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(Daily Mail)   Media critic doesn't want to be married anymore so he files for divorce. Neglects to tell his soon to be ex-wife who finds out during a interview. 'Well, this is the first time I've heard of it'   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 81
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9080 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2014 at 2:07 PM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-14 05:07:01 PM

Some 'Splainin' To Do: So, yes, I can imagine cases where cheating might be ethically justified, but let's not pretend that those are anything but unusual cases. In general, and as a great rule of thumb, cheating isn't justified.


All that's well-taken.  You're correct, and I'm not trying to justify adultery.  My issue is the vitriolic, holier-than-thou, rush-to-judgment that adultery usually receives.  It's a topic in which few behave or argue rationally.
 
2014-05-14 05:07:28 PM

Gunboat: xtech: yeah shes not a money grubber. no sir she's not.

Yeah, that's the problem with being a media critic, all the hot chicks coming after you for the big money that critics make.


sure as hell wasnt for his looks.

but please explain why she went for his plug ugly ass.
 
2014-05-14 05:09:45 PM
Judging by the pictures, I'm sure it was a tough decision for him.
 
2014-05-14 05:13:47 PM

Johnsnownw: Judging by the pictures, I'm sure it was a tough decision for him.


this cannot be said enough. wow.. just wow... 

why? if he can get a cute girl like that, why would he marry THAT?
 
2014-05-14 05:14:03 PM

xtech: but please explain why she went for his plug ugly ass


Same reason this happened:

/wait.  Are you telling me the sitcom Just Shoot Me isn't real?
 
2014-05-14 05:15:09 PM

Gunboat: xtech: but please explain why she went for his plug ugly ass

Same reason this happened:

/wait.  Are you telling me the sitcom Just Shoot Me isn't real?


Goddammit.  Here's the pic:

img.fark.net
 
2014-05-14 05:24:25 PM

TheAlgebraist: Yeah, guys, it's all so simple.  They're not selfish for making an oath to be faithful, and then breaking that oath in secret for their own gratification, while continuing to live a lie with their spouse....you're selfish for thinking people should have a shred of human decency or personal responsibility.
Get with the program, idiots.


Ok, I'll be that guy--girl, in this case. I was in a very abusive marriage, and I cheated on my husband. I was so whipped that I couldn't even figure out how leave him--I was afraid, I was clinically depressed, we had a little kid, he did all the usual things that abusers do--I had no money, he'd convinced me that I was worthless, that if I left I could go "with the clothes on my back, because that's all you're getting."

So one day I met someone else. He was no freaking catch either, but a lot better than my husband. I thought about it a lot, knowing that if I slept with him, my marriage was over. I don't cheat, for all those good reasons. After a month or so of hanging out with this guy, I says to myself, "You know, maybe my marriage should be over." Once I'd actually dared to think about it, all that was left was to make it happen. We had a short affair, and about a month later, I left my husband. Took nothing, walked out the door and moved into an apartment. I told my husband that I did not love him, I was having an affair, and I wanted a divorce. The shiatstorm that followed was epic, all mostly based on the fact that "I was a cheater!" My ex stalked me for years, after telling me that he didn't give a shiat whether I left or not, he was just about to file anyway. He started a custody battle that kept me in court for 12 years and ruined our son's entire childhood.

The boyfriend lasted for four years, pretty decent guy overall, but not a keeper. You know the best part? I found out a few years later that my husband had had a boyfriend the entire time we were married--he'd known him before me, and he kept him after me. Someone finally told me.

My boyfriend gave me the nerve to get out of that relationship, and I thank whoever that he came along, no matter how sleazy it may have seemed to everyone else. He was a better man than my ex ever thought of being.

So no, you don't always know the whole story. I never cheated on my men before, and I never---well, actually there haven't been too many "after." If I had a man who cheated on me, I'd just let him go. It is is quite literally not my affair. I have enough self-esteem now to cut my losses, not wail and cry and talk about what horrible people they must be. After all, like I've heard around here 1000 times, "you picked them."
 
