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(Riverfront Times)   A Missouri reporter picked up a pile of human poop on TV with her bare hands   (blogs.riverfronttimes.com) divider line 38
    More: Fail, KSDK, human faeces, ammunition dump  
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13219 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2014 at 10:11 PM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-14 08:54:41 PM
11 votes:
The day after Thanksgiving every year. It starts with a Bloody Mary or three in the morning. Then, various pale ales and a stout. Red wine with meal. A nap for the intestines to catch up. Then, whiskey or vodka post nap and a second fourth helping of leftovers.

If there was only a way to record that smell. It would smell like America. It would smell like...victory.
2014-05-14 10:24:22 PM
10 votes:

neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.


img.fark.net
2014-05-14 08:23:30 PM
9 votes:
I don't know whether to laugh or cry or jerk off or order Papa Johns or what. Best of luck to you,Lady Shiatfist.
2014-05-14 08:00:43 PM
8 votes:
1basil1.files.wordpress.com
2014-05-14 10:20:56 PM
7 votes:

One girl, two cupped hands.


blogs.riverfronttimes.com

2014-05-14 08:38:34 PM
6 votes:
There are worse things you could pick up

/my ex, for example
2014-05-14 11:34:08 PM
5 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
/
2014-05-14 10:21:58 PM
3 votes:
Looks like some young lady is up for a dirty Sanchez or a glass bottom boat.

/Not that I would know about such things.
2014-05-14 08:52:42 PM
3 votes:
It's bad enough when the TP rips and I get some on my finger
2014-05-15 03:27:26 AM
2 votes:

Snazzy1: djkutch: The day after Thanksgiving every year. It starts with a Bloody Mary or three in the morning. Then, various pale ales and a stout. Red wine with meal. A nap for the intestines to catch up. Then, whiskey or vodka post nap and a second fourth helping of leftovers.

If there was only a way to record that smell. It would smell like America. It would smell like...victory.

Need to work this into a campaign slogan somehow....

Like for Chris Christie


If Chris Christie plops his fat ass down on your toilet, you better get the plunger ready. He BEEFS. He'll drop 5 or 6 forearm-sized logs in there with no flushes in between. Rumor has it that during his 2013 reelection campaign, he used to shiat in the shower and heel it down the drain to save time.
2014-05-14 11:55:52 PM
2 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Maybe it's just me, but I've gotten more poop on my hands since I turned 30 (32 now) than in all the years before that combined. Toilet paper ripping, poop ending up smeared all along my buttcheek and accidentally rubbing it when I'm wiping, me going to itch my butthole and there being a little poop on the outside.

I have no idea what's going on, but nary a day goes by without me getting some rectal fudge in my hands/arms.


It gets worse over time. 42 now and after decades of piles, my sphincter looks like a mangy dog that has been in a decompression accident.

It gets a few token wipes just enough so I can waddle over to the shower, put on a surgical glove and spend 5 minutes scrubbing that farker down under a jet stream.

A good day isn't a streak free day anymore, it's one where 5 inches of large intestines doesn't pop out to say "Hi, thanks for the corn!".
2014-05-14 10:53:56 PM
2 votes:
I always wondered what happened to butthole tattoo girl...

www.inquisitr.com
2014-05-14 10:45:00 PM
2 votes:

Lsherm: Doctor Funkenstein: timujin: Bet it still doesn't smell as bad as chicken shiat, I don't think I've ever smelled anything worse.

And this. It takes your breath away. Not in a latently gay Top Gun way, either. Chicken shiat is horrifying.

Has anyone ever figured out why?  I mean, even for bird poop it's horrifying.


Little know factoid:  Farmers feed their chickens tequila and refried beans.
2014-05-14 10:34:05 PM
2 votes:
Oh, that's nasty.

static.fjcdn.com
2014-05-14 10:29:44 PM
2 votes:
she's kind of cute. I could make german porn movies with her

ja ja
2014-05-15 01:06:33 AM
1 votes:
Okay.  So, now I've experienced a bona fide poop thread.
2014-05-15 12:34:09 AM
1 votes:

maram500: tinyarena: 433: djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.

Or give a push on your skin, around the obstruction, as if popping a really big zit.

I really hate to pull rank here fellas, but
Having been a 'Senior Certified Nursing Assistant' at a geriatrics hospital I have had to pull such out of other people. You've just gotta get behind it and hock it out.

Another fun way to spend the afternoon is to carefully clip and cut the encrusted mat out of a senile bears butt crack.
Good times

I am sorry for how this will sound, but...

You're a CNA? Wow that is a terrible job. You're lower than nurses. I mean, buses get shiat, but you have to deal with the shiat. That's awful.


I am a CNA as well. I actually love the job. You get used to the poop pretty quickly. Vaseline up the nose before a shift helps too
2014-05-15 12:26:04 AM
1 votes:
Worst hospital smells are pulling out the grey mouse (tampon) that's been up there for god knows how long, stool mixed with blood, and draining pilonidal abscesses that form at the top of your buttcrack.

