Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Huffington Post UK)   Eleven more reasons why you will never see Jesus in your lifetime. For one he'd have to wear shoes just to get inside most places and he doesn't do shoes   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, Jesus Christ, David Copperfield, Little Britain, David Blaine, Dare I Say  
•       •       •

4391 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2014 at 10:49 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-04-29 10:13:52 AM  
4 votes:
12. He's still fictional.
2014-04-29 09:04:04 AM  
3 votes:
1. He's dead.
2014-04-29 10:55:17 AM  
2 votes:
"Hey, there was some bearded Middle-Eastern dude outside talking about how the rich should give away all their stuff. He was giving out out free healthcare and turned a Filet-O-Fish into 5,000, Filets-O-Fish? Filets-O-Fishes? Which one is it? Anyway, I called the cops and they hauled him away to turn over to INS. Probably on a slow boat to Gitmo."
2014-04-29 10:46:21 AM  
2 votes:
2014-04-29 12:54:42 PM  
1 vote:
This time it won't be Jesus, it will be the anti-Christ.

Not "anti" as in, "against", but more like "opposite".

The anti-Christ will appear to say, "The apocalypse is always with you, as every day is a revelation. You have been given numerous texts full of wisdom; your literature and cultures are full of excellent examples of paths to enlightenment and how to treat each other and this world as precious gifts. This time you must save yourselves. Farewell".

Then he will vanish.
2014-04-29 11:13:48 AM  
1 vote:
How does something that never existed come back?
2014-04-29 11:10:59 AM  
1 vote:

Facetious_Speciest: Fano

The door to door people never give you the hellfire Fred Phelps treatment.

They're not supposed to, but you can lead them into it pretty easily. Last time I had JWs come by, they ended up saying that unsaved children (innocents, obviously) were essentially cockroaches, not to be mourned when the end comes.

/not kidding

It's also pretty easy for someone who already strongly dislikes a group like the Jesus salesmen to remember/characterize them in the worst possible light.  Then again, maybe it really happened as written.

I just know that I've had my door knocked on or have been approached a bunch of times.  They were polite and relatively friendly, and I was polite and relatively friendly back.  I'd accept any literature, but refuse any other offers, and we'd all part ways with smiles and I'd go on about my heathen business with nothing more than a mildly irksome delay and maybe some extra papers to peruse in the shiatter or recycle at my leisure.
2014-04-29 10:58:47 AM  
1 vote:
12. He read this "article" and decided humanity is not worth saving.

It's not even humorous on a subject that lends itself to plenty of funny. Is it just to get a religion thread going? Has there not been one in a while so maybe people's positions have changed?
2014-04-29 10:58:29 AM  
1 vote:
Same reason I'll never see the Easter Bunny?
2014-04-29 10:25:32 AM  
1 vote:
12. He can't find any true followers to appear to.
2014-04-29 10:22:57 AM  
1 vote:
Last I heard he was headed for New Orleans
Displayed 11 of 11 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.