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(MSN)   Dear Parents, Your daughter, Pistol, is in violation of our school's No Tolerance Policy. She is expelled forever. Next time pick a normal name, like Vanellope or Burklee   (living.msn.com) divider line 169
    More: Silly, Dear Parents, new word, baby names  
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11734 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2014 at 6:41 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-15 07:20:05 PM  

Monkeyfark Ridiculous: Naming girls Madison was the turning point. I blame Daryl Hannah.

We're getting closer now to full circle, back to "naming" children by grunting out a set of quasi-random syllables which the parents are unable to put into intelligible writing.

Someday we'll come back around to a limited set of socially-acceptable traditional names - but they'll be names like MackEnzzee-Boo and Brahvalisho, and naming a kid Madison will seem hopelessly pretentious.

Yours in Preferred Nomenclature,

Monkeyfark Crimefighter Ridiculous


I blame Frank Zappa. Brilliant man, but he got carried away with strange baby names.

There should be a three-strikes law against bizarre baby names: Strike 1 is a $500 fine. Strike 2 is a $1000 fine. Strike 3 is being banned from naming your children.
 
2014-05-15 07:20:09 PM  

AcademGreen: JonnyBGoode: Charlemagne?

For a girl?

It's pronounced Sher-ly-may-jean


Would that make it better or worse?
 
2014-05-15 07:20:15 PM  
Is Rebelle a creative spelling of Rubella? If so, have they vaccinated her?
 
2014-05-15 07:21:22 PM  

Devil's Playground: Sometimes, while watching football, I like to see which names would win at scrabble.


You can do that with the cast of "Dollhouse", too.
 
2014-05-15 07:22:00 PM  
o.onionstatic.com
 
2014-05-15 07:24:14 PM  

Devil's Playground: Sometimes, while watching football, I like to see which names would win at scrabble.


Hell yes!  You just gave me an idea for a drinking game this fall.  Thanks!!!
 
2014-05-15 07:24:44 PM  

ChubbyTiger: AcademGreen: JonnyBGoode: Charlemagne?

For a girl?

It's pronounced Sher-ly-may-jean

Would that make it better or worse?


Yes.
 
2014-05-15 07:25:14 PM  

jenlen: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x714]


I'll be waiting for the condemnation from the various farkers who will get their feelings hurt over this....
 
2014-05-15 07:26:01 PM  
Mr. and Mrs. Asswipe Johnson?

/that's Assweepé
 
2014-05-15 07:27:33 PM  
I used to teach a kid named Dagur (Icelandic family) and another one named Talon (asshat family). With all these sharp, pointy names, it's amazing nobody got hurt.
 
2014-05-15 07:27:40 PM  

meat0918: When did Dayna become common?



there is no Dayna
2.bp.blogspot.com

/only ZUUUUUUUUUUUL
 
2014-05-15 07:30:53 PM  
Hyjamon:

/one daughter on the way...we flirted with Rebel as a first name, but are going with Reagan


Silly name for a girl. Not much better than those black people you mentioned.  Your probably kidding though.
 
2014-05-15 07:31:49 PM  

ChubbyTiger: AcademGreen: JonnyBGoode: Charlemagne?

For a girl?

It's pronounced Sher-ly-may-jean

Would that make it better or worse?


Charlemagne is considered the first emperor in western Europe since the collapse of the Western Roman Empire. So naming a girl after him is pretty dumb, especially since the parents probably didn't even have a clue who Charlemagne was.
 
2014-05-15 07:33:25 PM  

Big_Doofus: jenlen: [o.onionstatic.com image 850x714]

I'll be waiting for the condemnation from the various farkers who will get their feelings hurt over this....


I thought it was real.
 
2014-05-15 07:35:16 PM  

rbuzby: Hyjamon:

/one daughter on the way...we flirted with Rebel as a first name, but are going with Reagan


Silly name for a girl. Not much better than those black people you mentioned.  Your probably kidding though.


true, but most people could pronounce it or spell it if we went with it.

/pronounced ree-ay-gaan
 
2014-05-15 07:37:31 PM  

Tobin_Lam: ChubbyTiger: AcademGreen: JonnyBGoode: Charlemagne?

For a girl?

It's pronounced Sher-ly-may-jean

Would that make it better or worse?

Charlemagne is considered the first emperor in western Europe since the collapse of the Western Roman Empire. So naming a girl after him is pretty dumb, especially since the parents probably didn't even have a clue who Charlemagne was.


Maybe they were going for the fictitious San Franciscan drug dealer.
 
2014-05-15 07:38:03 PM  

Tobin_Lam: ChubbyTiger: AcademGreen: JonnyBGoode: Charlemagne?

For a girl?

It's pronounced Sher-ly-may-jean

Would that make it better or worse?

Charlemagne is considered the first emperor in western Europe since the collapse of the Western Roman Empire. So naming a girl after him is pretty dumb, especially since the parents probably didn't even have a clue who Charlemagne was.


wasn't Charlemagne a member of princes band?  Didn't Charlie Murphy talk about him on Chappelle Show?
 
