If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Star)   How not to pick up strippers   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line 54
    More: Dumbass  
•       •       •

9589 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2014 at 11:13 AM (15 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-05-08 09:02:45 AM
Don't pick them up like they're a bowling ball. That gets their dander up.
 
2014-05-08 09:21:27 AM
Lol Russians are farking drunks
 
2014-05-08 11:14:47 AM
Lift with your knees.
 
2014-05-08 11:16:47 AM
I hope he lifted with the knees and not the back. But WTF is that place to cheap to hire bouncers?
 
2014-05-08 11:17:04 AM
Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.
 
2014-05-08 11:17:46 AM
Tie a baggie of meth to a string and drag it along the ground into your rape dungeon house.
 
2014-05-08 11:18:21 AM

Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.


how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..
 
2014-05-08 11:18:48 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Don't pick them up like they're a bowling ball. That gets their dander up.


Yes, don't carry them like a six-pack, either.
content8.flixster.com

Carry on.
 
2014-05-08 11:18:49 AM

groppet: I hope he lifted with the knees and not the back. But WTF is that place to cheap to hire bouncers?


Bouncers for what? Strippers like to make extra money using their hole instead of the pole.
 
2014-05-08 11:19:24 AM
Why shouldn't he just take her? A well-connected gangster is above the law in Russia.
 
2014-05-08 11:19:28 AM
Hey, boss...I don't need an article to tell me how to NOT pick up chicks...

screenagekicks.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-05-08 11:20:21 AM
Aren't you supposed to club them over the head before carrying them off?
 
2014-05-08 11:20:25 AM

FirstNationalBastard: Don't pick them up like they're a bowling ball. That gets their dander up.


I think you meant:

Don't pick them up like they're a six-pack.
 
2014-05-08 11:21:00 AM
I like my strippers like I like my coffee: tied up in a burlap sack and carried by a migrant farm worker named Juan.
 
2014-05-08 11:21:38 AM

kbronsito: Aren't you supposed to club them over the head before carrying them off?


Yes, and it's generally good form to drag them by their hair.
 
2014-05-08 11:24:10 AM
Zug zug.
 
2014-05-08 11:28:11 AM
Cocaine, the best way to pick up strippers is cocaine.
 
2014-05-08 11:29:08 AM
FTA: Borodin

Must have thought she was a Polovtsian Maiden.
 
2014-05-08 11:30:17 AM
The real question is...was she hawt?
 
2014-05-08 11:30:38 AM
content9.flixster.com

I saw this one before
 
2014-05-08 11:31:49 AM
images.smh.com.au

So Putin's Fark handle is Borodin?  Good to know.
 
2014-05-08 11:32:14 AM

Mister Buttons: Cocaine, the best way to pick up strippers is cocaine.


Yep. My current GF used to strip, and one of my relatively naive and drug-free friends was asking her about strippers and drugs. Her response was classic: "Honey, strippers and coke go together like peanut butter and jelly."

/csb?
 
2014-05-08 11:34:04 AM
FTA: After numerous calls from the owner of the club...

Those must have been interesting voice messages.

"Sidor, Sidor, Sidor...how many times do I have to tell you, the strippers are mine, not yours. Now bring her back!"

"Sidor, don't you be getting my stripper dirty. I'll expect her back in her original state!"

"Look Sidor, if you bring her back like a good boy, I'll give you a free salad!"
 
2014-05-08 11:34:16 AM

Mentalpatient87: kbronsito: Aren't you supposed to club them over the head before carrying them off?

Yes, and it's generally good form to drag them by their hair.


Unless she's black. You never touch a black woman's hair.
 
2014-05-08 11:35:51 AM

unfarkingbelievable: groppet: I hope he lifted with the knees and not the back. But WTF is that place to cheap to hire bouncers?

Bouncers for what? Strippers like to make extra money using their hole instead of the pole.


Some do.

Get a private dance.  let her know you enjoyed it and ask if she does private parties. It helps if you have a lot of money and cocaine.
 
2014-05-08 11:39:26 AM
Wrong way: that guy.

Right way: $$$
 
2014-05-08 11:44:15 AM

Mister Buttons: Cocaine, the best way to pick up strippers is cocaine.


Yeah, assuming the place was at least somewhat upscale.

Meth would be more cost effective on some of the trashier joints.


/I've always found the trashier strip clubs to be FAR more entertaining-- the trashier the better.
 
2014-05-08 11:46:21 AM
By the nipple piercings?
 
2014-05-08 11:46:56 AM
Not bad. Here's her instagram (I suspect) http://web.stagram.com/n/misszoue/
 
2014-05-08 11:51:04 AM
I'm thinking somehow vodak was involved...
 
2014-05-08 12:05:18 PM

smallerGov: Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.

how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..


stripper
 
2014-05-08 12:06:27 PM
L.B.J style?