Once I had to disimpact this huge mud dragon from some ancient guys ass with my finger and it he smell could melt paint.  I just couldn't get the smell out of my head.  I then went and saw about 3 patients and still just couldn't get the smell out of my brain.  A nurse then saw me and pointed to my arm.  I had a stowaway turd that was smudged unto the extensor part of my elbow.

When you either ran to the bathroom and didn't make it, or gambled with what you thought was a simple fart but lost, and toilet paper is no match and you have to just get in the shower, that is known as "critical crack"
2014-05-14 11:57:12 PM
1 votes:
I have produced poop so vile, so disgusting, so downright offensive that people three houses away were doing the technicolor yawn. Poop so odorous that the nursery that has garbage cans of crap-filled diapers from formula-fed infants had nothing on the Superfund site that was my toilet.

CSB: I had taken a dump one day around 14:00. It was...bad. The fumes were causing me to hallucinate. Three hours, a can of air freshener, and a lit candle later, my mother pulls in. She opens the car door and proceeds to puke on the carport. I then hear "What the f*ck is that smell?" before another round of puke.

The trick to super-poo is a mixture of Taco Bell, chicken tikka, and frozen dinners. YMMV.
2014-05-14 11:40:46 PM
1 votes:
This thread is the shiat.
2014-05-14 11:31:15 PM
1 votes:
My dogs killed a good sized beaver behind the house one day.  I figured I'd just get a shovel and throw it down into the woods, and let it decompose away from the house.  About 3-4 days later I bring the dogs in and my girlfriend and I leave to go somewhere.
Upon entering the house, my gf immediately does a 180 and goes back outside.  I go in because it seems someone died in the house, and not recently.
Apparently one of my dogs had decided to go eat this corpse that had been festering in the summer sun for several days, and then vomit it all over my study floor.
It looked like...saag (and I love saag) but with a couple cups of wriggling maggots mixed in instead of rice.
In the most interior room of my house.
I was literally throwing up onto what I was cleaning, and incorporating my vomit into what I was cleaning up.
Pretty sure that was the worst smell I've ever encountered.  Of course, it was at arms' length.
2014-05-14 11:18:32 PM
1 votes:
Worst. Thread. Ever.

Goddamn.
2014-05-14 11:16:28 PM
1 votes:
That's going to end up being the next "Cinnamon challenge" that the internet will be innundated with.

Mark my words.
2014-05-14 10:55:28 PM
1 votes:

433: djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.

Or give a push on your skin, around the obstruction, as if popping a really big zit.


I really hate to pull rank here fellas, but
Having been a 'Senior Certified Nursing Assistant' at a geriatrics hospital I have had to pull such out of other people. You've just gotta get behind it and hock it out.

Another fun way to spend the afternoon is to carefully clip and cut the encrusted mat out of a senile bears butt crack.
Good times
2014-05-14 10:49:24 PM
1 votes:

neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.


i1164.photobucket.com
2014-05-14 10:34:47 PM
1 votes:

fusillade762: [1basil1.files.wordpress.com image 339x425]


Pink Flamingos - one of my all time favorites -  filmed in Baltimore no less.  I recall seeing this at the Biograph in Georgetown and people were walking out screaming, "you people are sick to sit here and watch this!"  What were they expecting, Bambi?
2014-05-14 10:33:40 PM
1 votes:
www.hrwiki.org
2014-05-14 10:29:22 PM
1 votes:

neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.


Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.
2014-05-14 10:27:44 PM
1 votes:

neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.


Nope. That's just you.
2014-05-14 10:24:58 PM
1 votes:
As we speak, they're spraying liquefied pig shiat on the fields surrounding my house, so I'm really getting a kick...
2014-05-14 10:24:44 PM
1 votes:
Yep. That's sh*t.
2014-05-14 10:24:31 PM
1 votes:
Subby lied.  There's no Rosie O'Donnell in that clip
2014-05-14 10:21:17 PM
1 votes:
You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.
2014-05-14 10:19:54 PM
1 votes:
How else was she meant to get it in the taco shell?
2014-05-14 09:52:58 PM
1 votes:
Poop thread?

subatomicsatan.com
2014-05-14 09:14:40 PM
1 votes:

I_Am_Weasel: Let's see what the thread will degenerate into from here.


I always wear a hazmat suit when I'm on Fark, so I'm good.
2014-05-14 08:32:35 PM
1 votes:
Let's see what the thread will degenerate into from here.
2014-05-14 08:09:21 PM
1 votes:

timujin: Bet it still doesn't smell as bad as chicken shiat, I don't think I've ever smelled anything worse.


i can make some pretty epic poo after a night of heavy drinking. especially tequila
 
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