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(Slate)   "Dear Prudence: I told everyone that my teacher hurt me and she got fired because of my allegations. Problem was, I was lying and I kinda feel bad about it. Should I say something or am I okay forgetting all about it?"   (slate.com ) divider line
    More: Fail, allegations, Innocence Project, teachers  
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13226 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 May 2014 at 10:15 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-16 10:28:58 AM  
6 votes:
Hopefully the teacher will read the column, track down the writer and forgive her, on the 28th stab to the chest.
2014-05-16 08:06:37 AM  
5 votes:
I prefer the next letter about the guy intentionally showing his junk and claiming he left his fly down
2014-05-16 10:29:24 AM  
4 votes:

rumpelstiltskin: I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.


Not if she's Mexican. She could be a 16-year-old grandma.
2014-05-16 10:21:16 AM  
4 votes:

gfid: Dear Prudence,

Everyone knows the letters people write to you are fake.

How the fark do you keep getting greenlit on Fark?


I think these are like food threads, a place where we can let our opinions run around and stretch.
2014-05-16 01:53:34 PM  
3 votes:
So, whoever submitted this read the column, looked it over, saw that one of the stories was about a six year old getting her arm pinched fifty odd years ago and another was about a guy getting his peen out whenever his wife's friends come over.

And subby chose to lead with the pinched kid.

fascinating.
2014-05-16 10:55:04 AM  
3 votes:
These threads are for us to practice our creative writing skills.

Dear Prudence,

I'm a narcoleptic, nymphomaniac midget with a little Thanksgiving problem.  There's just something about the presentation of the Thanksgiving turkey with it's sexy legs all trussed up and it's cavity-vagina just calling to me, I can't help but jump up on the table and go to town.  The problem is that almost instantly after the deed is finished (I'm so worked up this is usually no longer than 30 seconds), my narcolepsy kicks in and I pass out half naked on the feast beast.  My question is, do you think if I drank a lot of coffee right before the turkey came out of the oven that I could stay awake long enough to sneak away after I came in it?  Also, I've got a little problem I picked up from a dead diseased transformer in Thailand a couple years ago.  Is it proper etiquette to wear a condom or do I need to notify everyone at dinner next year?

Thanks,

The Turkey Tiddler
2014-05-16 10:49:13 AM  
3 votes:

idesofmarch: Anybody remember the episode of the TV show "Sliders" where the characters couldn't lie because they all had on shock collars that would buzz them if they did?

We should do that.


I like the one where a virus killed 90% of the population with Y chromosomes and the remaining men were placed into breeding centers where they would work out, sleep and fark. I've been trying to develop that bio weapon (and a small supply of the vaccine) but have yet succeed.
2014-05-16 10:28:54 AM  
3 votes:
Relax Granny.  Teach died long ago, unemployable, broken, drunk, and homeless.
2014-05-16 10:19:50 AM  
3 votes:
Dear Prudence,

Everyone knows the letters people write to you are fake.

How the fark do you keep getting greenlit on Fark?
2014-05-16 12:12:56 PM  
2 votes:

The One True TheDavid: kbronsito:

Not if she's Mexican. She could be a 16-year-old grandma.

That's not only racist, it's biologically impossible.


thank god for your superior insights into both biology and Mexicans. Do you list "living next to a trailer park full of Mexicans" on your resume? In our diverse society, these special skills and knowledge are highly valued by employers.
2014-05-16 10:42:35 AM  
2 votes:
In the late 60s and early 70s, we got spanked regularly. We deserved it.  And we liked it.
2014-05-16 01:33:04 PM  
1 vote:

rumpelstiltskin: I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.


Winner! I was hit by teachers with two by fours in school. More than once. One of the offenses that lead to a 2x4 beating was calling a classmate Big Butt Bertha or something like that.

CSB: About five years later when I was on the baseball team in high school, the teacher from the Bertha incident was an assistant coach. One day he was pitching BP to me with no screen. I smacked one about three feet off the ground and it hit him square in the nads. He fell to his knees. I chuckled.
2014-05-16 12:04:25 PM  
1 vote:

TwowheelinTim: naughtyrev: I prefer the next letter about the guy intentionally showing his junk and claiming he left his fly down

I found it funny in a disturbing kinda way. Sounds like the guy is really proud of it. Seem to me most women really don't want to see it.


I'm reminded of that Seinfeld episode where Kramer says something like "it's like a whale, it's gotta come up for air!"
2014-05-16 11:54:59 AM  
1 vote:
The only time a teacher ever touched me was in health class. We were watching a movie and the guy sitting behind me kept flicking my ear and farking with me, after a few dirty looks and a "stop it" I hit him. Well the teacher was in the back of the class and saw this, he came over and grabbed me by the shoulders. I thought it was the kid and took a swing at him. I'm glad I pulled my punch when I realized who it was. Failed that farking class ugh pissed me off so much.
2014-05-16 11:30:29 AM  
1 vote:

Wangiss: someonelse: rumpelstiltskin: I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.

How old are you. I'm in my 40s and some of my classmates are grandparents. And teachers weren't allowed to whomp on us in school.

This is Fark. This is where defunct techies go for belt-onion conversations. I'm never surprised to find that someone here is 60+.


Really? I'm surprised when they're over 40. But then I'm a very mature 51.


Wangiss: idesofmarch: Anybody remember the episode of the TV show "Sliders" where the characters couldn't lie because they all had on shock collars that would buzz them if they did?

