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(Riverfront Times)   A Missouri reporter picked up a pile of human poop on TV with her bare hands   (blogs.riverfronttimes.com) divider line 159
    More: Fail, KSDK, human faeces, ammunition dump  
•       •       •

13293 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2014 at 10:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



159 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-14 11:55:56 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-05-14 11:56:54 PM  

Theory Of Null: You ever been in a sewer you know this shiat is top of the line stink.


www.hdwallpaper4all.com

Takes offense at that comment!

Eriond:

Ugh paper mills, yes! I drove past the one in Franklin, VA every time I drove home to visit my parents from college. I was miles and miles away from it on 58, but it still stunk up the entire town. Like a giant fart factory.

I remember back in the late 90's when Hampton's crabbing business was booming. OMG, it took me forever to find out what that smell was in the summertime, and apparently it was the crabbing factory a couple of miles down the road. Basically it smells like a cross between rotten eggs and stagnant seafood.
 
2014-05-14 11:57:12 PM  
I have produced poop so vile, so disgusting, so downright offensive that people three houses away were doing the technicolor yawn. Poop so odorous that the nursery that has garbage cans of crap-filled diapers from formula-fed infants had nothing on the Superfund site that was my toilet.

CSB: I had taken a dump one day around 14:00. It was...bad. The fumes were causing me to hallucinate. Three hours, a can of air freshener, and a lit candle later, my mother pulls in. She opens the car door and proceeds to puke on the carport. I then hear "What the f*ck is that smell?" before another round of puke.

The trick to super-poo is a mixture of Taco Bell, chicken tikka, and frozen dinners. YMMV.
 
2014-05-14 11:59:19 PM  
Na na, na boo boo,   stick your head in doo doo.
 
2014-05-15 12:01:11 AM  

tinyarena: 433: djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.

Or give a push on your skin, around the obstruction, as if popping a really big zit.

I really hate to pull rank here fellas, but
Having been a 'Senior Certified Nursing Assistant' at a geriatrics hospital I have had to pull such out of other people. You've just gotta get behind it and hock it out.

Another fun way to spend the afternoon is to carefully clip and cut the encrusted mat out of a senile bears butt crack.
Good times


You are a strong person. I'd have killed myself by now if I had that sort of a job.

I can make a truly disgusting poop. The secret is bile. When you lack the intestines to reabsorb bile and you eat large fatty meals your poop has a lot of "raw" bile in it. I assure you that nothing is more disgusting than a toilet bowl full of nasty smelling crap that also smells simultaneously of vomit.
 
2014-05-15 12:01:46 AM  

tinyarena: 433: djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.

Or give a push on your skin, around the obstruction, as if popping a really big zit.

I really hate to pull rank here fellas, but
Having been a 'Senior Certified Nursing Assistant' at a geriatrics hospital I have had to pull such out of other people. You've just gotta get behind it and hock it out.

Another fun way to spend the afternoon is to carefully clip and cut the encrusted mat out of a senile bears butt crack.
Good times


I am sorry for how this will sound, but...

You're a CNA? Wow that is a terrible job. You're lower than nurses. I mean, buses get shiat, but you have to deal with the shiat. That's awful.
 
2014-05-15 12:02:00 AM  

timujin: dr_blasto: timujin: dr_blasto: some_beer_drinker: timujin: Bet it still doesn't smell as bad as chicken shiat, I don't think I've ever smelled anything worse.

i can make some pretty epic poo after a night of heavy drinking. especially tequila

Aye that. Ugh. I've had some superfund-quality toxic waste dumps myself after the tequila.

I'm telling you both, I don't care if you drank an entire case of Jose 1800, nothing is as bad as chicken poop.  And it's not bad enough that you have to smell it when you drive by the coops, every spring they take truckloads of the stuff and spread it on every farm for miles.  Just horrible.  HORRIBLE.

Ok, so, is it worse than a pig farm?