2014-05-14 05:28:36 PM

cryinoutloud: TheAlgebraist: Yeah, guys, it's all so simple.  They're not selfish for making an oath to be faithful, and then breaking that oath in secret for their own gratification, while continuing to live a lie with their spouse....you're selfish for thinking people should have a shred of human decency or personal responsibility.
Get with the program, idiots.

Ok, I'll be that guy--girl, in this case. I was in a very abusive marriage, and I cheated on my husband. I was so whipped that I couldn't even figure out how leave him--I was afraid, I was clinically depressed, we had a little kid, he did all the usual things that abusers do--I had no money, he'd convinced me that I was worthless, that if I left I could go "with the clothes on my back, because that's all you're getting."

So one day I met someone else. He was no freaking catch either, but a lot better than my husband. I thought about it a lot, knowing that if I slept with him, my marriage was over. I don't cheat, for all those good reasons. After a month or so of hanging out with this guy, I says to myself, "You know, maybe my marriage should be over." Once I'd actually dared to think about it, all that was left was to make it happen. We had a short affair, and about a month later, I left my husband. Took nothing, walked out the door and moved into an apartment. I told my husband that I did not love him, I was having an affair, and I wanted a divorce. The shiatstorm that followed was epic, all mostly based on the fact that "I was a cheater!" My ex stalked me for years, after telling me that he didn't give a shiat whether I left or not, he was just about to file anyway. He started a custody battle that kept me in court for 12 years and ruined our son's entire childhood.

The boyfriend lasted for four years, pretty decent guy overall, but not a keeper. You know the best part? I found out a few years later that my husband had had a boyfriend the entire time we were married--he'd known him before me, and ...


how my wife and i met was similar in that she cheated on the guy she was dating. she wouldnt leave the dickbag who preferred to spend money on strip clubs and porn (seriously, who spends money on porn?) and would barely sleep with her.

so we met, i convinced her that it wasnt worth it. we boned. she left him. 

14 years later (this july), still married. how my ugly ass ended up with her is a big mystery to me, but ill take it and wouldnt have it any other way.
 
2014-05-14 05:35:01 PM

Gunboat: xtech: yeah shes not a money grubber. no sir she's not.

Yeah, that's the problem with being a media critic, all the hot chicks coming after you for the big money that critics make.


Considering that everything in those pictures of her screams upper crust NYC-style wealth, either he's extremely rich or she is.  Given the chasm in the age and the looks department, which one do you think it is?
 
2014-05-14 05:41:16 PM

cryinoutloud: TheAlgebraist: Yeah, guys, it's all so simple.  They're not selfish for making an oath to be faithful, and then breaking that oath in secret for their own gratification, while continuing to live a lie with their spouse....you're selfish for thinking people should have a shred of human decency or personal responsibility.
Get with the program, idiots.

Ok, I'll be that guy--girl, in this case. I was in a very abusive marriage, and I cheated on my husband. I was so whipped that I couldn't even figure out how leave him--I was afraid, I was clinically depressed, we had a little kid, he did all the usual things that abusers do--I had no money, he'd convinced me that I was worthless, that if I left I could go "with the clothes on my back, because that's all you're getting."


Look, that's a very sad story, but it doesn't have a thing to do with the case here, unless you think that this guy's wife had trapped him into an abusive spiral of 'having a successful movie critic career'.  Doubly so because you told your husband shortly after the affair started, rather than carrying on in secret for your own benefit until it finally leaked out.

I don't have the stats, but I suspect that the vast majority of infidelity stems not from an attempt to escape abuse, but just from some coward who wants to have their cake and eat it too.
 
2014-05-14 05:46:14 PM

Gunboat: untaken_name: Gunboat: I'm trying to tell you that you don't know. I don't know. Neither. Of. Us. Have. Any. Idea.

We know that he had an affair because it's a matter of record. We don't know what caused the affair, but we do know that he had one. It's a conscious decision, not something that happens by accident. It's like saying that we don't know the circumstances of someone's pedophilia. Whether pedophilia or having an affair is wrong is a matter of personal interpretation, but the fact of it occurring is not.

Jesus.  You're equating pedophilia with a man having an affair with an attractive 28 year-old woman?  Up it a step and see if you can work in a Nazi analogy, too.


