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(NYPost)   Where the heck is that missing jet, anyway? Anybody asked Al Qaeda? Hey, let's ask Al Qaeda   (nypost.com) divider line 28
    More: Scary, flight MH370, british press  
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17761 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 May 2014 at 1:36 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-04 01:05:09 AM  
7 votes:
I think it's safe to say the plane landed at Spongebob International Airport. *


*/sandbar67
//wish I could take credit for that line
2014-05-04 02:05:55 AM  
6 votes:

Kittypie070: She's deep under the water. She's gone and there's no conspiracy about it.

Only human garbage seriously believes any conspiracy theory concerning this situation.


That's hurtful.  I was very proud of my ape-lizard serum theory.

:(
2014-05-04 12:15:55 AM  
4 votes:
At this point, what difference does it make?!
2014-05-04 02:05:55 AM  
3 votes:

Kittypie070: (cat reads TFA)

what a complete pile of stupid, durr, and f**k.

*makes loud scary fart noises while flying around the room*


I always suspect meow qaeda
2014-05-04 01:47:53 AM  
3 votes:
(cat reads TFA)

what a complete pile of stupid, durr, and f**k.

*makes loud scary fart noises while flying around the room*
2014-05-04 12:57:12 AM  
3 votes:

itcamefromschenectady: Well, you know, people on fark were saying it couldn't possibly be terrorism because a plane just disappearing isn't terrifying enough...as though every terrorist operation goes exactly like the terrorists' plan.


There's not a lot of bigass buildings to crash into out in the ocean. Maybe they ran out of fuel looking for one.

Cunning plans, and such.
2014-05-03 11:40:17 PM  
3 votes:
Time to invade.....*spins the big wheel* .... Iran!
2014-05-04 03:36:06 AM  
2 votes:

Kittypie070: Xinjiang

Someone with detectors would have picked up ongoing signals at least from the engines, maybe continuing to Xinjiang area.

The engine telemetry stopped being picked up after timepoint/location "somewhere over water".

Nothing has been found in the Satellite North Arc.

Someone with military radars if nothing else might have picked up returns from a target in that same Northern Arc.

There were no returns that could be traced as far as I know from a wayward airliner with its transponders turned off.

Secondarily, if Xinjiang, then where did the blatantly undersea pings come from, that were very very definitely specific airliner freq pings?


It is pretty obvious. The co-pilot was turned into an alqueda operative, and took control of the flight. He flew to the middle of the ocean, tore out the black box, and dropped so that everyone would think the plane fell into the ocean, He then turned around and flew to the Maldives, There he delivered his prize capture to the quedas, the passengers turned to forced labor to refit the plane's chemtrail sprayers with Muslimgas, and huge loudpeakers to play the adhan. Any women on board were obviously killed because they were captured by a man that wasnt their husband. The men will be turned into "processed meat" that will be sold to unsuspecting Christmas Islanders, their biggest crime is not living on Mohammedmas island.
It seems like I am the only one capable of connecting these dots, and I get tired of being shooed off the bench at the bus stop when I start explaining to everyone why they should listen to me.
2014-05-04 03:23:24 AM  
2 votes:

zerkalo: DrBenway: My money's on THRUSH as the culprits but it could have been KAOS.

Meh. More like SMERSH or SPECTRE


HAIL HYDRA!
2014-05-04 02:47:34 AM  
2 votes:
strategy.consiliumglobalbusinessadvisors.com
2014-05-04 02:31:01 AM  
2 votes:

Kittypie070: Emposter: Kittypie070: She's deep under the water. She's gone and there's no conspiracy about it.

Only human garbage seriously believes any conspiracy theory concerning this situation.

That's hurtful.  I was very proud of my ape-lizard serum theory.

:(

Dude, I didn't include y'all in there. Please examine the underlined word.

*wub, soothing purr*


People who don't take escaped ape-lizard super soldiers seriously are usually the first main characters to die, right after the family of extremely generic upper class white people on vacation with their two children.
2014-05-04 02:02:11 AM  
2 votes:

Whatthefark: It's been two months. You'd think something would have washed ashore somewhere by now. Seat cushions, luggage, bodies; you know, things that float.