Because pig farms are worse than my tequila poo. But only by a hair.

I cannot speak to this, as I have had the fortune in life to never be exposed to a pig farm.  I have heard stories, stories from men who were once strong.  I'm sure among our brethren there are those who have been exposed to both, but I would not ask them to recall such traumatic events.


Pig shiat is definitely worse.i did a mission trip house building project downwind of a pig farm, smelled like human diarrhea every time the wind blew.

But the smell of chicken poo bothers me not. It brings up nostalgic feelings for me.

You know what smells worse than chicken shiat? A Chinese dish called stinky tofu. Imagine chicken intestines cooked, with the stench of fried chicken poo. That's exactly what it smells like.
 
2014-05-15 12:02:50 AM  
www.all4humor.com
 
2014-05-15 12:06:13 AM  

Eriond: rebelyell2006: timujin: dr_blasto: timujin: dr_blasto: some_beer_drinker: timujin: Bet it still doesn't smell as bad as chicken shiat, I don't think I've ever smelled anything worse.

i can make some pretty epic poo after a night of heavy drinking. especially tequila

Aye that. Ugh. I've had some superfund-quality toxic waste dumps myself after the tequila.

I'm telling you both, I don't care if you drank an entire case of Jose 1800, nothing is as bad as chicken poop.  And it's not bad enough that you have to smell it when you drive by the coops, every spring they take truckloads of the stuff and spread it on every farm for miles.  Just horrible.  HORRIBLE.

Ok, so, is it worse than a pig farm?

Because pig farms are worse than my tequila poo. But only by a hair.

I cannot speak to this, as I have had the fortune in life to never be exposed to a pig farm.  I have heard stories, stories from men who were once strong.  I'm sure among our brethren there are those who have been exposed to both, but I would not ask them to recall such traumatic events.

I've driven past chicken farms, paper mills, and pig farms, and the intensity of badness follows that order. Pigs smell bad, but they are not the worst.

Ugh paper mills, yes! I drove past the one in Franklin, VA every time I drove home to visit my parents from college. I was miles and miles away from it on 58, but it still stunk up the entire town. Like a giant fart factory.


The Tacoma Aroma we call it up in Seattle. It is a vile stench indeed.
 
2014-05-15 12:06:51 AM  

neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.


i.imgur.com

No, but is this you? Drink more water or something.
 
2014-05-15 12:08:47 AM  

Mister Peejay: The Larch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Nope. That's just you.

Yep.

That's what the poo tongs hanging in the toothbrush holder are for.


My friend once dealt the bowl one too dense and long to flush. So he took a knife from the kitchen and cut it in two. He hid the knife out in the screen porch and no one ever retrieved... The Crap Knife.

Growing up is entertaining.
 
2014-05-15 12:10:09 AM  
This makes me hungry for a nice big Japanese steak made of shyte.
 
2014-05-15 12:12:16 AM  
It's treated to kill pathogens. At least it's being used!

/would hit. FYI
 
2014-05-15 12:14:22 AM  

GungFu:


Was scratching my butt when I scrolled down to see the same, so got a kick.
 
2014-05-15 12:14:33 AM  
Is das nict ein haufen mist?
 
2014-05-15 12:18:46 AM  
 
2014-05-15 12:24:54 AM  

djkutch: timujin: dr_blasto: some_beer_drinker: timujin: Bet it still doesn't smell as bad as chicken shiat, I don't think I've ever smelled anything worse.

i can make some pretty epic poo after a night of heavy drinking. especially tequila

Aye that. Ugh. I've had some superfund-quality toxic waste dumps myself after the tequila.

I'm telling you both, I don't care if you drank an entire case of Jose 1800, nothing is as bad as chicken poop.  And it's not bad enough that you have to smell it when you drive by the coops, every spring they take truckloads of the stuff and spread it on every farm for miles.  Just horrible.  HORRIBLE.

