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(Newser)   Feeling constipated and sexy at the same time? There could be a pill for that   (newser.com) divider line 43
    More: Weird  
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4325 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2014 at 5:49 PM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-05-05 05:28:48 PM
Six to eight hours after being swallowed-about the time food would reach the lower part of the digestive system-the Vibrant pill begins pulsating three to five times a second. The action is controlled by an external base unit and can be adjusted from a slight tingle to what the manufacturer refers to as "riding a Harley over cobblestones." The Vibrant pill is being developed in connection with a joint research agreement with Playboy Enterprises, Inc.
 
2014-05-05 05:40:16 PM
The action is controlled by an external base unit but isn't noticeable to the patient

Great. So now my bowels are a hacking target.
 
2014-05-05 05:50:31 PM
for shiats and giggles
 
2014-05-05 05:52:32 PM
Who doesn't feel sexy when they are constipated?
 
2014-05-05 05:54:38 PM

medius: for shiats and giggles


*golf clap*
 
2014-05-05 05:54:51 PM
For those times you really want a blumpkin but just can't produce.
 
2014-05-05 05:55:43 PM
NOPE
 
2014-05-05 05:56:36 PM

Theaetetus: Six to eight hours after being swallowed-about the time food would reach the lower part of the digestive system-the Vibrant pill begins pulsating three to five times a second. The action is controlled by an external base unit and can be adjusted from a slight tingle to what the manufacturer refers to as "riding a Harley over cobblestones." The Vibrant pill is being developed in connection with a joint research agreement with Playboy Enterprises, Inc.


img.fark.net
 
2014-05-05 05:56:47 PM
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-05-05 05:57:11 PM
The Beach Boys said no, when asked.
 
2014-05-05 06:09:52 PM
i184.photobucket.com
/go ahead and GIS constipated sex.
//I dare you
 
2014-05-05 06:17:18 PM
Forget that.  I've developed my own system:

img.fark.net

Just before bed, you ingest the easy to swallow medicinal sphere.  The next morning, the sphere will be naturally and safely "ejected".  Use the specially designed tether to gently pull the cleansing implement through your digestive tract.
BAM!  Clean as a whistle!
 
2014-05-05 06:20:43 PM
www.hotflick.net

"No, I want to. Anal's great for when you're constipated. It totally loosens you up."
 
2014-05-05 06:30:52 PM
So vibratemypoo.com could soon be a thing?
 
2014-05-05 06:34:48 PM
I have no idea what constipation is. Not since I started to grind my own coffee. And this sounds like a sex toy you swallow.

A sex toy you swallow.
 
2014-05-05 06:41:01 PM
Wouldn't sticking one of those vibrating egg balls up your ass accomplish much the same thing in less time?
 
2014-05-05 06:44:42 PM
Increases pooping from twice a week to four times a week? Wow. If I didn't poop every day at least once, I would feel like I am about to explode. In fact, I'm pooping right this moment. That's my secret, though, I'm always pooping.
 
2014-05-05 06:45:24 PM
www.aceshowbiz.com
 
2014-05-05 06:45:52 PM
Just the poo of us. We can pinch it if we try. Just the poo of us. You brown eye.
 
2014-05-05 06:47:15 PM
Yah, as a woman, when you get farked by a huge cawk and you haven't shiat yet, you feel your anal bank account is kinda full. Especially in the morning, when he has that natural morning stiffy and wants to use it. Nature, ya know?
 
2014-05-05 06:48:28 PM
static.gamespot.com

/ Problem?
 
2014-05-05 06:50:35 PM
What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, Tiger!
 
2014-05-05 06:51:09 PM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Forget that.  I've developed my own system:

[img.fark.net image 500x372]

Just before bed, you ingest the easy to swallow medicinal sphere.  The next morning, the sphere will be naturally and safely "ejected".  Use the specially designed tether to gently pull the cleansing implement through your digestive tract.
BAM!  Clean as a whistle!