Only if it crashed.  What if it was actually landed on a remote island and is currently sitting in a secret cave while the passengers are being turned into an evil army by a rogue operational group within the CIA using a half human, half ape-lizard super soldier serum?

Scoff now, but if horrible direct-to-tv movies by SciFi have taught me anything, it's that when the truth finally becomes clear, it will already be too late.
2014-05-04 01:51:25 AM  
2 votes:

grumpfuff: gonna take more than this to convince me


If that plane showed up crashing into a tall building, I still wouldn't believe Al Qaeda pulled it off. I'm tired of being asked to believe that group is operationally brilliant on a scale unseen before in history, but also can't figure out how to ignite their own underwear or shoes.
2014-05-04 01:46:53 AM  
2 votes:

UsikFark: What does 'Al Qaeda linked' mean these days?


It means military contractors are leaning on their Senators for more money.
2014-05-04 01:33:10 PM  
1 votes:
The plane was hit by the shockwave from a nearby explosion of a small meteorite at such a distance that the plane was blasted free of earth's atmosphere intact. It is either still in a low erratic orbit or it was vaporized on re-entry.
2014-05-04 12:44:18 PM  
1 votes:

PanicMan: I like the idea that you can just ask al Qaeda questions, like they have a 1-800 number or something. Or have a PR Twitter account where they just talk about what they do. And maybe give out steam codes or something.


No shiat. Half of me believes they are all chum. The the other half knows that Al Queda has learned something from watching their stuff dissected by intelligence agencies and the media.
So they stop doing the things the world knows happens before an attack, mainly chatter. If it IS Al Queda, there is only am elite inner echelon that knows anything about it, and they use only paper, pages and couriers to communicate. This is what happens when we let them know how they are caught. They adapt.
As far as the plane goes, I would guess they weren't ever planning on keeping hostages and tossed them out over the ocean.
Plane lands and is hidden on some island, where it is maintained by a trained mechanic either part of it or held hostage.
They have YEARS to sit on this plane, and can move kerosene in small enough quantities over that time to accumulate enough to fill the plane.
Then, one day, the plane takes off. There is enough fuel to hit the west coast. The plane flies low to the water and has a route planned to avoid radar detection until they are too close to be intercepted. Then twenty minutes later it crashes into the ocean because they had a shiatty mechanic.

So I guess we dint have anything to worry about.
2014-05-04 09:16:12 AM  
1 votes:
I like the idea that you can just ask al Qaeda questions, like they have a 1-800 number or something. Or have a PR Twitter account where they just talk about what they do. And maybe give out steam codes or something.
2014-05-04 06:48:54 AM  
1 votes:

Dansker: Emposter: itcamefromschenectady: fusillade762: Aren't they usually pretty quick to claim responsibility for things like this?

Well, you know, people on fark were saying it couldn't possibly be terrorism because a plane just disappearing isn't terrifying enough...as though every terrorist operation goes exactly like the terrorists' plan.

Isn't the obvious scenario something like United Airlines Flight 93? Why would anybody claim responsibility for a screw-up?

Doesn't the mystery aspect make it more terrifying, not less?

It doesn't actually work as terrorism, unless you make people know who they should be terrified of, and why.


The strange thing to me is that no group of terrorist lunatics tried to take credit just for the hell of it. "Oh, yeah, we...uh...totally crashed that thing in the ocean. So...fear us and stuff. And hey, we'll do that again if, uh...if our mujahibros in Remotistan aren't freed immediately."

Or maybe someone did but it wasn't credible enough to make the news. (LOL. Like the media would give a fark about credibility.)
2014-05-04 04:47:40 AM  
1 votes:

Friction8r: Kittypie070: Emposter: Kittypie070: She's deep under the water. She's gone and there's no conspiracy about it.

Only human garbage seriously believes any conspiracy theory concerning this situation.

That's hurtful.  I was very proud of my ape-lizard serum theory.

