If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Grantland)   If I fought this rapper, would I win? A handy chart   (grantland.com) divider line 68
    More: Obvious, Lil Boosie, Lil Wayne, T.I., Lil Mama  
•       •       •

5554 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 06 May 2014 at 4:19 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



68 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-05-06 03:48:34 PM  
That was fun. I scrolled down to this, though:

DMX
End Fight Probability: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA10000000000000PERCENTHAHAHAHAHA
Call a coroner.


Yep, that sold it for me. And probably true. DMX isn't a big guy, so you know he packs heat everywhere he goes. A lot of rappers might just be exaggerating for the songs, but I'd be more worried about fighting one of these guys because they've straight-up killed people
 
2014-05-06 04:28:06 PM  
No Fred Durst on the list?

/I kid, I kid
//but I did try to fight him once.
 
2014-05-06 04:29:26 PM  
They got JayZ and Drake on the wrong sides.  You'd be shot down by JayZ's bodyguards before you ever got close to landing a blow.  Drake is the type of dude to eat pizza with a fork.
 
2014-05-06 04:29:48 PM  
thegrumpyforeskin.files.wordpress.com

/homophoned
//no that's not a homophobic slur
 
2014-05-06 04:31:25 PM  
LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.
 
2014-05-06 04:35:44 PM  

wildcardjack: LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.


Hi job now is to look comically huge to Heddy on NCIS LA.  though her character has similar ninja kill attributes to Leroy Jethro Gibbs
 
2014-05-06 04:39:16 PM  

wildcardjack: LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.


Depends on what his momma says to do
 
2014-05-06 04:39:46 PM  
No Marky Mark?
 
2014-05-06 04:40:01 PM  
You could never include any member of Wu on this list because they form like Voltron, move on a n*gga with the speed of a centipede and injure any motherf*ckin' contender.
 
2014-05-06 04:40:45 PM  

TheManofPA: wildcardjack: LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.

Depends on what his momma says to do


MOMMA SAID TAKE YOU OUT to a nice dinner
 
2014-05-06 04:42:40 PM  

SmackLT: TheManofPA: wildcardjack: LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.

Depends on what his momma says to do

MOMMA SAID TAKE YOU OUT to a nice dinner


He's the type of guy....that tips the waiter at least 25%
 
2014-05-06 04:44:45 PM  

Bareefer Obonghit: You could never include any member of Wu on this list because they form like Voltron, move on a n*gga with the speed of a centipede and injure any motherf*ckin' contender.


Diversify yo bonds!
 
2014-05-06 04:45:07 PM  

Bareefer Obonghit: You could never include any member of Wu on this list because they form like Voltron, move on a n*gga with the speed of a centipede and injure any motherf*ckin' contender.


They're probably not quite as ballsy lately...
 
2014-05-06 04:47:01 PM  
This list is a good list.

Most skeptical about Drake being where he is.
Most unhappy that regular snoop was only at 71 percent. Lanky guys fight to the end, also, snoop is stabby.

Would kill to see what OFWGKTMA would do if Tyler the Creator won. (Spoiler: Something with chocolate pudding and Taco being shot with airsoft guns.)
 
2014-05-06 04:47:22 PM  
Yeah, after that story of LL breaking that guy's jaw who broke into his house it's fair to say that build isn't just for show, he can fark you up. Also, he punched Jamie Foxx so hard during their fight scene in Any Given Sunday that Foxx called the cops (which is hilarious)

However, MF DOOM is still the toughest to beat. Even if you think you've won, it'll turn out to have been a Doombot.
 
2014-05-06 04:50:11 PM  
This is the most Grantland thing ever written.
 
2014-05-06 04:56:53 PM  
I've only heard of about 2 of the guys on the right side of the list, but most of them on the left side.
 
2014-05-06 04:58:42 PM  
I'm just trying to figure out how the fark the writer calculated NEGATIVE probabilities.

Like I understand in the Venn Diagram of "Rap music aficionados" and "People with basic math comprehension" has minimal cross-over, but still...
 
2014-05-06 05:03:08 PM  
Ice-T needs to be farther to the right.  The man has seen and done some real shiat in his life.  Him waving around AK-47s and crap wasn't just for show.
 
2014-05-06 05:04:59 PM  
In an epic rap battle? Good chance.
 
2014-05-06 05:09:50 PM  
Don't care, book the fight.
 
2014-05-06 05:10:20 PM  
What...no Holographic Tupac? Slap a mobile emitter on him, and he could fark you up anytime, anyplace
 
2014-05-06 05:11:05 PM  
Ok sure, but can a lightsaber cut through adamantium?
 
2014-05-06 05:16:50 PM  
That was way more entertaining to me than it should have been.
/metalhead//never heard of half of these "artists"
 
2014-05-06 05:21:42 PM  
Where would I stand in a fight against Lil B?
 
2014-05-06 05:24:26 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-05-06 05:26:34 PM  
List needs more crazy ass Jamaican/Caribbean olks.

Don't do it. Don't fight crazy ass Jamaican/Caribbean folks.
 
2014-05-06 05:32:08 PM  

lordargent: List needs more crazy ass Jamaican/Caribbean olks.

Don't do it. Don't fight crazy ass Jamaican/Caribbean folks.


stream1.gifsoup.com
 
2014-05-06 05:33:04 PM  

RKade: That was way more entertaining to me than it should have been.
/metalhead//never heard of half of these "artists"


*snort*
 
2014-05-06 05:33:55 PM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: Hi job now is to look comically huge to Heddy on NCIS LA


And comically manly next to Robin.

I could probably kick Snoop's ass but he's the only rapper I wouldn't want to.
 
