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(Daily Mail)   Lusty licentiousness and prurience, not prudence leads to happy marriages, according to randy rabbi. "Lust is key to all marriages in bible"   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 65
    More: Amusing, rabbis  
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3711 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 May 2014 at 6:17 AM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-07 12:21:40 AM  
Kosher Lust

Don't slather your junk with dairy products?
 
2014-05-07 12:45:42 AM  

fusillade762: Kosher Lust

Don't slather your junk with dairy products?


I was thinking have it blessed by a rabbi

/but then why isn't that covered at the bris?
//or is it just an excuse for another ceremony?
///oy
 
2014-05-07 01:28:50 AM  
Just have to read Psalms to know that
 
2014-05-07 01:34:05 AM  

timujin: Just have to read Psalms to know that


There's a hairy psalms joke in there somewhere
 
2014-05-07 01:34:05 AM  
In fairness, a sure sign that your marriage is in the tank, when you just don't want to f*ck that person any more. Not even on a holiday or your birthday. You want a happy marriage, find someone you just want to keep f*cking, all the time, any where, any when.
 
2014-05-07 01:39:46 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: timujin: Just have to read Psalms to know that

There's a hairy psalms joke in there somewhere


I think that was it
 
2014-05-07 01:45:30 AM  

timujin: MaudlinMutantMollusk: timujin: Just have to read Psalms to know that

There's a hairy psalms joke in there somewhere

I think that was it


1-media-cdn.foolz.us
 
2014-05-07 02:36:32 AM  
www.kosherham.com
 
2014-05-07 06:21:26 AM  
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-05-07 06:22:36 AM  
Hey! Someone who actually read the book.
 
2014-05-07 06:24:14 AM  

zarker: [29.media.tumblr.com image 500x672]


I have to plagiarize the hell out of that.  Thank you.
 
Skr
2014-05-07 06:24:15 AM  
Rabbid sex, eh?
 
2014-05-07 06:36:41 AM  
Well, yeah, in the bible marriage involved owning multiple wives who were chattel with no purpose under Jewish law beyond being sex slaves until they got pregnant, having a kid, then repeating.  And the husband was more or less legally obligated to hold up his end of all that sex by himself, and yet also hold down some kind of real job.

I imagine you'd need a good bit of lust to keep up with all that.
 
2014-05-07 06:43:30 AM  
goddammit if I was 20 years younger....
 
2014-05-07 06:43:34 AM  

zarker: [29.media.tumblr.com image 500x672]


Love is a triangle.  Bizarre.
 
GBB
2014-05-07 06:44:24 AM  
"Lust is key to all marriages in bible"

No sir, you're thinking of Disney.
 
2014-05-07 06:50:50 AM  
Well duh. I could've told you that.

/where obvious tag?
 
2014-05-07 06:54:40 AM  
Jewish Princesses don't eat meat. The book's source is flawed, thus the book is wrong.
 
2014-05-07 07:03:12 AM  
"For example, he recommends that couples shut the door when they go to the bathroom, as 'obstacles create greater designer."

Wut?
 
2014-05-07 07:07:37 AM  

Colin O'Scopy: Jewish Princesses don't eat meat. The book's source is flawed, thus the book is wrong.


About 10-12 years ago, I ran across a preview clip for a 'real' Jewish Princess who signed up to appear on Blacks on Blondes in order to punish her boyfriend for cheating on her..
 
2014-05-07 07:11:29 AM  
No way I'm ever taking any sex or marriage advice from a Chabadnik.
 
2014-05-07 07:11:36 AM  

fusillade762: zarker: [29.media.tumblr.com image 500x672]

Love is a triangle.  Bizarre.


Kosher love is much more complicated.
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-05-07 07:13:39 AM  
Love is a battlefield, right Jews?
 
2014-05-07 07:16:36 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: fusillade762: Kosher Lust

Don't slather your junk with dairy products?

I was thinking have it blessed by a rabbi

/but then why isn't that covered at the bris?
//or is it just an excuse for another ceremony?
///oy


Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh!
This is not what kashrut is about, dammit.
There is no blessing by a rabbi.
 
2014-05-07 07:18:07 AM  

HotIgneous Intruder: Love is a battlefield, right Jews?


No. But marriage is hard work.
 
2014-05-07 07:30:34 AM  
This is pretty much what I told a young friend of mine once:

Find a person who absolutely LOVES your dick. Someone who always wants your dick, and thinks it's the best thing ever.

This is what good romantic relationships are built upon.
 
2014-05-07 07:31:50 AM  

demaL-demaL-yeH: No. But marriage is hard work.


Sure, but if that's all that it is, it's truly empty. The image zarker posted is spot on.
 
2014-05-07 07:32:00 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: fusillade762: Kosher Lust

Don't slather your junk with dairy products?

I was thinking have it blessed by a rabbi

/but then why isn't that covered at the bris?
//or is it just an excuse for another ceremony?
///oy


Sprinkle it with kosher salt.
 
