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(CrushPlate)   "He described that he stuck two straws up his nose and was attempting to break his own nose using a door that he would open rapidly and impact his face," Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Idaho man   (crushplate.com ) divider line
    More: Scary, Idaho, straws, impacts  
•       •       •

5419 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2014 at 1:36 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2014-05-08 11:32:33 AM  
... hates Alabama Man?
 
2014-05-08 11:36:05 AM  
The stuff that makes sense when you're on a bender...

/won't judge
 
2014-05-08 11:40:32 AM  
He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead.

Awesome. Did he deficate on the cops?
 
2014-05-08 01:15:02 PM  
Like spinach is to Popeye, vodka is to Idaho Man.
 
2014-05-08 01:26:27 PM  
Novak, that's polish right? Sounds par for course
 
2014-05-08 01:37:49 PM  
The gun had a knife on the end of it
0)_o
 
2014-05-08 01:38:49 PM  
He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead

~o_O'
 
2014-05-08 01:38:58 PM  
That is a whole Brunswick stew of crazy right there.
 
2014-05-08 01:39:25 PM  
Needed to take lessons from this guy.


i65.photobucket.com

Oh wait, he's dead. Nevermind.
 
2014-05-08 01:39:25 PM  
"The gun had a knife on the end of it."

I call that a history of bad decisions.
 
2014-05-08 01:39:38 PM  
Sleep apnea sucks.

$10 says he was already half mad from not getting sleep.
 
2014-05-08 01:39:39 PM  

Snarfangel: Like spinach is to Popeye, vodka is to Idaho Man.


I shart like a comet, I drink til I vomit. I'm Popeye the Idaho Man!
 
2014-05-08 01:39:40 PM  
.5
 
2014-05-08 01:40:25 PM  
Jeebus...has he not heard of a Neti Pot?
 
2014-05-08 01:42:04 PM  

That Guy What Stole the Bacon: ... hates Alabama Man?


They have a fight, Alabama wins.

Idaho Man.
 
2014-05-08 01:42:12 PM  
That is going to be one nasty hangover...
 
2014-05-08 01:43:01 PM  
The level of creativity is mind-boggling. I'm almost impressed.
 
2014-05-08 01:43:34 PM  
I wanna party with that guy!
 
2014-05-08 01:44:04 PM  
Man... that guy was all over the map on that one.
 
2014-05-08 01:44:14 PM  
As the police peered into an open window, they saw Novack on a bed, too drunk to get up.  He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead.

was it like that scene in trainspotting?
 
2014-05-08 01:44:51 PM  
Winoplasty
 
2014-05-08 01:45:26 PM  
fc02.deviantart.net
"Wubble"
 
2014-05-08 01:48:51 PM  
img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-05-08 01:50:52 PM  

farkingismybusiness: Snarfangel: Like spinach is to Popeye, vodka is to Idaho Man.

I shart like a comet, I drink til I vomit. I'm Popeye the Idaho Man!


Toot! To - UH OH!
 
2014-05-08 01:50:57 PM  
Novack confessed to one deputy, that the medical procedure required him to drink for a week straight.

And so he did.



And it was written that he shall be known as Idaho man from this day forth.
 
2014-05-08 01:51:33 PM  
What was the purpose of the straws?

I know I shouldn't try to see into the mind of a drunk on a week long pre-surgery bender.

/hero
//.5!?
///stamina
 
2014-05-08 01:52:14 PM  

Gonz: That Guy What Stole the Bacon: ... hates Alabama Man?

They have a fight, Alabama wins.

Idaho Man.


Does he get shiat, or does shiat get him?
No body knows
Idoho Man.
 
2014-05-08 01:53:34 PM  
For your nose:

1) Lasers
2) Balloons
3) Straws
4) Salt Water


You can kinda see how it would be easy to pick the wrong one.

Just sayin'
 
2014-05-08 01:53:42 PM  
Is this headline making fun of the man, or the police man who wrote that runon shiat streak of attempted murder of the English language?
 
2014-05-08 01:54:05 PM  
He's Macgver's sullen, alcoholic uncle.

I need...hiccup...a pack of gum...ughh..some more vodka...a pair of needle nose pliers....a bit more vodka...a pneumatic press...an 8x10 piece of sheet metal...corrugated and galvanized... a lot more vodka.... an old shoe... the sheet music to "he stopped loving her today" for the Oboe... an Oboe....and....that should do it.

Jesus Christ, what are you building?

I got a splinter...
 
2014-05-08 01:54:27 PM  
Potato
www.comparestoreprices.co.uk
As the police peered into an open window, they saw Novack on a bed, too drunk to get up.  He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead.

Shot at and missed, shiat at and hit.
 
2014-05-08 01:55:31 PM  

Best Princess Celestia: .5


Yup.  Lucky he didn't die from alcohol poisoning.
 
2014-05-08 01:57:32 PM  
Idaho?
No!
Udaho!
 
2014-05-08 01:59:08 PM  
I'm going to piss on youuuuuuu...............shait, nevermind.
 
2014-05-08 02:01:58 PM  
I think 'Dr. Idaho Man' is a much better title.
 
2014-05-08 02:05:12 PM  
"He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead"

Well, that was certainly considerate of him. The clean-up is easier.
 
2014-05-08 02:07:28 PM  
If only this country had healthcare for its citizens...
 
2014-05-08 02:07:57 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead.

