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(io9)   Thirteen things you probably did not know about lightsabers   (io9.com) divider line 112
    More: Interesting, Stage Lighting, power supplies, Emperor Palpatine, lightsabers  
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6264 clicks; posted to Geek » on 25 Apr 2014 at 8:28 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-25 07:41:38 PM  
 
2014-04-25 08:18:46 PM  
Knew most of them

/Mace Windu is a bad mother farker
 
2014-04-25 08:28:31 PM  
1) They don't exist.
 
2014-04-25 08:29:31 PM  
Most of this is no longer true, given the entirety of the EU was scratched from the record today.
 
2014-04-25 08:32:05 PM  

Bungles: Most of this is no longer true, given the entirety of the EU was scratched from the record today.


Since George Lucas has always maintained that the only "canon" are the movies, why is this considered new or different?
 
2014-04-25 08:32:09 PM  

optikeye: 1) They don't exist.


How insightful.
 
2014-04-25 08:36:50 PM  
 
2014-04-25 08:37:00 PM  

karmachameleon: Bungles: Most of this is no longer true, given the entirety of the EU was scratched from the record today.

Since George Lucas has always maintained that the only "canon" are the movies, why is this considered new or different?



I think you'll find Rebels has been added to canon!
 
2014-04-25 08:40:23 PM  
No star wars ep 7 thread yet?They've stated they won't be using the extended universe, and fark isn't all over it??
 
2014-04-25 08:42:58 PM  

sure haven't: No star wars ep 7 thread yet?They've stated they won't be using the extended universe, and fark isn't all over it??


I think everyone already knew that.
 
2014-04-25 08:44:23 PM  
3) They used to be called lazerswords.
Not in the Star Wars universe, just in George Lucas' earliest drafts of the Star Wars script. "Lightsabers" is very definitely an improvement.

Everything was an improvement over that. It reads like things i wrote in jr high.
 
2014-04-25 08:46:58 PM  

Mugato: optikeye: 1) They don't exist.

How insightful.


2) No matter what the fan fic and stuff says...Disney will change the rules as they see fit.
 
2014-04-25 08:47:25 PM  

J. Frank Parnell: 3) They used to be called lazerswords.
Not in the Star Wars universe, just in George Lucas' earliest drafts of the Star Wars script. "Lightsabers" is very definitely an improvement.

Everything was an improvement over that. It reads like things i wrote in jr high.


or something written by this guy
www.mgsrvr.com
 
2014-04-25 08:51:58 PM  

optikeye: Mugato: optikeye: 1) They don't exist.

How insightful.

2) No matter what the fan fic and stuff says...Disney will change the rules as they see fit.


The EU was never canon and was never going to be part of any future films. Thankfully.
 
2014-04-25 08:52:59 PM  
1) you'll never have one
2) you'll probably die alone
3) George Lucas doesn't know who you are
4) Disney doesn't care what you like or don't like
5) Star Wars is a good movie, when you're 12
 
2014-04-25 08:54:57 PM  
If you take a lightsaber to the Star Trek universe and give it to a being of pure energy, will he use it for a dildo?
 
2014-04-25 08:55:33 PM  
That was very short bus.
 
2014-04-25 08:58:09 PM  

AspectRatio: 1) you'll never have one
2) you'll probably die alone
3) George Lucas doesn't know who you are
4) Disney doesn't care what you like or don't like
5) Star Wars is a good movie, when you're 12


Why do people have to come into threads like this just to be dicks? I don't go into any gay German schiesse furry threads and act like a douchebag to you.
 
2014-04-25 09:03:33 PM  

Bungles: karmachameleon: Bungles: Most of this is no longer true, given the entirety of the EU was scratched from the record today.

Since George Lucas has always maintained that the only "canon" are the movies, why is this considered new or different?


I think you'll find Rebels has been added to canon!


Rebels and Clone Wars count as canon.  LFL shiat on anything that hack Karen Traviss ever did.
 
2014-04-25 09:03:59 PM  
On the one hand, not using the EU is kinda sad, as there *was* some really good stuff in there. I want you to *try* and tell me with a straight face that the Thrawn trilogy wouldn't have made an awesome set of movies (assuming you could keep Lucas away from them). The X-Wing books would also have made awesome source material, probably for something with a more serialized format.

On the other hand, at least this means that all of the horrible bullshiat the EU descended into when the NJO started is officially no longer canon. As far as I'm concerned the EU ends immediately before vector prime - everything after that is bad fanfiction ordered by a bunch of people who forgot that this was supposed to be the star wars universe, not the grimdark warhammer 40k one. There were a couple decent stories in the NJO (which just goes to show that good authors can still sometimes turn out something ok even when they're handed absolute shiat to work with), but by and large the EU really jumped the shark at that point.
 
