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(PCWorld)   First online spam sent 20 years ago. Nigerian prince now serving his fourth term as king   (pcworld.com) divider line 50
    More: Interesting, key date, SMS  
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2866 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2014 at 8:54 AM (18 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



50 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-04-23 08:43:27 AM
I remember the green card spam. It wasn't the first ad that annoyed people, but it was the biggest to date.

A more significant moment may be this one from the infographic:

1996: In Cyber Promotions vs. America Online, the District Court of Penn. rules that spam filtering is legal.

You don't have a constitutional right to use an internet forum (cue xkcd) and the channel from spammer to spammee is not subject to common carrier "must carry" rules.
 
2014-04-23 08:57:47 AM
Damn, and to think I could have got in on the ground floor of this opportunity...
 
2014-04-23 09:01:01 AM
The 419 scam has been going on a lot longer than the internet has been around. E-mail just makes the scam easier to deliver to more people (i.e. casting a wider net)
 
2014-04-23 09:03:36 AM
Hah, people said it was spam, but you watch! I already sent my $750,000 check, my mortgage, and social security number to the accountant of my dead uncle in Nairobi, and I'll be stinking rich soon! You say scam, I say cha-ching!

It's always fun to read through the spam folder in my email. Some of the ones I posted to my page years and years ago:

"Shatter Her Meat Tunnel"
"KNOCK DOWN WALLS WITH YOUR HUMONGOUS KNOB" (What is my dick like the Kool Aid Man or something?)
"Hey tite whyte slahhtezz stuffenn byg blakke cahhkkez werewolf widemouthed"
"Air tight holes between her legs Biomw"
"Virgin and horny bastard with HUGE dick mvaavdickkrreuom"
"Save the rainforest with your enormous firehose!"
"I'll suck your cock through the internet if you open this"
"Slots...Looser Than Your Girlfriend! jgfkirx"
"Mr. Ed gets Head"
"Increase your ejaculate 571%"
"sluts to make your willy juice."
"Get out of debt now with a bigger wang!"
"jenny 'n0w every0ne can D0 paris :)' "
"Please Her With Your LoveStick"
"Pound her HairPie"
"Increase your size"
"She'll Increase your size"
"KNOCK DOWN TREES WITH YOUR HUGE C0CK!!!"
"SADDAM HUSSEIN CAPTURED lower your debt."
"Brandish a better manhooddd4"
"Use mind control to make her want to take it in the turkey shoot."
"Riding in the cooch mobile"
"Use the force pencil dick" (with Yoda in the inserted picture, for Viagra)
"rectal ravaging!"
"Increase semen and shoot further, up to 3 times more semen. htmj" (shiat, what are you trying to do with that much nut, paint a house!?!?!?!?)
"This will make ya cream"
"What men want, and women crave! zvort" (So where can I get some of this Zvort? I've been craving it too!)
"Get a King Kong cock" (So you mean my cock will climb buildings and kidnap damsels? I'm all for that!)
"Heather Graham: LETS shave my pussy on the weekend" (I can't emphasize enough how much that makes me wonder just how hairy that thing is!)
"Angelina Jolie: RAID MY TOMB and make ME CUMMMM!!!" (Is this like necrophilia? Isn't it illegal to raid someone's tomb and do the nasty?)
"Now that you have a giant penis, how about larger hands!" (Just what I need when I get a big dick thanks to spam,hands big enough to choke two people at once like grapes)
"See teen girls being farked in the College!" (man, just when I thought I've seen it all, I now see girls get farked right in the college!)
 
2014-04-23 09:06:35 AM
So wait, I am not an heir to the fortune?
 
2014-04-23 09:08:36 AM
Yeah but some of us get back at those Nigerian princes in style:

i63.photobucket.com

/If you care to see how this was done, here ya go:   Warning: very long read
 
2014-04-23 09:09:36 AM

Nigerian prince now serving his fourth term as king


You don't vote for kings!


autonomous collective, etc.
 
2014-04-23 09:21:16 AM

kling_klang_bed: "Shatter Her Meat Tunnel"


Well, that just sounds pleasant for everyone involved. Where do I sign up? My wife was commenting the other day on how she wished my dick was so big that it would physically destroy her reproductive organs. You're just not a real man unless you leave her broken and bleeding.
 
