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(Jalopnik)   Ten things that make you look like a clueless moron or complete tool while driving. Yes, YOU   (oppositelock.jalopnik.com) divider line 346
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20834 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 May 2014 at 10:45 PM (12 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-05-01 08:08:54 PM
11) Having windshield wipers on at full speed while driving in misty or light drizzle conditions.
 
2014-05-01 08:24:35 PM
9. Waiting for a lane to completely end before merging

This one kills me every time. Everyone is merging sensibly and there's always one asshole who wants to race to the end of the lane and then expects someone to let him in.
 
2014-05-01 08:27:15 PM
Ohio plates in the tristate area?
 
2014-05-01 08:31:52 PM
Yeah, I don't do any of that.

So screw you, subby ...
 
2014-05-01 08:34:10 PM
12) Not scraping your entire windshield or waiting for your defroster to clear your windshield before you start driving

13) Not sweeping that foot of snow off your car before taking off, so that it blows off in chunks onto the windshield of the car behind you

/Why, yes - Northern Alberta.  Why do you ask?
 
2014-05-01 08:40:04 PM
By the time you get to the highway, you better be going as fast as the people on the highway, so you can merge into traffic immediately and safely. This means, you should be doing at least 55 on any interstate by the time you get to the end of the ramp. And for the love of all that is good, don't stop at the end of the ramp. That's so dangerous its crazy.

Maybe I'm just a bad driver, but what happens when the left lane is going faster than 55? I've always had an issue with acceleration ramps because it seems no matter how fast I'm going, the left lane refuses to let me merge, and they either won't (or can't) get into the right lane. I've had several close calls because I can't see how fast traffic is going from the bottom of the ramp, and I'm either going too fast or too slow.

Or maybe people in the left lane don't give a fark about people coming up on the ramp.
 
2014-05-01 08:42:00 PM

Weatherkiss: By the time you get to the highway, you better be going as fast as the people on the highway, so you can merge into traffic immediately and safely. This means, you should be doing at least 55 on any interstate by the time you get to the end of the ramp. And for the love of all that is good, don't stop at the end of the ramp. That's so dangerous its crazy.

Maybe I'm just a bad driver, but what happens when the left lane is going faster than 55? I've always had an issue with acceleration ramps because it seems no matter how fast I'm going, the left lane refuses to let me merge, and they either won't (or can't) get into the right lane. I've had several close calls because I can't see how fast traffic is going from the bottom of the ramp, and I'm either going too fast or too slow.

Or maybe people in the left lane don't give a fark about people coming up on the ramp.


Er, the left lane = right lane in that post. The right lane people don't like to let me merge no matter how fast I'm going.
 
2014-05-01 08:51:19 PM
That's actually a surprisingly good list. The only one that's even remotely debatable is #9.

But these are but Padawans compared to the true Troll of the Road, the person who approaches you from behind on a highway while you're traveling in the center or left-hand lane. You are traveling faster than the posted speed limit, but not excessively so. Say, 65 in a 55. This person is going at least 70. So you move over, perhaps waiting for a safe moment to do so, and let them pass. And then, because you are already overtaking the car that's now in front of you traveling in the slower lane, you move back to the left. Only to discover that the person who just zipped past you, who'd flown up on you like he was responding to some dire emergency and is now blocked by nothing but open highway, is  actually going slower than you'd been going before. Is going, in fact, no faster than the car on the right you were just stuck behind. And he will never, ever yield.

And these Padawans, of course, have their Dark Side counterparts. These are the ones whom  youovertake in the left lane, who are going far slower than you, and who perhaps linger a tad too long before yielding. Perhaps, in fact, they wait until you've actually begin to pass them on the right to move over, forcing you to zig left again to avoid clipping their bumper. And then, grateful at least for their response, however delayed or slow it might be, you begin to pass...and you're not passing. They're speeding up. And you accelerate a little more, about to how fast you'd been traveling before you overtook them...and you're still not passing. They're speeding up. And now you're going faster, even faster than before. And still, they speed up. They just. Keep. Speeding. Up.

These are the people who keep driving interesting.
 
2014-05-01 08:55:52 PM
11. Douchebags in SUVs or pickup trucks who can't control their vehicles and keep drifting into other lanes.
 
2014-05-01 09:13:07 PM

Lorelle: 11. Douchebags in SUVs or pickup trucks who can't control their vehicles and keep drifting into other lanes.


4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-05-01 09:26:13 PM
I'm thinking of getting the following printed as a bumper sticker, I just have to figure out how to format this so it will be legible in that amount of space:

If I just passed you ON THE RIGHT
YOU'RE in the WRONG LANE
 
2014-05-01 09:59:02 PM
14. People who don't understand right-of-way at a 4 stop intersection.
15. People who stop at yield signs entering an empty traffic circle.
16. People who drive 5 below the speed limit, then as you pass accelerate to 5 over.