For the youngin's:

2012wubucket.s3.amazonaws.com

"Yelps of joy", my ass.
 
2014-05-08 12:07:45 PM

smallerGov: Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.

how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..


Sorta related CSB based on your comment:

My buddy has world-class stripper kavorka. He's an average guy, but strippers just fall in love with him. He's brought a few home that were ridiculously hot and sorta not too crazy/infected.

Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice, brings some $ and then leads with:

"Aw, shucks pretty lady...it's just...well, heck...see, I've never been to a strip club before in my whole gosh darn boring life and, oh my golly, (whispers) I'll admit to you darlin' that I'm a little bit nervous being around all you beautiful women. Can you just tell me what are the lap dance rules? Like, do I need sit on my hands so I don't accidentally touch you?"

You get the point.

So, one time he does this with a unbelievably hot blonde woman who's standing in front of him in a pink bikini. When he asked for the rules, she replied simply: "If its got hair on it, you can touch it."

She then promptly pulled down her bikini bottoms, he looks downstairs, and she's completely bare. He looks back up and she smiles and says: "See any hair?"

He took her to the Waffle House about 5 hours and $1500 later.

/partial to naughty school teacher with freckles, myself
 
2014-05-08 12:11:18 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: smallerGov: Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.

how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..

Sorta related CSB based on your comment:

My buddy has world-class stripper kavorka. He's an average guy, but strippers just fall in love with him. He's brought a few home that were ridiculously hot and sorta not too crazy/infected.

Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice, brings some $ and then leads with:

"Aw, shucks pretty lady...it's just...well, heck...see, I've never been to a strip club before in my whole gosh darn boring life and, oh my golly, (whispers) I'll admit to you darlin' that I'm a little bit nervous being around all you beautiful women. Can you just tell me what are the lap dance rules? Like, do I need sit on my hands so I don't accidentally touch you?"

You get the point.

So, one time he does this with a unbelievably hot blonde woman who's standing in front of him in a pink bikini. When he asked for the rules, she replied simply: "If its got hair on it, you can touch it."

She then promptly pulled down her bikini bottoms, he looks downstairs, and she's completely bare. He looks back up and she smiles and says: "See any hair?"

He took her to the Waffle House about 5 hours and $1500 later.

/partial to naughty school teacher with freckles, myself


Gd it. "CAN'T touch it." My whole morning wasted.
 
2014-05-08 12:32:55 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: The Pope of Manwich Village: smallerGov: Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.

how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..

Sorta related CSB based on your comment:

My buddy has world-class stripper kavorka. He's an average guy, but strippers just fall in love with him. He's brought a few home that were ridiculously hot and sorta not too crazy/infected.

Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice, brings some $ and then leads with:

"Aw, shucks pretty lady...it's just...well, heck...see, I've never been to a strip club before in my whole gosh darn boring life and, oh my golly, (whispers) I'll admit to you darlin' that I'm a little bit nervous being around all you beautiful women. Can you just tell me what are the lap dance rules? Like, do I need sit on my hands so I don't accidentally touch you?"

You get the point.

So, one time he does this with a unbelievably hot blonde woman who's standing in front of him in a pink bikini. When he asked for the rules, she replied simply: "If its got hair on it, you can touch it."

She then promptly pulled down her bikini bottoms, he looks downstairs, and she's completely bare. He looks back up and she smiles and says: "See any hair?"

He took her to the Waffle House about 5 hours and $1500 later.

/partial to naughty school teacher with freckles, myself

Gd it. "CAN'T touch it." My whole morning wasted.


I think the $1500 has more to do with it than any stripper kavorka
 
2014-05-08 12:33:52 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Hey, boss...I don't need an article to tell me how to NOT pick up chicks...

[screenagekicks.files.wordpress.com image 500x289]


Came here for that one...Thanks

***golf clap***
 
2014-05-08 12:35:30 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice


Yep. I still go to the club with friends a couple times a month, and I usually dress in nice business clothes and the girls seem to appreciate that and respond positively to it. It's a good way to stand apart from all the schlubs that come in with dirty jeans and a wrinkled T-shirt.

As the song goes, "every girl crazy about a sharp-dressed man."
 
2014-05-08 12:41:08 PM

pueblonative: I like my strippers like I like my coffee: tied up in a burlap sack and carried by a migrant farm worker named Juan.


Go on...
 
2014-05-08 12:47:56 PM

SuperChuck: I think the $1500 has more to do with it than any stripper kavorka


THIS

I have had several strippers ask to go home with me (or me go to their place-good looking ones at that) and I've never spent more than $120. I never did go tho, because I am s-m-r-t...


I have better luck at strip clubs than anywhere else for some reason.  Must be the (lack of) light.
 
2014-05-08 12:48:58 PM
www2.famille.ne.jp
 
2014-05-08 12:49:32 PM
Strip clubs have takeout?
 