2014-04-23 09:21:20 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-23 09:22:58 AM
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-23 09:25:30 AM
Like it was yesterday...

Hell, er Help desk. How may I help you?
Woman in Manufacturing: Hello. I just got this e-mail from a guy who says if I forward it, I'll get a check based on how many people I forward it to.
Me: Oh that's Spam. It's junk mail. You can delete it.
WiM: Oh, I already forwarded it to everyone here at work.
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. As long as you didn't reply t the sender with all our e-mails.
WiM: But that's what I did.
Me: You just turned over the company's e-mail directory to a bunch of scammers. We'll be getting a lot of junk mail very soon.
WiM: You should have told us not to reply to unsolicited e-mails
Me: Do you answer every piece of junk mail that you get at home?
WiM: No. But this is business. It's a good business practice/
Me: Hey look. In addition to your e-mail, I just got a piece of spam offering "real Rotex Watches". Awesome.
WiM: Well, do something to stop it.
Me: Well, we have a Lotus Notes server and the 'administrator' is in Milwaukee. Why don't you e-mail him? He doesn't reply to any of mine messages or phone calls. Probably because he doesn't know anything about Lotus Notes and doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his boots.
WiM: Call me when you've fixed this. I can't handle all these distractions!*

Boss: I'm suddenly getting a lot of spam. What happened?
Me: (WiM) Sent our directory to a spammer. You want me to call the Notes Admin?
Boss: Naw. He doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his own boots. You do something. I'm gonna disappear for four hours.
Me: This won't go away in four hours.
Boss: Okay, five. (Poof - Gone)

Me: (E-mail to All) In light of the recent increase in Spam, e-mail that is not requested and may contain dubious promises, I have set up a Spam folder on the Lotus Notes server. Please click here to add it to your e-mail account. Drag all suspected messages to this folder without opening or replying.

WiM (e-Mail to All) Once again, I have to do our tech support. People who are getting these 'Spammed' e-mails can open the message and select "Remove me from future e-mails". That will take care of it. You're welcome, tech support.

*Actual quote from WiM
 
2014-04-23 09:25:32 AM
FTA " spam still makes up nearly 70 percent of all email sent. That means, roughly speaking, that if you were to receive 100 emails today, there's a good chance that 70 of them will be unwanted solicitations."

Thank you Rick Romero Jr for explaining what 70% means.
 
2014-04-23 09:28:59 AM
I read that as "Frist Online Sperm" and was VERY confused.....
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-04-23 09:30:31 AM
codigo

Except that's not what 70% means, because much of that spam vanished between sender and receiver thanks to filters. I receive less than 10% spam, despite having a visible email address since before the Green Card incident.
 
2014-04-23 09:33:00 AM
Has Nigerian Prince finally supplanted Asian Prince as Monarch of the Internet?
 
2014-04-23 09:37:39 AM

Harry Freakstorm: WiM (e-Mail to All) Once again, I have to do our tech support. People who are getting these 'Spammed' e-mails can open the message and select "Remove me from future e-mails". That will take care of it. You're welcome, tech support.


Please tell me you knocked her down a peg or disabled flash on her machine or SOMETHING.  People this stupid who put their stupidity on display are infuriating.
 
2014-04-23 09:38:10 AM
Been there, have the t-shirt.

img.fark.net
/still waiting for the idiots to sue me
 
2014-04-23 09:39:34 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Like it was yesterday...

Hell, er Help desk. How may I help you?
Woman in Manufacturing: Hello. I just got this e-mail from a guy who says if I forward it, I'll get a check based on how many people I forward it to.
Me: Oh that's Spam. It's junk mail. You can delete it.
WiM: Oh, I already forwarded it to everyone here at work.
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. As long as you didn't reply t the sender with all our e-mails.
WiM: But that's what I did.
Me: You just turned over the company's e-mail directory to a bunch of scammers. We'll be getting a lot of junk mail very soon.
WiM: You should have told us not to reply to unsolicited e-mails
Me: Do you answer every piece of junk mail that you get at home?
WiM: No. But this is business. It's a good business practice/
Me: Hey look. In addition to your e-mail, I just got a piece of spam offering "real Rotex Watches". Awesome.
WiM: Well, do something to stop it.
Me: Well, we have a Lotus Notes server and the 'administrator' is in Milwaukee. Why don't you e-mail him? He doesn't reply to any of mine messages or phone calls. Probably because he doesn't know anything about Lotus Notes and doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his boots.
WiM: Call me when you've fixed this. I can't handle all these distractions!*

