Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Mirror.co.uk)   Why you should never break up with someone in public: there's always going to be a jerk at the next table live-tweeting it all. "His eyes are watering. He is looking at her salad. Mixed greens, boring, no more talking JUST LOOKING INTO THE SALAD"   ( mirror.co.uk) divider line
    More: PSA, Mesclun, tables, salads  
•       •       •

8482 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2014 at 2:12 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



107 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2014-05-08 11:10:22 AM  
That was stupid.
 
2014-05-08 11:11:45 AM  
69.64.57.107

Steve: We can't keep doing this. It isn't working, you and me. We've grown apart.

Francine: Oh, God. The crowded restaurant, so I wouldn't make a scene. You're breaking up with me!

Steve: We had a good run. Remember my fifth birthday? Oh, and I had some great times suckling. But it's time to move on.

Francine: This isn't happening!

Steve: You'll find someone new. Maybe you'll get some cats.

Francine: This is all Debbie's fault!

Steve: Let's be adults about this, Mom. I'd-I'd like the key to my bike lock.

Francine: Just take it!

Steve: We'll see each other around the house. And we'll still be friends.

Francine: Oh, sure, friends! I don't need any more friends, Steven!
 
2014-05-08 11:21:37 AM  
I guess one of the advantages of having been out of the dating scene since the Dark Ages before smart phones and live Tweeting is that this was never an issue for me. Not that I can ever recall using that schtick. Besides, I was usually the one getting dumped.
 
2014-05-08 11:26:56 AM  
It amazes me what passes for entertainment these days...
 
2014-05-08 12:03:09 PM  
The guy next to me on the internet is amazed what passes for entertainment these days.

Nononononono!
 
2014-05-08 01:07:42 PM  
her: i have to go to work.
him: you work too hard.
her: i work because the rent has to get paid. you ever think of that?
him: of course. it's why I asked my parents for...



Yeah, I think she's probably making the right call.
 
2014-05-08 02:15:44 PM  
Better than a text message break up.
 
2014-05-08 02:17:06 PM  
it's what PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GROW DO

I'm an adult. I'm finished growing. Read a fuking biology text book sometime!
 
2014-05-08 02:18:37 PM  

impaler: I'm an adult. I'm finished growing.


You sound fat.
 
2014-05-08 02:18:44 PM  
Why you should never break up with someone in public: there's always going to be a jerk at the next table live-tweeting it all.

I dunno. Sometimes it comes in handy. I broke up with a woman in the ER waiting room (she was super-drunk, and I was worried she was going to have alcohol poisoning), and she ended up getting a ride from the local PD when she tried to take swings at me, other hospital patrons, security, the arresting officers (who really did try to give her multiple chances to get out of going to jail that night).

Ended up getting some phone numbers and dates, so win-win for everyone, right?
 
2014-05-08 02:19:22 PM  
It's not you, it's me....It's not that I don't love you, it's that I'm not iiiiiin love with you.
 
2014-05-08 02:20:08 PM  

Nabb1: I was usually the one getting dumped.


I got really good at it, too.
I mean, it downright pisses them off when they dumped me because I kept the upper hand.
Her: We have to talk.
Me: About that guy you've been farking?
Her: What? How do you know?
Me: You just told me. Now you're going to dump me, because you don't want to feel like a slut fro farking two guys at once so I am out and he is in, but you'll let me have a goodbye fark in one week, just because you like feeling like a slut and want to have that bit of control over the next guy, in case he ever cheats on you, you secretly know you cheated on him first, because that is how you think. So forget it, I'm not farking you again. you'll probably give Me a STD or something.
Her: Boo hoo hoo hooo wahhhhhhhhh.
Me: Walks away whistling.
 
2014-05-08 02:21:23 PM  
I'm ashamed of myself for reading that. That is enough internet for right now. I am horribly disturbed that some guy in a country across the ocean is now heartbroken for whatever the reason and so many more people know about it because some dick decided to do a play-by-play. I'm going outside. I spend too much time in front of a computer...

/wow
//amazing what gets to you
 
2014-05-08 02:21:38 PM  
Well, on the upside, at least the world knows Dave Bidini is a douchebag.
 
2014-05-08 02:23:44 PM  
What a cock.
 
2014-05-08 02:23:55 PM  
What's this about jerking off into the salad?
 
2014-05-08 02:24:47 PM  
It's a Bulwer-Lytton entry!!
 
2014-05-08 02:24:57 PM  

Sybarite: her: i have to go to work.
him: you work too hard.
her: i work because the rent has to get paid. you ever think of that?
him: of course. it's why I asked my parents for...


Yeah, I think she's probably making the right call.


Unemployed people don't deserve relationships.
 
2014-05-08 02:26:46 PM  

Anastacya: I'm ashamed of myself for reading that. That is enough internet for right now. I am horribly disturbed that some guy in a country across the ocean is now heartbroken for whatever the reason and so many more people know about it because some dick decided to do a play-by-play. I'm going outside. I spend too much time in front of a computer...

