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(Mother Nature Network)   If you know the difference between club soda, seltzer water, and tonic water, congratulations: You're an alcoholic   (mnn.com) divider line 125
    More: Obvious, seltzer, beer brewing, purified water, styles of beer  
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7031 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2014 at 9:19 AM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-15 08:23:23 AM
I knew that but actually I drink seltzer water as a beer substitute when I'm laying off the sauce.

No really, it's great.  I've never felt healthier.  No really.  This is super.  Such clarity.

*puts fist through wall*
 
2014-05-15 08:43:07 AM
I know that when I order a vodka tonic and I get soda instead, I get stabby.
 
2014-05-15 09:09:50 AM
I'm an alcoholic and don't know that. Soo...
 
2014-05-15 09:11:27 AM

Diogenes: I know that when I order a vodka tonic and I get soda instead, I get stabby.


Tonic has a massive flavor presence, so much so that (apparently) gin was originally used to cut the flavor of tonic water for those getting their quinine fix to stave off malaria.  Any bartender that mixes those two up should not be trusted to even pour water for kids at a soccer game.

I knew the difference between club soda and seltzer water was the sodium, but I couldn't remember which was which.  I guess I'll use "the one with soda in the name has baking soda in the formula."

Personally, I've been all about brown liquor (mixing grade, not sipping grade) in club soda for a while.  I like the taste of whiskey and don't need a bunch of sugar or HFCS to mask it.  Gin and tonic is great in the summer, though.
 
2014-05-15 09:12:11 AM

PreMortem: I'm an alcoholic and don't know that. Soo...


A real alcoholic doesn't use any of that shiat.
 
2014-05-15 09:22:55 AM
FTA: "Are these identical-looking mixers interchangeable or do they each have properties that make them unique? "

Are you farking kidding me?  Are they just letting any idiot with a keyboard write stories now?
 
2014-05-15 09:25:09 AM
I'm a chocoholic, but for booze!


http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-like-a-chocoholic-but-for-booze,1 0 739/
 
2014-05-15 09:25:44 AM
Next week: How to make a Schpritzer.
 
2014-05-15 09:26:12 AM
*sigh*

ya I know...
 
2014-05-15 09:26:49 AM
I was once served a gin and soda at a cheap Italian restaurant.  Bleh.
 
2014-05-15 09:27:16 AM
I can't tell because I'm not an alcoholic, I just smoke meth.
 
2014-05-15 09:27:31 AM
Come On SUMMER

buicupcakes.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-05-15 09:27:45 AM
My grandmother loved to drink club soda straight, and when I was younger I got a big surprise when I took
a sip from her glass thinking it was 7 Up.

Nowadays, though, I do love either seltzer of club soda straight. I love the bubbles.
 
2014-05-15 09:28:14 AM
Or I drink lots of fizzy water and want to know the difference.
 
2014-05-15 09:28:35 AM
If you know the difference between club soda, seltzer water, and tonic water, congratulations: You're an alcoholic

Even though there's not any alcohol in any of those three things?
 
2014-05-15 09:30:26 AM

Cupajo: If you know the difference between club soda, seltzer water, and tonic water, congratulations: You're an alcoholic

Even though there's not any alcohol in any of those three things?


they are the drink of choice for those who have come to terms with their problem.
 
2014-05-15 09:30:47 AM

factoryconnection: Diogenes: I know that when I order a vodka tonic and I get soda instead, I get stabby.

Tonic has a massive flavor presence, so much so that (apparently) gin was originally used to cut the flavor of tonic water for those getting their quinine fix to stave off malaria.  Any bartender that mixes those two up should not be trusted to even pour water for kids at a soccer game.

I knew the difference between club soda and seltzer water was the sodium, but I couldn't remember which was which.  I guess I'll use "the one with soda in the name has baking soda in the formula."

Personally, I've been all about brown liquor (mixing grade, not sipping grade) in club soda for a while.  I like the taste of whiskey and don't need a bunch of sugar or HFCS to mask it.  Gin and tonic is great in the summer, though.


Gin and tonic is the only civilized way to fight malaria.   It also became my drink of choice in law school because school functions and events were awash in alcohol to say nothing of various school sponsored open bar nights all over Chicago.  The problem is, while they had booze in abundance it was never the good stuff, and while rail scotch and whiskey are an affront to the palette and should be a war crime, rail gin is virtually indistinguishable from the top shelf stuff.

