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(Huffington Post)   Not news: taking a nice ocean swim. News: followed by sharks. Fark: Rescued by dolphins   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 47
    More: Spiffy, sharks, dolphins  
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6705 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2014 at 11:25 AM (16 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-27 11:26:30 AM
Ultrafark: The dolphins just wanted to have sex with you
 
2014-04-27 11:28:32 AM
Good on the dolphins!  Fark you, Japan.
 
2014-04-27 11:29:12 AM
[circles emanating from forehead]
 
2014-04-27 11:30:50 AM
"Walker, who was swimming to raise proceeds for the nonprofit Whale and Dolphin Conservation" tells a story about a squadron of protective dolphins... sounds legit...
 
2014-04-27 11:30:57 AM
We mammals need to stick together.
 
2014-04-27 11:31:02 AM

Summoner101: Ultrafark: The dolphins just wanted to have sex with you


"I saved you from sharks, now put out."
 
2014-04-27 11:36:22 AM

The Pope of Manwich Village: [circles emanating from forehead]


www.sundriesshack.com
 
2014-04-27 11:38:18 AM
swim in the choppy waters of New Zealand's Cook Strait

So did he swim towards Straya? Anywhere near the north coast?
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-27 11:39:16 AM
I see the Ultrafark dolphin rape rape was already covered. *shakes tiny flipper*
 
2014-04-27 11:42:25 AM
Wasn't that just a guy swimming?
 
2014-04-27 11:44:24 AM
From the comments: He swam all that way on porpoise?

Bravo!
 
2014-04-27 11:49:22 AM
cdn3.volusion.com
 
2014-04-27 11:49:40 AM
What he didn't know is that the dolphins were guiding him to their exit from Earth. They kept telling him to get his towel off of the sailboat trailing him, but the language barrier was too great. After several hours, they had to leave, to find another swimmer who wasn't so enamored with "omg the dolphins r savin me!!!", and try to get them to leave before the Vogons arrive.
 
2014-04-27 11:51:00 AM

Dadoody: [cdn3.volusion.com image 500x500]


That cartoon isn't funny.

Archer is for people who are either new to pot or into hard drugs.

/always wanted to bash that shiatty show
 
2014-04-27 11:51:36 AM
Humans look so utterly clumsy swimming. Especially when you have built for the water, graceful dolphins swimming next to them for comparison. I wonder how dolphins see us when we swim. We look like we are slapping the water in distress, almost like we're drowning but we are slowly moving through the water and not drowning. Must be confusing as all out to dolphins. "Does this creature need our help? No....I think it doesn't. Wait, wait, maybe it does. Nope. It's just slapping the water. What is it doing? That's not how you swim. Oh, Poseidon, it's giving me a headache just looking at it."
 
2014-04-27 11:52:19 AM

shlabotnik: From the comments: He swam all that way on porpoise?

Bravo!


[Cetacean Needed]
 
2014-04-27 11:52:32 AM
We had a thalidomide kid in the neighborhood who had flippers for hands.
Rumor was he was born with gills, but they sewed them up at birth.
 
2014-04-27 11:52:48 AM
Dolphins probably just came over to figure out why the hell this dumbass human is swimming in the water when there are boats all around.
 
2014-04-27 11:53:58 AM

Anastacya: What he didn't know is that the dolphins were guiding him to their exit from Earth. They kept telling him to get his towel off of the sailboat trailing him, but the language barrier was too great. After several hours, they had to leave, to find another swimmer who wasn't so enamored with "omg the dolphins r savin me!!!", and try to get them to leave before the Vogons arrive.


He should of had a Babel fish.
 
2014-04-27 12:00:52 PM

vudukungfu: We had a thalidomide kid in the neighborhood who had flippers for hands.
Rumor was he was born with gills, but they sewed them up at birth.


Stop making fun of my hands, Schmucko.
Can you blow bong smoke from your gills?
Hey, don't bogart the bong, Flipper. Jeez what a farkin' haz-been....."I was on TV"..."I'm a star".......just pass the bong you wrinkled McFish Sammich!
 