Boss: I'm suddenly getting a lot of spam. What happened?
Me: (WiM) Sent our directory to a spammer. You want me to call the Notes Admin?
Boss: Naw. He doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his own boots. You do something. I'm gonna disappear for four hours.
Me: This won't go away in four hours.
Boss: Okay, five. (Poof - Gone)

Me: (E-mail to All) In light of the recent increase in Spam, e-mail that is not requested and may contain dubious promises, I have set up a Spam folder on the Lotus Notes server. Please click here to add it to your e-mail account. Drag all suspected messages to this folder without opening or replying.

WiM (e-Mail to All) Once ...


did the WiM at least have nice boobs?
 
2014-04-23 09:50:49 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Like it was yesterday...

Hell, er Help desk. How may I help you?
Woman in Manufacturing: Hello. I just got this e-mail from a guy who says if I forward it, I'll get a check based on how many people I forward it to.
Me: Oh that's Spam. It's junk mail. You can delete it.
WiM: Oh, I already forwarded it to everyone here at work.
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. As long as you didn't reply t the sender with all our e-mails.
WiM: But that's what I did.
Me: You just turned over the company's e-mail directory to a bunch of scammers. We'll be getting a lot of junk mail very soon.
WiM: You should have told us not to reply to unsolicited e-mails
Me: Do you answer every piece of junk mail that you get at home?
WiM: No. But this is business. It's a good business practice/
Me: Hey look. In addition to your e-mail, I just got a piece of spam offering "real Rotex Watches". Awesome.
WiM: Well, do something to stop it.
Me: Well, we have a Lotus Notes server and the 'administrator' is in Milwaukee. Why don't you e-mail him? He doesn't reply to any of mine messages or phone calls. Probably because he doesn't know anything about Lotus Notes and doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his boots.
WiM: Call me when you've fixed this. I can't handle all these distractions!*

Boss: I'm suddenly getting a lot of spam. What happened?
Me: (WiM) Sent our directory to a spammer. You want me to call the Notes Admin?
Boss: Naw. He doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his own boots. You do something. I'm gonna disappear for four hours.
Me: This won't go away in four hours.
Boss: Okay, five. (Poof - Gone)

Me: (E-mail to All) In light of the recent increase in Spam, e-mail that is not requested and may contain dubious promises, I have set up a Spam folder on the Lotus Notes server. Please click here to add it to your e-mail account. Drag all suspected messages to this folder without opening or replying.

WiM (e-Mail to All) Once again, I have to do our tech support. People who are getting these 'Spammed' e-mails can open the message and select "Remove me from future e-mails". That will take care of it. You're welcome, tech support.

*Actual quote from WiM


Legally, I think you're obligated to beat the ever-loving snot out of WiM. This reads like a conversation with my mother--a woman who can't even so much as read instructions for her computer programs but is all too willing and happy to provide "tech support" for her friends...which usually boils down to "Unplug it, wait a few seconds, and plug it back in. That didn't work? *Shrug*"
 
2014-04-23 09:53:14 AM
Sometimes it works out.

img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-23 10:04:13 AM
Ahhh - the great spam wars of the mid to late 90s. I remember them well. While I remember the green card spam, the one that will forever be burned in my head was from the idiot down in Atlanta who kept selling printer toner cartridges. Now that guy was prolific.
 
2014-04-23 10:04:38 AM

DON.MAC: Been there, have the t-shirt.

[img.fark.net image 640x480]
/still waiting for the idiots to sue me


Holy crap, DON.MAC, I haven't seen one of those t-shirts in ten years. I salute you, oldbie.
 
2014-04-23 10:17:15 AM
I had email spam in 1992 or 1993.  Back then I complained to the mail host and they sent back an apology.
 