They're both types of love forbidden by society and defended by their perpetrators. Not sure why you're so mad.
 
2014-05-14 05:52:19 PM

Gunboat: NuttierThanEver: Or are you really trying to tell me that young blonde is with that arrogant toad out of true love?

I'm trying to tell you that you don't know.  I don't know.  Neither. Of. Us. Have. Any. Idea.


Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt you defending adultery and everything, but the pronoun "neither" is singular. You should have written "Neither. Of. Us. Has. Any. Idea."

Okay, back to your seventh commandment mayhem.
 
2014-05-14 05:53:02 PM
Looks to me like she was in it for the money. 'Cause it couldn't haven't been the limp pickle old man sex ..
 
2014-05-14 06:05:34 PM

untaken_name: They're both types of love forbidden by society and defended by their perpetrators. Not sure why you're so mad.


Because pedophilia is not between two consenting adults. It harms the child.  The child lacks the capacity to give knowing consent.  It's not a "forbidden love," it's one creature dominating and controlling another.  To compare pedophilia and adultery is absurd.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy
 
2014-05-14 06:08:25 PM

Starshines: Considering that everything in those pictures of her screams upper crust NYC-style wealth, either he's extremely rich or she is.  Given the chasm in the age and the looks department, which one do you think it is?


Look here.  You are seriously farking with my fantasy.  Can't an impossibly hot woman want to be a dumpy, ugly bald guy?  Is that so unlikely?  Please!  Give a man some hope.

cdn.sheknows.com
 
2014-05-14 06:08:29 PM

xtech: cryinoutloud: TheAlgebraist: Yeah, guys, it's all so simple.  They're not selfish for making an oath to be faithful, and then breaking that oath in secret for their own gratification, while continuing to live a lie with their spouse....you're selfish for thinking people should have a shred of human decency or personal responsibility.
Get with the program, idiots.

Ok, I'll be that guy--girl, in this case. I was in a very abusive marriage, and I cheated on my husband. I was so whipped that I couldn't even figure out how leave him--I was afraid, I was clinically depressed, we had a little kid, he did all the usual things that abusers do--I had no money, he'd convinced me that I was worthless, that if I left I could go "with the clothes on my back, because that's all you're getting."

So one day I met someone else. He was no freaking catch either, but a lot better than my husband. I thought about it a lot, knowing that if I slept with him, my marriage was over. I don't cheat, for all those good reasons. After a month or so of hanging out with this guy, I says to myself, "You know, maybe my marriage should be over." Once I'd actually dared to think about it, all that was left was to make it happen. We had a short affair, and about a month later, I left my husband. Took nothing, walked out the door and moved into an apartment. I told my husband that I did not love him, I was having an affair, and I wanted a divorce. The shiatstorm that followed was epic, all mostly based on the fact that "I was a cheater!" My ex stalked me for years, after telling me that he didn't give a shiat whether I left or not, he was just about to file anyway. He started a custody battle that kept me in court for 12 years and ruined our son's entire childhood.

The boyfriend lasted for four years, pretty decent guy overall, but not a keeper. You know the best part? I found out a few years later that my husband had had a boyfriend the entire time we were married--he'd known him before me, and ...

...


Sometimes the rebound goes right back into the hoop.
 
2014-05-14 06:09:54 PM
Gunboat:  Look here.  You are seriously farking with my fantasy.  Can't an impossibly hot woman want to be with a dumpy, ugly bald guy?  Is that so unlikely?  Please!  Give a man some hope.

FTFM
 
2014-05-14 07:54:44 PM

TheAlgebraist: Look, that's a very sad story, but it doesn't have a thing to do with the case here, unless you think that this guy's wife had trapped him into an abusive spiral of 'having a successful movie critic career'.  Doubly so because you told your husband shortly after the affair started, rather than carrying on in secret for your own benefit until it finally leaked out.


I don't want your pity, dude. I survived. Your Boobies was clearly about how ALL cheaters were blah blah blah and "idiots." Like a lot of others said, life is not black and white. I had a friend once who told me, "Oh yeah, I cheated on Frank. We were having a rough time, I had a fling with a guy at work, things got better, and I never told him." They'd been married for over 20 years and are still married today. I really didn't know what to say about her story, but it's her life and her marriage.