OTOH it DOES taste  like sucking on a slightly bitter Christmas Tree
 
2014-05-15 09:30:55 AM
Tonic is fluorescent it glows blue in strip joints. And helps with my malarias.

The others are carbonated water. Club soda has additional hardness, therefore is more suitable for use as a weapon, hence the name.

Seltzer is funny to say even funnier to spray. See Three Stooges.

I am drunk.
 
2014-05-15 09:31:25 AM
Club Soda is Seltzer with salt. Tonic water is as similar to the other two as Sprite or 7-UP.

/Not an alcoholic, but I'm making progress
 
2014-05-15 09:32:33 AM
Good article for young kids thinking about getting into the drinking scene.
 
2014-05-15 09:33:12 AM
Then what the f*ck is Perrier? WHAT THE F*CK IS IT???!
 
2014-05-15 09:33:14 AM
I admit, I thought "soda water" was just carbonated water. At most bars where they use a gun for mixers when you order a xyz and "soda" you are just getting the carbonated water without the cola syrup or whatever other syrup added. I doubt they are adding any sodium bicarb to lower acidity. (but maybe so).

Tonic definitely has a bitter distinctive flavor and if they mix the two up it is obvious...and awful.
 
2014-05-15 09:33:45 AM
Also, seltzer was once a Stray Cat.
 
2014-05-15 09:33:49 AM
Why would an alcoholic want to water down their booze with any of those?
 
2014-05-15 09:33:51 AM
Gin and tonic =summertime yumminess.
 
2014-05-15 09:34:01 AM

ChipNASA: Come On SUMMER

[buicupcakes.files.wordpress.com image 850x1133]



If you can find Fever Tree or Q tonic water in your area, you might prefer the taste to Canada Dry. They use sugar and not HFCS and real quinine.
 
2014-05-15 09:35:26 AM
There are a lot of idiots out there that bandy about the alcoholic label without realizing a kid could know the difference if he or she was smart enough. What the fark?
 
2014-05-15 09:35:49 AM

Cupajo: If you know the difference between club soda, seltzer water, and tonic water, congratulations: You're an alcoholic

Even though there's not any alcohol in any of those three things?


If you go to pick up any of those things at the store and fall over because you're drunk- you may be an alcoholic.  If your hoverround with a confederate flag on the aerial falls over, you may be a drunk redneck.
 
2014-05-15 09:36:13 AM
I grew up in NYC in the 1970s & 80s. At that time the independent soda guys, who would deliver seltzer in the old fashioned bottles were still around. My dad loved seltzer and would get a case every week or so. One day my brothers and I were watching a Three Stooges short (or maybe Little rascals -- don't remember) and saw them spray the seltzer into someone's face. We decided that looked like fun.

Long story short, it wasn't as amusing in real life. Forget BB guns, seltzer released from one of those shaken bottles really could put an eye out (if you're standi9ng too close at least).
 
2014-05-15 09:36:30 AM

gopher321: Then what the f*ck is Perrier? WHAT THE F*CK IS IT???!


Naturally occuring carbonated water, with hardness and minerals associated with karst topography, and benzene, which considers itself more refined and cultured than other waters. Somewhat effeminate. The water of surrender.
 
2014-05-15 09:37:22 AM

Mad Scientist: I was once served a gin and soda at a cheap Italian restaurant.  Bleh.


you ever seen fish heads drinking cappuccino with oriental women?
 
2014-05-15 09:37:22 AM
I started buying club soda and/or seltzer water recently because I made some root beer syrup (from real sassafras root bark). To make a fizzy root beer without fermentation this is how to do it.
 
2014-05-15 09:38:25 AM

loki see loki do: gopher321: Then what the f*ck is Perrier? WHAT THE F*CK IS IT???!

Naturally occuring carbonated water, with hardness and minerals associated with karst topography, and benzene, which considers itself more refined and cultured than other waters. Somewhat effeminate. The water of surrender.