2014-04-23 10:23:35 AM
Strange... I don't see Fark sponsored links mentioned at the end of that spam chart. Oh well.
 
2014-04-23 10:30:49 AM

windsorhotel: Holy crap, DON.MAC, I haven't seen one of those t-shirts in ten years. I salute you, oldbie.


The "Internet is full go away" one had an accident with a home renovation project.  Joel made some great shirts back then.
 
2014-04-23 10:42:17 AM

Frozboz: Yeah but some of us get back at those Nigerian princes in style:

[i63.photobucket.com image 537x800]

/If you care to see how this was done, here ya go:   Warning: very long read


So you set out with a fake art company and a plan to dupe some artists?  Wow.  Congrats?
 
2014-04-23 10:54:44 AM

trappedspirit: So you set out with a fake art company and a plan to dupe some artists?  Wow.  Congrats?


Want to know how I know you didn't read the bait?
 
2014-04-23 10:59:49 AM

maram500: Legally, I think you're obligated to beat the ever-loving snot out of WiM. This reads like a conversation with my mother--a woman who can't even so much as read instructions for her computer programs but is all too willing and happy to provide "tech support" for her friends...which usually boils down to "Unplug it, wait a few seconds, and plug it back in. That didn't work? *Shrug*"


That's my wife. She has killed every laptop she has ever had (last count: 6) because she installs games loaded with malware or at least toolbars. One time when her machine was on the fritz I let her borrow my work laptop for a couple hours. Now this was a high end work station replacement machine that I had used without problems for almost 2 years. She had it for not even one night and got a virus on it that was so bad we had to restore to the factory defaults.

My son and I are sure that if Skynet ever does become self-aware that all we have to do is have my wife talk with the evil computers and they'll all shut down.
 
2014-04-23 11:07:09 AM

Harry Freakstorm: WiM (e-Mail to All) Once again, I have to do our tech support. People who are getting these 'Spammed' e-mails can open the message and select "Remove me from future e-mails". That will take care of it. You're welcome, tech support.

*Actual quote from WiM


Someone needs to introduced to the LART.
 
2014-04-23 11:11:01 AM
Paging Jay Furr, paging Jay Furr.

I know you're around here somewhere. I've seen you.

My question: how long between initial spamming and the coining of the term?
 
2014-04-23 11:12:16 AM

Harry Freakstorm: WiM (e-Mail to All) Once again, I have to do our tech support. People who are getting these 'Spammed' e-mails can open the message and select "Remove me from future e-mails". That will take care of it. You're welcome, tech support.

*Actual quote from WiM



A cluebat would be a good idea
www.userfriendly.org
 
2014-04-23 11:16:15 AM

Slypork: maram500: Legally, I think you're obligated to beat the ever-loving snot out of WiM. This reads like a conversation with my mother--a woman who can't even so much as read instructions for her computer programs but is all too willing and happy to provide "tech support" for her friends...which usually boils down to "Unplug it, wait a few seconds, and plug it back in. That didn't work? *Shrug*"

That's my wife. She has killed every laptop she has ever had (last count: 6) because she installs games loaded with malware or at least toolbars. One time when her machine was on the fritz I let her borrow my work laptop for a couple hours. Now this was a high end work station replacement machine that I had used without problems for almost 2 years. She had it for not even one night and got a virus on it that was so bad we had to restore to the factory defaults.

My son and I are sure that if Skynet ever does become self-aware that all we have to do is have my wife talk with the evil computers and they'll all shut down.


My mother lets one of her granddaughters get on our desktop computer unsupervised. Because there is no way a seven-year-old with no concept of safety or security or computers is going to cause trouble. Of course, I get blamed when shiat goes wrong with the thing, but both my niece and mother just go a-clicking away on whatever they want to.

...these are the same kids who at the tender age of 4 years were exposed to Law & Order SVU, R-rated movies, and parents who, while still technically married, are separated, sleeping with other people, and got their latest partners pregnant. So common sense and decency are essentially foreign concepts.
 
2014-04-23 11:24:59 AM

Englebert Slaptyback: Nigerian prince now serving his fourth term as king


You don't vote for kings!


autonomous collective, etc.