2014-04-25 09:06:39 PM  

MuonNeutrino: I want you to *try* and tell me with a straight face that the Thrawn trilogy wouldn't have made an awesome set of movies


Besides the Force eating worms and clones with extra vowels in their names, most of it has been contradicted by the other films.

And the little snag that the Thrawn trilogy takes place 5 years after Jedi and Episode 7 takes place 30.
 
2014-04-25 09:07:22 PM  

MuonNeutrino: On the one hand, not using the EU is kinda sad, as there *was* some really good stuff in there. I want you to *try* and tell me with a straight face that the Thrawn trilogy wouldn't have made an awesome set of movies (assuming you could keep Lucas away from them). The X-Wing books would also have made awesome source material, probably for something with a more serialized format.

On the other hand, at least this means that all of the horrible bullshiat the EU descended into when the NJO started is officially no longer canon. As far as I'm concerned the EU ends immediately before vector prime - everything after that is bad fanfiction ordered by a bunch of people who forgot that this was supposed to be the star wars universe, not the grimdark warhammer 40k one. There were a couple decent stories in the NJO (which just goes to show that good authors can still sometimes turn out something ok even when they're handed absolute shiat to work with), but by and large the EU really jumped the shark at that point.


Anything not NJO or Swarm War.  Swarm War is where Luke started to become god-like.  Legacy and Fate of the Jedi series aren't too bad, if for the Solo twins and what happened to Jacen.  Sadly though, most of the plot points of Legacy can't exist without NJO.  And the whole Legacy series with Darth Krayt and Cade Skywalker was pretty damn top notch.  Darth Talon, FTW.
 
2014-04-25 09:09:17 PM  

Mugato: MuonNeutrino: I want you to *try* and tell me with a straight face that the Thrawn trilogy wouldn't have made an awesome set of movies

Besides the Force eating worms and clones with extra vowels in their names, most of it has been contradicted by the other films.

And the little snag that the Thrawn trilogy takes place 5 years after Jedi and Episode 7 takes place 30.


The clones with extra vowels was a literary device so the reader could know Luke from his clone.  In-universe, I doubt the characters called him Luuke.
 
2014-04-25 09:11:50 PM  

SithLord: The clones with extra vowels was a literary device so the reader could know Luke from his clone.  In-universe, I doubt the characters called him Luuke


Well anyway, how much of the EU takes place 30 years after the OT?
 
2014-04-25 09:13:07 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: 14 Incredible Facts About Star Trek Weaponry


Ha ha!

/Aw... I kinda wanted to read that...
 
2014-04-25 09:17:18 PM  

Mugato: SithLord: The clones with extra vowels was a literary device so the reader could know Luke from his clone.  In-universe, I doubt the characters called him Luuke

Well anyway, how much of the EU takes place 30 years after the OT?


Most of it now.  30 years is about midway through the New Jedi Order onward.
 
2014-04-25 09:17:36 PM  

Mugato: MuonNeutrino: I want you to *try* and tell me with a straight face that the Thrawn trilogy wouldn't have made an awesome set of movies

Besides the Force eating worms and clones with extra vowels in their names, most of it has been contradicted by the other films.

And the little snag that the Thrawn trilogy takes place 5 years after Jedi and Episode 7 takes place 30.


Um, you completely missed the point there. Of course the Thrawn trilogy doesn't fit with the films - as noted before, Lucas never actually considered the EU canon and made no effort to have his work fit with it at all. And well, DUH the Thrawn trilogy doesn't take place at the same time as this proposed new movie. It's not the same story! All I am saying is, look at the prequels, and then look at the stories told in the Thrawn books. Can you seriously say with a straight face that a set of movies based on the Thrawn trilogy (suitably adapted for the format, of course, and not made by Lucas) wouldn't have been at least ten times better than the 'new' trilogy we actually got?
 
2014-04-25 09:18:16 PM  

sure haven't: No star wars ep 7 thread yet?They've stated they won't be using the extended universe, and fark isn't all over it??


Yeah I was going to submit a link with some variation of the " I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened." quote, but it's friday and I am drinking, so fark it :)
 
2014-04-25 09:21:43 PM  

Ivo Shandor: Can a light saber cut through adamantium? Discuss


1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-04-25 09:22:15 PM  

sure haven't: No star wars ep 7 thread yet?They've stated they won't be using the extended universe, and fark isn't all over it??


Well considering that there were threads on it weeks ago when the news first broke about Disney not using the EU, it's not exactly a big surprise.
 