/wow
//amazing what gets to you


Y'know...you're right. You really are.
 
2014-05-08 02:27:23 PM  

LeroyBourne: It's not you, it's me....It's not that I don't love you, it's that I'm not iiiiiin love with you.


Agrees..

photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net
 
2014-05-08 02:27:24 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-05-08 02:27:57 PM  
Once upon a time the wife and i were trying to enjoy a splurge meal at the Hotel del Coronado while the couple at the next table fought like cats and dogs nearly the entire time.  They swore and yelled and threatened each other without missing a bite, to the astonishment of fellow diners and waitstaff alike.  Sort of entertaining in a way, but it mostly just detracted from what was otherwise a fine (and expensive) meal.

/no live-tweets
//off-topic but csb
 
2014-05-08 02:28:08 PM  

Terrible Old Man: Well, on the upside, at least the world knows Dave Bidini is a douchebag.

 
2014-05-08 02:28:20 PM  
blatz514

That was stupid.


And I don't know if I am a little jaded but I think entire bullshiat.

Sounds like he broke up with her and he is left crying?
 
2014-05-08 02:28:28 PM  

Terrible Old Man: Well, on the upside, at least the world knows Dave Bidini is a douchebag.


It might be interesting to see the backlash storm front of his choice to post.
 
2014-05-08 02:28:56 PM  

Anastacya: I'm ashamed of myself for reading that. That is enough internet for right now. I am horribly disturbed that some guy in a country across the ocean is now heartbroken for whatever the reason and so many more people know about it because some dick decided to do a play-by-play. I'm going outside. I spend too much time in front of a computer...

/wow
//amazing what gets to you


But...but...outdoors? THAT WILL KILL YOU!!!
/Sunlight for cancer, ticks for lyme disease, birds for parvovirus, pollen for....
 
2014-05-08 02:29:13 PM  
Well, now I feel creepy and somewhat dirty for reading that.
 
2014-05-08 02:29:45 PM  
him: go on, leave then biatch! i'll go find some new pussy!
her: if you had two more inches of dick, you could find some new pussy right here!
him: oh, you know you loved it! if you didn't why were you screaming and hollering so much!?!
her: i was screaming and hollering to keep from laughing in your face!
him (crying): not all the time?

/Thank you, Richard Pryor
 
2014-05-08 02:31:08 PM  
Dave Bidini needs every aspect of his life documented on social media...
 
2014-05-08 02:31:22 PM  

Anastacya: I'm ashamed of myself for reading that. That is enough internet for right now. I am horribly disturbed that some guy in a country across the ocean is now heartbroken for whatever the reason and so many more people know about it because some dick decided to do a play-by-play. I'm going outside. I spend too much time in front of a computer...

/wow
//amazing what gets to you


See, I dunno about that - he didn't out anyone or open anyone to ridicule. It isn't glorifying bad or embarrassing behavior. It's like a social commentary.
 
2014-05-08 02:33:03 PM  
Human misery is awesome. Hahaha look at this guy be all devastated. I'm so awesome for being a nosy asshole.
 
2014-05-08 02:33:12 PM  
Tossing a woman's salad, while listening to her groans, squeals, moans, and yelps, is high amongst the top ten experiences that one can experience in one's life. All of the senses be involved. It be glorious.
 
2014-05-08 02:34:18 PM  

vudukungfu: Nabb1: I was usually the one getting dumped.

I got really good at it, too.
I mean, it downright pisses them off when they dumped me because I kept the upper hand.
Her: We have to talk.
Me: About that guy you've been farking?
Her: What? How do you know?
Me: You just told me. Now you're going to dump me, because you don't want to feel like a slut fro farking two guys at once so I am out and he is in, but you'll let me have a goodbye fark in one week, just because you like feeling like a slut and want to have that bit of control over the next guy, in case he ever cheats on you, you secretly know you cheated on him first, because that is how you think. So forget it, I'm not farking you again. you'll probably give Me a STD or something.
Her: Boo hoo hoo hooo wahhhhhhhhh.
Me: Walks away whistling.


Omgitsbeautiful.jpg
 
2014-05-08 02:34:43 PM  
media3.giphy.com
 
2014-05-08 02:35:18 PM  
What a complete dick.
 
2014-05-08 02:36:03 PM  

Publikwerks: Anastacya: I'm ashamed of myself for reading that. That is enough internet for right now. I am horribly disturbed that some guy in a country across the ocean is now heartbroken for whatever the reason and so many more people know about it because some dick decided to do a play-by-play. I'm going outside. I spend too much time in front of a computer...

/wow
//amazing what gets to you

See, I dunno about that - he didn't out anyone or open anyone to ridicule. It isn't glorifying bad or embarrassing behavior. It's like a social commentary.


