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(Des Moines Register)   If you've just down a 12-pack of beer, don't get on your lawn mower to ride down to the store to pick up more beer   (desmoinesregister.com) divider line 34
    More: Dumbass, 40th street  
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1768 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2014 at 4:58 PM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-08 05:02:36 PM  
RIP, Possum.
 
2014-05-08 05:03:57 PM  
I see this A LOT.
 
2014-05-08 05:03:59 PM  
It's a favored mode of liquor store transportation here for the habitual DUI offenders. They get away with it as long as they stay on the shoulder.
 
2014-05-08 05:05:14 PM  
Don't *hic* tell me *hic* what to do *hic* subby.

/belch
 
2014-05-08 05:06:01 PM  
I used have sympathy for these people.  Now hasn't this been going on for ten years?

How about  requiring OWI/DUI be tied to objects that require a license to operate?
 
2014-05-08 05:07:46 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: It's a favored mode of liquor store transportation here for the habitual DUI offenders. They get away with it as long as they stay on the shoulder.


It was mopeds where I grew up. You didn't need a license to drive them.
 
2014-05-08 05:14:28 PM  
Also, if you've just down a 12-pack, don't write a fark headline, subby.
 
2014-05-08 05:21:41 PM  
Fark, I am disappoint. No George Jones pics or references?
 
2014-05-08 05:23:56 PM  
I shiat you not, Friday I had a guy buy 2 Heineken Tallboys from my store, get in his car, drive around to my dumpster, shotgun both in under 30 seconds, then drive back to the front of the store and attempt to buy more. I probably woulda sold him more if the farker hadn't littered up my dumpster cage with his trash. Such is the life of managing a store in the hood guess.
 
2014-05-08 05:24:52 PM  
If I were a cop I would let this guy go. I would not want him to pee or poop in my car.
 
2014-05-08 05:25:58 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: It's a favored mode of liquor store transportation here for the habitual DUI offenders. They get away with it as long as they stay on the shoulder.


I'm surprised that the mobility scooter hasn't overtaken the riding lawnmower as the vehicle of choice for DUI offenders...
 
2014-05-08 05:32:43 PM  

Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: It's a favored mode of liquor store transportation here for the habitual DUI offenders. They get away with it as long as they stay on the shoulder.


Anywhere I could ride a lawn tractor to, I could walk to.

WTF.
 
2014-05-08 05:40:42 PM  

ClavellBCMI: Fark, I am disappoint. No George Jones pics or references?


You sure about that?
 
2014-05-08 05:47:09 PM  
How else am I gonna get more beer?
 
2014-05-08 06:00:34 PM  
There's an old guy here locally that lost his license because of failing eyesight.  Now, every morning at 6AM, he drives his little John Deere tractor down to the donut shop for coffee with one bunch of old coots and then a little later, he drives it down the street to a regular restaurant and has breakfast with another bunch of old coots.  About 9:30AM, he heads back home about 3 miles outside of town....
 
2014-05-08 06:02:22 PM  

ClavellBCMI: Fark, I am disappoint. No George Jones pics or references?


You mean like Weeners?
 
2014-05-08 06:07:21 PM  

Addicted: Lets talk frankly about internal cleanliness: It's a favored mode of liquor store transportation here for the habitual DUI offenders. They get away with it as long as they stay on the shoulder.

I'm surprised that the mobility scooter hasn't overtaken the riding lawnmower as the vehicle of choice for DUI offenders...


You know what those scooters cost?  I could probably get an old riding mower for $100 and a case of Schlitz.
 
2014-05-08 06:20:58 PM  
Beer in question?

www.trinewswire.com

/probably doesn't come in a 12-pack
 
2014-05-08 06:24:23 PM  
Submitted for your approval- a civic-minded individual voluntarily eliminates sidewalk weeds and while seeking liquid refreshment SUDDENLY TAKES A TURN into the FARK ZONE.
 
2014-05-08 06:34:29 PM  
This is why I always try to have a case or more on hand.

/Wut?
 
2014-05-08 06:38:08 PM  
FTA: "Billy Eugene Williams, 46, has been charged with operating while intoxicated and failure to have a valid license or permit while operating a motor vehicle."

Wait, you need a license to operate a riding lawnmower? Or are they just tacking that on because he was using it as if it were a motor vehicle?
 
2014-05-08 06:40:58 PM  

chevydeuce: There's an old guy here locally that lost his license because of failing eyesight.  Now, every morning at 6AM, he drives his little John Deere tractor down to the donut shop for coffee with one bunch of old coots and then a little later, he drives it down the street to a regular restaurant and has breakfast with another bunch of old coots.  About 9:30AM, he heads back home about 3 miles outside of town....


www.offoffoff.com
 
2014-05-08 06:59:44 PM  
what the fark are they SUPPOSED to do? That's where the beer is!
 
JVD
2014-05-08 07:09:46 PM  
That drunk from a 12 pack?!
 
2014-05-08 07:11:41 PM  

HairyNevus: FTA: "Billy Eugene Williams, 46, has been charged with operating while intoxicated and failure to have a valid license or permit while operating a motor vehicle."

Wait, you need a license to operate a riding lawnmower? Or are they just tacking that on because he was using it as if it were a motor vehicle? fark you, that's why, and what are you going to do about it?

 
2014-05-08 07:23:28 PM  
I know my rights!!!
 
2014-05-08 07:33:17 PM  

Gonz: RIP, Possum.


Done in one.

/I used to have a cat named Possum
 
2014-05-08 07:37:22 PM  
George's ghost approves.
 
2014-05-08 07:42:32 PM  

chevydeuce: There's an old guy here locally that lost his license because of failing eyesight.  Now, every morning at 6AM, he drives his little John Deere tractor down to the donut shop for coffee with one bunch of old coots and then a little later, he drives it down the street to a regular restaurant and has breakfast with another bunch of old coots.  About 9:30AM, he heads back home about 3 miles outside of town....


We've got a group of the old coots that get together at the Einstein Bagels in front of my place every Saturday morning.  They boisterously shriek out FOX talking points to each other loud enough for the whole place to hear for a good 2 hours, followed by Breitbarting for another 30 minutes. It sounds much like a bunch of spotted Hyena's all trying to be the alpha-derper.  I should make a set of bingo cards and go in there with my roommate to play.
 
2014-05-08 10:29:16 PM  

ClavellBCMI: Fark, I am disappoint. No George Jones pics or references?


The Weeners?
 
2014-05-08 10:44:46 PM  
I'd also suggest not writing headlines if you've just down anything.
 
2014-05-08 11:38:52 PM  
Came looking for The Possum... leaving disappointed.
 
2014-05-09 10:44:54 AM  

tebow the letter: I know my rights!!!


Steve? Is that you?
 
2014-05-09 12:21:37 PM  

Cerwin3302: Came looking for The Possum... leaving disappointed.


We stopped loving him today.
 
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