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(ABC 27)   Behold the Holy Traffic Cone. You cannot touch the Holy Traffic Cone. Leave Holy Traffic Cone alone   ( ) divider line 12
    More: Amusing, caretaker government, Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra, Kyoto University, traffic cone  
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7960 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2014 at 11:30 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2014-05-14 02:30:01 PM  
3 votes:
I can understand wanting to beat people for molesting traffic cones. I used to do a lot of drive-thru work (installing the speaker boxes, cutting sensor loops into the concrete, installing timers). And I'd need to close the lane to do some work. Usualy it was enough to put up 5 tall traffic cones across the entrance to the lane. But there was always that one person who thought that the cones were the only thing standing between them and a fresh cow-burger (*walk* inside? What madness is this?).

Once I had cones up across the lane (a closed lane so you can't just drive in at any old point). The speaker box was on the ground (had yet to be installed) and I had the concrete saw going as I was cutting into the concrete to lay the sensor wire. Then I hear this noise behind me. I turn off the (rather loud) saw, and I hear a woman laying on the horn. I turn around and there is a car 4 inches from me. I look over to see my mangled cones and then just stare at the woman who is still blowing the Goddamn horn. I yell "WHAT? WHAT THE fark IS IT THAT YOU WANT?" She yells back, "I am trying to order! Get out of the damn way!". I move my saw off the pathway, step onto the curb and she drives up to where the menu is...then looks confused. I ask "Yeah? Now what?" She says (pointing at the speaker box on the ground with disconnected wires poking out the bottom) "Is that think working?" '' " am I supposed to order?" 'Yeah...about that. Did you see the cones across the entrence?' "yes." 'Then why did you drive over them?' "I thought someone put them there as a joke" 'Uh-huh. Now upon further analysis, such as seeing me cutting the concrete up and seeing this speaker box on the ground, have you arrived at any new conclusions?' "The drive thru isn't working?" 'Yes! Good job! You can figure shiat out!' "You don't need to be mean about it" 'Well you didn't need to mangle my cones, so I guess that makes us even.'

Another time I had cones up, and I was inside doing the final touches and had a headset on. All of a sudden *bing!* Bing? What the fark, bing? I go outside and this huge woman in a little car is yelling at the speaker. One of my cones is all jammed up in her wheel well. "Hey! Didn't you see the farking cones??" 'What cones?' I reach into the well and pull my jacked-up cone out and shake it at her. "This farking cone right here!". 'No, I didn't see the cones.' "How the holy hell could you not? They are almost 3 feet tall. And bright orange. With reflective stripes....and there are 5 of them!" 'Well...I didn't see them.' "Well maybe if you weren't in such a hurry to funnel fast food into your fat face you might have". She gives me a shocked look and drives off.

I've also tried using the cardboard board box the speaker box came in. It was a display screen box, so it was pretty big. Laid across the entrance it was about 6 feet long, 2.5 feet tall and 2.5 feet wide. So I watched as a guy gets out of his car, moves the box and drives on through. So I grab a thick-tip sharpie and write "Drive Thru Closed" in big block letters. The very next car drives up. Stops. Reads the sign. And then farking proceeds to drive over the box, comes up to me where I still have the speaker box on the ground and says "Do I just order with you?" I just look at him for a second and then go inside to take a break without a word.
2014-05-14 11:39:32 AM  
3 votes:
2014-05-14 11:37:35 AM  
2 votes:
...And Saint   raised the up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the and and and and and, and and large chu... [At this point, the friar is urged by Brother Maynard to "skip a bit, brother"]... And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
2014-05-14 03:33:27 PM  
1 vote:

WelldeadLink: How does one identify whether it's a Holy Traffic Cone or merely an official traffic cone?

Simple, you try to move it. If you experience great bodily harm in the next few minutes then it's a Holy Traffic Cone.
2014-05-14 12:50:48 PM  
1 vote:
WAY old Skool Fark...
2014-05-14 11:49:31 AM  
1 vote:
Kneel before me, mortals!
2014-05-14 11:44:58 AM  
1 vote:
2014-05-14 11:38:28 AM  
1 vote:
2014-05-14 11:35:52 AM  
1 vote:
Do not taunt Holy Traffic Cone?
2014-05-14 11:34:38 AM  
1 vote:
How about a holy bartender?
2014-05-14 11:34:06 AM  
1 vote:
God help them if they discover the Orange Barrel.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-05-14 10:14:51 AM  
1 vote:
Is it OK to molest a traffic cone if I return it to the same place after I finish?
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