2014-04-27 12:03:14 PM

CipollinaFan: Anastacya: What he didn't know is that the dolphins were guiding him to their exit from Earth. They kept telling him to get his towel off of the sailboat trailing him, but the language barrier was too great. After several hours, they had to leave, to find another swimmer who wasn't so enamored with "omg the dolphins r savin me!!!", and try to get them to leave before the Vogons arrive.

He should of had a Babel fish.


Or bought a Ford Prefect.
 
2014-04-27 12:04:12 PM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-04-27 12:04:23 PM
All I saw was a dull video of a guy swimming with a pod of dolphins. At least the pre-video ad had George Takei in it. I don't know why because I skipped it, but still.
 
2014-04-27 12:06:51 PM
At least he was swimming for a noble porpoise.
 
2014-04-27 12:08:26 PM
Being rescued by dolphins is in fact not news.

If you're in the ocean and you meet a dolphin, there's an 82% chance you'll be "rescued" and a 17% chance you will be raped.

I put "rescued" in quotes because in fact you are actually being arrested and deported from the ocean.
 
2014-04-27 12:09:49 PM
I think it's hilarious that dolphins want to bang humans, especially attractive women.

See, dolphins are smart!
 
2014-04-27 12:10:40 PM

walktoanarcade: Dadoody: [cdn3.volusion.com image 500x500]

That cartoon isn't funny.

Archer is for people who are either new to pot or into hard drugs.

/always wanted to bash that shiatty show



Same exact humor as Frisky Dingo and Sealab 2021, so not sure what you were expecting. Seinfeld humor?
 
2014-04-27 12:13:09 PM

Dadoody: walktoanarcade: Dadoody: [cdn3.volusion.com image 500x500]

That cartoon isn't funny.

Archer is for people who are either new to pot or into hard drugs.

/always wanted to bash that shiatty show


Same exact humor as Frisky Dingo and Sealab 2021, so not sure what you were expecting. Seinfeld humor?


That's part of my point. It's stale. Sealab2021 was funny for a time, then got too stupid. Frisky Dingo, beyond the valley of stupid.

Adult Swim is literally staffed by people who are constantly shrooming, I  tells yee.
 
2014-04-27 12:13:32 PM

walktoanarcade: I think it's hilarious that dolphins want to bang humans, especially attractive women.

See, dolphins are smart!


I wonder what female dolphins are thinking. Or are they waiting back home with baking roller pins?
 
2014-04-27 12:15:14 PM

walktoanarcade: I think it's hilarious that dolphins want to bang humans, especially attractive women.

See, dolphins are smart!


They will bang anything. I was once at the West Edmonton Mall when they had a dolphin pool, in between performances. A male dolphin was swimming back and forth with a flutter board held close to his body by a large erect member. I was the only one sitting in the stands and i swear he was watching me the entire time.
 
2014-04-27 12:15:40 PM

Destructor: walktoanarcade: I think it's hilarious that dolphins want to bang humans, especially attractive women.

See, dolphins are smart!

I wonder what female dolphins are thinking. Or are they waiting back home with baking roller pins?


heh!  And we thought girls and women alike had it rough with the new asinine "thigh gap" fad? ;)
 
2014-04-27 12:17:12 PM

Summoner101: Ultrafark: The dolphins just wanted to have sex with you


Came to say it's a trap, it was dolphin rape gang.
 
2014-04-27 12:20:01 PM

walktoanarcade: I think it's hilarious that dolphins want to bang humans, especially attractive women.

See, dolphins are smart!


That's to make up for us banging the squeaks out of were dolphins, Japanese women.
 
2014-04-27 12:20:16 PM

J. Frank Parnell: walktoanarcade: I think it's hilarious that dolphins want to bang humans, especially attractive women.

See, dolphins are smart!

They will bang anything. I was once at the West Edmonton Mall when they had a dolphin pool, in between performances. A male dolphin was swimming back and forth with a flutter board held close to his body by a large erect member. I was the only one sitting in the stands and i swear he was watching me the entire time.


lol he probably was thinking "this thing I am holding is youuuuuuuuuuu *grin*"
 
2014-04-27 12:33:39 PM
CBS -

I was spending an afternoon with my brother and a mate at a beach that was 'no swimming' (but surprisingly good for surfing.)

