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(Facebook)   Subby here. My 83-year-old Dad is going in for heart surgery tomorrow morning. Probably routine, but I am scared out of my gourd. He loves good jokes. I am at a loss, please help me with some good jokes I can tell him tonight   (facebook.com) divider line 362
    More: Hero  
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3746 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 May 2014 at 12:12 AM (45 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-12 08:49:57 PM  
A couple of guys are walking out in a field, and the happen upon a deep hole. One guy says to the other "holy cow Frank, that sure looks deep. How deep do you suppose it is?" The other guy looks around, and sees an old rusty anvil and throws it down the hole. They listen intently for several seconds and they never hear it hit bottom. Just then, they hear the sound of hooves running toward them fast (clipclop clipclop clipclop!) and bursting through the brush comes a goat really FAST, right past them, and right into the hole. "oh my God!" they both exclaim. Then, about 15 seconds later, a farmer bursts through the same brush yelling "becky! Becky!", and breathlessly asks one of the guys, "Hey, have you guys seen a goat come by here?" "sure," said one of the men, "one just ran by us a few seconds ago, and went right down that hole." The farmer said "That's impossible, I had it chained to an old anvil!"
 
2014-05-12 08:52:58 PM  
Thanks, Barnacles!

/heh
//Subby
 
2014-05-12 08:58:14 PM  
Three guys walk into a bar...you'd think one of them would have seen it.

A fellow was traveling across the Australian outback, and happened to stop at the small town of Mercy. 

He entered the local eating establishment, and asked the waitress what was good . . . she recommended he have a cup of their famous tea. So that's what he ordered.

In due course it arrived, and indeed, it was most excellent tea. In fact, our intrepid traveler thought it was the BEST cup of tea he'd ever had. 

Until he reached the bottom, and rather than tea leaves, he found hair. Lots of it. So he called the waitress over and said "Miss, there's hair in my tea."

She looked over, nodded, and said "Yes, sir, indeed there is." 

"Miss" he repeated, "there's HAIR in my tea!"

"Well, of course there is. That's from the koala bear we dip into each pot."

"YOU PUT A KOALA BEAR IN MY TEA?!?!?"

"He's very clean sir, and adds a certain flavor to the brew. Is there some problem? Didn't you enjoy the tea?"

"I did until I found the hair."

"Well, sir, it sort of comes with the territory, and there's not much we can do about it."

The traveler mulls this over a bit, and asks "Can't you at least strain the hair out?"

"Sir!!!" says the now-outraged waitress "I must tell you that THE KOALA TEA OF MERCY IS NOT STRAINED!!!"
 
2014-05-12 09:07:59 PM  
A church's bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren't sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.
They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.
The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.
One asked, "Do you know this guy?"
The second guy responded, "No, but his face rings a bell."
The next day, the dead bell ringer's twin brother comes in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also has no arms. They lead him up to the bell tower, he runs at the bell, trips and falls to the sidewalk below.
The same two guys walk by.
The first asks, "Do you know him?"
The second guy responds, "No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy we saw yesterday."
 
2014-05-12 09:10:46 PM  
Tell him that, at this point, he should never trust a fart or a hard-on :-)
 
2014-05-12 09:19:30 PM  
A man decides to treat himself to a restaurant dinner on Christmas. He goes to a nice restaurant, and is seated and orders his food. He orders Eggs Benedict and steamed asparagus with hollandaise sauce. After a short while, the waitress comes to his table with his food. However, the man is aghast to see his food being served on a chrome hubcap. He says, "excuse me, what is my food doing on this hubcap?" The waitress replies, "sir, everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

i98.photobucket.com
 
2014-05-12 09:21:20 PM  
Thanks, all.

Btw, this is my Dad in a photoshop contest a couple of years ago, going strong.

/called & gave him Barnacles' joke, customized a bit.  Got a big laugh.
 
2014-05-12 09:30:01 PM  

vicejay: /called & gave him Barnacles' joke, customized a bit. Got a big laugh.


HA! Awesome. Glad I could help. :)
 
2014-05-12 09:41:01 PM  
A guy gives his wife two aspirin and a glass of water.

The wife asks, "What's this for? I don't have a headache."

