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(Slate)   Dear Prudence: Can we do a Mother's Day edition where we talk about how to reconcile friendships, shaft one daughter in a will in favor of another, and a spendthrift mother who's about to die and siblings that won't pay for the funeral?   (slate.com) divider line 23
    More: Silly, Mother's Day, Smile for the Camera, young adulthood, editions, funerals, brothers  
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5004 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2014 at 12:40 PM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



23 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-09 09:11:41 AM  
The second reason is because I dislike Ann's husband, Alf.

He was trying to put out a fire you heartless wench!

28.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-05-09 09:19:24 AM  
Geez...and I thought it was bad that time when I gave Mom a copy of Oedipus for Mothers Day.

That woman has no sense of humor!
 
2014-05-09 10:15:31 AM  

Diogenes: Geez...and I thought it was bad that time when I gave Mom a copy of Oedipus for Mothers Day.

That woman has no sense of humor!


I think you went overboard when you gave her the vibrating dildo. At least turn the goddamn thing off before you package it.
 
2014-05-09 12:13:11 PM  
and a spendthrift mother who's about to die and siblings that won't pay for the funeral?


I Remember Dismembered Mama
 
2014-05-09 12:43:00 PM  
Dear Prudence, won't you come out and payyyyyy
 
2014-05-09 12:43:40 PM  
One of the best gifts my Mom gave us was having her funeral planned out and paid for.

/prevented any arguments
 
2014-05-09 12:48:15 PM  
It sounds like someone is going to be digging a shallow grave in the near future.
 
2014-05-09 01:07:03 PM  
I don't have a problem with an elderly parent planning to give more to one child than another, but the state might disagree. Apparently, it's one of the things that will damn near guarantee a contesting of a will.
 
2014-05-09 01:19:58 PM  

bdub77: Diogenes: Geez...and I thought it was bad that time when I gave Mom a copy of Oedipus for Mothers Day.

That woman has no sense of humor!

I think you went overboard when you gave her the vibrating dildo. At least turn the goddamn thing off before you package it.


I think he went overboard when he told her to try it out because he wasn't sure if it was the right size.
 
2014-05-09 01:20:04 PM  

Truther: One of the best gifts my Mom gave us was having her funeral planned out and paid for.

/prevented any arguments


If my parents don't pay for it themselves, they aren't getting one.  I'll maybe spring for a pack of those .25$ gas station cards and some stamps to let the people that aren't on Futurebook+ or whatever it is at the time, but that's the extent of it.

Even the 200$ or whatever to pay the coroner and the crematorium can come out of their estate.

So far as I know they don't have a problem with this, but if they did, it'd be too bad.

// Actually my father claims that in his personal religion the ideal life is achieved when your last dollar is spent to tip the guy that throws the last shovel-full of dirt at your own funeral.  It's an efficiency thing, I think.

Smelly Pirate Hooker: I don't have a problem with an elderly parent planning to give more to one child than another, but the state might disagree. Apparently, it's one of the things that will damn near guarantee a contesting of a will.


Depends how you do it.  Write it in a will, fail to get the will fully verified and signed off by a judge right before (or after, I guess) death?  Yeah, that'll get contested.

Move all your assets to a trust with proportional reassignment of lost shares and 1000 total shares, give one kid a single share and the other two?  Then the second kid gets 2/3 of your shiat when you die, or at least your money, without you losing control of it pre-death beyond giving the .1% of the disbursements you take (or less depending on your share count).
 
2014-05-09 01:48:46 PM  
Give kids/spouse/etc mementos
Pay for your funeral/arrangements
Will everything else to charity


Nothing is more pitiful than siblings bickering over a parents death.
 
2014-05-09 01:51:49 PM  
So, one sibling's husband is going around getting everything in her house appraised in front of the mother.  Prudence's advice is to give all the household items to the other sibling and let her decide what to give the one with the greedy husband.  And this is supposed to prevent problems between the two siblings after the mother's passing?  There must be some fundamental fact I'm just missing here.
 
2014-05-09 02:01:17 PM  

IRQ12: Give kids/spouse/etc mementos
Pay for your funeral/arrangements
Will everything else to charity


Nothing is more pitiful than siblings bickering over a parents death.


If your kids are arguing over your money when you die then you did a terrible job as a parent.
 
2014-05-09 02:02:46 PM  
My folks (both in their 70s') have detailed funeral plans drawn up, right down to the invitation list and hymns that should be sung.  Their life insurance will more than cover expenses.  They both have plots, though I've forgotten where.  A few years ago, my father sent me a list of all of the potentially valuable items in the house and where they are from.  Last year, he walked me through all the important books he owns and who should get them.  Not expensive books, just ones that he thinks should go to other people he knows because he thinks they would like them.

I'm very grateful that they've done all this work.  But it's also really very creepy to have your folks remind you over and over that they're going to die.
 