The only rule I have for my man is that if you're going to have a "fling," for godsake, don't tell me about it, and then want to stay together. If you want to leave, then leave. I still don't need to know about your affairs and your justifications. Like my mother used to say, "There's nothing deader than a dead romance."
 
2014-05-14 08:03:29 PM

Clemkadidlefark: Looks to me like she was in it for the money. 'Cause it couldn't haven't been the limp pickle old man sex ..


Well considering viagra exists now, I'd say the mistress well deserves every single penny she can get for having to regularly service that old man's not so limp pickle.
 
2014-05-14 09:22:53 PM

Gunboat: untaken_name: They're both types of love forbidden by society and defended by their perpetrators. Not sure why you're so mad.

Because pedophilia is not between two consenting adults. It harms the child.  The child lacks the capacity to give knowing consent.  It's not a "forbidden love," it's one creature dominating and controlling another.  To compare pedophilia and adultery is absurd.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy


And the other spouse in the marriage is likewise exposed to harm without consent, and is being controlled by their partner. Still not seeing your problem. Are you an adulterer? Is that why you are defending them so vigorously?
 
2014-05-14 09:41:16 PM

untaken_name: Gunboat: untaken_name: They're both types of love forbidden by society and defended by their perpetrators. Not sure why you're so mad.

Because pedophilia is not between two consenting adults. It harms the child.  The child lacks the capacity to give knowing consent.  It's not a "forbidden love," it's one creature dominating and controlling another.  To compare pedophilia and adultery is absurd.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy

And the other spouse in the marriage is likewise exposed to harm without consent, and is being controlled by their partner. Still not seeing your problem. Are you an adulterer? Is that why you are defending them so vigorously?


Having been called out in the association fallacy, you're now using the ad hominem.

Keep it classy, untaken.
 
2014-05-14 10:01:38 PM
I found out I was getting a divorce at our daughter's parent/teacher conference. The teacher brought it up, obviously not realizing that I hadn't been told yet. I was so stunned that I didn't react at all.
 
2014-05-14 10:21:52 PM

Gunboat: untaken_name: Gunboat: untaken_name: They're both types of love forbidden by society and defended by their perpetrators. Not sure why you're so mad.

Because pedophilia is not between two consenting adults. It harms the child.  The child lacks the capacity to give knowing consent.  It's not a "forbidden love," it's one creature dominating and controlling another.  To compare pedophilia and adultery is absurd.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy

And the other spouse in the marriage is likewise exposed to harm without consent, and is being controlled by their partner. Still not seeing your problem. Are you an adulterer? Is that why you are defending them so vigorously?

Having been called out in the association fallacy, you're now using the ad hominem.

Keep it classy, untaken.


Yes, I'm sure the many people who've ended up with STDs because of cheating spouses feel like adultery's juuuuust fine, like you do. Hope it happens to you repeatedly, guy. Oh, and I never claimed to be classy - but at least I'm no hypocrite. I mean, implying that 1. I'm not "classy", and 2. there's something wrong with not being "classy" in the same post you accuse me of an ad hominem attack. I wasn't using ad hominem, btw. I didn't claim that your argument was invalid because you're a disgusting adulterer. I was just wondering if that was why you made the argument in the first place. (confirmed) Your argument is invalid for the other reasons I posted, such as the lack of consent of the spouse who's not cheating and the harm it does, and the controlling nature of having an affair while pretending to be committed to vows that you made. The fact that you're also a disgusting adulterer has nothing to do with it.
 
2014-05-14 10:30:09 PM

untaken_name: Gunboat: untaken_name: Gunboat: untaken_name: They're both types of love forbidden by society and defended by their perpetrators. Not sure why you're so mad.

Because pedophilia is not between two consenting adults. It harms the child.  The child lacks the capacity to give knowing consent.  It's not a "forbidden love," it's one creature dominating and controlling another.  To compare pedophilia and adultery is absurd.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy

And the other spouse in the marriage is likewise exposed to harm without consent, and is being controlled by their partner. Still not seeing your problem. Are you an adulterer? Is that why you are defending them so vigorously?