And the husband says, "GOOD, LET'S F*CK!"
 
2014-05-12 09:41:59 PM  
I only know one joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are in a bar.  Each one orders a Guinness.  They each get their glasses and notice there's a fly floating in their brew.  The Englishman pushes the drink away, disgusted.  The Scotsman picks out the fly and drinks like normal.  The Irishman picks up the fly and screams "Spit it out, you basterd!"
 
2014-05-12 09:48:19 PM  
You know what they call the surgeon who graduated last in his class?
Doctor.

My favorite doctor joke (see if any nurses laugh at it):

Four doctors are in a boat, hunting ducks.

A bird flies overhead.  The family practitioner looks up, says,
"webbed feet, body like a duck, bill, quacks -- it's a duck."
And he shoots it.

Another bird flies overhead.  The internal medicine resident looks up, says,
"webbed feet, body like a duck, bill, quacks -- it's a rare kind of goose that mimics ducks."
And he takes out a notebook and starts writing a paper about it.

Another bird flies overhead.  The surgeon casually blows it out of the sky, then
turns to the pathologist and says,
"Swim out there and see if that was a duck."


Best of luck.
 
2014-05-12 09:54:46 PM  
 
2014-05-12 10:10:02 PM  
Racist jokes are always the funniest jokes of them all

Or, you can print him out the homepage of Infowars.

They are nearly the same thing now
 
2014-05-12 10:29:16 PM  
So, this short homely guy goes into a whorehouse and asks for a girl and brags about his conquests, promising to show them his tattoo. On his dick is the tat'd 'shorty'
They talk amongst themselves, snicker a bit, and a gal takes him upstairs.
Later she tells them it read ' shorty's bar, grill and dancehall, albequerque, new mexico' when hard.

/or some such
 
2014-05-12 10:30:08 PM  
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson take a camping trip. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes up Watson.

"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson says, "I see millions of stars. And even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes replies, "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!"
 
2014-05-12 10:56:03 PM  
1. It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
2. I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what's telling me that.
3. The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
4. A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
5. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.
6. What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?  Wataaaaah!
7. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
8. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.
9. There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending.
10. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
11. So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
12. A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
13. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
14. Why don't you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it.
15. Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
16. How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.
17. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent.
18. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
19. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo' drizzle.
20. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!
21. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.
22. What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
23. My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he's only got his shelf to blame.
24. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.
25. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.
26. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go play on our bikes.
27. What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.
28. What's the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
29. Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "How do you drive this thing?"
30. Why can't a bike stand on its own? It's two tired.
31. Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!
32. Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
33. What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
34. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
36. Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
37. When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
38. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap.
39. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
40. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
41. PMS should just be called ovary-acting.
42. Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.
43. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.
44. Learn sign language, it's very handy.
45. I started a band called 999 Megabytes - we haven't gotten a gig yet.
46. You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's pretty cheesy.
47. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
48. Dry erase boards are remarkable.
49. Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
50. How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

/shamelessly copied and pasted
 
2014-05-12 11:04:53 PM  
 
2014-05-12 11:05:38 PM  
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.


It was tense.


(that joke has NEVER worked)
 
2014-05-12 11:22:08 PM  
A man and a little girl are walking into the deep, dark woods late one night. The little girl says "Mister, I'm scared". The man replies "YOU'RE scared? I'm the one who has to walk out of here by myself!"
 
2014-05-13 12:03:22 AM  
The Duck Joke. Pay attention: I've been a TFer since 2002, and this is the one and only time I will post this joke.

So, a kid is growing up on the farm and it's time for Him To Become A Man. His father pulls him aside one day and says, "Listen, the madam of the local whorehouse has agreed to take one of our ducks in payment for the services of one of her girls, so take a duck and have a good time!"

So the kid walks down to the whorehouse with one of the farm's ducks under his arm. He walks in and the madam spots him, takes the duck and nods. "Room 5."

He goes up there and finds the whore and goes to town.

Three hours later, he's buttoning up his pants and the whore says, "You know...that was awesome! Can you stay another three hours?"

"I'd love to," the kid says, "But I don't have another duck!"

"I'll tell you what," the lady of the evening says, "If you stay another three hours and f**k me like you just did...I'll give you your duck back!"