2014-05-15 07:38:18 PM  
The thing that chaps my hide is when people have odd spellings of normal names, then when you misspell it, they get all kinds of offended and act like YOUR the retard.

I worked over 12 years in technical support (over the phone for an ISP) and several times ran in to:

Me: Ok ma'am.  What's your name?
Customer: Amy (for example)
Me: Ok... A-M-Y?
Customer: No (disgusted tone in her voice like I'm a moron) It's Emie (with a grunt on the other end like I'm the one that responsible for her stupidity).

I just wanted to find their parents and slap the holy shiate out of them.

/CSB?
 
2014-05-15 07:38:30 PM  

Heamer: I used to teach a kid named Dagur (Icelandic family) and another one named Talon (asshat family). With all these sharp, pointy names, it's amazing nobody got hurt.


You made me chuckle. Thanks!
 
2014-05-15 07:42:37 PM  
Ransom?
 
2014-05-15 07:43:05 PM  
Rabidas Ballbiro
 
2014-05-15 07:43:09 PM  
Someone add Vice Rocksword to the list of manliest names.
 
2014-05-15 07:47:26 PM  

Doc Batarang: Someone add Vice Rocksword to the list of manliest names.


That sounds like an MST3K Space Mutiny name. I like this game.

Slab Bulkhead!
Fridge Largemeat!
 
2014-05-15 07:50:15 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: flucto: LOL @ Vanellope

That was one of the more normal sounding ones on the list.

Who are the brony couples naming their kids Rarity?   ...



Especially when they could have flown under the radar with Cadance ;-)
 
2014-05-15 07:56:22 PM  
Just saw a school's awards night name list. N'Dea Pronounced India.

/being portrayed by Tyler Perry in her Lifetime Channel Biographic someday.
 
2014-05-15 07:59:24 PM  

dr_blasto: Dancin_In_Anson: dr_blasto: it's still out there.

My google and yahoo-fu are weak...weak I tell you. Found a lot of links but all were dead.

archive.org has it.

http://web.archive.org/web/20011029082703/http://www.misanthropic-bia t ch.com/briandrye.html

filters will probably break the link. How so will be obvious.


Ok, that was absolutely delightful to read. Posted to Facebook straight away.
 
2014-05-15 07:59:27 PM  

Loucifer: My son, Akfortyseven, is getting quite a kick...


i257.photobucket.com
it's more of a 'crack', than a kick

/it's very distinctive
 
2014-05-15 08:00:55 PM  
had a friend name their daughter "Leila"...in only a weeks time they changed it to "Layla" since everyone was mispronouncing "Leila" as "Lee-La"
 
2014-05-15 08:02:10 PM  
There are a lot of excellent stripper names in that list.

Parents should always apply the stripper test. Have a male friend with a "radio voice" yell out "AND NOW, PLEASE WELCOME [PROSPECTIVE NAME] TO THE MAIN STAGE!" If it works, pick a different name. If you've never been to a strip club, find someone who has to perform the test.
 
2014-05-15 08:03:20 PM  
My next goal is to get people to give their children Puritan names. Just ask little Fall-not-into-daemonic-temptation-lest-the-Devil-take-your-soul-into-e verlasting-fire Dibbley.
 
2014-05-15 08:06:30 PM  

Duane Dibbley: My next goal is to get people to give their children Puritan names. Just ask little Fall-not-into-daemonic-temptation-lest-the-Devil-take-your-soul-into-e verlasting-fire Dibbley.


you mean the quiverfull-like families where the kids are jacob, joseph, john, paul, jebidiah, Judas, Levi, Bartholemew, James...
 
2014-05-15 08:07:11 PM  

Hyjamon: had a friend name their daughter "Leila"...in only a weeks time they changed it to "Layla" since everyone was mispronouncing "Leila" as "Lee-La"


They should have spelt it correctly in the first place:   לילה
(The origin is Hebrew - "night"; common use as a name, though, is Arabic).
 
2014-05-15 08:10:15 PM  

Hyjamon: Duane Dibbley: My next goal is to get people to give their children Puritan names. Just ask little Fall-not-into-daemonic-temptation-lest-the-Devil-take-your-soul-into-e verlasting-fire Dibbley.

you mean the quiverfull-like families where the kids are jacob, joseph, john, paul, jebidiah, Judas, Levi, Bartholemew, James...


You forgot George, Ringo and Deuteronomy.
 
2014-05-15 08:10:40 PM  
www.smithandwessonforums.com
 
2014-05-15 08:14:20 PM  

Duane Dibbley: My next goal is to get people to give their children Puritan names. Just ask little Fall-not-into-daemonic-temptation-lest-the-Devil-take-your-soul-into-e verlasting-fire Dibbley.


