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(Time)   Restaurants now seating socially awkward single diners with giant stuffed animals to make them feel less socially awkward   ( ) divider line 19
    More: Asinine, picture books  
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4388 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Apr 2014 at 8:03 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-04-29 08:21:51 AM  
8 votes:
Then you get in to a conversation with the stuffed animal. Maybe you make a connection. Maybe there's some chemistry. There's no denying it. This stuffie and you are really connecting. So, you slide your chair around the table so the conversation can get a little more personal. Stre in to those big, button eyes. Order some wine. Maybe touch stuffie's arm. Oh that's soft. Stuffie aint saying "no" and those big button eyes tell you she's just as in to this as you are. "Oh you got something on your cute cheek. Let me get that for you." Fluffy paw upon your chest. Oh my.

So you go in for the kiss and next thing you know, you're in the alley and the bus boys are kicking in your kidneys. You'll be pissing blood for a week, but it was worth it. You try to get to see stuffie again but the maitre d has your number on his shiat list and won't take a reservation from you no matter hard you try. Get a throwaway phone, try an accent "I vould like to get table zee-ix wit zee be-a-uteeful blue bear-a for a zingle." "Harry, you call here again and I'll call the cops. Get help. You need it."

Stuffie! I've thrown a thousand baseballs at a hundred milk bottles. The plush toys I win are nothing compared to you. You understand me! You get me! I wait in the alley every night hoping someone will spill wine on you and the restaurant throws you out. Even with the wine of another upon you, you are still mine as I am yours. My life is just a boring repetition of race car racing, Presidential brain surgeries, spaceship flying and massive wealth gathering without you!
2014-04-29 08:54:38 AM  
6 votes:
2014-04-29 08:38:15 AM  
4 votes:
I order a table for two.  Two drinks, appetizer and two meals.  Then I tell the waitstaff that my supermodel girlfriend is late.  Probably held up at the Sport Illustrated photo shoot.  Gotta be careful with those thong photos when it comes to SI, you know.  After I eat, I flip open my phone and have an imaginary fight with my imaginary super model girlfriend:  "Your career?!  What about us?! Oh, you say you do but you're not here!  You're probably standing topless with a micro bikini bottom and  your perfect breasts exposed for all the world to see.  You don't care about me!  You don't care about us!"

Then, I either run crying in to the men's room where I climb out a window or, if it's a fancy place like IHOP, I get her meal to go, leave a generous tip and storm out in a huff and sob quietly while waiting for the bus.
2014-04-29 08:09:45 AM  
4 votes:
Must have worked, this guy brought his two fellow diners home!
2014-04-29 08:46:58 AM  
3 votes:
As awkward as a dinner with Kawaii?
2014-04-29 10:23:44 AM  
2 votes:

Introducing your new dining companions...

/only the popular loners get more than one!
//seriously, this would make a lol-worthy pshop event
2014-04-29 08:29:20 AM  
2 votes:
2014-04-29 08:07:55 AM  
2 votes:
seat me with this dude and i'll come
2014-04-29 08:05:26 AM  
2 votes:
Can I bring my own giant stuffed animal to dine with, or is that improper etiquette?
2014-04-29 09:43:52 AM  
1 vote:

Derkins: I don't mind eating alone but it is awkward when the hostess yells out: "Derkins, party of one!"

I'd find it not only awkward but scary if someone shouted my fark handle at me irl too.
2014-04-29 09:07:10 AM  
1 vote:
Also dines alone:
2014-04-29 08:54:21 AM  
1 vote:

MythDragon: /2011 Cheetara kicks 80's Cheetara's ass in every way possible

2014-04-29 08:46:41 AM  
1 vote:

ltdanman44: seat me with this dude and i'll come

[ image 450x338]
Have this dudette sit on me and I'll come

/2011 Cheetara kicks 80's Cheetara's ass in every way possible
2014-04-29 08:40:36 AM  
1 vote:

Ker_Thwap: I dine out alone when I've done a poor job of meal planning, have an urge for some difficult to cook meal, am away from home, and basically when I'm hungry.  I'm content with my solitude.

Me too.  I have no issue dining alone. Most of the time it's because of that hard to cook/requires pricey ingredients that I will not use all of/I just don't want to make the mess the dish requires thing.

 If I wanted to dine with a giant silent partner, I could always go out to dinner with my ex.
2014-04-29 08:39:01 AM  
1 vote:
2014-04-29 08:33:59 AM  
1 vote:
But does the stuffed animal ever pick up the check?!  Noooooo....
2014-04-29 08:31:54 AM  
1 vote:
oh my gosh. I love the idea!! I would sit with a huge stuffed bear and play with his bowtie. it would be amazing. probably the best date I would ever be on!
2014-04-29 08:16:24 AM  
1 vote:
This is why I pay 5 people to follow me around all the time and look interested in what I'm saying.
2014-04-29 08:10:59 AM  
1 vote:
"gigantic stuffed animals are seated across the table from solo diners"

Yeah, that'll make you much less conspicuous.  Just get carry-out if you can't deal.
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