Subby learned everything he knows about Monarchies from George Lucas
 
2014-04-23 11:26:44 AM
He's Kenyan and it's only his second.
 
2014-04-23 11:40:29 AM
I once got an email from former President Ronald Reagan asking me to donate to a charity.

I really wanted to respond back that I was happy to learn that he had come back from the dead, but I didn't want to alert the scammers to their mistake.
 
2014-04-23 11:40:58 AM

Harry Freakstorm: Like it was yesterday...

Hell, er Help desk. How may I help you?
Woman in Manufacturing: Hello. I just got this e-mail from a guy who says if I forward it, I'll get a check based on how many people I forward it to.
Me: Oh that's Spam. It's junk mail. You can delete it.
WiM: Oh, I already forwarded it to everyone here at work.
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure they'll appreciate it. As long as you didn't reply t the sender with all our e-mails.
WiM: But that's what I did.
Me: You just turned over the company's e-mail directory to a bunch of scammers. We'll be getting a lot of junk mail very soon.
WiM: You should have told us not to reply to unsolicited e-mails
Me: Do you answer every piece of junk mail that you get at home?
WiM: No. But this is business. It's a good business practice/
Me: Hey look. In addition to your e-mail, I just got a piece of spam offering "real Rotex Watches". Awesome.
WiM: Well, do something to stop it.
Me: Well, we have a Lotus Notes server and the 'administrator' is in Milwaukee. Why don't you e-mail him? He doesn't reply to any of mine messages or phone calls. Probably because he doesn't know anything about Lotus Notes and doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his boots.
WiM: Call me when you've fixed this. I can't handle all these distractions!*

Boss: I'm suddenly getting a lot of spam. What happened?
Me: (WiM) Sent our directory to a spammer. You want me to call the Notes Admin?
Boss: Naw. He doesn't have the sense to pour the piss out of his own boots. You do something. I'm gonna disappear for four hours.
Me: This won't go away in four hours.
Boss: Okay, five. (Poof - Gone)

Me: (E-mail to All) In light of the recent increase in Spam, e-mail that is not requested and may contain dubious promises, I have set up a Spam folder on the Lotus Notes server. Please click here to add it to your e-mail account. Drag all suspected messages to this folder without opening or replying.

WiM (e-Mail to All) Once ...


WiM should have had the valve cores removed from her car's tires. Either that, or had a very special policy applied to her user over the domain (insert evil laugh here).
 
2014-04-23 11:43:10 AM
I just got a spam phone call this morning so I'm really getting a kick out of some of these replies...
 
2014-04-23 11:44:21 AM
That article is completely wrong.  They are off by 14 years.  The first spam email was sent on May 3rd, 1978.

http://www.geekosystem.com/first-spam-email/
 
2014-04-23 11:44:30 AM
img1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-23 12:24:19 PM
alt.fan.dick.depew.armm.armm.armm
 
2014-04-23 12:56:07 PM

Slypork: maram500: Legally, I think you're obligated to beat the ever-loving snot out of WiM. This reads like a conversation with my mother--a woman who can't even so much as read instructions for her computer programs but is all too willing and happy to provide "tech support" for her friends...which usually boils down to "Unplug it, wait a few seconds, and plug it back in. That didn't work? *Shrug*"

That's my wife. She has killed every laptop she has ever had (last count: 6) because she installs games loaded with malware or at least toolbars. One time when her machine was on the fritz I let her borrow my work laptop for a couple hours. Now this was a high end work station replacement machine that I had used without problems for almost 2 years. She had it for not even one night and got a virus on it that was so bad we had to restore to the factory defaults.

My son and I are sure that if Skynet ever does become self-aware that all we have to do is have my wife talk with the evil computers and they'll all shut down.


I think I work with about 200 male and 200 female clones of your wife.
I have a firewall that actively scans all incoming traffic for threats, and filters the web for known attack sites and all kinds of sexy places to get viruses, each workstation has a fully updated hybrid cloud and local antivirus, I have blocked basically any attachment that has ever carried a viral payload, we run our own mail server and extremely paranoid Spamassassin And they STILL find ways to get infections. It is always some horrible zero day bullshiat too. Got a user the other day who got a new variant of cryptolocker. Their description was pretty funny though. "I think my computer is threatening to kill me." Luckily I am a good sysadmin and I have a backup of the guy's data.