2014-04-25 09:24:41 PM  

optikeye: 1) They don't exist.


img.fark.net
 
2014-04-25 09:35:17 PM  
FTA: Obi-Wan's hilt was made from a Rolls-Royce Derwent Mk.8/Mk.9 Jet Engine Balance Pipe.

Wrong. Only the emitter end was made from this piece. The rest of it was a Britush fragmentation grenade, a Graflex camera flash unit mounting clamp (same piece as on Luke's New Hope/Empire saber), a gear and a European sink/faucet knob.
 
2014-04-25 09:39:50 PM  
*British
 
2014-04-25 09:41:10 PM  
The only thing I want to know about lightsabers is how the light knows when to stop?

Is there some kind of little floatie thing that acts as a mirror or light stopper?

Also, why would you use swords if you have lasers?

I guess that's two things.
 
2014-04-25 09:45:29 PM  

brantgoose: The only thing I want to know about lightsabers is how the light knows when to stop?

Is there some kind of little floatie thing that acts as a mirror or light stopper?

Also, why would you use swords if you have lasers?

I guess that's two things.


Well, according to some Star Wars wikis, a light saber is basically pure plasma contained by a force field that is adjustable by controls on the hilt. You can read up more here if you want.
 
2014-04-25 09:47:43 PM  
The Thrawn Trilogy introduced some great characters. But as movies? No thanks. Bring on Thrawn, sure. Mara Jade. Karrde. All of those characters. But tell me a new story.

/those books don't hold up well anyway
 
2014-04-25 09:48:19 PM  
14) An M101 105mm howitzer trumps all light arms.
 
2014-04-25 09:49:01 PM  

brantgoose: The only thing I want to know about lightsabers is how the light knows when to stop?

Is there some kind of little floatie thing that acts as a mirror or light stopper?

Also, why would you use swords if you have lasers?

I guess that's two things.


Why not use laser guns? The force. Jedi can sense where lasers will be and block or dodge them BEFORE you shoot. Watch the movies. Once a Jedi knows you're shooting, you can't hit them even if you're a Jedi too.

As for the other question: "The weapon consisted of a blade of pure plasma emitted from the hilt and suspended in a force containment field. The field contained the immense heat of the plasma, protecting the wielder, and allowed the blade to keep its shape. " So yeah, force field.
 
2014-04-25 09:51:50 PM  

Mugato: AspectRatio: 1) you'll never have one
2) you'll probably die alone
3) George Lucas doesn't know who you are
4) Disney doesn't care what you like or don't like
5) Star Wars is a good movie, when you're 12

Why do people have to come into threads like this just to be dicks? I don't go into any gay German schiesse furry threads and act like a douchebag to you.


You were a douchebag to me in that one, the other day.
 
2014-04-25 10:02:06 PM  
I lost all respect for the expanded Star Wars universe when Lucas decided that he didn't have to follow his own rules.

The main agreement the authors had to make was that anything that had been set down as happening in the past was then canon. The next authors had to follow this.

As a result, there was already an origin story out for Boba Fett years before the prequels came out, and he broke his own rule and wrote it however the fark he wanted.
 
2014-04-25 10:04:21 PM  

MuonNeutrino: On the one hand, not using the EU is kinda sad, as there *was* some really good stuff in there. I want you to *try* and tell me with a straight face that the Thrawn trilogy wouldn't have made an awesome set of movies (assuming you could keep Lucas away from them). The X-Wing books would also have made awesome source material, probably for something with a more serialized format.

On the other hand, at least this means that all of the horrible bullshiat the EU descended into when the NJO started is officially no longer canon. As far as I'm concerned the EU ends immediately before vector prime - everything after that is bad fanfiction ordered by a bunch of people who forgot that this was supposed to be the star wars universe, not the grimdark warhammer 40k one. There were a couple decent stories in the NJO (which just goes to show that good authors can still sometimes turn out something ok even when they're handed absolute shiat to work with), but by and large the EU really jumped the shark at that point.


That and, well...they're just not very good books. They're overwritten, Thrawn is a one dimensional character, Han, Leia, and Luke are really nothing like their personas in the movies, and the plot just plods from one fanfic set piece conversation or fight to the next. The only people that like those books are people who would already attend  anything put out in cinematic form with the name 'Star Wars' attached, even if it was a steaming pile.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-T57RumtmYh42m/fanboys_2008_toast/
 
2014-04-25 10:10:48 PM  

Ivo Shandor: Can a light saber cut through adamantium? Discuss


Without reading that thread, I'd say eventually, but if that adamantium is attached to Wolverine, the weilder has bigger problems.
 