2014-05-09 02:19:14 PM  

gonegirl: My folks (both in their 70s') have detailed funeral plans drawn up, right down to the invitation list and hymns that should be sung.  Their life insurance will more than cover expenses.  They both have plots, though I've forgotten where.  A few years ago, my father sent me a list of all of the potentially valuable items in the house and where they are from.  Last year, he walked me through all the important books he owns and who should get them.  Not expensive books, just ones that he thinks should go to other people he knows because he thinks they would like them.

I'm very grateful that they've done all this work.  But it's also really very creepy to have your folks remind you over and over that they're going to die.


By any chance, are you Irish?
 
2014-05-09 02:19:26 PM  

Sylvis: So, one sibling's husband is going around getting everything in her house appraised in front of the mother.  Prudence's advice is to give all the household items to the other sibling and let her decide what to give the one with the greedy husband.  And this is supposed to prevent problems between the two siblings after the mother's passing?  There must be some fundamental fact I'm just missing here.


The whole point is moot anyway; within a half-hour of the first time mom gets sent to the hospital, her house will be stripped bare of anything not bolted down. Doesn't matter what she leaves the good sister if it's all been stolen by the avaricious one already.
 
2014-05-09 02:27:47 PM  
Also, hints that you might be gay, from the sidebar: "Help! My Wife Walks Around Naked Because She's "Overheated," and It's Driving Me Crazy." (Seems to be that he just wants to bone her before work, but has hangups about being late.)
 
2014-05-09 02:35:42 PM  

James Rieper: gonegirl: My folks (both in their 70s') have detailed funeral plans drawn up, right down to the invitation list and hymns that should be sung.  Their life insurance will more than cover expenses.  They both have plots, though I've forgotten where.  A few years ago, my father sent me a list of all of the potentially valuable items in the house and where they are from.  Last year, he walked me through all the important books he owns and who should get them.  Not expensive books, just ones that he thinks should go to other people he knows because he thinks they would like them.

I'm very grateful that they've done all this work.  But it's also really very creepy to have your folks remind you over and over that they're going to die.

By any chance, are you Irish?


Nah, German/Swedish Lutheran stock.  But my father is a minister; I think he's done so many funerals where people have been left confused and uncertain as to what they should do that he's pounding home a game plan to my brother and I.  My mother just lets him roll.
 
2014-05-09 02:49:38 PM  

James Rieper: gonegirl: My folks (both in their 70s') have detailed funeral plans drawn up, right down to the invitation list and hymns that should be sung.  Their life insurance will more than cover expenses.  They both have plots, though I've forgotten where.  A few years ago, my father sent me a list of all of the potentially valuable items in the house and where they are from.  Last year, he walked me through all the important books he owns and who should get them.  Not expensive books, just ones that he thinks should go to other people he knows because he thinks they would like them.

I'm very grateful that they've done all this work.  But it's also really very creepy to have your folks remind you over and over that they're going to die.

By any chance, are you Irish?


I am and my grandparents had their whole funeral planned. My grandmother even suggested the deli we get lunch delivered from so that nobody had to cook that day.
 
2014-05-09 03:53:21 PM  

Diogenes: Geez...and I thought it was bad that time when I gave Mom a copy of Oedipus for Mothers Day.

That woman has no sense of humor!


It's just that the print was too small to read with my old glasses, dearie.
 
kth
2014-05-09 07:57:35 PM  

To The Escape Zeppelin!: James Rieper: gonegirl: My folks (both in their 70s') have detailed funeral plans drawn up, right down to the invitation list and hymns that should be sung.  Their life insurance will more than cover expenses.  They both have plots, though I've forgotten where.  A few years ago, my father sent me a list of all of the potentially valuable items in the house and where they are from.  Last year, he walked me through all the important books he owns and who should get them.  Not expensive books, just ones that he thinks should go to other people he knows because he thinks they would like them.

I'm very grateful that they've done all this work.  But it's also really very creepy to have your folks remind you over and over that they're going to die.

By any chance, are you Irish?

I am and my grandparents had their whole funeral planned. My grandmother even suggested the deli we get lunch delivered from so that nobody had to cook that day.


My Irish grandmother included inside jokes in her will. To paraphrase Jon Stewart: I've never been sadder and laughed harder.
 
2014-05-09 08:55:08 PM  
It's a really bad idea to play favorites with your kids in your will, unless you've got a really good reason for an unequal distribution of your stuff. My late mother-in-law's will was a disaster for that reason. I guess she was trying to make a dramatic "statement" or something, but it was awful. Not a good way to remember her. And I think it was worse for the "good" kid (my husband) than for his brother who got shafted. It's bad enough to be dealing with grief, then on top of it you've got this other stress and hurt feelings. A will should make things easier for your survivors, not more difficult.
 
2014-05-10 12:15:22 AM  
Bah.  There are no "spendthrifts."  You are dead, who gives a shiat what happens to the corpse?  Burn it, bury it, it's rotting meat.  If you played favorites while living, guess who won't be there?
 
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