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(BBC-US)   "Apparatus for facilitating childbirth by centrifugal force" and other inventions that for some reason didn't catch on   (bbc.com) divider line 36
    More: Amusing, apparatus, inventions, Ig Nobel Prizes, childbirth, heats, martian atmosphere  
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1660 clicks; posted to Geek » on 30 Apr 2014 at 3:58 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-04-30 03:53:57 PM  

anticipatethis.files.wordpress.com


Haters gonna hate

 
2014-04-30 03:59:47 PM  
Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?
 
2014-04-30 04:12:13 PM  

Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?


I always thought it would be a great idea to convert an old washing machine into baby's first gravitron.
 
2014-04-30 04:19:04 PM  
img.fark.net

                        Apparatus for facilitating childbirth by centrifugal force
 
2014-04-30 04:25:27 PM  

Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?


That would probably work better than the headline's apparatus would.
 
2014-04-30 04:27:24 PM  
Take her into the Foetus Frightening Room!
 
2014-04-30 04:27:53 PM  

Intrope: Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?

That would probably work better than the headline's apparatus would.


Can't you just blow in her mouth really hard?  Or tap her on the "57" with a butter knife?
 
2014-04-30 04:35:00 PM  

shut_it_down: Intrope: Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?

That would probably work better than the headline's apparatus would.

Can't you just blow in her mouth really hard?  Or tap her on the "57" with a butter knife?


How about a big vacuum cleaner? Schloooooooop!
 
2014-04-30 04:36:41 PM  

Intrope: shut_it_down: Intrope: Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?

That would probably work better than the headline's apparatus would.

Can't you just blow in her mouth really hard?  Or tap her on the "57" with a butter knife?

How about a big vacuum cleaner? Schloooooooop!


That already exists:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ventouse
 
2014-04-30 04:39:48 PM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: [img.fark.net image 640x419]

                        Apparatus for facilitating childbirth by centrifugal force


www.ar15.com
 
2014-04-30 04:46:45 PM  

shut_it_down: Intrope: Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?

That would probably work better than the headline's apparatus would.

Can't you just blow in her mouth really hard?

img.fark.net


It just fills them with air.
 
2014-04-30 04:51:22 PM  
Good to see they thoughtfully provided a catching sack.  I just had this image of the nurses gathered 'round waiting to see who gets to catch surprise baby.  The umbilical cord was really gonna complicate that.
 
2014-04-30 04:58:38 PM  

Buggar: Good to see they thoughtfully provided a catching sack.  I just had this image of the nurses gathered 'round waiting to see who gets to catch surprise baby.  The umbilical cord was really gonna complicate that.


drawception.com

GIS wins again
 
2014-04-30 05:04:38 PM  

Intrope: shut_it_down: Intrope: Somaticasual: Why do I imagine a pregnant woman delivering on one of those "gravity wall" carnival rides (upside down)?

That would probably work better than the headline's apparatus would.

Can't you just blow in her mouth really hard?  Or tap her on the "57" with a butter knife?

How about a big vacuum cleaner? Schloooooooop!


I call dibs on the toothpaste tube squeezer delivery mechanism.
 
2014-04-30 05:09:30 PM  
Made me think of this: YouTube, SFW.
 
2014-04-30 05:36:43 PM  
Wouldn't it be easier just to pick them up by the hair and shake them several times?
 
2014-04-30 06:04:48 PM  
You'll want to read this fine quote from the patent application for the childbirth device:

"In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilized Women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement".


Here's a link to a picture of the childbirth device.  I won't post it in the thread because it is a bit NSFW.

patentimages.storage.googleapis.com/pages/US3216423-0.png


Note that the entire system is automated.  Once the baby is born, it flies out into a baby catching net, and the weight of the baby in the net pulls down on a lever which shuts the device off.  Genius!
 
2014-04-30 06:47:45 PM  
Does the phrase 'went down a storm' mean anything?

I've never heard it before - not like this - and it made my head hurt:-(
 
2014-04-30 06:51:37 PM  
Ok... nothing is obscure on fark.

What Sci Fi novel had the protagonist facilitating a child birth by briefly turning up the artificial gravity on the ship?  I think it was a One of Heinlein's Lazarus Long books, but I can't quite remember.
 
2014-04-30 06:54:29 PM  
Never mind.  "Time Enough for Love".
 
2014-04-30 07:20:09 PM  

Metastatic Capricorn: Never mind.  "Time Enough for Love".


Shakes tiny fist.  Was going to post about Captain Lazarus Long juicing up the gravity to help Llita give birth.  Well played, amigo.
 
2014-04-30 07:27:22 PM  
I think I photoshopped a prototype last month.  Speak with my patent attorney post haste.

i90.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-30 07:33:19 PM  

Hack Patooey: Buggar: Good to see they thoughtfully provided a catching sack.  I just had this image of the nurses gathered 'round waiting to see who gets to catch surprise baby.  The umbilical cord was really gonna complicate that.

[drawception.com image 300x250]

GIS wins again


Question.  In a thread years ago someone posited that GIS most certainly meant Google Image Search.  My claim was that I had used Google since its inception and that acronym originally meant Google Internet Search prior to Google's specialized searching.  Wonder if I'm the only one who thinks that.  Anyway in said thread some young kid who heard of the internet a year ago through I was an idiot....which may very well be true but not for that reason I don't think.
 