2014-04-25 10:13:26 PM  

brantgoose: The only thing I want to know about lightsabers is how the light knows when to stop?

Is there some kind of little floatie thing that acts as a mirror or light stopper?

Also, why would you use swords if you have lasers?

I guess that's two things.


What I'm about to say will undoubtedly piss off some fanboys, but in real life, the best bet for ever approximating a lightsaber would be to use a plasma emitting wire with a ball on the end that is extended from the handle via a magnetic field. Basically, use Niven's variable sword from Ringworld, and add plasma. And the reason for this is exactly what you mentioned: the energy that makes a lightsaber blade doesn't taper off and become less powerful until it reaches a point where it's gone. It's full-power for a given length and then nothing. Energy doesn't behave that way.
 
2014-04-25 10:14:52 PM  

Mugato: optikeye: Mugato: optikeye: 1) They don't exist.

How insightful.

2) No matter what the fan fic and stuff says...Disney will change the rules as they see fit.

The EU was never canon and was never going to be part of any future films. Thankfully.


The EU is mostly awful. There are some gems, but they needed to clean that slate.
 
2014-04-25 10:18:26 PM  
14.) It's not a beam, it's a loop.
 
2014-04-25 10:25:31 PM  

SquiggsIN: Yup.  Star Trek still kicks Star Wars ass any day.
  (It wasn't that close before and with JarJar and the rest of 1-3 it's not even in the ballpark now)


Riiight... Star Trek is using its hover boots to kick Star Wars' ass on its way to see God at the center of the galaxy. Then the toughest starship captain in the universe died by falling off a bridge, a defective hundred-year-old gunboat blew up the Federation's flagship, a collective electronic consciousness apparently always had a queen bee giving it direction... Then a magic planet restored eyesight that was never there, and a clone of a human being, raised on a planet of bat slaves, took over an ancient and powerful empire,

Can't we just agree that, once we get past the nostalgia, they're both utterly awful?
 
2014-04-25 10:29:52 PM  

Mikey1969: As a result, there was already an origin story out for Boba Fett years before the prequels came out, and he broke his own rule and wrote it however the fark he wanted.


He never made that "rule". He always said the EU isn't canon. I doubt he's read hardly any of it.
 
2014-04-25 10:29:52 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: If you take a lightsaber to the Star Trek universe and give it to a being of pure energy, will he use it for a dildo?


Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough.

/not mine
 
2014-04-25 11:02:13 PM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: Well, according to some Star Wars wikis, a light saber is basically pure plasma contained by a force field that is adjustable by controls on the hilt. You can read up more here if you want.


And it's a force field in the in-universe sense of "the force", which is why they're only used by the Jedi and most Jedi are more comfortable building their own (not from scratch, but in the "rebuild a car" sense) to match their own powers.  Other people can turn them on, but depending on the strength and nature of your innate force abilities it could do anything from not working to flickering unpredictably to exploding.  It "usually" works, but since you're basically holding a frozen stroke of lightning two inches from your hand "usually" isn't enough that people are regularly willing to try it.

... which is the point, I think.  They're far from the most destructive personal weapons in the Star Wars setting, but they're extremely difficult to detect, give you a large degree of protection against the primary weapon used by bodyguards, and they won't be taken away and used against you.  Essentially they're an assassin's weapon, which is like 90% of what the Jedi do with them.

(Yes, the Jedi are primarily an order of assassins.  They walk into a war zone with the intent of avoiding the soldiers and killing the generals in Ep. 1, "arrest" a sitting senator without any real authority and then try to kill the apparently unarmed man when he resists in Ep. 2, and repeat the performance with the legally-appointed, democratically elected chancellor of the republic in Ep. 3.  In Ep 4, Obi-wan actually breaks off from the mission and blows their cover just because he thinks he can take out a high-ranking target of opportunity.  Most of the conflict between Luke and the remaining Jedi revolves around them wanting him to succeed through targeted assassination of elected officials and him wanting to actually win the war without war crimes.)
 
2014-04-25 11:18:14 PM  

Jim_Callahan: And it's a force field in the in-universe sense of "the force", which is why they're only used by the Jedi and most Jedi are more comfortable building their own (not from scratch, but in the "rebuild a car" sense) to match their own powers.  Other people can turn them on, but depending on the strength and nature of your innate force abilities it could do anything from not working to flickering unpredictably to exploding.  It "usually" works, but since you're basically holding a frozen stroke of lightning two inches from your hand "usually" isn't enough that people are regularly willing to try it.


Did Han have any strong innate Force abilities? Because it seemed to work perfectly for him when he cut open the Taun Taun on Hoth.
 
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