2014-05-06 05:35:10 PM  
Rick Ross is a former prison guard Im sure he can take a dude down if he needs to. Bad list is bad.
 
2014-05-06 05:37:48 PM  

lordargent: List needs more crazy ass Jamaican/Caribbean olks.

Don't do it. Don't fight crazy ass Jamaican/Caribbean folks.


This thread is starting to sound like a DirecTV ad.
 
2014-05-06 05:39:44 PM  

degenerate-afro: They got JayZ and Drake on the wrong sides.  You'd be shot down by JayZ's bodyguards before you ever got close to landing a blow.  Drake is the type of dude to eat pizza with a fork.


Drake is straight baby thighs
 
2014-05-06 05:52:50 PM  

dwade: Rick Ross is a former prison guard Im sure he can take a dude down if he needs to. Bad list is bad.


the guy is so fat he can't walk, he's gonna' "take a dude down?"
 
2014-05-06 05:55:31 PM  
Stupid list is stupid
 
2014-05-06 06:09:11 PM  
The list was amusing, the math is what killed it for me...
 
2014-05-06 06:13:14 PM  
Wow. I should rank, I don't know, pokemon cards, with negative probabilities of any one winning a rap battle. My research will be solely the cartoons from the last 3 years.

Pikachu wore a backwards hat once so he's the winner.

Negative probabilities?
 
2014-05-06 06:23:15 PM  
It's a list on the internet. The internet is populated entirely by ITGs. Therefore, everyone could kick all their asses.
 
2014-05-06 06:44:10 PM  

SmackLT: That was fun. I scrolled down to this, though:

DMX
End Fight Probability: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA10000000000000PERCENTHAHAHAHAHA
Call a coroner.

Yep, that sold it for me. And probably true. DMX isn't a big guy, so you know he packs heat everywhere he goes. A lot of rappers might just be exaggerating for the songs, but I'd be more worried about fighting one of these guys because they've straight-up killed people


Given these thugs poor marksmanship abilitythey are just as likely to miss you and hit a bystander.
 
2014-05-06 06:57:25 PM  

SmackLT: That was fun. I scrolled down to this, though:

DMX
End Fight Probability: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA10000000000000PERCENTHAHAHAHAHA
Call a coroner.

Yep, that sold it for me. And probably true. DMX isn't a big guy, so you know he packs heat everywhere he goes. A lot of rappers might just be exaggerating for the songs, but I'd be more worried about fighting one of these guys because they've straight-up killed people



I like how the author of your link is super white.

img.fark.net
 
2014-05-06 07:37:49 PM  

busy chillin': SmackLT: TheManofPA: wildcardjack: LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.

Depends on what his momma says to do

MOMMA SAID TAKE YOU OUT to a nice dinner

He's the type of guy....that tips the waiter at least 25%


The a, the b, the c, the d, the e, the f, the g, the h, the i, the j, the k, the l, the m, the n, the o, the p, the q, the r, the s, the t, the u, the v...wxyz...is some imperative sh*t for kids to be learnin'.
 
2014-05-06 07:39:11 PM  
If you fought this rapper? If you're only fighting, then the other person really isn't a rapper. I'd just assume a rapper and his posse has someone who's packing a weapon. So if you think about doing anything that doesn't involve you holding a gun then you're already lost.
 
2014-05-06 07:52:03 PM  
That's a stupid, stupid, stupid list.

DMX looks like a farking AIDS victim. If you rolled up a newspaper and hit him with it you'de probably fracture his arms. Poor guy.

Drake?!! Motherfarking Drake?
 
2014-05-06 08:03:24 PM  

mongbiohazard: That's a stupid, stupid, stupid list.

DMX looks like a farking AIDS victim. If you rolled up a newspaper and hit him with it you'de probably fracture his arms. Poor guy.

Drake?!! Motherfarking Drake?


DMX is also bipolar and extremely crazy though so he's got that going for him. As my late grandmother used to say, the weak fear the strong but the strong fear the insane.

I'm more amused by the article's insistence that Soulja Boy could kick anybody's ass.

cdn.urbanislandz.com

www.sohh.com

www.aceshowbiz.com
 
2014-05-06 08:32:32 PM  

the_vegetarian_cannibal: I'm more amused by the article's insistence that Soulja Boy could kick anybody's ass.


I feel like I should send him just 64 cents a day.
 
2014-05-06 08:57:54 PM  
I'm supposed to believe an emo Canadian that started as a farkin actor is a tough guy?
 
2014-05-06 09:08:44 PM  

wildcardjack: LL Cool J must no longer be a rapper. He's ultrafit and could probably unload an unending torment of blows on anyone who managed to bruise his cool.


He also beat off armed intruders that broke into his house, by himself.
 
2014-05-06 09:16:19 PM  

OhioUGrad: He also beat off armed intruders that broke into his house, by himself.


Phrasing!

/in a row?
 
2014-05-06 09:45:46 PM  

Mugato: OhioUGrad: He also beat off armed intruders that broke into his house, by himself.

Phrasing!

/in a row?


Totally wasn't paying attention but props for the Clerks reference
 
2014-05-06 09:53:39 PM  
Common won't kill you. Common is a pretty great guy.

Common would probably break every bone in your head though because he's 9 feet tall, has a grip like an octopus, is always encountered alone, and never carries any weapons. He probably just grabs stuff from his surroundings, like chairs and tables, and uses them instead.

But, as Black Superman, he won't kill you. He'll beat you nigh unto death and leave you alive in hope that you'll have learned a valuable lesson.

/Common comes to my restaurant once a month
//if it's slow, I'm showing him this list
 
Displayed 50 of 68 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report