I believe your account. Most of us don't live around such areas. We have to deal with stinks that are known.

Most of those known will involve a porcelain shaped bowl.


Pig shiat is worse
 
2014-05-15 12:26:04 AM  
Worst hospital smells are pulling out the grey mouse (tampon) that's been up there for god knows how long, stool mixed with blood, and draining pilonidal abscesses that form at the top of your buttcrack.

Once I had to disimpact this huge mud dragon from some ancient guys ass with my finger and it he smell could melt paint.  I just couldn't get the smell out of my head.  I then went and saw about 3 patients and still just couldn't get the smell out of my brain.  A nurse then saw me and pointed to my arm.  I had a stowaway turd that was smudged unto the extensor part of my elbow.

When you either ran to the bathroom and didn't make it, or gambled with what you thought was a simple fart but lost, and toilet paper is no match and you have to just get in the shower, that is known as "critical crack"
 
2014-05-15 12:34:09 AM  

maram500: tinyarena: 433: djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.

Or give a push on your skin, around the obstruction, as if popping a really big zit.

I really hate to pull rank here fellas, but
Having been a 'Senior Certified Nursing Assistant' at a geriatrics hospital I have had to pull such out of other people. You've just gotta get behind it and hock it out.

Another fun way to spend the afternoon is to carefully clip and cut the encrusted mat out of a senile bears butt crack.
Good times

I am sorry for how this will sound, but...

You're a CNA? Wow that is a terrible job. You're lower than nurses. I mean, buses get shiat, but you have to deal with the shiat. That's awful.


I am a CNA as well. I actually love the job. You get used to the poop pretty quickly. Vaseline up the nose before a shift helps too
 
2014-05-15 12:36:47 AM  
Wait, did I read correctly? A farmer who uses human shiat as fertilizer? I'm pretty sure thats a very bad idea, supposedly human waste contains alot of harmful stuff due to our diets and can make any food grown in it toxic. It's what I hear anyway, but even if I'm wrong, using human feces as fertilizer just doesn't sit well with me.
 
2014-05-15 12:37:30 AM  

drgloryboy: Worst hospital smells are pulling out the grey mouse (tampon) that's been up there for god knows how long, stool mixed with blood, and draining pilonidal abscesses that form at the top of your buttcrack.

Once I had to disimpact this huge mud dragon from some ancient guys ass with my finger and it he smell could melt paint.  I just couldn't get the smell out of my head.  I then went and saw about 3 patients and still just couldn't get the smell out of my brain.  A nurse then saw me and pointed to my arm.  I had a stowaway turd that was smudged unto the extensor part of my elbow.

When you either ran to the bathroom and didn't make it, or gambled with what you thought was a simple fart but lost, and toilet paper is no match and you have to just get in the shower, that is known as "critical crack"


That is a goddamn hell of a narrative. Just... ))shudder((
 
2014-05-15 12:43:40 AM  
"Five yards man.  And it was only a little bitty piece of shiat.  I mean, it didn't really have no taste, either.  Spongy."

Obscure?
 
2014-05-15 12:45:54 AM  

Eriond: rebelyell2006: timujin: dr_blasto: timujin: dr_blasto: some_beer_drinker: timujin: Bet it still doesn't smell as bad as chicken shiat, I don't think I've ever smelled anything worse.

i can make some pretty epic poo after a night of heavy drinking. especially tequila

Aye that. Ugh. I've had some superfund-quality toxic waste dumps myself after the tequila.

I'm telling you both, I don't care if you drank an entire case of Jose 1800, nothing is as bad as chicken poop.  And it's not bad enough that you have to smell it when you drive by the coops, every spring they take truckloads of the stuff and spread it on every farm for miles.  Just horrible.  HORRIBLE.

Ok, so, is it worse than a pig farm?

Because pig farms are worse than my tequila poo. But only by a hair.