2014-04-30 07:34:06 PM  

brandent: Hack Patooey: Buggar: Good to see they thoughtfully provided a catching sack.  I just had this image of the nurses gathered 'round waiting to see who gets to catch surprise baby.  The umbilical cord was really gonna complicate that.

[drawception.com image 300x250]

GIS wins again

Question.  In a thread years ago someone posited that GIS most certainly meant Google Image Search.  My claim was that I had used Google since its inception and that acronym originally meant Google Internet Search prior to Google's specialized searching.  Wonder if I'm the only one who thinks that.  Anyway in said thread some young kid who heard of the internet a year ago through I was an idiot....which may very well be true but not for that reason I don't think.


I should add at the time Google came out most 'search engines' were not in fact search engines at all but directories.
 
2014-04-30 08:27:53 PM  

Chuck Wagon: baby's first gravitron.


Yeah, but the "clunk" parts that might get a little messy...

//still, a show...
 
2014-04-30 08:30:07 PM  
Wow. Thank you for that laugh, subby.
 
2014-04-30 09:08:05 PM  
That seems excessive. Wouldn't it be easier to hold the woman still, and rotate the rest of the universe around her?
 
2014-04-30 09:08:32 PM  

Metastatic Capricorn: Ok... nothing is obscure on fark.

What Sci Fi novel had the protagonist facilitating a child birth by briefly turning up the artificial gravity on the ship?  I think it was a One of Heinlein's Lazarus Long books, but I can't quite remember.



It was Time enough For Love- one of LL's reminiscings to Minerva about the Twins Who Weren't.
 
2014-04-30 10:08:28 PM  
imgs.xkcd.com
 
2014-04-30 10:35:47 PM  
Here's how I understood it..

Centrepidal Force- the force which pulls an object in a cirular path around another
Centrifugal Force- the force which pulls an object in a straight line away from another

JohnAnnArbor: [imgs.xkcd.com image 400x595]


Centrepidal force doesn't explain the flying baby though.
 
2014-04-30 10:38:05 PM  

Buggar: Here's how I understood it..

Centrepidal Force- the force which pulls an object in a cirular path around another
Centrifugal Force- the force which pulls an object in a straight line away from anotherJohnAnnArbor: [imgs.xkcd.com image 400x595]

Centrepidal force doesn't explain the flying baby though.


Nevermind, I'm going to bed.

GIS is Google Image Search
Google Internet Search is now considered redundant.
 
2014-05-01 12:38:46 AM  

brandent: I should add at the time Google came out most 'search engines' were not in fact search engines at all but directories.


That's not true. Google came out after Alta Vista and Ask Jeeves. You may be thinking of Yahoo!, which was a curated directory. But the others were actual search engines.
 
2014-05-01 07:31:21 AM  

Metastatic Capricorn: Ok... nothing is obscure on fark.

What Sci Fi novel had the protagonist facilitating a child birth by briefly turning up the artificial gravity on the ship?  I think it was a One of Heinlein's Lazarus Long books, but I can't quite remember.


It was Time Enough for Love and Yes it did have Lazarus long in it.   It's the one where he talks about a relationship with his adoptive daughter and then goes back in time and has sex with his mother...

I
actually like the book but damn.
 
2014-05-01 08:14:34 AM  

Theaetetus: brandent: I should add at the time Google came out most 'search engines' were not in fact search engines at all but directories.

That's not true. Google came out after Alta Vista and Ask Jeeves. You may be thinking of Yahoo!, which was a curated directory. But the others were actual search engines.


there were dozens of such directories.
 
2014-05-01 09:02:32 AM  

Egoy3k: Metastatic Capricorn: Ok... nothing is obscure on fark.

What Sci Fi novel had the protagonist facilitating a child birth by briefly turning up the artificial gravity on the ship?  I think it was a One of Heinlein's Lazarus Long books, but I can't quite remember.

It was Time Enough for Love and Yes it did have Lazarus long in it.   It's the one where he talks about a relationship with his adoptive daughter and then goes back in time and has sex with his mother...

I actually like the book but damn.


And to add to the "but damn", didn't he keep a locket of mom's pubic hair?
 
2014-05-01 09:45:00 AM  

Metastatic Capricorn: Egoy3k: Metastatic Capricorn: Ok... nothing is obscure on fark.

What Sci Fi novel had the protagonist facilitating a child birth by briefly turning up the artificial gravity on the ship?  I think it was a One of Heinlein's Lazarus Long books, but I can't quite remember.

It was Time Enough for Love and Yes it did have Lazarus long in it.   It's the one where he talks about a relationship with his adoptive daughter and then goes back in time and has sex with his mother...

I actually like the book but damn.

And to add to the "but damn", didn't he keep a locket of mom's pubic hair?


I dunno man that whole book was just Heinlein farking with the reader.

"Oh so you think this is icky? Well I'm going to remove all the reasons for this act to be taboo and then have my characters do it, and enjoy it. Why do you still feel icky about it?"
 
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