Dave?
 
2014-05-08 02:37:09 PM  

vudukungfu: Nabb1: I was usually the one getting dumped.

I got really good at it, too.
I mean, it downright pisses them off when they dumped me because I kept the upper hand.
Her: We have to talk.
Me: About that guy you've been farking?
Her: What? How do you know?
Me: You just told me. Now you're going to dump me, because you don't want to feel like a slut fro farking two guys at once so I am out and he is in, but you'll let me have a goodbye fark in one week, just because you like feeling like a slut and want to have that bit of control over the next guy, in case he ever cheats on you, you secretly know you cheated on him first, because that is how you think. So forget it, I'm not farking you again. you'll probably give Me a STD or something.
Her: Boo hoo hoo hooo wahhhhhhhhh.
Me: Walks away whistling.


Now do the one where you were banging three chicks at the same time with your 10 inch penis.
 
2014-05-08 02:38:20 PM  
Ok I'll admit my empathy is more or less kept to a minimum but why the hell do people feel 'disgusted' by this, or that the guy tweeting is a jerk?

People break up all the time, in public even.
 
2014-05-08 02:38:59 PM  
I read the thing on twitter, it goes on for a bit longer, the guy of course can't pay for the salad but the man at the counter says it's ok.   I don't think this is real.
 
2014-05-08 02:40:08 PM  
He doesn't say who's hotter.  The hotter one usually does the dumping.
 
2014-05-08 02:41:55 PM  
www.hotflick.net

Scott: What do you mean you're dumping me?

Fiona: Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore.

Scott: What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you!

Fiona: I know. That's what makes this so hard.

Fiona: Scotty, it's not you, it's me... There I go, lying again! No, it *was* you!
 
2014-05-08 02:42:09 PM  
Two16:

God, I love Montez. They need a spin off with that character, where he just stands around at the mall, yelling at young people.
 
2014-05-08 02:43:44 PM  
CBUSB:

I was 24 at the time, My ex(of 6 years) broke up with me at 2 in the am on Christmas night at her parents house(where SHE lived I had my own place) which was 3 hours away from where I lived(long distance relationship after I moved away not working yada yada yada, still had no idea breakup was coming). I'm not a cryer, I just grabbed my bag and left. Never talked to her again. Got home at 5 in the am had to get up for work at 7.  Made it til lunch, walked into a bar and had the bartender(cute brunette) sit a bottle of Jack on the bar. I finished that from 3/4 full over the next 4 hours. Took her home and had some great drunk sex. She had a boyfriend too. Never f-ed her again and I will take the pity fark all day long lol. Saw her in that bar quite often(it was my regular hangout i wasnt stalking her) even met her bf lol she was such a cutie. My ex was married a year and a half later so we know what was going on there lol. You love, you lose, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.
 
2014-05-08 02:44:41 PM  

lantawa: Tossing a woman's salad, while listening to her groans, squeals, moans, and yelps, is high amongst the top ten experiences that one can experience in one's life. All of the senses be involved. It be glorious.


Uuuhhhhh.... You in the right thread?
 
2014-05-08 02:46:06 PM  

lantawa: Tossing a woman's salad, while listening to her groans, squeals, moans, and yelps, is high amongst the top ten experiences that one can experience in one's life. All of the senses be involved. It be glorious.


So...I'm curious to the thought process that led you from 'guy tweets crushing breakup' to 'analingus rocks us'.

Seriously. I need a flow chart or something.
 
2014-05-08 02:46:11 PM  
Live tweeting a restaurant break up, or how I got stabbed with a salad fork.


Seriously, even police hate intervening in domestic disputes.
 
2014-05-08 02:48:03 PM  
Broke, sensitive guy who is still trying to find himself?  How did she let him get away?  He's just the kind of fixer upper most girls are looking for.....
 
2014-05-08 02:52:17 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: [www.hotflick.net image 850x478]

Scott: What do you mean you're dumping me?

Fiona: Scott, I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore.

Scott: What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you!

Fiona: I know. That's what makes this so hard.

Fiona: Scotty, it's not you, it's me... There I go, lying again! No, it *was* you!


FIIIIONNNNNA!
 
2014-05-08 02:52:57 PM  
Breaking up in a restaurant is a terrible idea:

Lots of sharp objects are around
Lots of objects that can be improvised into sharp objects are around (plates, glasses, vases, etc)
Lots of heavy and hard projectile objects are around (see above)
Lots of projectile objects that can stain your clothes are around.
 
2014-05-08 02:53:10 PM  

Sybarite: her: i have to go to work.
him: you work too hard.
her: i work because the rent has to get paid. you ever think of that?
him: of course. it's why I asked my parents for...


Yeah, I think she's probably making the right call.


that's exactly what I got out of that little tidbit
 
Displayed 50 of 107 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report