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(New Vision)   Muslim honcho issues fatwa against ringtones in which verses from the Quran are recited. In related news, apparently people actually had ringtones of verses from the Quran   (newvision.co.ug ) divider line
    More: Strange, Koran, Muslims, fatwas, verses, recitations  
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1219 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 May 2014 at 2:40 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-03 12:59:25 PM  
Like the content or not, a Qur'an recitation can be a beautiful experience for the ears.
 
2014-05-03 01:04:43 PM  
Wait, we weren't supposed to do that? Didn't that seekrit mooslin Fartbongo order us to do it?
 
2014-05-03 01:56:10 PM  
So, I should not have that Azan thing going on?
ALWAYS gets a reaction.
 
2014-05-03 02:02:54 PM  
FTFA: The Mufti said according to the Islamic teaching in the Holy Quran, Muslims are required to pay maximum attention whenever verses are recited... if people use the Quran recitation as a ringtone, they always interrupt it by either pressing the off button to reject the call or pressing the yes button to answer the call. This he noted is not acceptable let alone the fact that sometimes, the phones ring in places where Quran recitations are forbidden.

I guess this must have been an issue for the Ugandan ulema. This will be an issue for all of the Ugandans, who are Muslim, have cell phones, and enjoy have Quranic recitations for their ringtones.  I can see how it would be disrespectful. If some guy's cell phone started playing the Sermon on the Mount, and it was all like "Blessed are the Po----Hey man, thanks for that scoop on the stock, I just netted a quarter mil!"

upload.wikimedia.org

On the other hand, I hope verses from the Book of Ecclesiastes are still okay.
 
2014-05-03 02:05:23 PM  

snocone: So, I should not have that Azan thing going on?
ALWAYS gets a reaction.


i.imgur.com

Try some Idris Muhammad instead. That is some serious 70's jazzfunk there.

/loves me some Idris
 
2014-05-03 02:43:34 PM  
I wonder how many people realize that a fatwa is just one person's opinion on a religious matter?
 
2014-05-03 02:45:13 PM  
Those ringtones are only to be used on the phones that detonate car bombs.
 
2014-05-03 02:47:40 PM  
How about a fatwa against people who use a crying baby ringtone?
 
2014-05-03 02:51:49 PM  
Everything I need to know about Muslims I learned from 9/11
 
2014-05-03 02:52:39 PM  
Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?
 
2014-05-03 02:54:02 PM  

mainsail: I wonder how many people realize that a fatwa is just one person's opinion on a religious matter?


You shut your mouth, or I'll put a jihad on you.
 
GBB
2014-05-03 02:54:33 PM  
My ringtone is just that high pitched "alalalalalalalalalalalal" cheer.
That's still kosher with them, right?
 
2014-05-03 02:58:00 PM  

mainsail: I wonder how many people realize that a fatwa is just one person's opinion on a religious matter?


Probably the same number who wonder why some random religious 'expert' in Uganda is news-worthy.
 
2014-05-03 02:58:10 PM  

Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?


Their real problems?
 
2014-05-03 02:59:56 PM  
Jihad by Slayer?
 
2014-05-03 03:01:23 PM  
why would that be a bad thing? I mean if they're hearing verses how is that bad

nutjobs, can't please em, can't push them out of hightowers
 
2014-05-03 03:02:41 PM  

mainsail: I wonder how many people realize that a fatwa is just one person's opinion on a religious matter?


Well, only Muftis can issue them, otherwise it'll be treated as "yeah, thats just your opinion man".

Apparently a Muslim can ask a Mufti for a fatwa on whatever religious question/dilemma he or she has, but the fatwa isn't binding, so he/she can get a 2nd opinion. :)
 
2014-05-03 03:07:41 PM  
everybody has cell phones in egypt, but nobody ever answers because they get some kind of reduced minutes rate if they return a missed call, so everyone's pockets blare loud arabic music and bits of scripture all day, everywhere
 
2014-05-03 03:12:05 PM  
A ringtone of someone yelling ""Allahu Akbar!" would be a lot of fun, especially in a crowded subway.
 
