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(Rant Sports)   Elin Nordegren's graduation speech takes a swing at Tiger Woods   (rantsports.com) divider line 20
    More: Obvious, Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Rollins College, graduation, club house  
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1273 clicks; posted to Sports » on 13 May 2014 at 5:00 PM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



20 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-13 10:45:37 AM  
Cool. I didn't know you could major in Golddigging now.
 
2014-05-13 02:10:46 PM  
"Just Like Tiger Woods"

♩♪♫♬ If you don't golf that's okay
You can be a tiger anyway
Laugh through your teeth when things gets tough
Or your balls are gonna wind up in the rough, yeah yeah

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods
Fertilize the ladies in the neighborhood
Get real rich and you will find
All the hot chicks will want to grind

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods
Grip that shaft like you know you should
Get a platinum card, it will be all good
The girls will want you just like Tiger Woods

Remember this when you're having fun
Three holes are better than a hole in one, yeah
If the word gets out don't be afraid
When a 9 iron's heading for your Escalade, yeah yeah
If you wanna be like Tiger Woods
Filling all the divots in the neighborhood
Don't think about those three foot putts
You cover your tracks when you're banging them sluts

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods
Text messages are never good
Nail a girl at the driving range
Your life will change, just like Tiger Woods

Have your best friend book all your flights
Tell your wife that you're golfing nights
Get a call girl and maybe just chill
Be willing to part with a hundred mil

Bang a new porn star every day
Tell your sponsors it will be okay
Surprise them all with an invitation
To a viewing of your first double penetration, yeah

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods
Poking all the holes in the neighborhood
Tell your wife how it's gonna be
Your driver is community property

If you wanna be like Tiger Woods

Become the king of your neighborhood
Like Steel Panther and Tiger Woods

Just like Tiger Woods, oh yeah yeah ♩♪♫♬
 
2014-05-13 02:45:23 PM  
If I were Tiger I'd be pretty teed off.
 
2014-05-13 02:58:41 PM  

Diogenes: If I were Tiger I'd be pretty teed off.


I'll say. His ex never let him have a foursome.
 
2014-05-13 03:07:12 PM  

Snarfangel: Diogenes: If I were Tiger I'd be pretty teed off.

I'll say. His ex never let him have a foursome.


Then what's the takeaway here?  She should have remained straight-faced when he suggested it?

Call me square, but I'd have major problems with his addiction to road hole, too.
 
2014-05-13 03:42:32 PM  

bdub77: Cool. I didn't know you could major in Golddigging now.


If she took a few classes on tonguing ass and enjoying anal, Tiger might have stayed put.
 
2014-05-13 03:45:22 PM  
FTFA: What else did Elin Nordegren get from her divorce besides a dozen truckloads of Tiger Woods' money? An eduction.

Ouch. I bet that hurt.

Either that, or the reporter needs to go back to shcool for a better eduction.
 
2014-05-13 03:47:51 PM  
"Hi, I'm a golddigging whore who shot to fame trashing my cheating hubby's SUV...I'm supposed to talk to you today about your future. OK, here goes...

'Always get it in writing.'

OK, that was fun! Hey this hat has a funny little tassle on it! Watch it spin around, wheee!!! Wonder what it would look like on my nipples???"
 
2014-05-13 03:51:23 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: FTFA: What else did Elin Nordegren get from her divorce besides a dozen truckloads of Tiger Woods' money? An eduction.

Ouch. I bet that hurt.

Either that, or the reporter needs to go back to shcool for a better eduction.


*snert*
 
2014-05-13 05:06:28 PM  

fatalvenom: bdub77: Cool. I didn't know you could major in Golddigging now.

If she took a few classes on tonguing ass and enjoying anal, Tiger might have stayed put.


Hey now, it's not her fault she had greatness thrust into her.
 
2014-05-13 05:09:00 PM  
I wonder how often she mows the greens.
 
2014-05-13 05:09:48 PM  

gopher321: "Hi, I'm a golddigging whore who shot to fame trashing my cheating hubby's SUV...I'm supposed to talk to you today about your future. OK, here goes...

'Always get it in writing.'

