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(Food Riot)   "No one is perfectly wonderful or terrible. Guy Fieri advocates for children's charities, and James Patterson promotes literacy programs. We need dimension, after all. Bagging restaurant freebies is how I'm an asshole"   (foodriot.com) divider line 197
    More: Asinine, Guy Fieri, barbecue chicken, Red Robin, soda fountains, literacy, steak sandwich, Hello Kitty, charity  
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7364 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Apr 2014 at 11:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



197 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-04-22 10:52:49 AM  
She isn't just an asshole. She is a thief. I would laugh my ass off if she gets popped for it and actually has to suffer a penalty.
 
2014-04-22 11:16:50 AM  
i1151.photobucket.com
Right, my little kleptomaniac princess - I'm taking a photo of this table top and using it for a quantity-survey after we dine!
 
2014-04-22 11:17:01 AM  
"You're not really taking that, are you?" my boyfriend hissed as we shared our first meal in our new apartment's neighborhood.

"Shh," I hissed, clicking my cavernous satchel purse closed.


Why is everyone hissing?
 
2014-04-22 11:46:19 AM  

scottydoesntknow: "You're not really taking that, are you?" my boyfriend hissed as we shared our first meal in our new apartment's neighborhood.

"Shh," I hissed, clicking my cavernous satchel purse closed.

Why is everyone hissing?


parseltongue?
 
2014-04-22 11:46:37 AM  

scottydoesntknow: "You're not really taking that, are you?" my boyfriend hissed as we shared our first meal in our new apartment's neighborhood.

"Shh," I hissed, clicking my cavernous satchel purse closed.

Why is everyone hissing?


Twist ending: They're snakes.
 
2014-04-22 11:49:56 AM  
Yes, but what is your good deed?
 
2014-04-22 11:51:27 AM  
Using her logic it's ok for any dinner guests at her house to take some silverware with them. It's not like she paid for them anyway and she had them out there for them.
 
2014-04-22 11:52:04 AM  
Fark that. Whispering...sneaking around. I'm blatent about it. I'll steal that brand new bottle of Cholula hot sauce right in front of the waitress, and DARE her to say something about it. Nice coffee cup? Takin' it. Cool salt & pepper shakers? Mine. Painting on the wall that I like? Oh you bet that sum-biatch is comin' with me.
 
2014-04-22 11:52:18 AM  
Of all the wrong things people do on a daily basis, this is one of them.
 
2014-04-22 11:52:24 AM  

jcpallitto: Yes, but what is your good deed?


She's sharing her life with you, through her blog.  Isn't she an amazing human being?  Don't you feel blessed to have crossed paths with her?
 
2014-04-22 11:53:28 AM  

Sin_City_Superhero: Fark that. Whispering...sneaking around. I'm blatent about it. I'll steal that brand new bottle of Cholula hot sauce right in front of the waitress, and DARE her to say something about it. Nice coffee cup? Takin' it. Cool salt & pepper shakers? Mine. Painting on the wall that I like? Oh you bet that sum-biatch is comin' with me.


Titties.....They're mine...boyfriend obviously isn't using them.....Dat Pussy.....you bet I'm going to tap that and leave a little sumpin sumpin behind......
 
2014-04-22 11:54:09 AM  

codigo: Using her logic it's ok for any dinner guests at her house to take some silverware with them. It's not like she paid for them anyway and she had them out there for them.


Screw her silverware.  I'm taking all her condiments and all her stolen pint glasses.
 
2014-04-22 11:54:33 AM  

ChipNASA: Sin_City_Superhero: Fark that. Whispering...sneaking around. I'm blatent about it. I'll steal that brand new bottle of Cholula hot sauce right in front of the waitress, and DARE her to say something about it. Nice coffee cup? Takin' it. Cool salt & pepper shakers? Mine. Painting on the wall that I like? Oh you bet that sum-biatch is comin' with me.

Titties.....They're mine...boyfriend obviously isn't using them.....Dat Pussy.....you bet I'm going to tap that and leave a little sumpin sumpin behind......


3.bp.blogspot.com


/ummmmm on second thought........well maybe......not sure if want....
 
2014-04-22 11:54:46 AM  

Deedeemarz: She isn't just an asshole. She is a thief. I would laugh my ass off if she gets popped for it and actually has to suffer a penalty.


CSB

I'm a recently reformed restaurant thief.

It all started innocently enough when I realized our server boxed up a Ramekin with my leftovers.