2014-05-03 03:19:02 PM  
Thought this was idiotic until I read the article.

Yeah, okay, I guess you have a point.
 
2014-05-03 03:20:18 PM  
TFA says there are some places where it's forbidden to recite the koran, and I'm assuming they're referring to in Uganda since that's where the cleric is based. Where exactly would it be forbidden?

Also, when the muezzins do their call for prayer 5 times a day from the mosque, are they reciting the koran?
 
2014-05-03 03:25:14 PM  
How do I become honcho enough to issue a fatwa?

/can has trolling?
 
2014-05-03 03:28:24 PM  
The Mufti needs to lick moar muff and drink moar beer.  It's the only hope for him...
 
2014-05-03 03:39:35 PM  
If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.
 
2014-05-03 03:46:18 PM  

mainsail: I wonder how many people realize that a fatwa is just one person's opinion on a religious matter?


Most Muslims do. But not all.
 
2014-05-03 03:49:00 PM  

Somacandra: Try some Idris Muhammad instead. That is some serious 70's jazzfunk there.


Also good:
Toumani Diabeté's Symmetric Orchesta - Tapha Niang
 
2014-05-03 03:50:27 PM  

spawn73: Well, only Muftis can issue them, otherwise it'll be treated as "yeah, thats just your opinion man".


Anyone who's had the appropriate certification can issue one. If pressed then they have to be able to show their argumentation from the Quran, Hadith and Fiqh. But members of the ulema disagree on interpretation and have completing fatwas. There's no "pope." Its very "protestant." If you don't like the opinion you can go fatwa-shopping for a different one.
 
2014-05-03 03:56:10 PM  

mainsail: I wonder how many people realize that a fatwa is just one person's opinion on a religious matter?


That's true, but once issued, any nut job can use it as a legitimate excuse to blow something up no matter how unrealistic the fatwa actually is.
 
2014-05-03 03:57:22 PM  

Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?


NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.


A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).
 
2014-05-03 04:02:14 PM  
Couldn't want people hearing Allah's words inside their head. That's reserved for the holy profit.
 
2014-05-03 04:13:08 PM  
t0.ulule.me

What Muslim fatwas look like
 
2014-05-03 04:14:16 PM  
I prefer this one

No need to thank me.
 
2014-05-03 04:19:31 PM  

phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).


Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?
 
2014-05-03 04:21:14 PM  

gnosis301: Like the content or not, a Qur'an recitation can be a beautiful experience for the ears.


Honestly, no, Arabic is just one of those languages that sounds hideous to me.
 
2014-05-03 04:25:55 PM  

lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?


I'm not a Muslim, dumbass; but that doesn't mean I have to be an ignorant twat.
 
2014-05-03 04:26:01 PM  
I prefer the Eric Cartman "Uh oh 5:30 time to pray" ringtone.


/but then again, I'm terribly terribly bad  ;-{D
 
2014-05-03 04:31:00 PM  

phalamir: lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?

I'm not a Muslim, dumbass; but that doesn't mean I have to be an ignorant twat.


Yeah.  You go with that......
 
2014-05-03 04:32:12 PM  

lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?

lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?


Here:

www.masjidtaqwa.org

/I saw your NASA post, so I picked a Florida mosque picture :-P
 
2014-05-03 04:34:41 PM  

Nurglitch: gnosis301: Like the content or not, a Qur'an recitation can be a beautiful experience for the ears.

Honestly, no, Arabic is just one of those languages that sounds hideous to me.


To each their own.
 
2014-05-03 04:35:31 PM  

gnosis301: Like the content or not, a Qur'an recitation can be a beautiful experience for the ears.


Agreed. It's like song vocals. Sound great as long as you don't pay attention and realize how stupid what they're saying is.
 
2014-05-03 04:38:49 PM  

lantawa: phalamir: lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?

