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(Smithsonian Magazine)   "Farting represents not just a foul scent, but an impinging of one human upon another, an invasion of the senses and a breach of personal space"   ( ) divider line
    More: Asinine, personal distance  
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2119 clicks; posted to Geek » on 06 May 2014 at 11:42 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

120 Comments     (+0 »)
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2014-05-06 07:21:59 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Still not half as offensive as people who bathe in cologne.

And that again is not half as bad as the Eastern Europeans who neither bathe or wear deodorant. Other EE and CSE know what I mean.
2014-05-06 07:54:04 PM  
The farts I love the most are not necessarily the smelliest, but the ones so powerful, it lifts you off your seat a little bit and some of the gas gets trapped in your underwear. The gas doesn't escape until you shift a little. It even tickles your balls sometimes.
2014-05-06 08:12:02 PM  
I have a gorgeous friend who loves to fart in crowded elevators, because, hey, who's going to blame the pretty girl?

Nurses have a weird sense of humor...
2014-05-06 08:53:30 PM  

Slow of Wit: I have a gorgeous friend who loves to fart in crowded elevators, because, hey, who's going to blame the pretty girl?

I'm picturing an elevator full of pervs with their eyes closed, all leaning toward her and inhaling steadily through their noses.
2014-05-06 09:37:39 PM  
at a 20th class reunion a group of about 10 of us were standing at a bar.  Someone let out an eye-watering SBD.  Everyone scattered except for a very attractive gal, who stayed put and laughed her ass off.

/probably a farker, too.
2014-05-06 09:38:01 PM  
I am lucky in that I work with old people. I just drop them around them and make a clean getaway.
2014-05-06 09:40:59 PM  
I was banned by my college roommate from eating fried mozzarella cheese sticks. If you had struck a match in my dorm room after eating those the place would have blown up.
2014-05-06 11:29:47 PM
2014-05-06 11:32:10 PM
2014-05-06 11:32:12 PM
2014-05-06 11:32:45 PM
2014-05-07 12:23:26 AM  
Fiber One bars.

They are farking delicious, but you could launch yourself into space from the gas it gives you.

Also, don't eat two at a time. I made that terrible mistake once. That WRECKED my stomach.
2014-05-07 12:39:21 AM  
Then there's toot poetry, lawd, I haven't though of this stuff for years....

Years ago I had a very creative co-worker, and whenever we were bored we'd email each other silly things, usually lists of the things her cat didn't do that day. One day her (somewhat dotty) mom came to visit her at work so they could go to lunch. Said friend was introducing mom to her boss when mom let it rip both audibly and olfactory and just kept talking as if nothing had happened.

Later that day I got a hilarious epic poem of at least two pages and I REALLY wish I could find a copy... All about Michelle's Mom's Toots.

The one line I remember is "she float dem biscuits while they're hot..."

Then there's "The Mug, Sundered." That one was never written down, but a G/F (the one with the CRIMINAL son) and I were up late, already exhausted but unable to sleep, so we started making up an epic poem about some guy who dated a rich girl and was invited to meet the family at their palatial mansion at a fancy dinner. Unfortunately the guy had had Taco Bell for lunch.

Eventually he had to excuse himself to find the bathroom... Wandering the halls he can't find the bathroom, but he does find an antique china chamberpot in one room...

Unfortunately said chamberpot is not up to the ensuing blast. I only remember two stanzas:

"As I sat down, rather urgent,
my bean burrito came emergent
with sturm und drang to make a Wagner proud!

It was loud,
It made a cloud!


Oh, now there's a blunder!
I have burst the mug asunder!
And it was my nether thunder what done it...
Holy... Cow...
I mean, like OW!"

Why yes, we were cackling like 12-year olds while creating that...
2014-05-07 12:51:59 AM  
No real stinker tales to add here, just a poorly timed cough fart. I was at a local store, in an area where I thought I was alone. No carpet, no drapes, nothing to absorb sound. Oh, and a high ceiling. It was like a concert hall for my sonic boom. The entire time I was browsing around, the rumbles were in the works. Long story short, my cough was plenty loud but the duration wasn't even close. The reverb effect was awesome. I turned around to ditch the potential cloud and noticed an older couple just ten feet away from me. To make things worse, I got the giggles when I saw the shocked looks on their faces. I felt my face getting warm as I quickly shuffled to the door. Here it is, over a year later, and I still chuckle at that one!

/I love this thread
2014-05-07 01:13:43 AM  
...At about the 90 second mark I heard "one of y'all motherfarkers is NASTY!" from the back of the car.

I'm still giggling like a nine year old over that statement!
2014-05-07 08:32:43 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: FTFA: Farts may very well be the penultimate bodily emission.

Attention article "writer:" Words mean things.

Nah -

I like to throw big words around all the time.

The other day I caught my friend while zyphoid process.

Wait maybe they do...
2014-05-07 12:50:47 PM  
Am I the only one here that used to light farts?

There is a slight learning curve.
2014-05-07 12:51:49 PM  
'Course that was before I learned to never trust a fart.
2014-05-07 03:43:57 PM  

It's a shame what Lionel Ritchie's been reduced to.
2014-05-07 06:30:11 PM  
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