Sorry, but I've tried this. If you somehow manage to get the ball past your stomach, the string being in there will still trigger the puke reflex.

/also
//whatever superball size you're thinking of
///you probably need to go smaller
 
2014-05-05 06:52:17 PM
This would work especially well with the research chem 5-Methoxy-diisopropyltryptamine (Foxy).  It was my understanding that while that stuff made you fark like a beast it also made you shiat your guts out all night, which sort of defeated the original intended purpose.

But this combo is basically perfect for Deutsch fecophiles.
 
2014-05-05 07:01:17 PM
One night, I was at 7-11 and there was a group in front of me.  2 girls and a guy.  They had 4 items.  Beer, toilet paper, condoms, and ex-lax.
 
2014-05-05 07:02:35 PM

MrHappyRotter: Increases pooping from twice a week to four times a week? Wow. If I didn't poop every day at least once, I would feel like I am about to explode. In fact, I'm pooping right this moment. That's my secret, though, I'm always pooping.


www.bettyopolis.com
"That's lesson two: always be pooping."
 
2014-05-05 07:18:01 PM
There are people that only poop 2 times a week? Damn.
 
2014-05-05 07:18:10 PM
Rule 34
 
2014-05-05 07:22:39 PM
♪ Shake ya ass, but watch yourself... ♪
 
2014-05-05 07:27:48 PM

reported: Wouldn't sticking one of those vibrating egg balls up your ass accomplish much the same thing in less time?


CSB:

I used to work graveyard shift at a seedy sex shop, the kind with an arcade.  And we sold those vibrating eggs of which you speak.  Well local law says the arcade has to close at midnight, so come 12 we order everyone out via the PA and chain it off.  Now it came down on me to clean that vile arcade every night, but being the only person in the shop I liked to put if off until around 3am, when I knew the bar rush would be over so I wouldn't have to worry about drunks and shoplifters while up to my ankles in piss and jizz.  Well this one night I'm back there, and it was kind of already a spooky foggy night, and one of the booths was still locked.  This happens all the time, sometimes dumbasses just lock the door when exiting.  So I take out my keys and unlock it and boy-howdy wouldn't ya know it...

...IT'S A HUMAN farkING CORPSE- needle hanging from his arm and the wired controller unit for one of those eggs DANGLING FROM HIS ASS.  And it was STILL GOING STRONG.  You could hear the low hum.

So of course I throw my hands up and yell "AGAIN?!" and dial emergency services.  Well everyone shows up, because that's how they do things these days, and now the tiny arcade in my tiny store is packed with cops, firefighters, paramedics, me, and a pantsless in flagrante delicto copse.  It's at this time that one of the paramedics decides it would be the best course of action to remove the mechanized object.  Seeing him beginning to tug on the cord, I'm only able to get out a, "Ummmm, maybe we sho..."  but it was too late.  The claymore had already been triggered.

***KA-BOOM!!!***

With a force that I can only describe as pulverizing, several days worth of constipated junkie excretia- having been shaken loose for many hours by the vibrating egg and the relaxing muscles of the corpse- blasted from within the insides of the dearly departed perv, covering all who fell in its destructive radius.*  In a moment of shock the paramedic let go of the toy and it hit the tile floor and rattled and rattled until he finally picked it up and shut it off.

As with most nights it still fell upon me to clean that mess, but a cop and ambulance stayed behind to help and make sure none of us were covered in HIV when the store was back to "normal."  From that day forward whenever anyone would bring one of those eggs to the counter and ask if they were durable, I'd just smile and say, "Absolutely."

/*And standing there, looking at all of the faces covered in feculus as though John Waters were directing an avant-garde remake of Volcano, I thought to myself in my best Tommy Lee Jones voice, "You know, maybe we're not all so different after all."
 
2014-05-05 07:29:17 PM

jthan9: There are people that only poop 2 times a week? Damn.