We should do that.

I try to avoid any rules that would prevent people from hiding Jews in the attic.


I don't favorite Farkers but if I did I would favorite you.

By the way, did they ever find the plane?


Mid_mo_mad_man: The One True TheDavid: kbronsito:

Not if she's Mexican. She could be a 16-year-old grandma.

That's not only racist, it's biologically impossible.

You don't many Mexicans do you?


There's a trailer park full of then three blocks from here, and my friendly little pedopup likes to hang out near the elementary school when classes are letting out. I have yet to see a Latino mother of school-age kids who's under 20, let alone a grandma.

IIRC the average age of menarche is 12; you'd have a hard time finding a granny who's under 26, even in your family.
2014-05-16 11:02:51 AM  
1 vote:

ChrisDe: In the late 60s and early 70s, we got spanked regularly. We deserved it.  And we liked it.


Dear Penthouse...
2014-05-16 11:02:31 AM  
1 vote:

gambitsgirl: someonelse: rumpelstiltskin: I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.

How old are you. I'm in my 40s and some of my classmates are grandparents. And teachers weren't allowed to whomp on us in school.

I'm 42.  I got corporal punishment for sure and my mom told me what I got at school I'd get twice as bad at home.


You're pretty hot. Was your mom hot?  I might have signed up for a little of that, because I can be a very bad little boy.
2014-05-16 10:53:48 AM  
1 vote:

rumpelstiltskin: I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.


I saw Misses Graham whack Cris Burning's ass with a frat boy paddle several times.  Each whack knocked Chris off his feet.  It was a small school and everyone had to have heard those whacks.  I prayed to every god I could think of that if they got me in to the non-Mrs Graham fourth grade, I'd be a priest, a rabbi or a buddist monk.  Who ever took the credit got me.  Fourth Grade:  Mrs. Graham.  Sat me in the front row right in front of that damn paddle.  That year, the world lost a priest, rabbi and or buddist monk.

The only thing I took away from that class is that Mrs Graham thought the peace sign (just gaining in popularity) was a broken cross which indicated no god.  Had I used that to my advantage, I would have wound up in the hallway getting whacked with a huge frat boy paddle by a monster sized woman.  My previous transgressions had mainly been sneaking out of school early but she stuck me front and center and convinced me that school wasn't voluntary and I wasn't allowed to leave when I got my fill.

On library days, get in line, let the teacher count noses.  Step out of the line and leave.  After lunch, there was a formation in the hall or outside.  Wait for the teacher to count the noses, step in to the alcove of a classroom and let them pass.  Out the door, across the street and in to the forest preserve.  When you hear the school busses, go home.  The perfect crime and I was neither a PITA in class or a vocal know-it-all so I blended in.  The perfect crime until the 4th grade.  Mrs. Graham:  Harry, lead your row back to class.  While the school would never miss one kid in 1966, if I had led a line of kids out of the school, some one would have noticed.
2014-05-16 10:50:54 AM  
1 vote:

idesofmarch: Anybody remember the episode of the TV show "Sliders" where the characters couldn't lie because they all had on shock collars that would buzz them if they did?

We should do that.


I try to avoid any rules that would prevent people from hiding Jews in the attic.
2014-05-16 10:49:24 AM  
1 vote:
Catholic School, Midwest, 1977 - warming up my trumpet in band class... accidentally blared out a loud sound... Sister Susanna marched over and smacked the bell of the horn... hard! mouthpiece-lip-smash... good times!
2014-05-16 10:47:33 AM  
1 vote:
Fake letter is fake, obviously. At least try and make it plausible.

I went to Catholic elementary school in the '80s and we had a nun that taught computer class. My buddy was a little dipshiat who loved to do exactly the opposite of what he was told to do. The nun was showing us how to use a computer program that required a change of the floppy disk to move forward in the program. She explicitly told us not to eject the disk while the little red light was on. So what does he do? He ejects it while the red light is on.

The nun hulked out and grabbed him by the back of the collar on his standard-issue powder blue polo shirt and flung him out of his chair to the ground. None of us were horrified. We all just had a good laugh and got back to work. Nothing ever happened to her. As far as I know, sister could still be hulking out on third graders.
2014-05-16 10:45:45 AM  
1 vote:
Anybody remember the episode of the TV show "Sliders" where the characters couldn't lie because they all had on shock collars that would buzz them if they did?

We should do that.
2014-05-16 10:28:27 AM  
1 vote:
Dear Guilty:

Pinch yourself on the arm, kiss your grandchildren goodbye, then jump off the nearest bridge.

--Fomby
2014-05-16 10:26:31 AM  
1 vote:
It was worse if you went to a school taught by nuns.  They would call your parents at night to tell them why you got you ass kicked and the parents would add a few smacks because a bride-of-Christ said you were bad.
2014-05-16 10:23:43 AM  
1 vote:

rumpelstiltskin: I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.


Theoretically she could be a grandmother in her late-20's
2014-05-16 10:18:03 AM  
1 vote:

Revek: Why would a psychopath bother with a fake help website?


For fake help obviously
2014-05-16 09:16:25 AM  
1 vote:
I call bullshiat. If she's a grandmother, she's probably older than I am, and when I was a kid if your teacher saw fit to whoop you your parents didn't complain. They figured you must have deserved it, and you'd be lucky if all they did was write a note thanking the teacher for doing their job.
 
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