Having been called out in the association fallacy, you're now using the ad hominem.

Keep it classy, untaken.

Yes, I'm sure the many people who've ended up with STDs because of cheating spouses feel like adultery's juuuuust fine, like you do. Hope it happens to you repeatedly, guy. Oh, and I never claimed to be classy - but at least I'm no hypocrite. I mean, implying that 1. I'm not "classy", and 2. there's something wrong with not being "classy" in the same post you accuse me of an ad hominem attack. I wasn't using ad hominem, btw. I didn't claim that your argument was invalid because you're a disgusting adulterer. I was just wondering if that was why you made the argument in the first place. (confirmed) Your argument is invalid for the other reasons I posted, such as the lack of consent of the spouse who's not cheating and the harm it does, and the controlling nature of having an affair while pretending to be committed to vows that you made. The fact that you're also a disgusting adulterer has nothing to do with it.


Nothing personal against Gunboat (I don't judge adulterers nor do I judge pedophiles), but that was one of the most cogent argumentative retorts I've ever seen on Fark.
 
2014-05-14 10:44:38 PM
Why be separated for 5 years? Just move on already.
An affair is a code word for a nonconsentual, one way open marriage.

It means you want to bang whoever you want while restricting your spouse's ability to do the same.

Leave the marriage or give them the opportunity to do so if they don't want to open the marriage.

But at least they should provide informed consent.
 
2014-05-15 12:07:51 AM

untaken_name: Yes, I'm sure the many people who've ended up with STDs because of cheating spouses feel like adultery's juuuuust fine, like you do. Hope it happens to you repeatedly, guy. Oh, and I never claimed to be classy - but at least I'm no hypocrite. I mean, implying that 1. I'm not "classy", and 2. there's something wrong with not being "classy" in the same post you accuse me of an ad hominem attack. I wasn't using ad hominem, btw. I didn't claim that your argument was invalid because you're a disgusting adulterer. I was just wondering if that was why you made the argument in the first place. (confirmed) Your argument is invalid for the other reasons I posted, such as the lack of consent of the spouse who's not cheating and the harm it does, and the controlling nature of having an affair while pretending to be committed to vows that you made. The fact that you're also a disgusting adulterer has nothing to do with it.


The fact of the matter is that you're not classy; your posts prove it.  You didn't like the position that I took in earlier posts (i.e., that a person who's a one-time adulterer shouldn't automatically get the scorn and contempt of all).  You then made bizarre and absurd comparisons (adulterers to pedophiles); when I called you out on it, you launched into an ad hominem attack against me; when I called you out on that, you launch into a hateful, vitriolic screed filled with completely baseless assumptions about me.  And then, for the coup de grace, you gratuitously wish me pain.

It is clear, that like many of the posters on this thread, you cannot discuss the topic rationally --- you have too much emotion about the topic.  If I had to guess, it's probably because you've had a partner that cheated on you, and you're now consumed with hate because of it.

And as I reflect on the bizarre, hateful, and unfounded nature of your posts, I think, "Hmmm.  No wonder her partner betrayed her and sought comfort elsewhere.  She probably drove him to it."

Respond if you want, but I'm putting you on ignore.
 
2014-05-15 10:16:22 AM

Gunboat: untaken_name: Yes, I'm sure the many people who've ended up with STDs because of cheating spouses feel like adultery's juuuuust fine, like you do. Hope it happens to you repeatedly, guy. Oh, and I never claimed to be classy - but at least I'm no hypocrite. I mean, implying that 1. I'm not "classy", and 2. there's something wrong with not being "classy" in the same post you accuse me of an ad hominem attack. I wasn't using ad hominem, btw. I didn't claim that your argument was invalid because you're a disgusting adulterer. I was just wondering if that was why you made the argument in the first place. (confirmed) Your argument is invalid for the other reasons I posted, such as the lack of consent of the spouse who's not cheating and the harm it does, and the controlling nature of having an affair while pretending to be committed to vows that you made. The fact that you're also a disgusting adulterer has nothing to do with it.