2014-05-07 07:37:14 AM  
Frank Zappa - Jewish Princess LyricsI want a nasty little Jewish Princess
With long phony nails and a hairdo that rinses
A horny little Jewish Princess
With a garlic aroma that could level Tacoma
Lonely inside
Well, she can swallow my pride

I want a hairy little Jewish Princess
With a brand new nose, who knows where it goes
I want a steamy little Jewish Princess
With over-worked gums, who squeaks when she cums
I don't want no troll
I just want a Yemenite hole

I want a darling little Jewish Princess
Who don't know shiat about cooking and is arrogant looking
A vicious little Jewish Princess
To specifically happen with a ?-pee that's snapin'
All up inside I just want a princess to ride

Alright, back to the fop... everybody twist!

I want a funky little Jewish Princess
A grinder; a bumper, with a pre-moistened dumper
A brazen little Jewish Princess
With titanic tits, and sand-blasted zits
She can even be poor
So long as she does it with four on the floor (Vapor-lock)

I want a dainty little Jewish Princess
With a couple of sisters who can raise a few blisters
A fragile little Jewish Princess
With Romanian thighs, who weasels 'n' lies
For two or three nights
Won't someone send me a princess who bites
Won't someone send me a princess who bites
Won't someone send me a princess who bites
Won't someone send me a princess who bites
 
2014-05-07 07:37:18 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Well, yeah, in the bible marriage involved owning multiple wives who were chattel with no purpose under Jewish law beyond being sex slaves until they got pregnant, having a kid, then repeating.  And the husband was more or less legally obligated to hold up his end of all that sex by himself, and yet also hold down some kind of real job.

I imagine you'd need a good bit of lust to keep up with all that.


Wives and concubines. Sometimes servants too.
 
2014-05-07 08:00:47 AM  

HAMMERTOE: demaL-demaL-yeH: No. But marriage is hard work.

Sure, but if that's all that it is, it's truly empty. The image zarker posted is spot on.




This.

I can see my first marriage breakdown in those triangles-- the passion was never there. And gradually, the other two pieces fell away too
 
2014-05-07 08:11:03 AM  

zarker: [29.media.tumblr.com image 500x672]


img.fark.net
I always thought there should be more words for love. I think they should be brorange, porange etc... so they can be used in poems to rhyme with orange.

/Thanks subby for adding prurience to my vocabulary. It doesn't roll off the tongue but I'll give it a try today.
 
2014-05-07 08:18:57 AM  

SpdrJay: This is pretty much what I told a young friend of mine once:

Find a person who absolutely LOVES your dick. Someone who always wants your dick, and thinks it's the best thing ever.

This is what good romantic relationships are built upon.


Hmmm....there may be some truth in this. I believe my husband has the most perfect dick ever. Plus, we are very modest with our bathroom habits.

17 years of togetherness and we still have the hots for each other. On my side, I weigh just 10 lbs more than what I was when we met, even after 3 kids. That's mostly genetics and eating well.

The phrase "Women are afraid their men will never change and men are afraid their women will" is true.
 
2014-05-07 08:25:01 AM  
i keep telling people that if they want their marriage to work, they gotta fark.

and then i hear how sex isn't the most important part, am I just supposed to because HE wants to, blah blah blah.

fark your spouse.  fark them long and well and often and you will generally have a happy homelife.
 
2014-05-07 08:34:49 AM  
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ORw4Q95PtZM/TaCKidmGeEI/AAAAAAAACgQ/Vr5iK4J5 Qrw/s400/Wilder+and+Betsy+The+Sheep.jpg
 
2014-05-07 08:37:08 AM  

strife: "For example, he recommends that couples shut the door when they go to the bathroom, as 'obstacles create greater designer."

Since the Daily Mail is doing a book report on the NY Post this makes sense.
 
2014-05-07 08:42:36 AM  

strife: "For example, he recommends that couples shut the door when they go to the bathroom, as 'obstacles create greater designer."

Wut?


Automobile complete.
 
2014-05-07 08:48:48 AM  
"Lust is key to all."

FTFY subby.
 
2014-05-07 08:52:37 AM  

TheGogmagog: I always thought there should be more words for love.


The Greeks thought so, too...
 
2014-05-07 09:01:40 AM  
I don't need a license for my lust.
 
2014-05-07 09:58:23 AM  

hubiestubert: In fairness, a sure sign that your marriage is in the tank, when you just don't want to f*ck that person any more. Not even on a holiday or your birthday. You want a happy marriage, find someone you just want to keep f*cking, all the time, any where, any when.


Only if you qualify it to *that person*.  Someone who simply doesn't desire sex anymore can still love their partner.
 
2014-05-07 10:07:12 AM  

Loren: hubiestubert: In fairness, a sure sign that your marriage is in the tank, when you just don't want to f*ck that person any more. Not even on a holiday or your birthday. You want a happy marriage, find someone you just want to keep f*cking, all the time, any where, any when.

