It's up there at the top of the technology tree in the RL edition of Civilization with Writing, Agriculture, and Alcohol, it's basically the oldest form of the formal legal contract.

// One of the reasons Christians calling marriage a 'religious institution' and implying their religion is retarded.  Christianity's about 1500 years old, Judaism maybe hits 4k if you accept the most generous estimates on the age of the Jewish-history stories (as opposed to misappropriated Sumerian mythology and made-up hijackings of crescent civilization histories, usually written down so incorrectly that they often had two cities warring that never existed simultaneously).  Marriage looks down on the entire history of western religion, snorts derisively, and says "noobs".
// Hell, indications are that the  neaderthals had a form of marriage.  It may out-date human civilization entirely and hit the million-year mark.
 
2014-05-17 04:06:51 AM  
Eloping for pussies
 
2014-05-17 04:08:06 AM  
Unfortunately my family is spread quite a distance around the globe, friends too, so the only way I could ever be sure of getting them all in one place is either a wedding or a funeral, and preferably with as much notice as possible.
 
2014-05-17 04:20:35 AM  

fusillade762: LOVES this idea.


She has crazy eyes, Ill bet shes great in the sack.
 
2014-05-17 05:22:50 AM  

The One True TheDavid: Why not just not get married? What could be less stressful and expensive than that?

My niece and her girlfe insist on a big deal wedding because they both grew up wanting to be Brides. I'm pretty sure they'll both wear gowns too, none of that heteropatriarchal emulation stuff. The whole thing sounds silly, it seems even more troublesome than a straight wedding, but I love my sister and her kids and they expect me to attend (without busting out laughing or rolling my eyes too hard or whatever). What's more the niece's wife will take her last name, disregarding my suggestion that they pick a third name or just use mine (my sister's maiden name), because my sister and the younger kid adore her and even my right-wing brother-in-law is way more accepting of it than her family and likes the chick personally; so it's a big deal that she's joining my family, or that part of it anyway, and she'd fit right in with those professional University librarians and Master's in Music and psychology professors emeriti and what-not.

My niece-in-law-to-be is too "normal" for me, but comparing my OK Cupid profile with the niece's a few years ago showed what 12 years of Catholic school during this Reaganite era did to her mind: I couldn't put up with somebody like that in close quarters for very long, but she's probably refreshingly "wild" to the fireman's daughter. What's funny is she thinks she's so left-liberal but she's really just an ordinary bourgeoise of her time and place, while my niece is an unofficial disciple of the Dalai Lama. Those two are like throwbacks to the '70s (i.e. they left their "youthful excesses" behind them but remain faithful to the essential spirit of it all). It's all so cute.

Marriage. Feh. Technically speaking I'm against the institution for anybody, but discriminating against gays is wrong whether I approve of the whole thing or not. And for example as far as I'm concerned the Roman Catholic Church should be disbanded, the buildings turned into bordello ...


Because tax benefits, inheritance laws, hospital access, all that kind of stuff. Which is WHY it matters so much to homosexuals. The solution to big weddings is not "not get married" it's "do a civil ceremony with no one but the justice of the peace and maybe your immediate family".
 
2014-05-17 05:28:37 AM  
My wife and I did this in 1998. A version really. We invited closest friends and family to an historic mansion with a large garden. The invitation said dress for a garden party and bring a camera. Most knew. Great music; great food. Full bar. Pause. Got married. Continue with music, food, and booze. No bride worship (she was in pink) no competition, no judgment or jealousy. Just a great party for everyone.

We're still married and people who were there still tell us it is the best wedding they've ever enjoyed.
 
2014-05-17 07:13:39 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
topekaism.com
hhshootingsports.com
media.offbeatbride.com
tejiendoelmundo.files.wordpress.com
honey-photo.com
chrisbearde.files.wordpress.com
thegunstorelasvegas.com
 
2014-05-17 07:57:37 AM  
I have to go to a wedding today so I'm NOT getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2014-05-17 08:08:53 AM  

anuran: If I had tried this with my wife I would still be single.