Evian is Naive spelled backwards, and no I don't think that is an accident
 
2014-05-15 09:38:36 AM
For my non-alcoholic, everyday imbibing I drink alot of these bad boys:

syfobeverages.com

But my favorite is:

www.gerolsteiner.com
 
2014-05-15 09:41:31 AM
I got one of these at a garage sale; I lovers it.ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2014-05-15 09:42:07 AM
MY GAWD IT"S HUUUGE
 
2014-05-15 09:42:22 AM
1/2 gallon of vodka/day from 2007-2010, seizures, pancreatitus, and throwing up blood.  I don't know the difference.
\sober 14 months
 
2014-05-15 09:42:31 AM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: I can't tell because I'm not an alcoholic, I just smoke meth.


Interesting. What's a good mixer for meth? Toluene?
 
2014-05-15 09:43:19 AM
Th'ats acshully mre bigger than life size.
If it was alive.
On a really big screen anyway.
Not on the iPhones.
 
2014-05-15 09:43:49 AM

Buttknuckle: 1/2 gallon of vodka/day from 2007-2010, seizures, pancreatitus, and throwing up blood.  I don't know the difference.
\sober 14 months


Good for you. Keep coming back.
 
2014-05-15 09:45:14 AM

loki see loki do: gopher321: Then what the f*ck is Perrier? WHAT THE F*CK IS IT???!

Naturally occuring carbonated water, with hardness and minerals associated with karst topography, and benzene, which considers itself more refined and cultured than other waters. Somewhat effeminate. The water of surrender.


It's also the official beverage of Parkour, the French sport of running away.
 
2014-05-15 09:45:26 AM
Plain soda water is the ultimate passive-aggressive response to any customer in a restaurant who orders "a soda" instead of actually asking for a Coke, Pepsi, 7-Up, Root Beer, Purple Drank, etc.

The look on their face after the first sip is farking priceless.
 
2014-05-15 09:50:12 AM

loki see loki do: gopher321: Then what the f*ck is Perrier? WHAT THE F*CK IS IT???!

Naturally occuring carbonated water, with hardness and minerals associated with karst topography, and benzene, which considers itself more refined and cultured than other waters.


I read that part in Patrick Bateman's voice.
 
2014-05-15 09:52:04 AM
A dedicated alcoholic wouldn't put any of that crap in their drink of choice.
 
2014-05-15 09:52:05 AM
The difference is fairly easy to know... especially when at a young age you taste them and wonder what the hell did I just drink.

Nowadays: SodaStream

Aside energy drinks, I've not have to buy any pop/soda bottles for years.
 
2014-05-15 09:52:19 AM
or even if you arent the kind of drinker who drinks things made with said mixers you may just know that tonic water has quinine in it which is cool for a few reasons.

it helps prevent malaria -given as a pill by the military for those who served in the jungles. maintaining a therepeutic level thru G&T consumption may be possible..

it glows under a UV (black) light. doin this from my phone/toilet so dunno what you'll see but this wikipedia page has a nice pic.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonic_water
 
2014-05-15 09:52:27 AM

abhorrent1: Why would an alcoholic want to water down their booze with any of those?


Because, contrary to what most self appointed scotch/Irish whisky 'experts' will tell you, a little bit of water
(generally in the form of 1 ice cube, but a spritz of soda does nicely too) enhances the flavour of the booze
because the taste buds won't be overwhelmed.
 
2014-05-15 09:56:34 AM

i.r.id10t: or even if you arent the kind of drinker who drinks things made with said mixers you may just know that tonic water has quinine in it which is cool for a few reasons.

it helps prevent malaria -given as a pill by the military for those who served in the jungles. maintaining a therepeutic level thru G&T consumption may be possible..

it glows under a UV (black) light. doin this from my phone/toilet so dunno what you'll see but this wikipedia page has a nice pic.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonic_water


I am now impreshed that I spelled fluorescent correctly the first time.

/to me!
 
2014-05-15 09:57:02 AM

Fuggin Bizzy: Buttknuckle: 1/2 gallon of vodka/day from 2007-2010, seizures, pancreatitus, and throwing up blood.  I don't know the difference.
\sober 14 months

Good for you. Keep coming back.


Thanks, man!
 
2014-05-15 09:58:28 AM

Buttknuckle: Fuggin Bizzy: Buttknuckle: 1/2 gallon of vodka/day from 2007-2010, seizures, pancreatitus, and throwing up blood.  I don't know the difference.
\sober 14 months

Good for you. Keep coming back.

Thanks, man!


You're welcome. I'm also 14 months sober.
 
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