2014-05-08 01:10:17 PM

kbronsito: Mentalpatient87: kbronsito: Aren't you supposed to club them over the head before carrying them off?

Yes, and it's generally good form to drag them by their hair.

Unless she's black. You never touch a black woman's hair weave.

 
2014-05-08 01:11:54 PM

How not to pick up strippers


With a forklift.
 
2014-05-08 01:16:21 PM
My guess is the talk with the owner went something like this:

Owner:  "Bring her back, Now!"
Perv:  "No"
Owner:  "No problem.  Yuri and Igor will come by and pick her up - charge for them is your knee-caps."
Perv:  "She's on way back.  Sorry."
 
2014-05-08 01:44:37 PM
The Pope of Manwich Village:

He took her to the Waffle House about 5 hours and $1500 later.

/partial to naughty school teacher with freckles, myself


Why do they all want to go to the Waffle House?  (Used to have a little kavorka myself.  About 35 years ago.)
 
2014-05-08 02:01:56 PM
You don't pick up strippers. You lay them down.
 
2014-05-08 02:07:15 PM

gretzkyscores: The Pope of Manwich Village: Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice

Yep. I still go to the club with friends a couple times a month, and I usually dress in nice business clothes and the girls seem to appreciate that and respond positively to it. It's a good way to stand apart from all the schlubs that come in with dirty jeans and a wrinkled T-shirt.

As the song goes, "every girl crazy about a sharp-dressed man."


appreciate is an odd word to use there, they see you as a better mark than the the guy in the tshirt. Don't confuse that fact.
 
2014-05-08 03:08:18 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: smallerGov: Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.

how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..

Sorta related CSB based on your comment:

My buddy has world-class stripper kavorka. He's an average guy, but strippers just fall in love with him. He's brought a few home that were ridiculously hot and sorta not too crazy/infected.

Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice, brings some $ and then leads with:

"Aw, shucks pretty lady...it's just...well, heck...see, I've never been to a strip club before in my whole gosh darn boring life and, oh my golly, (whispers) I'll admit to you darlin' that I'm a little bit nervous being around all you beautiful women. Can you just tell me what are the lap dance rules? Like, do I need sit on my hands so I don't accidentally touch you?"

You get the point.

So, one time he does this with a unbelievably hot blonde woman who's standing in front of him in a pink bikini. When he asked for the rules, she replied simply: "If its got hair on it, you can touch it."

She then promptly pulled down her bikini bottoms, he looks downstairs, and she's completely bare. He looks back up and she smiles and says: "See any hair?"

He took her to the Waffle House about 5 hours and $1500 later.

/partial to naughty school teacher with freckles, myself


I have always been able to pull the G-string aside enough for a nice look when slipping a $5.00 in the string. In a private dance I have just asked if I could have a look down below some ask for money others just remove the G-string completely.

I too always dress nice when I visit a strip club. I have been to one in years so I do not know how well that would work now that I am much older. I do have a lot more money now though.
 
2014-05-08 03:11:09 PM
Q: How do you know if a woman is bipolar?
A: She works at two different strip clubs.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
 
2014-05-08 03:25:11 PM

The Pope of Manwich Village: smallerGov: Nothing To See Here: Beats getting picked up by the Fuzz.

how do you know she wasn't complete shaven..

Sorta related CSB based on your comment:

My buddy has world-class stripper kavorka. He's an average guy, but strippers just fall in love with him. He's brought a few home that were ridiculously hot and sorta not too crazy/infected.

Part of his deal is, although he's been to the titty bar a hundred times, he always dresses up nice, brings some $ and then leads with:

"Aw, shucks pretty lady...it's just...well, heck...see, I've never been to a strip club before in my whole gosh darn boring life and, oh my golly, (whispers) I'll admit to you darlin' that I'm a little bit nervous being around all you beautiful women. Can you just tell me what are the lap dance rules? Like, do I need sit on my hands so I don't accidentally touch you?"

You get the point.

So, one time he does this with a unbelievably hot blonde woman who's standing in front of him in a pink bikini. When he asked for the rules, she replied simply: "If its got hair on it, you can touch it."

She then promptly pulled down her bikini bottoms, he looks downstairs, and she's completely bare. He looks back up and she smiles and says: "See any hair?"

He took her to the Waffle House about 5 hours and $1500 later.

/partial to naughty school teacher with freckles, myself


You always ask the rules before a lap dance.  Be nice, honest and have money.   I've gotten EPIC lap dances and much more but you have to be a decent guy about it, not creepy have some cash and wait for the right dancer.

some places not matter what you do, the lap dance will suck and I know a few that will give BJs and hand job, I've had one lady try to put her crocth in my mouth....

Better luck at the sleezer places, and it helps if you standard aren't too too high.
 
Displayed 50 of 54 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report