You were so close, but no takesies backsies.

I thought the story was going to be about marriage proposals that turned into 'on the spot weddings'.   "Would you marry me?", oh look, here's your pastor, and all our friends and family.
 
2014-05-17 09:53:22 AM  
Great idea! What could possibly go wrong?

http://youtu.be/kSKhkaDkTaQ?t=12s
 
2014-05-17 10:07:48 AM  

rnatalie: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 850x940]
[topekaism.com image 275x183]
[hhshootingsports.com image 650x924]
[media.offbeatbride.com image 500x375]
[tejiendoelmundo.files.wordpress.com image 560x372]
[honey-photo.com image 850x423]
[chrisbearde.files.wordpress.com image 500x740]
[thegunstorelasvegas.com image 850x595]


The one in the red-trimmed dress in the garden... she is... the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
 
2014-05-17 10:41:11 AM  

The One True TheDavid: Why not just not get married? What could be less stressful and expensive than that?

My niece and her girlfe insist on a big deal wedding because they both grew up wanting to be Brides. I'm pretty sure they'll both wear gowns too, none of that heteropatriarchal emulation stuff. The whole thing sounds silly, it seems even more troublesome than a straight wedding, but I love my sister and her kids and they expect me to attend (without busting out laughing or rolling my eyes too hard or whatever). What's more the niece's wife will take her last name, disregarding my suggestion that they pick a third name or just use mine (my sister's maiden name), because my sister and the younger kid adore her and even my right-wing brother-in-law is way more accepting of it than her family and likes the chick personally; so it's a big deal that she's joining my family, or that part of it anyway, and she'd fit right in with those professional University librarians and Master's in Music and psychology professors emeriti and what-not.

My niece-in-law-to-be is too "normal" for me, but comparing my OK Cupid profile with the niece's a few years ago showed what 12 years of Catholic school during this Reaganite era did to her mind: I couldn't put up with somebody like that in close quarters for very long, but she's probably refreshingly "wild" to the fireman's daughter. What's funny is she thinks she's so left-liberal but she's really just an ordinary bourgeoise of her time and place, while my niece is an unofficial disciple of the Dalai Lama. Those two are like throwbacks to the '70s (i.e. they left their "youthful excesses" behind them but remain faithful to the essential spirit of it all). It's all so cute.

Marriage. Feh. Technically speaking I'm against the institution for anybody, but discriminating against gays is wrong whether I approve of the whole thing or not. And for example as far as I'm concerned the Roman Catholic Church should be disbanded, the buildings turned into bordello ...


You're hot for the lesbian girlfriend; we get it.
 
2014-05-17 11:07:53 AM  

ornithopter: Because tax benefits, inheritance laws, hospital access, all that kind of stuff. Which is WHY it matters so much to homosexuals. The solution to big weddings is not "not get married" it's "do a civil ceremony with no one but the justice of the peace and maybe your immediate family".


That's not what I meant, obviously. A solution to civil ceremonies would be nice as well.

But then there's even less hope for eradicating marriage than for substantially reforming U.S. capitalism in a way that benefits and empowers the poor workers and sustains the middle class. In that respect life will keep getting worse through the rest of my lifetime at least, as more middle class people are forced into poverty to benefit their "betters." It's getting awful damn crowded down here on the bottom.

But we can legalize marijuana so we can smoke away our pain. That's the ticket: to the age-old panacea of TV let's add legal pot and gay marriage. Clearly the cure for the System's mistakes and misfeasances is to sit on the sofa with our same-sex spouses and toke up while we watch The Simpsons, a wholly owned subsidiary of the same Fox Broadcasting that poisons our minds and perverts our politics. As Dana Beal told me in 1978, you gotta fight the battles you can win.

"Dude, my mom just got killed by a stray bullet on the way to get her insulin."

"Commercial! Shut up till the commercial!"
 
2014-05-17 11:39:39 AM  

ThighsofGlory: You're hot for the lesbian girlfriend; we get it.


