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(PennLive)   This woman just celebrated her 105th birthday. So what is her secret to a long life? Eat tomato soup every day and don't dwell on the small stuff. Subby will stock up on Campbell's Tomato Soup now   (pennlive.com) divider line 8
    More: Spiffy, tomato soup, soup every day, tomatoes, celebrations, soups, lessons, Market Square  
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1820 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Apr 2014 at 1:35 AM (13 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
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2014-04-28 02:11:15 AM
1 votes:
"fark a lotta women"

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2014-04-28 02:07:57 AM
1 votes:
114-Year-Old Attributes Longevity to Sheer Random Chance

MILFORD, WY-Mayor Hammond Forsythe officially declared Monday "Hazel McCreeley Day," and why not? After all, if you'd lived through over 41,500 of them, wouldn't you deserve one too?

With pomp, circumstance and cake, the oldest living American celebrated the start of the 14th year of her second century of life here amid her friends at the Milford Nursing Home. But make no mistake-old age does not mean old heart!

"What a crock of shiat," re-marked the feisty McCreeley, playfully feigning both inability and unwillingness to blow out even one of her 114 candles. "What a flaming crock of shiat this whole day is... For the love of Jesus, honor somebody accomplishing something, not someone whose body is spiting its mind by staying alive."

Asked for the secret to her long life, the perky, silver-coifed McCreeley quipped: "Dumb luck. Do any of you have even a rudimentary understanding of probability? Extrapolate the bell curve of life expectancy for a quarter of a billion people and see for your goddamn selves." The frisky matriarch continued. "By probabilistic rights, somebody in America ought to be 119. Only one person being 114 years old is an incredible statistical deviation."

"Great, I pissed in my diaper again," wise-cracked the chipper McCreeley, who still has the sense of humor she inherited from her mother, the wife of a pioneer rancher who gave birth to her only child, Hazel, on March 5, 1882, during the administration of Chester A. Arthur. She grew up during the tail-end of the legendary Old West period, graduated high school when Teddy Roosevelt was president, turned 51 one day after the first inauguration of his relative Franklin, and was eligible for Medicare by 18 years when it was first created!

Thinking of those times, McCreeley wistfully recalls them as "a total goddamn blur... Everything before this morning is a brain-fart for me."

The bouncy centedecarian has lived in Milford all her life, spending 53 years running the general store which she founded with her husband, Herb. Herb died in 1958 at the age of 79. She has three children, five grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren and 16 great-great-grandchildren.

"Buried most of 'em," the peppy McCreeley noted. "My body is a drooping heap of grief-flesh."

Asked if her family has a history of longevity, the still-sharp McCreeley riposted, "Christ, the usual rigmarole. All right: My parents did not have long lives, I don't drink a daily shot of brandy, I don't exercise regularly, and the clean mountain air makes no difference. I've lived in a climate-controlled nursing home for 34 years. Talk to a goddamn actuary, alright? I'm just the randomly-chosen outermost tentacle of the billion-legged beast that is suffering through time. Any other brilliant theories, farkos?"
2014-04-28 02:04:11 AM
1 votes:
I had a great grandmother who made it just a few months shy of 105.  Her secret was whiskey and cigars.  YMMV.
2014-04-28 01:46:36 AM
1 votes:
Don't sweat the small stuff? Most Farkers will be dead in 10 years.
2014-04-28 01:38:34 AM
1 votes:
Don't sweat the petty stuff. And don't pet the sweaty stuff.
2014-04-28 01:26:32 AM
1 votes:
Homemade tomato soup is a joy. Canned soup, not so much.

Given her age I bet she ate more homemade soup than canned.
2014-04-28 12:48:28 AM
1 votes:
I hear the campbell's soup has gotten pretty gross.  I make my own out of canned tomatoes.
2014-04-27 10:48:23 PM
1 votes:
I'd rather die today than eat tomato soup ever again.
 
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