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(Slate)   Let's publish a how-to article on stopping a wedding. What could possibly go wrong?   (slate.com) divider line 29
    More: Unlikely, false memories  
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7512 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2014 at 4:50 PM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-09 04:54:45 PM
16 votes:
www.slate.com


apparently getting a blowjob from the bride to be in front of the husband to be is a good way to stop the wedding
2014-05-09 02:26:20 PM
9 votes:
Readers Digest Condensed version of How To Break Up A Marriage:

ELAINE!  *pound pound pound pound pound* ELAINE! *pound pound pound pound pound*  repeat until fully SImon and Garfunkled.
2014-05-09 04:59:23 PM
7 votes:
I don't know about stopping the wedding, but I've found it really easy to stop the reception with nothing more than a bottle of Jack and a pair of pants. Well, the lack of the latter really, but my point remains valid though subject to litigation in the State of Connecticut.
2014-05-09 04:57:32 PM
4 votes:

SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.


"Really, nobody wants to stop this?"
2014-05-09 04:56:47 PM
4 votes:
I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.
2014-05-09 02:47:51 PM
4 votes:

brap: Readers Digest Condensed version of How To Break Up A Marriage:

ELAINE!  *pound pound pound pound pound* ELAINE! *pound pound pound pound pound*  repeat until fully SImon and Garfunkled.


i30.tinypic.com
2014-05-09 07:17:40 PM
3 votes:
Another wedding stopping tip
s17.postimg.org
Bring your elephant to the wedding.
2014-05-09 05:18:51 PM
3 votes:

Tillmaster: SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.

Add the auctioneer bit: "going once (look round) ..... going twice .....Bonk! (if no gavel available, just say the word).


YUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!
2014-05-09 05:01:58 PM
3 votes:

SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.


Single somebody out. "You, the cute girl sitting in the back by yourself. Nothing?"
2014-05-09 04:59:41 PM
3 votes:

SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.


Add the auctioneer bit: "going once (look round) ..... going twice .....Bonk! (if no gavel available, just say the word).
2014-05-09 04:56:49 PM
3 votes:
Hire a woman with a small baby to object and accuse the groom of getting her pregnant and not paying child support.
2014-05-09 07:47:17 PM
2 votes:
www.slate.com
Frighten him by dressing like a Palestinian.

www.slate.com
Scare him off by pretentiously drinking tea like you're turning Japanese.

www.slate.com
Look at yourself. Are you too ugly for me? You're too ugly. Forget it.

www.slate.com
Take a hostile stance and argue about it.

www.slate.com
This joke has already been covered.

www.slate.com
Piss off the whole wedding at the last minute without any warning.
2014-05-09 06:28:12 PM
2 votes:
www.adventuresinpoortaste.com
2014-05-09 05:31:20 PM
2 votes:

Shedim: TrixieDelite: I've never halted a wedding, but I crashed the hell out of my ex' reception. Showed up in a skin-tight black catsuit with just a scarf around my waist. All the groomsmen (and the groom) were downstairs with me in a matter of minutes. The marriage didn't last very long, and really, that's all I wanted. Just a little quiet retribution.

/hell
//fury
///scorned

Ooh! Tell us the story, TrixieDelite!

/sits in front of you excitedly
//sucker for an interesting wedding story


The groom and I had dated off and on for 12 years. I thought for sure he was THE ONE. Our timing was off, though, and he started dating someone else. I begged him not to marry her, but it was too late--they were going through with it.

Since I wasn't about to stop the wedding and upset the bride, I decided that a little mind-farking was in order, and showed up at the reception site (a really nice restaurant). I asked the hostess to go into the reception and get the best man. She did, and he came out with his eyes wiiiiide open. This was back in the day of size 4 Trixie, with everything being exactly where it should be. And I was poured into a black catsuit with just a black scarf around my waist, hair done, makeup done...

He went back into the reception to get the groom (who was in the middle of pictures). The best man said, "You need to come downstairs with me right now." And the groom said, "I can't." And the best man said, "Dude, yes you can." And where one groom and one best man went, so did the rest of the groomsmen. 20 minutes later, the groom went back into the wedding with just the lightest trace of lipstick on his neck.