I actually only poop once a week but I also eat verrrrrrrrrry little.
 
2014-05-05 07:34:32 PM
eat a veritable once in  a while
 
2014-05-05 07:49:25 PM

radarlove: reported: Wouldn't sticking one of those vibrating egg balls up your ass accomplish much the same thing in less time?

CSB:

I used to work graveyard shift at a seedy sex shop, the kind with an arcade.  And we sold those vibrating eggs of which you speak.  Well local law says the arcade has to close at midnight, so come 12 we order everyone out via the PA and chain it off.  Now it came down on me to clean that vile arcade every night, but being the only person in the shop I liked to put if off until around 3am, when I knew the bar rush would be over so I wouldn't have to worry about drunks and shoplifters while up to my ankles in piss and jizz.  Well this one night I'm back there, and it was kind of already a spooky foggy night, and one of the booths was still locked.  This happens all the time, sometimes dumbasses just lock the door when exiting.  So I take out my keys and unlock it and boy-howdy wouldn't ya know it...

...IT'S A HUMAN farkING CORPSE- needle hanging from his arm and the wired controller unit for one of those eggs DANGLING FROM HIS ASS.  And it was STILL GOING STRONG.  You could hear the low hum.

So of course I throw my hands up and yell "AGAIN?!" and dial emergency services.  Well everyone shows up, because that's how they do things these days, and now the tiny arcade in my tiny store is packed with cops, firefighters, paramedics, me, and a pantsless in flagrante delicto copse.  It's at this time that one of the paramedics decides it would be the best course of action to remove the mechanized object.  Seeing him beginning to tug on the cord, I'm only able to get out a, "Ummmm, maybe we sho..."  but it was too late.  The claymore had already been triggered.

***KA-BOOM!!!***

With a force that I can only describe as pulverizing, several days worth of constipated junkie excretia- having been shaken loose for many hours by the vibrating egg and the relaxing muscles of the corpse- blasted from within the insides of the dearly departed perv, covering a ...


I barely got through half of this and I'm wheezing like I've got emphysema. Daaaaaaaaaaamn!
 
2014-05-05 07:54:23 PM

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: [www.hotflick.net image 850x478]

"No, I want to. Anal's great for when you're constipated. It totally loosens you up."


i.imgur.com
 
2014-05-05 08:18:46 PM
I mean, guys tell me buttstuff is the way to cure constipation.

I'm still waiting for the day that I'm constipated, so I can try it out.
 
2014-05-05 08:42:17 PM

radarlove: jthan9: There are people that only poop 2 times a week? Damn.

I actually only poop once a week but I also eat verrrrrrrrrry little.


Can we hump?
 
2014-05-05 08:44:59 PM

radarlove: reported: Wouldn't sticking one of those vibrating egg balls up your ass accomplish much the same thing in less time?

CSB:

I used to work graveyard shift at a seedy sex shop, the kind with an arcade.  And we sold those vibrating eggs of which you speak.  Well local law says the arcade has to close at midnight, so come 12 we order everyone out via the PA and chain it off.  Now it came down on me to clean that vile arcade every night, but being the only person in the shop I liked to put if off until around 3am, when I knew the bar rush would be over so I wouldn't have to worry about drunks and shoplifters while up to my ankles in piss and jizz.  Well this one night I'm back there, and it was kind of already a spooky foggy night, and one of the booths was still locked.  This happens all the time, sometimes dumbasses just lock the door when exiting.  So I take out my keys and unlock it and boy-howdy wouldn't ya know it...

...IT'S A HUMAN farkING CORPSE- needle hanging from his arm and the wired controller unit for one of those eggs DANGLING FROM HIS ASS.  And it was STILL GOING STRONG.  You could hear the low hum.