I cannot speak to this, as I have had the fortune in life to never be exposed to a pig farm.  I have heard stories, stories from men who were once strong.  I'm sure among our brethren there are those who have been exposed to both, but I would not ask them to recall such traumatic events.

I've driven past chicken farms, paper mills, and pig farms, and the intensity of badness follows that order. Pigs smell bad, but they are not the worst.

Ugh paper mills, yes! I drove past the one in Franklin, VA every time I drove home to visit my parents from college. I was miles and miles away from it on 58, but it still stunk up the entire town. Like a giant fart factory.


The paper mill here has been shut down for the last time and is in the process of being dismantled, presumably for the scrap. Eureka is no longer Pewreeka and the pulp mill's demise is not a love lost for many, if not most residents.
 
2014-05-15 12:55:18 AM  
www.edensthaw.com
 
2014-05-15 01:00:38 AM  

C18H27NO3: Priapetic: If you have a Maine Coon (cat, that is), you know they add a whole new level of odoriferousness to the normal poop scooping activity.  Extra "sauce" as it were.  Not sure how it ranks on the stink-o-meter relative to bird/pig shiat, but it beats my best "post-drinking-mud" effort by a country mile.

It's the price they pay for being an all-around badass.


Indeed. My Maine Coon Cat poops standing up, front paws on the edge of the litter box. Like a boss.
 
2014-05-15 01:02:47 AM  
Great, more crappy local news.

/really, this pun wasn't made yet?
 
2014-05-15 01:03:37 AM  

WordyGrrl: C18H27NO3: Priapetic: If you have a Maine Coon (cat, that is), you know they add a whole new level of odoriferousness to the normal poop scooping activity.  Extra "sauce" as it were.  Not sure how it ranks on the stink-o-meter relative to bird/pig shiat, but it beats my best "post-drinking-mud" effort by a country mile.

It's the price they pay for being an all-around badass.

Indeed. My Maine Coon Cat poops standing up, front paws on the edge of the litter box. Like a boss.


Mine can't really fit into the catbox, he just kind of hangs his ass over the edge of it to poo. But he mostly prefers to go outside like a wild beast.
 
2014-05-15 01:05:02 AM  
media.giphy.com
 
2014-05-15 01:05:55 AM  

433: djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dyoukthat you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.

Or give a push on your skin, around the obstruction, as if popping a really big zit.


Hmmm NO... DAMN! wtf is wrong with some of you farkers? I'm glad I don't have whatever medical condition as some of you.
 
2014-05-15 01:06:33 AM  
Okay.  So, now I've experienced a bona fide poop thread.
 
2014-05-15 01:10:47 AM  

MustardTiger:


When I see that gif, I swear I can hear him taking.
 
2014-05-15 01:11:23 AM  
*talking
 
2014-05-15 01:26:46 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-15 01:29:42 AM  
Just be thankful she was on normal television and not smellovision...
 
2014-05-15 01:59:36 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-15 02:04:07 AM  

djkutch: neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.

Pro life tip: Index finger instead of thumb. You have to position the finger forward of the obstruction and coax it down. Like wiping back to front.

A thumb is just going to stab blindly and muck it up.


1. Make sure hands are clean and nail trimmed.


2. Lube finger to be used with soap, ky, something slippery.


3. Insert index finger in butthole until you feel the hard turd.


4. Stab finger as deep into turd as you can.


5. Slowly withdraw finger while at the same time pushing with your gut to draw the turd out.


6. Lightly rinse hands, then sneak up on and place finger beneath friend or loved one's nose.


7. Finish with good scrub.


Works every time.
 
2014-05-15 02:05:41 AM  
On a African safari the guides play a joke on the customers. "Hey pick up a pile of that antelope poop, they move on their own like jumping beans." I said that they are moving only because of the micro tremors in my hand (they are hard pellets and not smelly at all) one other person had a handful and agreed with me (he was a doc, I work in hospital labs and see grossness you can't even imagine) HAHA jokes on you, you have poop in your hands! the guide says.  I still insist that its just the tremors of my hand, me and the doc still analyzing the movement of the poop . HAHA Joke was on the guide (I think).
 
