If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Broward/Palm Beach New Times)   Applebee's has officially created the worst social media app EVER   (blogs.browardpalmbeach.com) divider line 72
    More: Fail, Applebee's, mobile apps  
•       •       •

11426 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 May 2014 at 6:39 PM (10 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-05-13 04:23:03 PM
As an avid Applebee's fan, I have been looking for a way to meet like minded people at my local bees.

Not sure if

4.bp.blogspot.com

or

bbsimg.ngfiles.com
 
2014-05-13 04:28:55 PM
Wow.  Looks like they took that one guy on Facebook a little too seriously as a bellwether for the social media universe at large.

I can't help but hope it becomes the shiatty restaurant version of YikYak.  Bullying and all.
 
2014-05-13 04:51:35 PM
It's you and three hundred bots programmed to parrot the local establishment's specials.

/Of course they need complete access to your phone in order to do this.
 
2014-05-13 05:07:41 PM
So you're telling me I can message total strangers from the comfort of my own table and tell them about how much I enjoy watching them gobble up those cheese sticks?
 
2014-05-13 05:17:46 PM
So..it's like the food?
 
2014-05-13 05:20:01 PM
I can message other applebees customers annonymously... hmm.. how about:
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want.  But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let your daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. "

/changed my to your.
 
2014-05-13 05:20:21 PM
Does it only let you talk to people in your restaurant, or can you talk to people from all over the world? Because that would kinda cool.

/still not eating at Applebees
//I'm more of a Chili's kinda of guy
 
2014-05-13 05:48:55 PM

what_now: So..it's like the food?


At least you can still eat the food after you leave the restaurant.
 
2014-05-13 06:03:29 PM
Does DineEquity really have the kind of warchest that would be required to go up against Facebook? This seems like a wildly stupid name for an even stupider app.
 
2014-05-13 06:42:25 PM
God damn does Applebee's have the worst food/service/atmosphere combination of any restaurant chain in the US. It's just the worst.
 
2014-05-13 06:44:53 PM
wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net
 
2014-05-13 06:45:07 PM
Ew...
Calling it 'Bees is the douchiest thing I've heard all day.
 
2014-05-13 06:45:08 PM
I ate at Applebee's once. Once.
 
2014-05-13 06:45:15 PM
Hahahahahaha:

As an avid Applebee's fan, I have been looking for a way to meet like minded people at my local bees. It's ease of use and ability to connect with people that care about nothing else than the glorious establishment, Applebee's, are all I've ever looked for in an app. I'm always looking for someone to share a 2 for $20 deal! So hop on the app when you are over at the bees and lets get an appetizer sampler and enjoy the atmosphere of our neighborhood bar and grill!

That has the smell of professional copywriter all over it. Good luck with that viral marketing, fellas.
 
2014-05-13 06:46:10 PM
Guys, seriously? Nobody is holding you hostage till you install the app on your phone.

/ but, if they are, type the word series "Hoochie Mama" in your post and we'll send help
 
2014-05-13 06:46:31 PM
They should just license the app to some cheesy stalker-slasher/Lifetime movie production because that's the only way this story is going to end.

"I see mother wasn't the only one who enjoyed Chicken Freshcado."

"She always did have a whore's appetite."
 
2014-05-13 06:47:53 PM
Were they not alienating enough people by adding tips to the checks after the fact?
 
2014-05-13 06:47:58 PM

naughtyrev: So you're telling me I can message total strangers from the comfort of my own table and tell them about how much I enjoy watching them gobble up those cheese sticks?


Sort of. The app actually emails every person in your address book and tells them how much they would enjoy eating the cheese sticks.

Best part?  Forever!
 
2014-05-13 06:48:04 PM
Applebee's Corporate Marketing Retreat Brainstorming Session Ideas:

1. Applebee's in-house social media app that let's customers inter-text
2. /got nothing
 
2014-05-13 06:48:54 PM
I will give them high marks for raw creativity. But not all ideas are good ones.
 
2014-05-13 06:51:10 PM
"Olive Grindr"

I laughed.
 
2014-05-13 06:51:27 PM
Blandr?

FatAdultFriendFinder?

OKStupid?

Plenty of Frozen Pre-battered Fish?
 