I'm not a Muslim, dumbass; but that doesn't mean I have to be an ignorant twat.

Yeah.  You go with that......


So, your position is that a non-Muslim is, by definition, an ignorant twat?
 
2014-05-03 04:55:02 PM  

lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?


Its better than be childmolested as a Christian.
 
2014-05-03 05:04:06 PM  
That must go over well with the TSA.
 
2014-05-03 05:15:05 PM  

phalamir: lantawa: phalamir: lantawa: phalamir: Bslim: Is there ANYTHING that doesn't make these folks go off?

NutWrench: If you're going to kill people over ringtones, at least let it be rap or hip hop ringtones.

A fatwa is not a call to kill people.  It is a ruling made to clear up if an activity is religiously okay or not (and the responses are more than just yes/no; "you should, but don't have to", "you really shouldn't, but no one is going to get their knickers in a twist", and "Not Applicable" are all valid options - and the wishy-washy answers far outnumber the binary ones).  It is functionally no different than someone asking their bishop a question, and Father Fancypants then writing an answer to be published in the diocese newsletter.  Virtually every fatwa ever issued is the prosaic thing you have ever read and deals with everyday life issues.  Also, it only has force for those who look to a particular cleric for guidance.  There are at least four major schools of Islamic thought, and enough minor ones and regional variations of the big boys to beggar the imagination.  You can have 3 Muslims, all living side by side, who follow three different traditions, all working off different fatwas, and no one would care (well, if you were cherry-picking rulings from hither-and-yon to just do anything you wanted, you would get the hairy eyeball).

Wow.  I'm really getting quite the education here.  Gosh, I'm truly thinking about converting to Islam, where I can stick my ass up in the air a number of times a day in prayer, and maybe even own prayer rugs, and can pretend that women are second class citizens, and hey, maybe even get in on a few clitorectomies, be totally sober, use fancy Mufti words like "fatwa" and so forth and such as........golly gee willekers, where do I sign up?

I'm not a Muslim, dumbass; but that doesn't mean I have to be an ignorant twat.

Yeah.  You go with that......

So, your position is that a non-Muslim is, by definition, an ignorant twat?


No, my first actual position is that you get to spout off whatever nonsense that you want to spout off.  Far be it from me to stop you   Another second point may be that everything that I wrote, in the post that you responded to, is true. A third post-post point would be that you cannot refute the god-awful truth that current Islamic practices are backwards and primitive.
 
2014-05-03 05:53:47 PM  

lantawa: Another second point may be that everything that I wrote, in the post that you responded to, is true.


Really? Because it sounded like you were attempting sarcasm.
 
2014-05-03 05:55:23 PM  
there would be more quran ringtones if they had fart noises in between
 
2014-05-03 05:55:57 PM  
Religions, Sheesh, glad I don't have any Boogeymen under my bed. I was raised RC and that gave me a good Basic Moral code, everyone needs a Foundation to stand on. I've just gone on my own for the rest of my life since then. Never been in Jail and don't personally know anyone who has. Good enough. These Maniacs though, they're crazy Because they're so Repressed. You don't have to be a Genius to figure that one out. HMM, time for Dinner, I think I'll make a sandwich with that Imported Polish Ham & Swiss cheese I bought today, Rye bread & a Kosher pickle, Yum!
 
2014-05-03 06:11:56 PM  

ameeriklane: TFA says there are some places where it's forbidden to recite the koran, and I'm assuming they're referring to in Uganda since that's where the cleric is based. Where exactly would it be forbidden?

Also, when the muezzins do their call for prayer 5 times a day from the mosque, are they reciting the koran?


In the "can". man!
 
2014-05-03 06:15:56 PM  
They are a very busy people.  No wonder they can't get out of the 13th century.
 
2014-05-03 07:10:30 PM  
That's what I want to hear walking down the street. ALLAH ACKBAR! I'd probably dive under a bench.
 
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