OK, that was fun! Hey this hat has a funny little tassle on it! Watch it spin around, wheee!!! Wonder what it would look like on my nipples???"


best. speech. ever.
 
2014-05-13 05:12:02 PM  

Killer Cars: I wonder how often she mows the greens.


Let's just say it runs somewhere around 12 on the stimpmeter. Some say the balls roll around like they were on hardwood floors
 
2014-05-13 05:42:26 PM  
Really? Those are digs at Tiger?

Not defending him, but that was pretty weak.

I saw Alonzo Bodden at a comedy club shortly after all this came out and I think he had my favorite one.

"I'm not mad at him for cheating, it has nothing to do with me. The part that makes me angry: Look at the women he cheated with. Hell,  I could have had half of them! You are Tiger Woods! You shouldn't be messing with average looking women!"
 
2014-05-13 07:14:19 PM  

bdub77: Cool. I didn't know you could major in Golddigging now.


It's called Art History.
 
2014-05-13 08:22:57 PM  

jst3p: Really? Those are digs at Tiger?

Not defending him, but that was pretty weak.

I saw Alonzo Bodden at a comedy club shortly after all this came out and I think he had my favorite one.

"I'm not mad at him for cheating, it has nothing to do with me. The part that makes me angry: Look at the women he cheated with. Hell,  I could have had half of them! You are Tiger Woods! You shouldn't be messing with average looking women!"


Wrong. Plenty of hot women out there that won't do the dirty/kinky stuff with you, even if you are Tiger Woods. She didn't fulfill his needs so he went elsewhere, simple as that. And I assume he is a busy dude, and doesn't have a lot of time to quibble over looks, when he really just needs a woman who will do pretty much anything he tells her to.
 
2014-05-13 09:25:20 PM  

Cymbal: jst3p: Really? Those are digs at Tiger?

Not defending him, but that was pretty weak.

I saw Alonzo Bodden at a comedy club shortly after all this came out and I think he had my favorite one.

"I'm not mad at him for cheating, it has nothing to do with me. The part that makes me angry: Look at the women he cheated with. Hell,  I could have had half of them! You are Tiger Woods! You shouldn't be messing with average looking women!"

Wrong. Plenty of hot women out there that won't do the dirty/kinky stuff with you, even if you are Tiger Woods. She didn't fulfill his needs so he went elsewhere, simple as that. And I assume he is a busy dude, and doesn't have a lot of time to quibble over looks, when he really just needs a woman who will do pretty much anything he tells her to.


Remind me of the movie "Don Jon" when Don Jon was talking about Scarlett Johansson's charater. In bed Scarlett didn't give blowjobs at all because a girl that looked as good as her didn't need to give blowjobs or do anything unusual. Just farking her should be enough, at least in her mind.
 
2014-05-13 09:31:58 PM  

skinink: Cymbal: jst3p: Really? Those are digs at Tiger?

Not defending him, but that was pretty weak.

I saw Alonzo Bodden at a comedy club shortly after all this came out and I think he had my favorite one.

"I'm not mad at him for cheating, it has nothing to do with me. The part that makes me angry: Look at the women he cheated with. Hell,  I could have had half of them! You are Tiger Woods! You shouldn't be messing with average looking women!"

Wrong. Plenty of hot women out there that won't do the dirty/kinky stuff with you, even if you are Tiger Woods. She didn't fulfill his needs so he went elsewhere, simple as that. And I assume he is a busy dude, and doesn't have a lot of time to quibble over looks, when he really just needs a woman who will do pretty much anything he tells her to.

Remind me of the movie "Don Jon" when Don Jon was talking about Scarlett Johansson's charater. In bed Scarlett didn't give blowjobs at all because a girl that looked as good as her didn't need to give blowjobs or do anything unusual. Just farking her should be enough, at least in her mind.


Added to queue
 
2014-05-14 09:39:01 AM  
That's the father of your children, Elin.  Way to try and turn the kids against him.  First your domestic violence and now this?  For shame.
 
2014-05-14 11:17:09 AM  

RoyHobbs22: Added to queue


It's really not very good.  It can't decide if it's a comedy, a romance, or a drama, so it fails at all three.
 
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