There was a pod of dolphins that came past in the morning and the evening and we dried to be out there when the did (we were on boogie boards, not stand ups.)

Anyway the mate and I had been having a cone or two on the beach when we saw the dolphins come around the point, so we headed down to the water (a bit late cause they were already in the middle of the bay.)

As we were putting our flippers on we noticed some of dolphins to a serious right hand turn towards my brother (who was way out beyond the break).  Next thing we see is my brother taking every single wave he can to get to the beach.  At this point we removed our flippers.

When he got in he said "Oh fark, I looked down and I saw a huge shadow, then the dolphins charged towards me."  (ps - the dolphins had babies at the time.)

Needless to say we didn't go out surfiing that evening.

But unless you have ridden a wave with dolphins on both sides of you, you have missed out on one of life's coolest experiences.
 
2014-04-27 12:35:42 PM

walktoanarcade: lol he probably was thinking "this thing I am holding is youuuuuuuuuuu *grin*"


It was like we were sharing a joke or something, to be honest. Right in the middle of all these shoppers shopping is this going on. I was visibly amused, and he seemed to pick up on that.

Was the only dolphin in the pool, so maybe he was just doing what he had to do when the hunger for rape comes. I just happened to observe it.
 
2014-04-27 12:55:52 PM
I feel I should mention.

Having had lots of cool experiences with dolphins (and other creatures), I would like more peeps to realise we are not the only sentient species on this planet.

"We are not alone."

"The Truth is Here."

I suspect we will not meet other worldly intelligences until we begin to deal with our local ones with something approaching respect and understanding.
 
2014-04-27 12:56:06 PM
Dolphins don't have to swim faster than sharks. They just have to swim faster than the dumb ass human on an endurance swim.
 
2014-04-27 12:59:42 PM

Bowen: Dolphins don't have to swim faster than sharks. They just have to swim faster than the dumb ass human on an endurance swim.


Dolphins kill sharks often - they know where their sensitive places are.  Alas they also rape and bully :(
 
2014-04-27 01:02:02 PM

Mantour: [i.chzbgr.com image 500x334]


I heard they had to tie a fish around his neck to get them to play with him.
 
2014-04-27 01:23:52 PM
Worst Fark headline meme ever.
What is it about being rescued by dolphins that makes it "Fark"?
I would have gone with "rescued by lifeguards oh wait did I say lifeguards? I meant dolphins".
That is much more greenlight-worthy.
 
2014-04-27 01:51:10 PM
See, now I would have expected at least some sort of "Oh holy @#$% there's a giant huge assed shark right under me and it's gonna eat my legs" expression from the swimmer at least some point during that video if there was a shark right there. Or at least a "Hey, guys in the boat, see if you can get a picture of this other big funny looking dolphin with all the really big sharp looking teeth that keeps trying to nibble my ankle"
 
2014-04-27 02:20:14 PM
Followed by sharks.
Rescued by dolphins.
Laughed at by hyenas.
Encouraged by eels.
Sneered by snails.
Infested by crabs.
Reported by apes.
 
2014-04-27 02:24:19 PM
I didn't see a shark in the video so heres a lion and some dolphins'

i.telegraph.co.ukencrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2014-04-27 03:13:06 PM

walktoanarcade: Dadoody: [cdn3.volusion.com image 500x500]

That cartoon isn't funny.

Archer is for people who are either new to pot or into hard drugs.

/always wanted to bash that shiatty show


Never tried any drugs. Don't want to. Still think it's hilarious. But then I missed the boat on Sealab, so I wouldn't know if it was stale.

Most people who dislike it seem to be the kind of people who get offended too easily without looking beyond the surface joke to see it's making fun of the inappropriate people the most.
 
2014-04-27 03:13:21 PM
Spoiler alert: it's 2 minutes of some dude swimming.
 
2014-04-27 06:07:27 PM
www.motivationals.org
 
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