The fact of the matter is that you're not classy; your posts prove it.  You didn't like the position that I took in earlier posts (i.e., that a person who's a one-time adulterer shouldn't automatically get the scorn and contempt of all).  You then made bizarre and absurd comparisons (adulterers to pedophiles); when I called you out on it, you launched into an ad hominem attack against me; when I called you out on that, you launch into a hateful, vitriolic screed filled with completely baseless assumptions about me.  And then, for the coup de grace, you gratuitously wish me pain.

It is clear, that like many of the posters on this thread, you cannot discuss the topic rationally --- you have too much emotion about the topic.  If I had to guess, it's probably because you've had a partner that cheated on you, and you're now consumed with hate because of it.

And as I reflect on the bizarre, hateful, and unfounded nature of your posts, I think, "Hmmm.  No wonder her partner betrayed her and sought comfort elsewhere.  She probably drove him to it."

R ...


Ignoring what you don't even try to refute. Yes, putting your hands over your ears and yelling "la la la I can't hear you" when someone biatchslaps your argument is the epitome of class. You have yet to excuse the transmission of STDs by cheating partners. I expect I'll be waiting quite a long time for you to do so. I also note that while you claim to be offended by personal attacks, you engage in them quite quickly, and I will also note that I did not, again, engage in the fallacy you accused me of, while you in fact provided a textbook example of it, in two different posts where you "called me out" (falsely) for using it. Irony, stupidity, or troll - we can't tell the difference from here. Also, I didn't "gratuitously" wish you pain, you moron. I simply wish you to experience the consequences of the thing YOU claim people should not be judged for doing. If it's so normal and acceptable, why don't you want to have the inevitable consequences of it visited upon you? Is there something WRONG with getting an STD from a lying partner, or something?
 
2014-05-15 11:23:29 AM

Gentoolive: Wasilla Hillbilly: I've been married 20 years now, but have not seen my 'wife' in over 12 of those years. I found the recipe for a successful marriage.

Killed her?


and I can still hear her complain.
 
2014-05-15 04:44:13 PM
I'm going to go out on a limb and go onto Gunboat's side on this one.  Not so much to condone what the guy is doing in this case, but to offer some thoughts on the wife.

Let's say, for a minute, that the wife really doesn't believe she heard of this.  That's fine, but after nearly five years of separation while the husband went on with his affair, you can't say you didn't see it coming.  Which leads me to wonder about the soon-to-be-ex in general.  What kind of denial does she have going on to be surprised by this? Maybe she's just that kind of person that's so oblivious to opinions that aren't her own that she didn't WANT to see it coming.  Maybe, and I admit the current picture doesn't lend me a hand in this matter, at one point SHE was a gold-digger.  I mean, it is possible that back when they were first married she looked better, was more manipulative, and so on.  The manipulative part would make sense in this scenario; it's possible he wised up to her and that's why he moved on.

All I'm saying is, people don't have to look the part to be what you think they should be.  And I don't even have to be right, for all I know.  But this is five years out now.  If this marriage hasn't been fixed by now, it's not going to be, ever.  Is it really cheating, in the non-legally-binding-sense, if it's obvious to the other 7 billion people on the planet that the marriage been over for years?
 
2014-05-15 06:32:58 PM

FriarReb98: Is it really cheating, in the non-legally-binding-sense, if it's obvious to the other 7 billion people on the planet that the marriage been over for years?


Yes, because there's a quite common and simple mechanism for ending a marriage. If there weren't, if this were the early 1900s and divorce was almost impossible to obtain, maybe. In this day and age? No way.
 
2014-05-15 09:09:19 PM

untaken_name: FriarReb98: Is it really cheating, in the non-legally-binding-sense, if it's obvious to the other 7 billion people on the planet that the marriage been over for years?

Yes, because there's a quite common and simple mechanism for ending a marriage. If there weren't, if this were the early 1900s and divorce was almost impossible to obtain, maybe. In this day and age? No way.


True.  But my point is, what if the reason they haven't divorced is she won't because *she* didn't say so first?  It's all hypothetical, I know, but still.

\trust me, I understand
\\my grandfather had his mistress and his faux wife listed in his obituary...but not my grandmother, whom he never legally divorced
 
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