Actually on a related note I found this : From the Bleeping Computer forums http://www.foolishiat.com/vb6-projects/cryptoprevent/  which I am in the process of testing before deployment.
 
2014-04-23 01:07:06 PM

trappedspirit: Frozboz: Yeah but some of us get back at those Nigerian princes in style:

[i63.photobucket.com image 537x800]

/If you care to see how this was done, here ya go:   Warning: very long read

So you set out with a fake art company and a plan to dupe some artists?  Wow.  Congrats?


You sound like you get scammed a lot.
 
2014-04-23 01:31:21 PM

Odoriferous Queef: Harry Freakstorm: WiM (e-Mail to All) Once again, I have to do our tech support. People who are getting these 'Spammed' e-mails can open the message and select "Remove me from future e-mails". That will take care of it. You're welcome, tech support.

*Actual quote from WiM

Someone needs to introduced to the LART.


Or the BOFH.
 
2014-04-23 01:34:55 PM
My name is Dave Rhodes...
 
2014-04-23 01:45:31 PM

DON.MAC: windsorhotel: Holy crap, DON.MAC, I haven't seen one of those t-shirts in ten years. I salute you, oldbie.

The "Internet is full go away" one had an accident with a home renovation project.  Joel made some great shirts back then.


I think my favorite -- if it was his -- was "Top 10 Reasons to Use rot13" or "Top 10 Reasons to rot13 Your Usenet Post" or something, written in rot13.

/IIRC tthe #1 reason was "Mom's on the Internet, too"
 
2014-04-23 03:05:43 PM
I remember the green card spam. They helpfully included a fax number, so a friend of mine taped together a couple of pieces of black construction paper, stuck them in his fax machine and made a loop out of them before dialing their fax number. IIRC, he let it run overnight, with the goal of wasting all their paper and burning out their fax printer head.
 
2014-04-23 06:01:44 PM
My solution is quite simple. For every email an ISP receives coming from a domain that is not listed in the recipient's contacts list, the socket service simply adds a half-second delay to its response to the incoming email request.

If you're a user receiving 100 emails a day, that adds a unnoticeable 50-second delay to your incoming email stream. If you're a spammer sending a million spam emails a day, though, it effectively throttles your bandwidth down to 172,800 emails per day per targeted email server.

It's not a perfect solution, but it would eliminate a huge chunk of spam.
 
2014-04-23 08:11:06 PM

windsorhotel: I think my favorite -- if it was his -- was "Top 10 Reasons to Use rot13" or "Top 10 Reasons to rot13 Your Usenet Post" or something, written in rot13.


I have that one too...

Top ten reasons to rot-13 your USENET message: 10. Make people think you speak Yiddish 9. Foil the Prodigy censors 8. Make life difficult for the National Security Agency 7. Keep David Letterman from stealing your material 6. Make alt.conspiracy nervous 5. Because abjurer becomes nowhere, clerk becomes pyrex, and terra becomes green 4. Baffle newbies 3. It's cheaper than the Clipper Chip 2. America Online users can't decode your messages and find out what you're saying 1. Mom's on the Internet too
 
2014-04-23 10:13:52 PM
I remember the green card thing.  I also remember when AOL got Usenet access.  "I want to make this folder into..."
 
2014-04-23 10:26:28 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Like it was yesterday...

[Raaaaaage...]


I need another beer after reading that. I just got my CCNA and have been working independently in IT for a while (looking for employment right now), and stories like this make me really wonder if I can handle working with technopeasants every day. As long as my contract/job description allows me to craft my own LART and use it at my own discretion, then I can probably work without needing mental health counseling after the first year. Or, if circumstances allow it, I could get creative: "Any user who violates the Terms of Use Policies and/or continually behaves like a twit will find Steve Buscemi's face Photoshopped onto their body and set as everyone's desktop for one week per violation." I'm pretty sure that'd piss off someone, though...
/my beer is drunk but I'm not
//ooh, I've got one Chock Top left
///chocolatey beer goodness
 
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