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11511 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 May 2014 at 9:44 AM (34 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-05-03 03:29:52 PM  
1 votes:
Gunboat:
Q: Did you speak English growing up?  Is English your first language.
A: Yes.
Q: How old are you?
A: 45
Q:  So you've been speaking English for more than 40 years, right?
A: I guess so.


www.piscitella.com
2014-05-03 12:50:04 PM  
1 votes:
Back in the day I used to be a trial lawyer.  I have taken literally hundreds of depositions.  You'd be surprised how often people try the "I don't understand what [totally common word] means."  Here's how I dealt with it:
Q:  Do you have any photocopy machines?
A: What do you mean by photocopy machine.
Q:  Are you seriously asking me what the definition of a photocopy machine is?
A: I just want to make sure I answer your question properly and understand it.
Q:  Sure.  Okay.  Let's do it this way.  Were you born in America.
A: Uh, yes, but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Q: Did you speak English growing up?  Is English your first language.
A: Yes.
Q: How old are you?
A: 45
Q:  So you've been speaking English for more than 40 years, right?
A: I guess so.
Q:  So that'd be about 14,000 to 15,000 days, right?
A: I guess.  I don't have a calculator.
Q:  In those fourteen to fifteen thousand days, did you ever, even once, hear the term "photocopy machine"?
A: I'm sure I have.
Q:  And what does that term, "photocopy machine" mean to you?
A: I guess it depends on the context or how it's being used.
Q:  Well, tell me your definition of it.  Pretend like you're on a game show or taking a quiz and are asked to define "photocopy machine" the way that term is used in everyday American English.  What would you say?
A: [gives some rambling definition]
Q:  Okay.  Using that definition of "photocopy machine," let me ask:  Do you have a photocopy machine in your office?
2014-05-03 11:50:42 AM  
1 votes:
I think the definition of "photocopier" needs to either evolve or be strictly qualified to Xerox-type machines, because a lot of devices these days are capable of duplicating an image. They have scanning wands that you can run over a book page, store the page digitally and then send it to a wireless printer. Should that count as "photocopying?"
2014-05-03 11:24:20 AM  
1 votes:

bmr68: This is when you realize that a D.A. really could get a Grand Jury to indict a ham sandwich


That sandwich was shifty-looking!
2014-05-03 11:18:03 AM  
1 votes:
I don't know what can or can't be asked in a deposition, but why not ask the guy if he's ever had to copy documents and ask him how he does that, what machines he uses.

I understand wanting to be cautious in a deposition, but this also seemed like a strategy to waste dollars and run out the clock (limited time and expense of a deposition). Since it was a gov employee employing that strategy, I say fark him.
2014-05-03 10:58:10 AM  
1 votes:
This is when you realize that a D.A. really could get a Grand Jury to indict a ham sandwich
2014-05-03 10:50:12 AM  
1 votes:
Stop linking paywalls, subs.
2014-05-03 10:30:39 AM  
1 votes:

TheWhoppah: Obstructionist asshat.  I'm glad the court ordered him to provide CDs full of digital documents at $1 each.



He's in IT.  Perhaps he's autistic or Aspie and takes things very literally?

Or perhaps he's a moran who's only heard the term "Xerox" instead of "photocopy", and is therefore unfamiliar with the term "photocopy"?
2014-05-03 10:19:17 AM  
1 votes:

jbrooks544: It was a little too "shouty". I don't imagine too many depositions have a lawyer literally telling for 10's of minutes. It was a little overwrought acting-wise.


I don't know about depositions, but I was in court as a witness to a robbery and the defense lawyer was pretty aggressive and shouty with me. Of course, that came back to bite him. If you don't know what the answer to a question you keep hammering on about will be, don't ask it.
2014-05-03 10:08:36 AM  
1 votes:
"if you feel stupid it's not because i'm making you feel that way."
2014-05-03 10:04:44 AM  
1 votes:
Reminds me of Mamet.
2014-05-03 10:03:29 AM  
1 votes:
Obstructionist asshat.  I'm glad the court ordered him to provide CDs full of digital documents at $1 each.
2014-05-03 10:02:09 AM  
1 votes:
I sent this to my father last week, who sent it to my police officer uncle. He called me crying with tears of laughter, said it reminded him of most his time as a beat cop, both being deposed and trying to talk to suspects.
2014-05-03 09:59:15 AM  
1 votes:
Okay that was funnier than I thought.

/bonus: case was 2 counties to the north
2014-05-03 09:58:58 AM  
1 votes:
Oh my god that was hilarious. It reminds me of my parents' divorce case.
2014-05-03 09:58:47 AM  
1 votes:
I really hope the Times (or anyone) will continue this sort of series. Comedy drawn from real life and every day people and events. It's fantastic.
2014-05-03 09:53:09 AM  
1 votes:
I loved this case when it was going on.
 
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