I was in a seminar class in graduate school with ten other people. We ranged in age from 24 to 50-ish, including the professor. Supposedly we were all highly-educated and intelligent, but when we got around to Puritan culture--especially the names--the whole room broke out laughing our asses off. It took a good ten minutes just for all of us to exhaust our imagined, potential names for Puritans. Of course, the remaining hour of the class had nothing to do with what we were supposed to be talking about, but it was good fun.

/And there was hummus
//And chips...and dip...and cake...and coffee...and soda...
///All paid for by the department
////Because we were awesome like that
 
2014-05-15 08:18:34 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: flucto:


I'm not sure WTF is up with the Subarus...


Subaru is a common girls name in Japan, which is what I thought at first when I read your comment. Subaru is the Japanese name for the Pleiades constellation, which is the inspiration for the car company's name and logo.

Given that TFA lists it among the boy's names (along with "Charger"), I'm guessing it's because someone allowed some WRX driving, Monster-swilling, flatbill-wearing brotatoes to breed.


fc07.deviantart.net
 
2014-05-15 08:24:57 PM  
Xzaiden

So, these guys playing MMPORGs are actually getting women pregnant?
 
2014-05-15 08:25:33 PM  
Farkers should name their firstborn whatever their farkname is.  Had I though of it 17 years ago, it would have been a hoot yelling his name at the playground.
 
2014-05-15 08:26:26 PM  
And the people going with "Temprince" should have went with "Temperance" instead, and see how early that got their kids to drink.
 
2014-05-15 08:27:43 PM  
Anyone who actually named their child this should be taken out back and summarily shot.

And the child renamed "John" or "Jane".
 
2014-05-15 08:28:40 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: markie_farkie: Jadeveon Clowney

I see your Jadeveon Clowney and raise you a Barkevious Mingo.

/subby


I'll see both of you and raise you a Chrystal Shandy Lear.
 
2014-05-15 08:31:35 PM  

Aarontology: TuteTibiImperes: flucto: LOL @ Vanellope

That was one of the more normal sounding ones on the list.

Who are the brony couples naming their kids Rarity?   Also, Kyndle, really?  Some kids are being set up for a life of crime (Tuf, Vice) or a life on the pole (Envie, Kinzington).

I'm not sure WTF is up with the Subarus, and how do you pronounce Jceion?

I'd guess "Jason"


Attempting to pronounce that name is cultural appropriation. Go crawl back under your rock, Donald Sterling.
 
2014-05-15 08:32:08 PM  
I can't wait for this stupid "unique/clever" naming trend to finally be over.

/my twins, Holley and Edelbrock agree with me
//in the future, strippers will have stage names like Angela and Lisa
///baby Stromburg is due next month
 
2014-05-15 08:36:27 PM  

Hyjamon: as someone who recently sat thru a graduation ceremony of 2000 kids, this trend has been out of hand for a while (seeing how the graduates are all 20+).  The readers had no trouble with foreign names (one reader teaches Chinese and the other is English as a second language teacher)...the ones they struggled with pronouncing the most and had to ask the person how to pronounce it were the names of African-American students.  I can only imagine how ridiculous it will be in another decade or two.

They don't display the names, so I can only guess how some were spelled...one that I remember was Unique Rose middle-name last-name, and since the speaker struggled with "Unique" I can only imagine how it was spelled.


LOL black people. God forbid teachers in a school building know the names of the students.

/one daughter on the way...we flirted with Rebel as a first name, but are going with Reagan

you lost the war, get over it.
 
2014-05-15 08:49:50 PM  
There are certainly days where I'm grateful for a relatively normal-sounding name, albeit one with the most ridiculously ironic set of translations you could possibly stick on a kid who grew up to be a nontheist lesbian.
 
2014-05-15 08:50:29 PM  

Dancin_In_Anson: I would figure that I could find an archived copy of the Misanthropic Biatch's rant on bad baby names, but it would seem that in this case, the internet has forgotten.


I so miss her.
And Suck dot com.
 
2014-05-15 08:52:25 PM  

Charmin Mao Tse-Bung: I can't wait for this stupid "unique/clever" naming trend to finally be over.

/my twins, Holley and Edelbrock agree with me
//in the future, strippers will have stage names like Angela and Lisa
///baby Stromburg is due next month


Your twins have some sort of manifold destiny ahead of them.  Watch Stromburg's diet, he's going to have high carbs and his sides will be drafty.  Oh, and it's Stromberg
 
2014-05-15 08:55:19 PM  
I had no problem with my son Glock but the twins Sturm&Ruger ran up against some kook administrator.
 
2014-05-15 08:56:42 PM  

stuffy: I had no problem with my son Glock but the twins Sturm&Ruger ran up against some kook administrator.


Just decided, next pair of cats are going to be named Heckler and Koch.
 
2014-05-15 09:01:03 PM  
I named my kid Henry.

It's farking awesome.  Henricus. Heinreich.  Harry.  Kings, monsters.

President Dayshawn Jackson.

Yeah, right.
 
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