It was perfect for a tiny little serving of cottage cheese or ice cream.

Later I took one intentionally.

When I recently started wishing for more Ramekins, I had to remember they can be bought with money online. Sigh.

/CSB
 
2014-04-22 11:55:00 AM  

CheekyMonkey: She's sharing her life with you, through her blog.  Isn't she an amazing human being?  Don't you feel blessed to have crossed paths with her?


I did, until the biatch ransacked my kitchen.
 
2014-04-22 11:55:04 AM  

ChipNASA: ChipNASA: Sin_City_Superhero: Fark that. Whispering...sneaking around. I'm blatent about it. I'll steal that brand new bottle of Cholula hot sauce right in front of the waitress, and DARE her to say something about it. Nice coffee cup? Takin' it. Cool salt & pepper shakers? Mine. Painting on the wall that I like? Oh you bet that sum-biatch is comin' with me.

Titties.....They're mine...boyfriend obviously isn't using them.....Dat Pussy.....you bet I'm going to tap that and leave a little sumpin sumpin behind......

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 454x539]


/ummmmm on second thought........well maybe......not sure if want....


Steal a few beers, she'll be HAWT.
 
2014-04-22 11:55:31 AM  

Deedeemarz: She isn't just an asshole. She is a thief. I would laugh my ass off if she gets popped for it and actually has to suffer a penalty.


She has suffered a penalty. She has to live with this smarmy, ugly face:

img.fark.net
 
2014-04-22 11:55:36 AM  

jcpallitto: Yes, but what is your good deed?


She confesses it in a "blog" and gets paid for it.
 
2014-04-22 11:55:40 AM  
From TFA it seems like the author believes that James Patterson is at least partially terrible. Anybody know why?

Also, RR sells those things for just a couple bucks. Buy the damn thing you little klepto!
 
2014-04-22 11:57:10 AM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2014-04-22 11:57:19 AM  
Advocating for children's charities means nothing if all the proceeds are having to be generated by your St. Jude's Santa Fe Mongolian Beef Nacho Blasters.
 
2014-04-22 11:57:29 AM  
I can't believe that guy married her. Watch the store, bro.
 
2014-04-22 11:58:22 AM  
What are the statute of limitations on spices? Someone make a citizens arrest.
 
2014-04-22 11:59:15 AM  
What's most galling is that most of these companies sell the stuff she's stealing.
 
2014-04-22 12:00:05 PM  
She's more than an asshole, she's a criminal.  She says that she finally realized that she had a problem and was justifying it by twisted logic...but then she ends the piece by justifying that she has a problem by saying that other people have problems, too.  That's not how it works, biatch.  She needs therapy, because at this point, she has something very wrong with her.
 
2014-04-22 12:00:28 PM  

Sin_City_Superhero: Fark that. Whispering...sneaking around. I'm blatent about it. I'll steal that brand new bottle of Cholula hot sauce right in front of the waitress, and DARE her to say something about it. Nice coffee cup? Takin' it. Cool salt & pepper shakers? Mine. Painting on the wall that I like? Oh you bet that sum-biatch is comin' with me.


I took a salad bar. Rolled that sum-biatch right outa da restaurant. Looked great in my dining room! But, and here's where it gets weird, I ate the salad that was on it, but then it was empty! The place said the salad bar was "all you can eat" and I paid for it, so why the fark isn't it getting refilled so I can eat more????
 
2014-04-22 12:00:38 PM  
I don't advocate stealing but if it were a bottle of Friday's Jack Daniels sauce...I understand.
 
2014-04-22 12:02:09 PM  
No one is perfectly wonderful or terrible. Guy Fieri advocates for children's charities

Nothing can reform Guy Fieri.
 
2014-04-22 12:03:19 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: I don't advocate stealing but if it were a bottle of Friday's Jack Daniels sauce...I understand.


Or just spend a few bucks and buy it?
 
2014-04-22 12:03:36 PM  

bborchar: She's more than an asshole, she's a criminal.


So are pot smokers in 48 states.
 
2014-04-22 12:03:54 PM  

ben_reddy: From TFA it seems like the author believes that James Patterson is at least partially terrible. Anybody know why?


I have a hard time believing he does enough work on his "co-authored" books to get the kind of prominence on the cover and in the press that he gets.
 
2014-04-22 12:03:55 PM  
My grandpa's girlfriend stole a pepper grinder so I'm really getting a kick...