Actually no. I'm happy for my ditzy niece. For a while there it was looking like she'd wind up a pregnant crack-addled bag lady till she took my advice and gave up on hunting for a hipster Prince Charming. That she found a Princess Charming surprised the shiat out of me: all I was hoping for was a slightly saner version of her first girlfriend, who is the type that gets me hot. The fiancee herself, though nice to look at and pleasant to be around sometimes, couldn't light my fire with Everclear and a blowtorch. I have no use for sane & stable, thanks. (A crack-addled bag lady maybe.)

But hey. Studies show that when women are ovulating they also think with their "other brains," so perhaps your flippant retort shows its time to add another bundle to your blessings. And consider this: women are lucky enough to be totally stupid only three days of every month for about 30 years, whereas men never let up till our ear-hair sweeps our toes.
 
2014-05-17 11:42:27 AM  

E5bie: rnatalie: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 850x940]
[topekaism.com image 275x183]
[hhshootingsports.com image 650x924]
[media.offbeatbride.com image 500x375]
[tejiendoelmundo.files.wordpress.com image 560x372]
[honey-photo.com image 850x423]
[chrisbearde.files.wordpress.com image 500x740]
[thegunstorelasvegas.com image 850x595]

The one in the red-trimmed dress in the garden... she is... the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.


Is that an M1 Garand?
 
2014-05-17 11:58:48 AM  

The One True TheDavid: E5bie: rnatalie:
The one in the red-trimmed dress in the garden... she is... the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

Is that an M1 Garand?


Maybe.
I don't know much about big boom sticks, but I know people who know them, and she knows how to handle that thing.
 
2014-05-17 12:59:42 PM  

The One True TheDavid: ThighsofGlory: You're hot for the lesbian girlfriend; we get it.

Actually no. I'm happy for my ditzy niece. For a while there it was looking like she'd wind up a pregnant crack-addled bag lady till she took my advice and gave up on hunting for a hipster Prince Charming. That she found a Princess Charming surprised the shiat out of me: all I was hoping for was a slightly saner version of her first girlfriend, who is the type that gets me hot. The fiancee herself, though nice to look at and pleasant to be around sometimes, couldn't light my fire with Everclear and a blowtorch. I have no use for sane & stable, thanks. (A crack-addled bag lady maybe.)

But hey. Studies show that when women are ovulating they also think with their "other brains," so perhaps your flippant retort shows its time to add another bundle to your blessings. And consider this: women are lucky enough to be totally stupid only three days of every month for about 30 years, whereas men never let up till our ear-hair sweeps our toes.


Amended: Really hot for the lesbian girlfriend.
 
2014-05-17 01:05:42 PM  

ThighsofGlory: Amended: Really hot for the lesbian girlfriend.


I love you. BIE? EIP!


/ Okay, I don't really love you. I just want to blackmail you till you buy me a moped.
 
2014-05-17 08:30:58 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: I can still feel the icy cold steal of Old Man Johnson's shotgun up against my back that cold October morn.


Jan 12 next year will be 24 years for us. If I'd chose prison I'd be free that day.
 
2014-05-17 08:48:23 PM  

Gyrfalcon: [bride crouches in bushes, preacher by her side]
[bride leaps from bushes, seizes man]


w.youtube.com/watch?v=BvOMLHjb0b4
 
2014-05-17 11:40:15 PM  

Prey4reign: You know who isn't crazy about this idea:

1.  Wedding consultants and planners everywhere.
2.  Wedding and bridesmaids dress designers.
3.  The entire industry set up to realize profit whenever a big, elaborate wedding occurs (I'm looking at you florists, limo owners, banquet hall owners and caterers, and wedding bands).
4.  Mothers of the bride who live for the day they can be there to plan, meddle, control and generally drive everyone crazy.


Number four there, so much. My mom went absolutely bananas over my wedding, making it all about her while insisting I pay for all of it while she told me what she wanted. Granted, she has Borderline Personality Disorder, so that might have escalated things a tad...

/If I could do it over again, we'd have just eloped at the courthouse or (better) run off to Vegas.
 
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