And people who don't use their turn signals should be dragged out of their vehicles and summarily shot in the head.
 
2014-05-01 10:12:08 PM
Items 1-8 and 10: You're doing it wrong. This is the right way, so do it like this.

Item 9: You're doing it wrong. This is the right way, but keep doing it the way you were.
 
2014-05-01 10:29:47 PM
And what's the deal with airplane peanuts?
 
2014-05-01 10:49:51 PM
Leaving more than a car length of space in between cars at a traffic light

I leave about a 3/4ths of a car length and I'm not going to apologize if that's too much.  I've been rear ended too many times, and the only thing worse than being rear ended is also hitting the car in front of you.
 
2014-05-01 10:51:33 PM
Only issue I have is #2. I leave a car space ahead to allow me "escape" room for the idiot who doesn't see the light is red and isnt stopping and to prevent terrorists from kidnapping me at a light.
 
2014-05-01 10:52:26 PM

Glitchwerks: Leaving more than a car length of space in between cars at a traffic light

I leave about a 3/4ths of a car length and I'm not going to apologize if that's too much.  I've been rear ended too many times, and the only thing worse than being rear ended is also hitting the car in front of you.


Damn. 2 minutes.
 
2014-05-01 10:54:51 PM

fusillade762: 9. Waiting for a lane to completely end before merging

This one kills me every time. Everyone is merging sensibly and there's always one asshole who wants to race to the end of the lane and then expects someone to let him in.


And I never do, although it was 10x easier to accomplish when I had my manual transmission - rode 2 inches off a bumper when some super insistent asshat nearly drove into my side after coasting past everyone.

I even sit between two lanes if I get the chance at the merge, just to block the asshats.
 
2014-05-01 10:55:19 PM
9. Waiting for a lane to completely end before merging

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrjwaqZfjIY

The only argument ever presented for this always hinges on the fact that everyone else doesn't understand how merge lanes are supposed to work.  It reduces to, "Everyone else is stupid, so you should just go ahead and do the stupid thing, too."

Everything works best when the system works  predictably, and the merging boundary line gives a visual reference that makes it very very easy for even the most derptastic simpleton to figure out where everyone is  supposed to slide their car in.

Now, the motherfarkers who stay on the highway when a queue has formed in an  exit lane and then try to slide in right before the two are physically separated by jersey barriers, on the other hand, should be shot.
 
2014-05-01 10:55:20 PM

fusillade762: 9. Waiting for a lane to completely end before merging

This one kills me every time. Everyone is merging sensibly and there's always one asshole who wants to race to the end of the lane and then expects someone to let him in.


Fark that. If everyone knew how to zipper merge the world would be a better place. No more wars. End of poverty. Dogs and cats living together in harmony.
 
2014-05-01 10:55:24 PM
File under: rambling opinion of some dickhole.  See also: waste of time, and f*ck that guy.
 
2014-05-01 10:55:53 PM

fusillade762: 9. Waiting for a lane to completely end before merging

This one kills me every time. Everyone is merging sensibly and there's always one asshole who wants to race to the end of the lane and then expects someone to let him in.


When traffic is very slow or at a standstill you should go to the very end of the lane. Therecs no reason to leave that lane empty. They've implemented this as law in some countries.
 
2014-05-01 10:56:56 PM
Where I live, one of the favorites is "just merge whenever the hell you feel like it", followed closely by "when turning right off a side street, always turn into whichever lane has oncoming traffic, even if the other lane is completely empty".
 
2014-05-01 10:57:30 PM
Weatherkiss:
Maybe I'm just a bad driver, but what happens when the left lane is going faster than 55?

I've commented here before about this. If you're driving a POS car that can't get out of it's own way when entering traffic you're as much a danger to yourself and other people on a highway as the idiots swerving in and out of lanes so they can go 10 mph above the speed limit.

Probably gonna catch hell for it again, but screw it, I got nothing else going on tonight.

Tell me why I'm wrong. You're disrupting the flow of traffic.
 
2014-05-01 10:57:37 PM
#11 AND PUT DOWN THE GODDAMNED PHONE!
 
2014-05-01 10:57:51 PM
DeathByGeekSquad:

I even sit between two lanes if I get the chance at the merge, just to block the asshats.

Oh fark off. That's a colossal dick move. Learn how to merge.
 
2014-05-01 10:58:14 PM
If you are driving a large truck and you are in a place that isn't totally flat, please don't use the left lane. Sure, the truck in front of you may be doing 64, and you know you could do 65, but the cars around you are all going 70.

It amazes me how many truck drivers are guilty of this one.

/ if anyone should know better...
 