"Hell YEAH!" the kid says, and jumps back on her.

Six hours after he arrived, the kid is headed back to the farm with his duck under one arm. He's getting ready to cross the highway and steps out without paying attention.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! He looks up to see an 18-wheeler bearing down on him and he jumps back...but forgets to hold onto the duck.

BAM! Feathers everywhere.

The driver slams on the brakes and gets out of his big rig. "Man, I'm so sorry...are you OK?"

"I'm fine," the kid says, "but you killed my duck!"

"Tell you what," the driver says, "I'll give you fifty dollars for your pet!"

So the kid agrees, takes the money and heads on home.

He's walking up to his house, sees his father on the porch and waves.

"How did it go, boy?" his father asks.

"F**king awesome, Dad!" the kid replies. "I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k and fifty bucks for a f**ked up duck!"
 
2014-05-13 12:10:52 AM  
Another joke I don't think I've ever told online.

Ray is out of a job and answers an ad in the local paper for a job driving a school bus. When he goes in to the interview, it's made clear that he'll be driving the "short bus," so to speak.

"You only have 3 stops," the principal explains.

"OK," Ray says, "I'll take the job."

So the principal tosses him the keys and says, "The bus is parked out back."

Ray goes out back and sees the typical short bus...only it's painted with Sesame Street characters on both sides. "Great," Ray says, but starts it up and drives off to do his route.

At his first stop, as he pulls up, he sees two incredibly overweight girls...identical twins, no less.... waiting for him. "Hi," they say as they get on. "We're Patty."

"WTF?" Ray asks. "You're *both* named Patty?"

They nod, and he jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "Back of the bus!" he barks.

He drives on to his next stop. He finds a little boy, about nine years old, with glasses as thick as a Coke bottle bottom. His mom is standing next to him. When Ray opens the door, they both board.

"This is my son Ross," the mom says. "He's very special. If he misbehaves, don't hit him... hit the child next to him. That will scare him into behaving."

"Back of the bus!" Ray says, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. Ross takes his seat and the mom departs.

Pulling up to his last stop, Ray sees the kid sitting by the side of the road, one shoe off, using his fingernails to pick a giant bunion on his big toe. When the kid sees the short bus pull up, he relaces his shoes and climbs on board, holds out his hand and says, "Hi, I'm Lester!"

"Back of the bus!" Ray, snaps, jerking yet another thumb over his shoulder.

He drops the kids off at school and heads home for lunch.

"How was your day, dear?" asks his wife.

"Lemme tell you," Ray says, "It was hard. I had two all-beef Pattys, Special Ross, and Lester picking his bunions on a Sesame Street bus."


/waiting for the applause.
 
2014-05-13 12:14:53 AM  
Q: What happens when you die?
A: I get your stuff, the worms get you!
 
2014-05-13 12:15:02 AM  
Laughter is the best medicine, except when you have diarrhea.
 
2014-05-13 12:16:25 AM  
So, an Irishman walks out of a bar.
 
2014-05-13 12:16:33 AM  
Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in North Dakota. She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is 32 below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Wind chill is -59. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunk bastard in.
 
2014-05-13 12:17:55 AM  
It's probably too late now, but the best jokes/advice would have come from the guys doing cardiac rehab at the hospital.  If he's at all social, he should enjoy that after the surgery.
 
2014-05-13 12:18:51 AM  
What did Spock find in the toilet of the USS Enterprise?

  The Captain's Log
 
KIA
2014-05-13 12:20:33 AM  

JoieD'Zen: So, this short homely guy goes into a whorehouse and asks for a girl and brags about his conquests, promising to show them his tattoo. On his dick is the tat'd 'shorty'
They talk amongst themselves, snicker a bit, and a gal takes him upstairs.
Later she tells them it read ' shorty's bar, grill and dancehall, albequerque, new mexico' when hard.

/or some such


It was a dude who loved his girlfriend Wendy so much he had her name tattooed on his erect schlong, but discovered when it was flaccid she could only see the "W" and the "y" at the end.  This didn't bother him too much until they went to a nudist resort where, to his surprise, he saw a big dude who also had a "W" and a "y" on his pecker.  He couldn't help but ask "Hey, is your girlfriend named 'Wendy' also?"