2014-05-13 06:52:10 PM
Kinda like the phones on the tables at swingers bars.
 
2014-05-13 06:53:16 PM
Can we push flair?
 
2014-05-13 06:53:36 PM
How could an idea like this get pitched at a board meeting and thought to be a good move for the company?
 
2014-05-13 06:53:58 PM

iheartscotch: Guys, seriously? Nobody is holding you hostage till you install the app on your phone.

/ but, if they are, type the word series "Hoochie Mama" in your post and we'll send help


This might get me into an Applebee's. I have a friend who works there. Combined with this app, it just might be enough.
 
2014-05-13 06:54:33 PM
Here's my app., available free in every home town:

Call a friend or relative.
Go to eat in a locally owned establishment.
Leave the phone at home or at least turn it off if that causes anxiety.
Talk about things.
Repeat frequently.

Bees, puhleeze.
 
2014-05-13 06:55:41 PM
The only possible way this could come in handy would be for some form of passive aggressive message delivery:

"To the douche at the bar wearing a NJ Jets jersery who insists on standing on his bar stool every 5 seconds:

Sit the fark down. You are blocking the game."

Or maybe as a method of starting dinner theater:

"To the lady in the red top who just returned from the restroom: I don't want to alarm you but while you were away I saw your date drop two pills of some unknown substance into your drink. Be careful."
 
2014-05-13 06:55:44 PM
Is this the thread where I'm supposed to feel bad for being an "elitist" and mocking the type of people who eat at Applebees?

/Would sooner be labeled an elitist than eat shiatty overpriced food out of a plastic basket with people who think paprika is an "exotic" spice.
 
2014-05-13 06:57:23 PM
Laugh and snark all you want, but this has to be some 'bees IT guy who's trolling corporate and seeing how far he can go with this gag.

Doesn't it?
 
2014-05-13 06:57:49 PM
DanZero: "As an avid Applebee's fan, I have been looking for a way to meet like minded people at my local bees."

Not sure if

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 633x613]



That. But without the tears. He has no clue as to the nature of his own loneliness.

/Actually, probably an intern at Applebee's who went home and stuck a gun in their mouth after their boss made them write it..
 
2014-05-13 07:00:29 PM
Wanting to meet like minded people? Stalking works, is up close and personal. Shame the knives there have rounded tips. Not so good for stabbing.
 
2014-05-13 07:00:53 PM
If you're looking for a Chili's gift card......

http://textastrophe.com/post/73220323215/the-chilis-gift-card
 
2014-05-13 07:06:44 PM
That "rave review" they offer as an example is a PR flack. Either working for Applebee's marketing dept. or for their ad agency.

The only reason most people would find this app useful is for the purposes that xxmedium describes.
 
2014-05-13 07:07:37 PM

Mad_Radhu: [wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net image 585x900]


Zdarsky using the app would be juuuust enough justification for it to exist for me.
 
2014-05-13 07:08:17 PM

f150: How could an idea like this get pitched at a board meeting and thought to be a good move for the company?


Boss: We need to grow with the millennial demographic. What do young people like?
Social media guru: Well, they're pretty down with social media.
Boss: I've heard that. Well, you know, Steve, but I'm a business guy. We obviously need to get some social media. I mean it seems like that's what's up in business.
SMG: I think that's a great idea. I mean, that's why you hired me, right? LOL!
Boss: What? Don't start with that text speak. I need my grandkids to explain all that stuff to me. Anyway, my wife and kids seem to like Facebook a lot. Is there some way we could make something exactly like Facebook?
SMG: Sure, boss.
Boss: I saw that movie "The Social Network" and I figured out that the real secret to being successful on social media is exclusivity. Let's make some kind of app... that can only be used in the restaurant.
SMG: Wow boss. You should have my job.
Boss: It really is awesome being so connected on social media. Isn't it awesome being part of such a forward-thinking company?
SMG: I sure think so. I'll need a hundred grand to hire the development team.

/like that
 
2014-05-13 07:12:43 PM
Send out something like, "OMG look what they just put on that girl's shirt!" then watch every single girl in the place freak the fark out.