Only if you qualify it to *that person*.  Someone who simply doesn't desire sex anymore can still love their partner.


If their partner still desires sex then that's still a pretty good sign the marriage is "in the tank" unless some concessions can be made.
 
2014-05-07 10:24:36 AM  

Fafai: Loren: hubiestubert: In fairness, a sure sign that your marriage is in the tank, when you just don't want to f*ck that person any more. Not even on a holiday or your birthday. You want a happy marriage, find someone you just want to keep f*cking, all the time, any where, any when.

Only if you qualify it to *that person*.  Someone who simply doesn't desire sex anymore can still love their partner.

If their partner still desires sex then that's still a pretty good sign the marriage is "in the tank" unless some concessions can be made.


Bears Repeating.

You're on a road to disaster if one partner still desires sex and the other does not.  Even if they still love the other deeply turning off the sexual portion of the relationship when the other desires it is going to end poorly.    There is going to have to be a long difficult conversation, and both sides will have to make concessions, but just stopping outright isn't going to work in the long run.
 
2014-05-07 10:34:49 AM  

sharpie_69: Fafai: Loren: hubiestubert: In fairness, a sure sign that your marriage is in the tank, when you just don't want to f*ck that person any more. Not even on a holiday or your birthday. You want a happy marriage, find someone you just want to keep f*cking, all the time, any where, any when.

Only if you qualify it to *that person*.  Someone who simply doesn't desire sex anymore can still love their partner.

If their partner still desires sex then that's still a pretty good sign the marriage is "in the tank" unless some concessions can be made.

Bears Repeating.

You're on a road to disaster if one partner still desires sex and the other does not.  Even if they still love the other deeply turning off the sexual portion of the relationship when the other desires it is going to end poorly.    There is going to have to be a long difficult conversation, and both sides will have to make concessions, but just stopping outright isn't going to work in the long run.


I would just as soon not fark someone who isn't interested in farking me. No charity sex for me, thanks.

Which, unfortunately, means no sex for me, unless I step out.

IMO, if one partner loses interest in sex, there should be no expectation of fidelity at that point. But the person who no longer wants to have sex with me will be the same person to fly off the handle and use the judicial system to make my life suck even more if I fark anyone else.

/said 95% of married men in history
 
2014-05-07 10:48:49 AM  

H31N0US: I would just as soon not fark someone who isn't interested in farking me. No charity sex for me, thanks.


Charity sex is useless, and even counter-productive as it is a breeding ground for contempt.  That is why I said concessions from both sides.  If your partner just flat out is not interested and is not willing to regain interest you're screwed, as you state.  And I think it should be grounds for a clean no mess divorce, but reality is sadly different.
I don't understand how you can claim to love someone and not be willing to work on all aspects of the relationship. If you are unwilling to figure out how to relight the passion you don't love your partner.
 
2014-05-07 10:53:13 AM  

H31N0US: sharpie_69: Fafai: Loren: hubiestubert: In fairness, a sure sign that your marriage is in the tank, when you just don't want to f*ck that person any more. Not even on a holiday or your birthday. You want a happy marriage, find someone you just want to keep f*cking, all the time, any where, any when.

Only if you qualify it to *that person*.  Someone who simply doesn't desire sex anymore can still love their partner.

If their partner still desires sex then that's still a pretty good sign the marriage is "in the tank" unless some concessions can be made.

Bears Repeating.

You're on a road to disaster if one partner still desires sex and the other does not.  Even if they still love the other deeply turning off the sexual portion of the relationship when the other desires it is going to end poorly.    There is going to have to be a long difficult conversation, and both sides will have to make concessions, but just stopping outright isn't going to work in the long run.

I would just as soon not fark someone who isn't interested in farking me. No charity sex for me, thanks.


This is a good point - if one isn't interested in sex, there really aren't any concessions to be made that are worthwhile.  The one who wants sex will be resentful that they're not getting any, the one who doesn't want sex will be resentful that they're expected to... Once you're there, it's pretty hard to maintain any sense of intimacy (who wants to share intimate details with someone who causes resentment?), and then you're just left with the empty shell of my marriage.

/Hopefully be officially out of it this summer
 
2014-05-07 11:00:21 AM  
If this is news to anyone, they obviously haven't read "The Song of Solomon" from the Old Testament. I mean, DAMN. There's just chapters upon chapters of these two people lusting after each other and describing what it is like to fark like rabbits. And it is in every bible, and gets skipped over by 90% of the preachers out there because they find it hard (heh) to avoid a boner while reading from it.
 
2014-05-07 11:01:33 AM  

H31N0US: I would just as soon not fark someone who isn't interested in farking me. No charity sex for me, thanks.


I was more thinking of sex with other people outside the marriage. I don't accept charity sex either.
 
2014-05-07 11:01:35 AM  
Where does sucking off freshly circ'd babies come in here?
 
2014-05-07 11:07:08 AM  
*Looks to left* Oh, it's one of those British links.
 
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