2014-05-01 10:58:34 PM

kendelrio: Only issue I have is #2. I leave a car space ahead to allow me "escape" room for the idiot who doesn't see the light is red and isnt stopping and to prevent terrorists from kidnapping me at a light.


If I can parallel park between you and the guy in front of you, it's too much space.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-05-01 10:59:57 PM
What gets to me can most often be classified as "driver not driving defensively."

We can all get there safely, and on time.  Watch out for yourself, watch out for others.

www.forthoodsentinel.com

www.justmusing.net

www.stringbean.com

There's never a reason to be an a-hole!
 
2014-05-01 11:00:08 PM

Weatherkiss: By the time you get to the highway, you better be going as fast as the people on the highway, so you can merge into traffic immediately and safely. This means, you should be doing at least 55 on any interstate by the time you get to the end of the ramp. And for the love of all that is good, don't stop at the end of the ramp. That's so dangerous its crazy.

Maybe I'm just a bad driver, but what happens when the left lane is going faster than 55? I've always had an issue with acceleration ramps because it seems no matter how fast I'm going, the left lane refuses to let me merge, and they either won't (or can't) get into the right lane. I've had several close calls because I can't see how fast traffic is going from the bottom of the ramp, and I'm either going too fast or too slow.

Or maybe people in the left lane don't give a fark about people coming up on the ramp.


I'm sorry to say it, but yes, you may be a bad driver. If you can't estimate the speed of the traffic you're merging into by the time you run out of ramp, you have a problem. Pick the gap you want as soon as you can, aim for it, and accelerate accordingly. Short of that, get in the vicinity of freeway speed, and look for your opportunity.
 
2014-05-01 11:00:45 PM
stream1.gifsoup.com

/hot-ish
 
433 [TotalFark]
2014-05-01 11:00:53 PM
puckrock2000: #11 AND PUT DOWN THE GODDAMNED PHONE!
 
2014-05-01 11:01:55 PM

ReverendJynxed: kendelrio: Only issue I have is #2. I leave a car space ahead to allow me "escape" room for the idiot who doesn't see the light is red and isnt stopping and to prevent terrorists from kidnapping me at a light.

If I can parallel park between you and the guy in front of you, it's too much space.


Where I live we have a lot of people that leave a car length or more when they're first in line at a light. I've actually pulled up past them and then gone in front of them while they're stopped. I'm damn well not going to sit behind them if I want that lane.
 
2014-05-01 11:01:58 PM
5. Riding your Brakes: Just because a car 300 yards ahead of you tapped their brakes doesn't mean you need to as well

Riding your brakes is one thing, tapping them a couple times to flash your brake lights so the guy behind you knows there's a likeliness you'll be slowing down is another. Sometimes, not everyone can see around your vehicle or knows how to read traffic well enough to look past the car ahead of them. 300 yards at highway speeds could be covered in less than 9 seconds.

Then again, I'll be damned if I've ever seen normal highway traffic actually have cars spaced out 300 yards. That is almost 1/5th of a mile between each vehicle.
 
2014-05-01 11:02:13 PM

kendelrio: Glitchwerks: Leaving more than a car length of space in between cars at a traffic light

I leave about a 3/4ths of a car length and I'm not going to apologize if that's too much.  I've been rear ended too many times, and the only thing worse than being rear ended is also hitting the car in front of you.

Damn. 2 minutes.


I still think the point was vaild, as it includes both your scenarios. More than a car length is too much. Less is fine.
 
2014-05-01 11:02:47 PM
img.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.netimg.fark.net
 
2014-05-01 11:02:53 PM
##)  Blocking the right lane on a two lane per side road knowing people can turn right on a red light, but you need to get ahead because your lane is ending as soon as everyone gets past the stop light.

###)  For some reason, the need to merge into traffic one place ahead of the 8th (arbitrary but large number) instead of waiting one more to be at the end of the line.  => XX => => => => => => => => => in the left lane of a highway.
 
2014-05-01 11:03:05 PM
People who "cut" the corner when they turn left.
 
2014-05-01 11:03:25 PM

Weatherkiss: By the time you get to the highway, you better be going as fast as the people on the highway, so you can merge into traffic immediately and safely. This means, you should be doing at least 55 on any interstate by the time you get to the end of the ramp. And for the love of all that is good, don't stop at the end of the ramp. That's so dangerous its crazy.

Maybe I'm just a bad driver, but what happens when the left lane is going faster than 55? I've always had an issue with acceleration ramps because it seems no matter how fast I'm going, the left lane refuses to let me merge, and they either won't (or can't) get into the right lane. I've had several close calls because I can't see how fast traffic is going from the bottom of the ramp, and I'm either going too fast or too slow.

Or maybe people in the left lane don't give a fark about people coming up on the ramp.


It's not that "they" don't want to let "you" merge.  Most people are getting in and out of the lane just fine.  If you can't, then you are being too timid.  You are one of those "too scared to drive" people.  You're dangerous because of it.
 
