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(Fox 2 St. Louis)   "Son, there comes *hic* a time *hic* when you become a man. *hic* here, take the *hic* keys, you're driving *hic* home tonight." "But dad, I'm only 13 and have never driven before." "You're a man *hic* now son. Do it ^hic^"   (fox2now.com) divider line 34
    More: Dumbass, Home Tonight  
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1940 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Apr 2014 at 2:31 PM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-23 09:51:18 AM  
 
2014-04-23 12:24:25 PM  
Does anybody actually hiccup a lot when they're drunk? I certainly don't.
 
2014-04-23 02:32:46 PM  
And here I thought I was an only child. Way to let me down again dad.
 
2014-04-23 02:34:41 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Does anybody actually hiccup a lot when they're drunk? I certainly don't.


I do!
/I also drink fast...
 
2014-04-23 02:35:51 PM  

gopher321: Drunk dad advice


/oblig


Exactly what I was thinking.  Done in one.
 
2014-04-23 02:37:25 PM  
My mother was killed by a drunk that did this exact thing, only it was with a 14 year old girl, almost 40 years ago. He wanted more beer but since he was drunk he gave the keys to the girl to drive the car. She ran off the road trying to stay on her side, down into the ditch, panicked and hit the gas to get back out, and slammed right into my mom's car on the driver's door. She died on the way to a better hospital after the local one was unable to get her stabilized.

/never heard about what happened to the girl
//hope the drunk blew his brain out
 
2014-04-23 02:38:59 PM  
Shoulda got the uncle to drive them home:

s1.yimg.com
 
2014-04-23 02:39:37 PM  
If I remember correctly, Auggie Smith experienced this situation, but he was 8, and his 13-year-old brother was curled up in the backseat bawling his eyes out.  The cop even asked "He's older.  Why isn't he driving?" to which Auggie's dad said "Well, he can't drive a stick."

Good times.
 
2014-04-23 02:40:38 PM  
I think a 13 year old could probably manage it as long as it's not too far, too fast, and the traffic is light.
 
2014-04-23 02:45:14 PM  
FOX 2 where reporters are allowed to wear sweatshirts.
 
2014-04-23 02:45:31 PM  

cgraves67: I think a 13 year old could probably manage it as long as it's not too far, too fast, and the traffic is light.


This used to happen to me a lot starting when I was 7.

I certainly don't recommend it, but with the proper amount of dysfunction and parental neglect, your child can become a very accomplished driver by age 13!
 
2014-04-23 02:46:34 PM  
Mazel tov!
 
2014-04-23 02:47:40 PM  
I see no problem with this. can 14 year olds get permits that allow them to dive farm trucks? O_o
 
2014-04-23 02:51:30 PM  

uncleacid: FOX 2 where reporters are allowed to wear sweatshirts.


Only before sun break, and only when standing in a baseball diamond.


/this is proof journalistic standards have been lowered
 
2014-04-23 02:52:21 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Does anybody actually hiccup a lot when they're drunk? I certainly don't.


I can.  I can also reel off about twenty sneezes in a row.  It depends on the day and the drunk.

/hic
//achoo
///slashies
 
2014-04-23 02:55:57 PM  
 
2014-04-23 02:58:26 PM  
just like on Titus, only he was 8
 
2014-04-23 03:06:48 PM  

ToastTheRabbit: I see no problem with this. can 14 year olds get permits that allow them to dive farm trucks? O_o


Yes. I was driving loaded grain trucks 20 miles to town when I was 14 and operating heavy equipment in the field at 9. I learned to drive as soon as I could reach the pedals, and was driving on my own by age 7 or so (not long distances, but maybe a few miles down country roads to bring the old man lunch or something). Of course toodling along country roads at 10 MPH with no other traffic around is a little different than driving through town or down the highway.
 
2014-04-23 03:32:55 PM  
David Mooney Ham of Wentzville you are a putz. Mainly because you got drunk at your 13 year old's baseball game, probably pulling hits from a hip flask containing 25 year old Macallan which you alternated with snack bar Fanta cola.
 
2014-04-23 03:33:47 PM  

ToastTheRabbit: I see no problem with this. can 14 year olds get permits that allow them to dive farm trucks? O_o


Not the same thing.  A fouteen year old farm boy gets at lease a bit of training from somebody.  This kid obviosly did not.  Remember that the cops saw his swerving and though Drunk Driver.
 
2014-04-23 03:41:14 PM  
Came for Rick and Morty, left disappointed.
 
2014-04-23 04:00:51 PM  
My brother worked with a guy who was a bit of crazy driver but never hit anything (downtown delivery vans).  Turns out the driver learned to drive in Jamaica... when he was 8 years old.... and Dad needed to get home from the bar.
 
2014-04-23 04:05:03 PM  
Is he seeing anyone?
 
2014-04-23 04:12:38 PM  

ToastTheRabbit: I see no problem with this. can 14 year olds get permits that allow them to dive farm trucks? O_o


Speaking from experience, yes. :/ But they're so scared they're going to dive the truck that they usually don't.

/24yos also
//drunk and confident is much worse
 
2014-04-23 04:19:18 PM  
Or as we call it in Minnesota, driver's ed.

/many of my friends learned to drive this way.
 
2014-04-23 04:44:51 PM  
Hey assholemitter, could you put a few more hics in the headline?
 
2014-04-23 04:55:39 PM  
One of my summer jobs I got a ride with my boss (in the company truck) to a party outside of the town in northern Manitoba.  At the end of the evening we were heading back to the truck and he says "whoa, are you seeing double?".  I answered no, and he responded by tossing me the keys and saying "well I guess you're driving then!"
 
2014-04-23 04:57:30 PM  
This is how my uncle got his second dwi.
 
2014-04-23 05:20:28 PM  

BarefootInTheFark: Came for Rick and Morty, left disappointed.


Maybe it's because Rick is Morty's grandfather.  That being said, here you go.

i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-04-23 05:35:36 PM  

Lando Lincoln: Does anybody actually hiccup a lot when they're drunk? I certainly don't.


I did, once. I was that drunk hiccuping guy, once. It was strange, and uncomfortable. A friend of mine was also so drunk, he said he would dial 911 if I couldn't stop hiccuping. Imagine that: We were so close to winding up... right here on Fark!
 
2014-04-23 06:48:52 PM  
Bruce: Chad, this rock is a big part of the McFullson tradition. For generations, the McFullson men have been coming here on their 13th birthday to enter manhood. You see, there are certain parts about being a man that one just has to experience. So like my father before me, you're going to watch your dad get pathetically drunk.
 
2014-04-23 06:54:12 PM  
Judging from the headline it sounds like it was a pretty ghetto Bar Mitzvah.

Mazel *hic* tov!
 
2014-04-23 09:54:41 PM  

Carn: gopher321: Drunk dad advice


/oblig

Exactly what I was thinking.  Done in one.


Do you mean "Done in the headline"? Because that's what the headline was referring to.
 
2014-04-24 06:21:09 AM  

FatherChaos: If I remember correctly, Auggie Smith experienced this situation, but he was 8, and his 13-year-old brother was curled up in the backseat bawling his eyes out.  The cop even asked "He's older.  Why isn't he driving?" to which Auggie's dad said "Well, he can't drive a stick."

Good times.


Godspeed brave soldier.
 
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