The guy said "No, man.  My tattoo says 'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day'"
 
KIA
2014-05-13 12:21:14 AM  
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes a really long time and the lightbulb has to *want* to change.
 
2014-05-13 12:21:49 AM  
A novice farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. Unfortunately, he's such a novice that he's purchased all ewes.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.

"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look out the window into the pasture and tell him if any of the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "but they've all climbed into the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."
 
2014-05-13 12:21:57 AM  
An old man is in bed reading his newspaper when his elderly wife jumps out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a cape.

"Superpussy!" she screams

The old man lowers his newspaper, looks her up and down, and says, "Hmm, I think I'll have the soup."

I'll be praying for your dad. My dad is my hero; I couldn't imagine losing him.
 
2014-05-13 12:23:31 AM  
What's the best cure for water on the brain?
A tap on the head.
 
2014-05-13 12:23:32 AM  
What do you call a black astrophysicsist on the moon?

/

/


/

An astronaut, you rascist bastard!
 
2014-05-13 12:23:33 AM  
How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.
/Works best when said.
 
2014-05-13 12:24:41 AM  
Is he a car guy?


What's the quickest and easiest way to tell at a glance if a Shelby Cobra is the real thing, or a replica?


It's a replica.
 
2014-05-13 12:24:41 AM  
Ask him if he ever heard the joke about the roof.

When he says no, tell him....

Nevermind. Its over your head.
 
2014-05-13 12:24:52 AM  
Guy walks up to a bank teller, shoves a gun at him and snarls, "Give me all the money!"

Teller says, "Here - take the books, too. I'm short twenty thou!"
 
KIA
2014-05-13 12:25:11 AM  
Two guys are hiking in the woods.  One sees a cute little bear cub and goes over to start playing with it.  The other exclaims "Don't to that, what if...?"  Just then, a momma Grizzly rears up and roars at them, then starts running toward them.  The first guy sits down and starts changing his hiking boots to running shoes.  The other screams "Are you crazy?  You can't outrun that bear!"

As he finishes lacing up his shoes, the first says "I don't have to outrun the bear.  I just have to outrun you."
 
2014-05-13 12:26:23 AM  
And old pedophile and a child walk into the woods.The kid says 'Im scared'.
The old man says'youre scared.I gotta walk outta here alone'.


What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot you racist.
 
2014-05-13 12:27:06 AM  
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
 
2014-05-13 12:27:09 AM  

Magorn: Three guys walk into a bar...you'd think one of them would have seen it.

A fellow was traveling across the Australian outback, and happened to stop at the small town of Mercy. 

He entered the local eating establishment, and asked the waitress what was good . . . she recommended he have a cup of their famous tea. So that's what he ordered.

In due course it arrived, and indeed, it was most excellent tea. In fact, our intrepid traveler thought it was the BEST cup of tea he'd ever had. 

Until he reached the bottom, and rather than tea leaves, he found hair. Lots of it. So he called the waitress over and said "Miss, there's hair in my tea."

She looked over, nodded, and said "Yes, sir, indeed there is." 

"Miss" he repeated, "there's HAIR in my tea!"

"Well, of course there is. That's from the koala bear we dip into each pot."

"YOU PUT A KOALA BEAR IN MY TEA?!?!?"

"He's very clean sir, and adds a certain flavor to the brew. Is there some problem? Didn't you enjoy the tea?"

"I did until I found the hair."

"Well, sir, it sort of comes with the territory, and there's not much we can do about it."

The traveler mulls this over a bit, and asks "Can't you at least strain the hair out?"

"Sir!!!" says the now-outraged waitress "I must tell you that THE KOALA TEA OF MERCY IS NOT STRAINED!!!"



I must be dumb.  I don't even begin to get that one.
 
2014-05-13 12:27:24 AM  

jayessell: What do you call a black astrophysicsist on the moon?

/

/


/

An astronaut, you rascist bastard!


Dude.
 