:(

Dude, I didn't include y'all in there. Please examine the underlined word.

*wub, soothing purr*

Oh how cute. Her name is kitties too. Too cutesy. Let's clamor and fawn over hee cuz she's our lil Internet buddy so she got street cred and all dat.


Yeah, people here actually like her.
Just think - you'll never know how that feels.
2014-05-04 04:33:09 AM  
1 votes:

Trapper439: Great clown Pagliacci's pick-me-up: It seems like I am the only one capable of connecting these dots, and I get tired of being shooed off the bench at the bus stop when I start explaining to everyone why they should listen to me.

Your theory may very well be correct, but you and I both know that you were shooed off the bench at the bus stop because you were masturbating furiously over the body of a dead pigeon. The police made this very clear in their report about the incident.

I appreciate that you may have a valid point, but may I suggest that there may be a more appropriate way to deliver it than by screaming it in halting Esperanto while violating yourself with a corn dog in front of a bus load of terrified disabled schoolchildren? Just sayin'.


In my defense, that pigeon was alive when I started.
2014-05-04 04:32:05 AM  
1 votes:
Ask Al Qaeda

i.imgur.com

Dear Alqaedette,

My arranged husband-to-be said he was flying out of the country on business, but he hasn't even pinged me for two months. Has he been seduced by an infidel sharmuta? Or martyred in jihad?

Sleepless in Sapang



SIS, يا مآمن للرجال يا مآمن الميّة في الغربال. [trusting men is like trusting water in a sieve]. I'm sure he's been hittin' in on the down-low all along. He's like keys in molten lava. But don't worry, you'll find another  رجل وسيم . There's always more planes in the sea. And if the next one is unfaithful, you just make him a martyr, girl.


www.washingtonpost.com
2014-05-04 04:14:59 AM  
1 votes:

Great clown Pagliacci's pick-me-up: It seems like I am the only one capable of connecting these dots, and I get tired of being shooed off the bench at the bus stop when I start explaining to everyone why they should listen to me.


Your theory may very well be correct, but you and I both know that you were shooed off the bench at the bus stop because you were masturbating furiously over the body of a dead pigeon. The police made this very clear in their report about the incident.

I appreciate that you may have a valid point, but may I suggest that there may be a more appropriate way to deliver it than by screaming it in halting Esperanto while violating yourself with a corn dog in front of a bus load of terrified disabled schoolchildren? Just sayin'.
2014-05-04 03:15:53 AM  
1 votes:

DrBenway: My money's on THRUSH as the culprits but it could have been KAOS.


Meh. More like SMERSH or SPECTRE
2014-05-04 02:29:13 AM  
1 votes:
this is THE BEST anti-bengahzi stunt of all time.
2014-05-04 02:28:26 AM  
1 votes:
FTFA Members of a violent cell of al Qaeda-linked terrorists

As opposed to the peace loving terrorists?
2014-05-04 02:26:35 AM  
1 votes:

Kittypie070: (cat reads TFA)

what a complete pile of stupid, durr, and f**k.

*makes loud scary fart noises while flying around the room*


I do not want to be around when you get ahold of Sriracha.
2014-05-04 02:03:37 AM  
1 votes:
She's deep under the water. She's gone and there's no conspiracy about it.

Only human garbage seriously believes any conspiracy theory concerning this situation.
2014-05-04 01:45:27 AM  
1 votes:

itcamefromschenectady: fusillade762: Aren't they usually pretty quick to claim responsibility for things like this?

Well, you know, people on fark were saying it couldn't possibly be terrorism because a plane just disappearing isn't terrifying enough...as though every terrorist operation goes exactly like the terrorists' plan.

Isn't the obvious scenario something like United Airlines Flight 93? Why would anybody claim responsibility for a screw-up?


Doesn't the mystery aspect make it more terrifying, not less?

If they did it, they made an entire plane carrying hundreds of people disappear so completely that the law enforcement agencies of pretty much the entire world can't find a trace of it.  No evidence of how they did it.  No trail.  No warning signs even in hindsight.

That would scare ME.
 
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