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(Fox News)   Here are the five craziest ways to open a bottle of wine and still be able to drink it that don't involve your anus   (foxnews.com) divider line 34
    More: Interesting, wine bottles  
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3058 clicks; posted to Geek » on 01 May 2014 at 8:09 AM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-05-01 04:15:03 AM
headline +1
 
2014-05-01 08:04:41 AM
that don't involve your anus

I'M OUT
 
2014-05-01 08:16:12 AM
Can it involve somebody else's anus?
 
2014-05-01 08:30:09 AM
3 and 5 are the same, key or serrated knife.
 
2014-05-01 08:36:34 AM
I was hoping for more methods of using he anus to open wine bottles.
 
2014-05-01 08:56:23 AM
Is this a reference to Mr. Frat Boy Butt Chugger from a few years back?
 
2014-05-01 09:01:03 AM
4 could put a nasty oily rubbery flavor into the wine.
 
2014-05-01 09:04:27 AM
What about Neptune?
 
2014-05-01 09:17:26 AM
If you can open a bottle of wine with your butt, I love you.
 
2014-05-01 09:24:14 AM
I've never thought of the words wine and anus in the same sentence.

Now I'm traumatized.


i keed i keed
 
2014-05-01 09:28:51 AM
Tree method works well with a shoe too.
 
2014-05-01 09:37:51 AM
What if you have Buns of Steel™?
 
2014-05-01 09:52:22 AM
Or you could skip all the malarkey and push the cork down into the bottle.

Declasse, but it gets the job done.
 
2014-05-01 09:58:23 AM
I just carry a small corkscrew on my keychain. Never leave the house without one.
 
2014-05-01 09:58:55 AM
How farking hard is it to open a paint can?
 
2014-05-01 10:08:49 AM

James Rieper: Or you could skip all the malarkey and push the cork down into the bottle.

Declasse, but it gets the job done.


I'm surprised this wasn't on the list.

I always called it the "Sharpie Method"
 
2014-05-01 10:11:28 AM
The bike pump one won't work, unless your bike pump came with, and you haven't lost, the soccer ball needle attachment thingy.
 
2014-05-01 10:14:52 AM
Is my anus not involved in the opening or the drinking?
 
2014-05-01 10:39:40 AM
Last week while on an office retreat, we were stuck without a corkscrew for about two hours.  An office member found a screw, which he screwed into the cork by wrapping a towel around it, then pulled the cork out with a fork. We were all impressed.
 
2014-05-01 10:52:57 AM
img.fark.net

Also does circumcisions.
 
2014-05-01 11:35:17 AM
Once everything switches to screw tops this will be a thing of the past.
 
2014-05-01 11:39:41 AM

Slackfumasta: Can it involve somebody else's anus?


Creative
 
2014-05-01 11:40:48 AM

FaygoMaster: Is this a reference to Mr. Frat Boy Butt Chugger from a few years back?


My favorite press conference ever
 
2014-05-01 11:46:13 AM
Wow, just when I thought Faux News couldn't get any better, they come up with this hard-hitting story to prove me wrong.
 
2014-05-01 12:51:34 PM
I used a machete to saber open a bottle of Champagne once.  It's cool to do it, but you lose a lot of wine in the process.  Not to mention, you don't exactly need tools to open Champagne in the first place.
 
2014-05-01 12:57:50 PM

Mr. Eugenides: I used a machete to saber open a bottle of Champagne once.  It's cool to do it, but you lose a lot of wine in the process.  Not to mention, you don't exactly need tools to open Champagne in the first place.


You can saber any bottle with a lip - wine, beer, liquor - whatever. The champaign cork will fly off due to the pressure while non-sparkling wine will just drop. Also, any heavyish straight metal edge will work too.
 
2014-05-01 01:42:54 PM

madgonad: Mr. Eugenides: I used a machete to saber open a bottle of Champagne once.  It's cool to do it, but you lose a lot of wine in the process.  Not to mention, you don't exactly need tools to open Champagne in the first place.

You can saber any bottle with a lip - wine, beer, liquor - whatever. The champaign cork will fly off due to the pressure while non-sparkling wine will just drop. Also, any heavyish straight metal edge will work too.


True, but the sparkling wine is self cleaning.  You run the risk of glass shards falling back into the wine bottle with still wine.
 
2014-05-01 03:17:29 PM

ko_kyi: Slackfumasta: Can it involve somebody else's anus?

Creative

  kinky
 
2014-05-01 03:49:51 PM
If you can't find a tree you can sit the bottle in the heel of a shoe and bang it against almost anything.
 
2014-05-01 03:52:08 PM
What about grandma's twat? That thing is so rough and dry that the friction is awesome, plus she can really clamp and pull with it.
 
2014-05-01 04:11:23 PM

Gaylord Q. Tinkledink: Tree method works well with a shoe too.


How does banging on a tree with a shoe open a wine bottle. Puzzled.
 
2014-05-01 05:05:05 PM

azxj

Wow, just when I thought Faux News couldn't get any better, they come up with this hard-hitting story to prove me wrong.
upl.co
 
2014-05-01 07:02:06 PM

FaygoMaster: Is this a reference to Mr. Frat Boy Butt Chugger from a few years back?


What, you mean Alexander P. Broughton, the buttchugger?

I would be appalled if Subby were referencing those slanderous accusations that Alexander P. Broughton had ever buttchugged.

Alexander P. Broughton is not a buttchugger.
 
2014-05-01 07:16:34 PM
Sabering champagne is douchy unless it's actually been bottle carbonated upside down. Then it makes sense.
 
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