2014-05-13 12:27:58 AM  
Three little boys down in Georgia are walking along the sidewalk next to the park, when they hear some commotion coming from the park (on the other side of a line of bushes), so they peek through the bushes to see what's going on.
At about the same time, a cop sees them looking through, and looks over the bushes, only to see a young couple getting their freak on.
He arrests them, charging them with public indency.
At their trial, those three little boys are called to testify.
The first boy takes the stand, and the judge asks "What's your name, boy?"
The boy replies "My name's Jacob"
The judge asks "Jacob, what did you see?"
Jacob replies "Your Honor, them two was farking!"
The judge slams his gavel down and says "I'm going to fine you ten dollars in contempt of court son!  Now get out of here!"
The second boy takes the stand...
The second boy takes the stand, and the judge asks "What's your name, boy?"
The boy replies "My name's Joseph"
The judge asks "Joseph, what did you see?"
Joseph replies "Your Honor, them two was farking!"
The judge slams his gavel down and says "I'm going to fine you ten dollars in contempt of court son!  Now get out of here!"
The third boy takes the stand...
The second boy takes the stand, and the judge asks "What's your name, boy?"
The boy replies "My name's Henry"
The judge asks "Henry, what did you see?"
 Henry says "There was ten toes up and ten toes down, big old arse moving round and round, nine inches going out and in, and if that ain't farking then here's my ten!"
 
KIA
2014-05-13 12:28:42 AM  

TerminalEchoes: An old man is in bed reading his newspaper when his elderly wife jumps out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a cape.

"Superpussy!" she screams

The old man lowers his newspaper, looks her up and down, and says, "Hmm, I think I'll have the soup."


An older couple is lounging about on a Saturday night when the missus decides she wants some action.  She goes to the closet, gets a sexy nightie and comes out saying "I'll do anything you want tonight."

The husband looks over and says "Really?''

She says "Yes, really.  Anything."

He says "Good.  Paint the house."
 
2014-05-13 12:29:13 AM  
A man walks into a bar with a monkey, and orders a beer.  As he's drinking it, the monkey starts bouncing all over the bar - he's grabbing the olives out of martinis, grabbing peanuts out of people's hands, and finally bounces over the pool table, where he grabs the cue ball and eats it.

The bartender looks at the man and says, "Did you see what your monkey just did?  He ate the farkin' cue ball!"

The man says, "I know, he's a little out of control - I'll pay for the damages," which he does and and leaves.

A week later, the man and the monkey come back to the bar.  The man orders a beer and the monkey continues to bounce around the bar - he's grabbing pretzels from people, tipping over drinks, then finally grabs the cherry out of a woman's drink, which he sticks it up his ass, and then pops into his mouth to eat.

The bartender is flabbergasted.  "Did you see what that monkey just DID?  He took the cherry - and stuck it up his... then he ATE it!"

The man puts his hand over his eyes, and explains, "I know, I know - ever since the cue ball, he's been checking everything for size."

/Thank you!
//It's much better in person
///And I'm here all week, two shows nightly, don't forget to tip your waitresses, try the veal, what's the deal with airline food?
 
2014-05-13 12:29:19 AM  
What do you call a fly after you pull off its wings...........................    a walk
 
KIA
2014-05-13 12:29:30 AM  

zobear: What's brown and sticky?

A stick.


What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.
 
2014-05-13 12:31:13 AM  
Subby: Hilarity is taking the current atmosphere and lightening it.  The best jokes are in the moment and which go with the flow of the moment.  It is best to let your dad start the whole thing and you playing off of that.  Comedy comes naturally to some and fat people.   And sometimes it takes letting the tension build until anything is funny.    You can't force it and if you never were funny, you can't make it that way with short notice.   Useful traits: adhd and fatness with a huge heaping of awareness.
 
2014-05-13 12:31:37 AM  
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some sort of joke?"
 
2014-05-13 12:32:24 AM  
God is hanging out in the cosmos with all the other gods.
God says, "I'm kind of bored."
This other god asks, "Why don't you go on vacation?"
God says, "I wouldn't know where to go..."
The other god asks, "How about Mars?"
God says, "Mars... Too red, cold, and dusty. Not really my thing."
The other god asks, "What about Venus?"
God says, "Venus... Acid rain, jagged rocks, very hot. Again, not my thing."
The other god asks, "Maybe you could visit Earth?"
God laughs and says, "Last time I visited Earth I got a girl pregnant and they're still talking about it."
 
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