Awesome. Did he deficate on the cops?


I laughed..

I like the writers dry sense of humor.
 
2014-05-08 02:08:19 PM  

JackieRabbit: "He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead"

Well, that was certainly considerate of him. The clean-up is easier.


Unless it's a liquid.
 
2014-05-08 02:09:42 PM  
Can relate
www.therpf.com
Get your ass to Mars.
 
2014-05-08 02:10:17 PM  
EdNortonsTwin
For your nose:

1) Lasers
2) Balloons
3) Straws
4) Salt Water


You can kinda see how it would be easy to pick the wrong one.


If once considers those hollow silicone splints to be "straws", I've had at least 1,3 and 4 and
5) scalpels (or tiny scissors or tweezers or whatever else they use to remove polyps and cut away layers of the mucus membranes and make the entrance to the sinuses wider)

I don't think balloons were involved; then again, I don't know everything the surgeon did during the 2.5 hours he was rummaging around in there.
 
2014-05-08 02:10:40 PM  
FTA "
Novack confessed to one deputy, that the medical procedure required him to drink for a week straight."

I've been drinking for 20 years straight and never had that kind of issue...
 
2014-05-08 02:16:31 PM  

Evil Mackerel: JackieRabbit: "He said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead"

Well, that was certainly considerate of him. The clean-up is easier.

Unless it's a liquid.


After a week long vodka bender, it's a liquid.
 
2014-05-08 02:34:55 PM  

Nasty_McFilth: Jeebus...has he not heard of a Neti Pot?


How about a Neti Pot filled with vodka?
 
2014-05-08 03:08:52 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: He's Macgver's sullen, alcoholic uncle.

I need...hiccup...a pack of gum...ughh..some more vodka...a pair of needle nose pliers....a bit more vodka...a pneumatic press...an 8x10 piece of sheet metal...corrugated and galvanized... a lot more vodka.... an old shoe... the sheet music to "he stopped loving her today" for the Oboe... an Oboe....and....that should do it.

Jesus Christ, what are you building?

I got a splinter...



I came to say that I wanted to somehow makeHe said he was going to urinate on the police, but defecated instead  my new FARK handle, but after seeing Macgver's sullen, alcoholic uncle.  , I like it too.
 
2014-05-08 04:15:24 PM  

The Voice of Doom: EdNortonsTwin
For your nose:

1) Lasers
2) Balloons
3) Straws
4) Salt Water


You can kinda see how it would be easy to pick the wrong one.


If once considers those hollow silicone splints to be "straws", I've had at least 1,3 and 4 and
5) scalpels (or tiny scissors or tweezers or whatever else they use to remove polyps and cut away layers of the mucus membranes and make the entrance to the sinuses wider)

I don't think balloons were involved; then again, I don't know everything the surgeon did during the 2.5 hours he was rummaging around in there.


I need to have the procedure done.  I have 75% blockage on a good day.  Scared shiatless of the pain during recovery.  Two friends did not have pleasant experiences even though it was still well worth it in the end.
 
2014-05-08 04:41:52 PM  

vudukungfu: The gun had a knife on the end of it
0)_o


Maybe he couldn't afford a proper bayonet either, so he taped a knife to the gun.
 
2014-05-08 05:56:38 PM  
Florida Man has his work cut out.
 
2014-05-08 07:15:41 PM  

skinink: I'm going to piss on youuuuuuu...............shait, nevermind.

 
2014-05-09 02:00:00 AM  
Calehedron
I need to have the procedure done. I have 75% blockage on a good day. Scared shiatless of the pain during recovery. Two friends did not have pleasant experiences even though it was still well worth it in the end.


The only small pain I remember was sore neck muscles from having the head bent back for 2.5 hours so that the nostrils would point up and the surgeon had better access with the endoscopes.
My hunched-over-a-keyboard-all-day, tightened-up-like-rock neck muscles apparently didn't appreciate that.

Then again, not everybody has that "full program" done and I think I also made them some trouble because I was apparently bleeding a lot more than they had expected (was asked afterwards if I had violated the instructions and recently taken something blood-thinning like aspirin, which I hadn't) - my hospital roommate mostly got his septum straightened and maybe a concha reduction and that took only 30 minutes or so.


There were some minor annoyances afterwards, but nothing big and they weren't pain related.
For example, I couldn't enjoy reading, watching TV or using my laptop for a few days because my glasses didn't work well with teary eyes because of clogged tear ducts. Would have been horribly boring hospital days if I hadn't had a few GB worth of audio books and dramas with me.
Different example: it's not exactly pleasant if someone rummages around far up in your nostrils to pull some packaging/metal gauze or those silicone splints out through your nostrils, but that's more irritating than painful and it's also over in a second.

But mostly, I was sweating like a pig and couldn't sleep for 2-3 weeks because of it. But that seemed to be a personal issue my surgeon hadn't encountered during several thousands of surgeries. Maybe my body didn't like all the infusions or the anesthetics or whatnot and went into overdrive. No idea. So I "slept" - well, laid awake, listening to audio books - between towels, changed shirts every 30 minutes and while in hospital (here they keep you in hospital for a few days for the post-care or in case something went wrong), my mattress got swapped for one covered in plastic after the first night.
Rotating through ten shirts a day was kinda annoying and almost no sleep for a few weeks also sucks, but again, that was hardly related to the specific procedure.
 
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