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(Huffington Post)   Welcome to Fark 101. Today's lesson "The Five Steps of Inebriation"   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 40
    More: Amusing, Pickering, moderation, lessons  
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4337 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2014 at 6:09 PM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-14 05:25:39 PM
i.huffpost.com

hey, look - the fark politics tab!
 
2014-05-14 05:48:42 PM
...so they rushed into the room and saw him hunched over a laptop, greenlighting crappy headlines and repeats like crazy.

"Look at Drew!", they laughed, "He's so drunk he thinks he's an Admin."
 
2014-05-14 06:03:31 PM
 
2014-05-14 06:11:39 PM
Stage 3:  BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
 
2014-05-14 06:15:19 PM
One Tequila
Two Tequilas...
 
2014-05-14 06:16:11 PM
Fake
 
2014-05-14 06:19:30 PM
I resemble this man, and I approve of his message.
 
2014-05-14 06:20:35 PM

doglover: It's been done before.


Beaten to the punch again!
 
2014-05-14 06:21:57 PM
I usually get my beer muscles between phase 3 and 4 then wind up like 5.
 
2014-05-14 06:22:40 PM
Amateurs!
 
2014-05-14 06:23:09 PM
static.someecards.com
 
2014-05-14 06:30:56 PM
Who's Ruby?
 
2014-05-14 06:41:32 PM
Step 1.  Monday
Step 2. Tuesday
Step 3. Wednesday
Step 4. Thursday
Step 5. Friday

Bonus Round
Saturday
Sunday

Repeat as necessary.
 
2014-05-14 06:46:49 PM
6, Add Comment
 
2014-05-14 06:51:09 PM
1. Lurker
2. Liter
3. TFer
4. TF Forum
5. Drew
 
2014-05-14 06:58:20 PM
1) beer
2) beer
3) tequila shot someone gave you
4) giant margarita (w/chemical aftertaste) someone gave you
5) bump of some kind of white powder someone gave you
 
2014-05-14 07:04:01 PM
One tequila shot: I'm happy
Two tequila shot: I'm purty
Three tequila shot: Hey! STFU about the Cowboys!
Four tequila shot: I'm an 8ft tall invisible gorilla
Five tequila shot: I'm naked.
 
2014-05-14 07:15:38 PM
1) Warm
2) Buzzed
3) Quiet
4) Time has come to a standstill
5) Gripping the floor to keep the world from spinning away
 
2014-05-14 07:29:46 PM
img.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.net
 
2014-05-14 07:33:10 PM

steklo: [img.fark.net image 850x645]


That's a "penis goes where?" image if I ever saw one.
 
2014-05-14 07:34:23 PM

naughtyrev: steklo: [img.fark.net image 850x645]

That's a "penis goes where?" image if I ever saw one.


Trust me, she knows where it goes.
 
2014-05-14 07:35:04 PM
imageshack.com

1) Scotch, 2) Glasses.
 
2014-05-14 07:36:15 PM
Shot 1) "Ha, ha!"
Shot 2) "Don't get mad, I'm just kidding!"
Shot 3) "Fark you, if you can't take a joke!"
Shot 4) "I don't give a fark how big you are!"
Shot 5) "I tink one of my teef landed where you're standing."
 
2014-05-14 07:39:18 PM
img.fark.netimg.fark.net
 
2014-05-14 07:46:09 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-14 07:46:55 PM

steklo: [img.fark.net image 320x240][img.fark.net image 384x512]


"Yeah, we're having a good time!"

The guy could have been me in the early 70's, except no orange shorts or low blacks.  Plus, I would be repeatedly jumping through a bonfire, while waving a bottle of Mad Dog or Ripple.  The girl looks like she would sober up well.
 
2014-05-14 07:51:10 PM
What's the step where your visual processing drops to 1 frame every 5 seconds?
 
2014-05-14 07:52:09 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-14 07:54:40 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-14 07:57:23 PM
Thous dost thinkest thou art better than me
 
2014-05-14 07:58:31 PM
Steps are for quitters
 
2014-05-14 08:01:29 PM
Step the last. Puke, then inhale it.
 
2014-05-14 08:06:56 PM
It's simple really, If you can still count, your not drunk enough
 
2014-05-14 08:10:01 PM

doglover: It's been done before.


Well Larry Miller was much funnier, but this guy beat him by about 130 years.
 
2014-05-14 08:17:00 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-05-14 08:24:06 PM
five steps?  must be nice to live so close to a bar
 
2014-05-14 09:07:16 PM
It's six o'clock p.m.; I've already had two glasses of some fine, locally brewed beer, and smoked a bowl of some fine, locally grown ganja.

I don't thnik I need any help.
 
2014-05-14 10:05:47 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-15 11:36:55 AM
I'm having trouble getting past level 3 in this game.
 
2014-05-15 03:28:36 PM
The only guide to inebreation that you will ever need.

Larry Miller's Five Stages of Drinking (much better as preformed by Mr. Miller)


LEVEL 1:
It's 11.00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."

LEVEL 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool."

LEVEL 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (Like, "Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking, "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep ... and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool."

LEVEL 4:
Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf. This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar ...just because you don't like his face. And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best-looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an ... after-hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well ... as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well ... STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ...cool.

LEVEL 5:
Five in the morning. After unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as ... that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!" and passes out. You crawl outside for air, and then you hit the worst part of level five ~~ the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you, and they know. And they say, "Who's Ruby?"

Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "......and this time, I mean it!"
 
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