So of course I throw my hands up and yell "AGAIN?!" and dial emergency services.  Well everyone shows up, because that's how they do things these days, and now the tiny arcade in my tiny store is packed with cops, firefighters, paramedics, me, and a pantsless in flagrante delicto copse.  It's at this time that one of the paramedics decides it would be the best course of action to remove the mechanized object.  Seeing him beginning to tug on the cord, I'm only able to get out a, "Ummmm, maybe we sho..."  but it was too late.  The claymore had already been triggered.

***KA-BOOM!!!***

With a force that I can only describe as pulverizing, several days worth of constipated junkie excretia- having been shaken loose for many hours by the vibrating egg and the relaxing muscles of the corpse- blasted from within the insides of the dearly departed perv, covering a ...


That, sir, is a story that needed to be told.
 
2014-05-05 09:36:13 PM

MrHappyRotter: Increases pooping from twice a week to four times a week? Wow. If I didn't poop every day at least once, I would feel like I am about to explode. In fact, I'm pooping right this moment. That's my secret, though, I'm always pooping.


You're like The Incredible Hulk of poop.
 
2014-05-05 10:02:44 PM
www.coloncleansecentral.com

Is Colonblow the best way to beat constipation?

Not any more, now that there's new vibrating Super Colonblow!
 
2014-05-05 10:36:45 PM

radarlove: reported: Wouldn't sticking one of those vibrating egg balls up your ass accomplish much the same thing in less time?

CSB:

I used to work graveyard shift at a seedy sex shop, the kind with an arcade.  And we sold those vibrating eggs of which you speak.  Well local law says the arcade has to close at midnight, so come 12 we order everyone out via the PA and chain it off.  Now it came down on me to clean that vile arcade every night, but being the only person in the shop I liked to put if off until around 3am, when I knew the bar rush would be over so I wouldn't have to worry about drunks and shoplifters while up to my ankles in piss and jizz.  Well this one night I'm back there, and it was kind of already a spooky foggy night, and one of the booths was still locked.  This happens all the time, sometimes dumbasses just lock the door when exiting.  So I take out my keys and unlock it and boy-howdy wouldn't ya know it...

...IT'S A HUMAN farkING CORPSE- needle hanging from his arm and the wired controller unit for one of those eggs DANGLING FROM HIS ASS.  And it was STILL GOING STRONG.  You could hear the low hum.

So of course I throw my hands up and yell "AGAIN?!" and dial emergency services.  Well everyone shows up, because that's how they do things these days, and now the tiny arcade in my tiny store is packed with cops, firefighters, paramedics, me, and a pantsless in flagrante delicto copse.  It's at this time that one of the paramedics decides it would be the best course of action to remove the mechanized object.  Seeing him beginning to tug on the cord, I'm only able to get out a, "Ummmm, maybe we sho..."  but it was too late.  The claymore had already been triggered.

***KA-BOOM!!!***

With a force that I can only describe as pulverizing, several days worth of constipated junkie excretia- having been shaken loose for many hours by the vibrating egg and the relaxing muscles of the corpse- blasted from within the insides of the dearly departed perv, covering a ...



I... wow. Just. Wow.
 
2014-05-05 10:41:54 PM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Forget that.  I've developed my own system:

[img.fark.net image 500x372]

Just before bed, you ingest the easy to swallow medicinal sphere.  The next morning, the sphere will be naturally and safely "ejected".  Use the specially designed tether to gently pull the cleansing implement through your digestive tract.
BAM!  Clean as a whistle!


It has been done.www.sonyclassics.com
 
2014-05-06 12:14:41 AM
Mr. Slave approved

/ jeesus christ!
 
2014-05-06 07:47:28 AM

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Forget that.  I've developed my own system:

[img.fark.net image 500x372]

Just before bed, you ingest the easy to swallow medicinal sphere.  The next morning, the sphere will be naturally and safely "ejected".  Use the specially designed tether to gently pull the cleansing implement through your digestive tract.
BAM!  Clean as a whistle!


Or you can play the weirdest game of Cup and Ball ever.

www.fimfiction-static.net
 
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