/yeah, this won't last
 
2014-05-13 07:15:21 PM
Alternatively:

Boss: Steve, I want to make our own Facebook.
SMG: Boss, I'm not sure that's the best idea. I mean, the company already has a Facebook page.
Boss: I feel like I'm really onto something here. I just saw this movie last night, "The Social Network." The whole reason that Facebook is so successful is because it started at Harvard and they only let Harvard students in.
SMG: That's because it was Harvard.
Boss: What if we had this app, and only people in the restaurant could use it? Then more people would come to the restaurant because they want an exclusive experience. Especially kids. People under 30 are all about Facebook, right?
SMG: Not really. Actually it's where your mom goes to post cat pictures. If you really want to attract young people--
Boss: Make our own Facebook, Steve.
SMG: Yes, sir. I'll need a hundred grand to hire the development team.
 
2014-05-13 07:19:52 PM
Hoochie Mama
 
2014-05-13 07:22:13 PM
or..

Boss:  ok everyone  need a social networking idea
Tech1: we already have twitter and a facebook page
Boss: thats not enough!  We need something impressive.. next wave!
Tech2: I dont know..  how about a chat app?
Boss: Go on....
Tech1: oh ghess
Tech2: it can allow people to chat back and forth about how much they like Applebee's
Boss:  Good Good.. but will that put butts in the seats?
Tech1: I dont think this is a good idea
Boss: Quiet you!  Will this put people in the booths?
Tech2: uhhhh i know!  we can make it only work in an Applebee's!
Tech1: (Smacks forehead)
Boss: I LOVE IT!!
Tech2: Yes Sir.  I'll need a hundred grand to hire the development team.
 
2014-05-13 07:24:21 PM

Sheila_McSly: SMG: Yes, sir. I'll need a hundred grand to hire the development team.


And that's just the payment for the SMG assembling the team, not the actual dev team salary.
 
2014-05-13 07:26:40 PM
This app has bees on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I turned it on, that's when the magic happened. After logging on to ensure that the app would properly install on my blackberry, I walked from my trailer to Applebees with the app on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the bees on my app that I, like a bee, am a hiveous groupie who knows how to 'eat with a spoon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a bees app shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Applebees, mounted my bar stool (chairs are such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my blackberry would show. While I was browsing appetizers, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the bees app on my blackberry, I told her I wanted to eat off her spoon. She offered me a swig from her Long Island Ice tea, and I sprung from my stool, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you bees app.

Pros: Works on my blackberry, has bees on it, attracts women
Cons: Only works at bees (could probably use a few locations such as truck stops and rest areas), cannot see bees when blackberry is in my pocket, would be better if it glowed in the dark.
 
2014-05-13 07:28:36 PM
This is obviously a joke.

Right?
 
2014-05-13 07:36:10 PM
img.fark.net

/Good jorb applebees
 
2014-05-13 07:42:30 PM

xxmedium: The only possible way this could come in handy would be for some form of passive aggressive message delivery:

"To the douche at the bar wearing a NJ Jets jersery who insists on standing on his bar stool every 5 seconds:

Sit the fark down. You are blocking the game."

Or maybe as a method of starting dinner theater:

"To the lady in the red top who just returned from the restroom: I don't want to alarm you but while you were away I saw your date drop two pills of some unknown substance into your drink. Be careful."


That's the roofie-colada,  it also comes with a hypodermic needle as a parasol.

/A Quagmire favorite
 
2014-05-13 07:47:03 PM

akya: I can message other applebees customers annonymously... hmm.. how about:
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want.  But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let your daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. "

/changed my to your.


Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays.
 
2014-05-13 07:53:38 PM
I call it by its' proper name: The Applebee
 
2014-05-13 07:54:55 PM

fusillade762: Hoochie Mama


Why, what a strange thing to say...

We're totally not sending in the Bear Calvary, or anything....
 
2014-05-13 08:10:11 PM
I'm not saying that Al Qaeda terrorists have been observed using the Applebees app for covert communication, just saying that questions have been raised, is all.  Further investigation seems appropriate.  If the Applebees management team has nothing to hide, then they should have nothing to fear.
 
2014-05-13 08:43:48 PM
FTFA: "the "neighborhood" dining chain has launched WhatsApplebee's"

Slapdown from Facebook, owner of the WhatsApp trademark, in 5... 4... 3...
 
Displayed 50 of 72 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report