2014-05-01 11:03:32 PM

Pocket Ninja: That's actually a surprisingly good list. The only one that's even remotely debatable is #9.


Get out of my head!
 
2014-05-01 11:03:37 PM

433: puckrock2000: #11 AND PUT DOWN THE GODDAMNED PHONE!


Those emails aren't going to answer themselves, guys.
 
2014-05-01 11:04:19 PM

100 Watt Walrus: Weatherkiss: By the time you get to the highway, you better be going as fast as the people on the highway, so you can merge into traffic immediately and safely. This means, you should be doing at least 55 on any interstate by the time you get to the end of the ramp. And for the love of all that is good, don't stop at the end of the ramp. That's so dangerous its crazy.

Maybe I'm just a bad driver, but what happens when the left lane is going faster than 55? I've always had an issue with acceleration ramps because it seems no matter how fast I'm going, the left lane refuses to let me merge, and they either won't (or can't) get into the right lane. I've had several close calls because I can't see how fast traffic is going from the bottom of the ramp, and I'm either going too fast or too slow.

Or maybe people in the left lane don't give a fark about people coming up on the ramp.

I'm sorry to say it, but yes, you may be a bad driver. If you can't estimate the speed of the traffic you're merging into by the time you run out of ramp, you have a problem. Pick the gap you want as soon as you can, aim for it, and accelerate accordingly. Short of that, get in the vicinity of freeway speed, and look for your opportunity.


If you're in a slower car on a very short on-ramp you might not be at full speed but you should have the pedal ALL the way down. And you should learn how to be assertive and let people know you're going to cut them off a little. If you dottle or stop we should be allowed to use tactical nuclear weapons on you.
 
2014-05-01 11:04:21 PM
Playing traffic cop w/ your car.

Sure, they want to get out and merge but you don't know where they need to go -- so just keep moving and they'll get their turn when it's clear.

I love (sarcasm) these folks that stop against all road rules to let someone merge out of a lot who then needs to get all across all four lanes of moving traffic causing all forms of potential havoc.  Doing "favors" for drivers seems nice up front but it is always best to just let the rules of the road and right-of-way do its job.
 
2014-05-01 11:04:59 PM

Glitchwerks: Leaving more than a car length of space in between cars at a traffic light

I leave about a 3/4ths of a car length and I'm not going to apologize if that's too much.  I've been rear ended too many times, and the only thing worse than being rear ended is also hitting the car in front of you.


This. And also, sometimes the guy in front of you suddenly moves forward making space. If no one behind me is affected by the open space, like to make a turn, I won't move. Why bother to waste the breaks?
 
2014-05-01 11:06:47 PM
I am going to print this out, roll it into tiny balls, cover it in sticky goo, and fire it at every driver I see in Houston violating one of these rules.  I expect the earth to be deforested by this project by the end of the week.
 
2014-05-01 11:06:51 PM

433: What gets to me can most often be classified as "driver not driving defensively."

We can all get there safely, and on time.  Watch out for yourself, watch out for others.

[www.forthoodsentinel.com image 500x272]

[www.justmusing.net image 260x347]

[www.stringbean.com image 320x240]

There's never a reason to be an a-hole!


LOL, is there a bullet hole in that last sign?
 
2014-05-01 11:07:55 PM
So basically a douchebag thinks his rules for the road are better than the actual rules of the road writes an article that makes him look like a douchebag and a bunch of douchebag farkers agree with him.
 
2014-05-01 11:08:04 PM

dkimball: ##)  Blocking the right lane on a two lane per side road knowing people can turn right on a red light, but you need to get ahead because your lane is ending as soon as everyone gets past the stop light.

###)  For some reason, the need to merge into traffic one place ahead of the 8th (arbitrary but large number) instead of waiting one more to be at the end of the line.  => XX => => => => => => => => => in the left lane of a highway.


For the first one you should learn to suck it up. Not everyone needs to make way for you like you're special. If they're allowed to go straight then they can go straight and you can just wait.
 
2014-05-01 11:08:07 PM

Russ1642: ReverendJynxed: kendelrio: Only issue I have is #2. I leave a car space ahead to allow me "escape" room for the idiot who doesn't see the light is red and isnt stopping and to prevent terrorists from kidnapping me at a light.

If I can parallel park between you and the guy in front of you, it's too much space.

Where I live we have a lot of people that leave a car length or more when they're first in line at a light. I've actually pulled up past them and then gone in front of them while they're stopped. I'm damn well not going to sit behind them if I want that lane.


That is maddening.  The loop detector/s cut into the pavement often don't even go back more than a car length.

You could sit there all day and not get a green arrow.
 
2014-05-01 11:08:52 PM
So picking my nose like a madman is still okay?
 
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