/bride found out I was there when she opened up the gift I had left for them
//even scorned women know to bring a gift when crashing a reception. What am I, a farmer?
2014-05-09 05:13:37 PM
2 votes:
I've never halted a wedding, but I crashed the hell out of my ex' reception. Showed up in a skin-tight black catsuit with just a scarf around my waist. All the groomsmen (and the groom) were downstairs with me in a matter of minutes. The marriage didn't last very long, and really, that's all I wanted. Just a little quiet retribution.

/hell
//fury
///scorned
2014-05-09 05:10:40 PM
2 votes:

SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.


Actually, I think it's only in there (if it is) as a leftover from the days when somebody might be already married, or too close of a relative to marry, things like that, that were legal barriers to the wedding, that might not be easily verifiable.  It wasn't for "oh, he's just no good for her" or "she's a golddigger" and matters of taste or character.  No harm in leaving it in though.  When you leave the long silence, you may want to end it with "......Nobody?  Really?" and then kind of a noncommittal shrug.  But whatever; develop your own style.  ;^D
2014-05-10 08:37:02 AM
1 votes:

TrixieDelite: I've never halted a wedding, but I crashed the hell out of my ex' reception. Showed up in a skin-tight black catsuit with just a scarf around my waist. All the groomsmen (and the groom) were downstairs with me in a matter of minutes. The marriage didn't last very long, and really, that's all I wanted. Just a little quiet retribution.

/hell
//fury
///scorned


I bet you have crazy eyes
2014-05-09 08:06:28 PM
1 votes:

itsaidwhat: SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.

That's funny. Then tell the crowd that you need to check social media sites for any objections too, for thoroughness.


That would turn funny into hilarious

"@blackbootymana69 says she still has feelings for you, Linda.

Sorry folks, I can't continue under these objections"
2014-05-09 07:29:19 PM
1 votes:
Best interrupted wedding in TV History.

25.media.tumblr.com  25.media.tumblr.com

25.media.tumblr.com  24.media.tumblr.com
2014-05-09 06:40:17 PM
1 votes:
Not going to lie to you, I thought Fark would have more train-wreck marriage breakup stories.  I love Trixie's story, I can't imagine there aren't more.

Won't somebody think of the thread and contribute their shocking truth of the time they walked into their Ex's wedding naked and ended the show?

/Loves drama, but at an internet safe distance thanks.
2014-05-09 06:12:08 PM
1 votes:

Cybernetic: So.... how'd that marriage turn out? Inquiring minds want to know!



i.imgur.com
2014-05-09 06:06:38 PM
1 votes:
i57.tinypic.com
2014-05-09 05:55:38 PM
1 votes:
076dd0a50e0c1255009e-bd4b8aabaca29897bc751dfaf75b290c.r40.cf1.rackcdn.com
2014-05-09 05:34:39 PM
1 votes:
media.tumblr.com
2014-05-09 05:21:41 PM
1 votes:

SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.


That's what my Grandpa did. He was a JoP and officiated my wedding. He made jokes about it and waited almost five minutes before he continued. He could have fun and be informal and it was mostly family there.
2014-05-09 05:08:36 PM
1 votes:

SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.


I'm officiating a couple weddings soon using the name "Optimus Prime Minister, and yes, the bride and groom (and groom and groom)  have excitingly agreed to even have that printed on the little greeting pamphlets at the wedding. I'm totally going to steal that idea.
2014-05-09 05:00:57 PM
1 votes:

Tillmaster: SnakeLee: I've been to a few weddings now and I've never seen anybody put in the "does anybody have any objections" part, even at the big traditional, super formal ones that seem like they're out of a history book.  People have asked me to officiate weddings in the future, so I am not only going to have that part, I'm going to leave a really long silence after I say it.

Add the auctioneer bit: "going once (look round) ..... going twice .....Bonk! (if no gavel available, just say the word).


yes.. bonking the bride during the wedding would probably halt it.
2014-05-09 04:52:50 PM
1 votes:
Way to think things through Frank.
2014-05-09 04:31:31 PM
1 votes:
I prefer the CS gas grenade, followed by clubbing the bride over the head, then dragging her off...
 
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