2014-05-15 02:21:35 AM  

wellreadneck: As we speak, they're spraying liquefied pig shiat on the fields surrounding my house, so I'm really getting a kick...


That smell... in Germany, they call it "frisch Landluft" (fresh farm air).
 
2014-05-15 02:33:18 AM  
I guess I'm still figuring out how I'm supposed to be outraged about this.
 
2014-05-15 02:40:27 AM  

RoLleRKoaSTeR: Is das nict ein haufen mist

?

Ja, das ist ein Haufen Mist!
 
2014-05-15 03:27:26 AM  

Snazzy1: djkutch: The day after Thanksgiving every year. It starts with a Bloody Mary or three in the morning. Then, various pale ales and a stout. Red wine with meal. A nap for the intestines to catch up. Then, whiskey or vodka post nap and a second fourth helping of leftovers.

If there was only a way to record that smell. It would smell like America. It would smell like...victory.

Need to work this into a campaign slogan somehow....

Like for Chris Christie


If Chris Christie plops his fat ass down on your toilet, you better get the plunger ready. He BEEFS. He'll drop 5 or 6 forearm-sized logs in there with no flushes in between. Rumor has it that during his 2013 reelection campaign, he used to shiat in the shower and heel it down the drain to save time.
 
2014-05-15 03:42:03 AM  

the_vegetarian_cannibal: Snazzy1: djkutch: The day after Thanksgiving every year. It starts with a Bloody Mary or three in the morning. Then, various pale ales and a stout. Red wine with meal. A nap for the intestines to catch up. Then, whiskey or vodka post nap and a second fourth helping of leftovers.

If there was only a way to record that smell. It would smell like America. It would smell like...victory.

Need to work this into a campaign slogan somehow....

Like for Chris Christie

If Chris Christie plops his fat ass down on your toilet, you better get the plunger ready. He BEEFS. He'll drop 5 or 6 forearm-sized logs in there with no flushes in between. Rumor has it that during his 2013 reelection campaign, he used to shiat in the shower and heel it down the drain to save time.


2 or 3 courics
 
2014-05-15 04:22:27 AM  

neongoats: You ever have a poop so hard and dry that you have to reach a dry thumb up there and pry it loose like overly dry modeling clay? Traumatic.


Eat more prunes.
 
2014-05-15 04:57:09 AM  

Prey4reign: "Five yards man.  And it was only a little bitty piece of shiat.  I mean, it didn't really have no taste, either.  Spongy."

Obscure?


" I AM GODZILLA. YOU. ARE. JAPAN."
 
2014-05-15 05:31:03 AM  
i.ytimg.com

"You forgot your phony dog poo."

"What phony dog poo?"
 
2014-05-15 05:39:11 AM  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VOtsSjPS3g

Most.  Definitely.  Applies.

/Those tomatoes though...
 
2014-05-15 07:50:56 AM  
How did the use of the phrase "human shiat" get past an editor?   Oh, it's a blog post.


Nevermind.
 
2014-05-15 07:59:33 AM  
i266.photobucket.com

That's a lot of sheeeit.....
 
2014-05-15 08:15:15 AM  

Doctor Funkenstein: I don't know whether to laugh or cry or jerk off or order Papa Johns or what. Best of luck to you,Lady Shiatfist.


Why not all of them. You could order Papa Johns, jerk off while you're waiting, cry because you didn't get done before the pizza guy got there, and laugh as you finish off on your rooomate's side of the pizza.

Extra cheese indeed.
 
2014-05-15 08:15:40 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: [i266.photobucket.com image 551x311]

That's a lot of sheeeit.....


imagehost4.online-image-editor.com
 
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