Seriously, tho, she stole a pepper grinder from some French cafe 50 years ago and it's been on her table ever since.  In other news, they used to make stuff to last.
 
2014-04-22 12:04:53 PM  

R.A.Danny: bborchar: She's more than an asshole, she's a criminal.

So are pot smokers in 48 states.


50. It's still illegal under Federal law.
 
2014-04-22 12:05:08 PM  
CSB:

My sister once took a giant pepper mill from a restaurant because of their abysmal service.  It works really well actually.
 
2014-04-22 12:05:14 PM  
I used to make it a point to steal barware from venues that would stiff my band when I was a gigging musician.  I had a few dozen pint glasses that got donated to Goodwill last year with various logos on them.  I could usually stash a few in cases and bags and made sure to encourage other band members to do the same.

I kept the glass I had my first Jack Daniels in; we got shorted $50 that night.  It made a nice memento I still use to this day.

I do fondly remember the night we got stiffed something like $200 because our "Hard Rock" cover band didn't know The Archie's "Sugar Sugar" (a request from the manager) and the drummer loaded a neon "Bud" sign into the gear van.  The phone calls the next day from the owner looking for it were priceless and it made a nice addition to our rehearsal space.
 
2014-04-22 12:05:47 PM  

UncomfortableSilence: Advocating for children's charities means nothing if all the proceeds are having to be generated by your St. Jude's Santa Fe Mongolian Beef Nacho Blasters.


That's marvelous.
 
2014-04-22 12:05:51 PM  

jtown: My grandpa's girlfriend stole a pepper grinder so I'm really getting a kick...

Seriously, tho, she stole a pepper grinder from some French cafe 50 years ago and it's been on her table ever since.  In other news, they used to make stuff to last.


Buy a Peugot pepper mill.  I've had one for 20 years.  Damn thing won't die.
 
2014-04-22 12:06:01 PM  
Given her cavalier attitude towards rules, I hope her husband is cheating on her.
 
2014-04-22 12:06:03 PM  
It'd be one thing if this were a sort of repentant confession, but it's not, so she's a coont IMB.
 
2014-04-22 12:06:18 PM  
Maybe she has a really nice ass and that is her redemption.

True no one is 100%. Even Hitler treated his dogs well. I'm gonna say 99.9999999999999999% bad.
Guy Fieri is about 80% shiatty from all that I have read and seen, plus he also hates the gays and he likely hates the Jews other than their deli meats.
 
2014-04-22 12:06:22 PM  

meanmutton: R.A.Danny: bborchar: She's more than an asshole, she's a criminal.

So are pot smokers in 48 states.

50. It's still illegal under Federal law.


You're technically right, I hope you are having the best day ever.
 
2014-04-22 12:07:04 PM  
image.toutlecine.com

Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.

Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.

[Rod gives him a long look]

Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.
 
2014-04-22 12:07:31 PM  
It's theft, but pretty low on the scale of world problems I think deserve debate today.

/next time just ask the waitress how you can buy one of their pint glasses
//half the time they'll just say "hey, keep it!"
///seriously
 
2014-04-22 12:08:38 PM  
What's wrong with Patterson?  Alex Cross is a good character.  Does he stab clowns or something?  Wait, that would make him even better
 
2014-04-22 12:08:43 PM  
You know, I think I'll write a blog about me, a sushi-addicted Pacific Northwesterner recently transported to Tucson, Arizona.

But that would take a lot of work, wouldn't it?
 
2014-04-22 12:08:47 PM  

R.A.Danny: You're technically right, I hope you are having the best day ever.


One would as is the best kind of right.
 
2014-04-22 12:09:06 PM  

Rootus: It's theft, but pretty low on the scale of world problems I think deserve debate today.

/next time just ask the waitress how you can buy one of their pint glasses
//half the time they'll just say "hey, keep it!"
///seriously


They get a lot of them from their suppliers for free, they NEVER pay for a glass with a beer's name on it. Doesn't make it right, but we're not talking Bonnie and Clyde here.
 
2014-04-22 12:09:08 PM  

R.A.Danny: bborchar: She's more than an asshole, she's a criminal.

So are pot smokers in 48 states.


...and that makes her less of a criminal, how?  Because some people are committing a crime under federal law that has absolutely nothing to do with what she is doing?
 
2014-04-22 12:10:34 PM  

bborchar: R.A.Danny: bborchar: She's more than an asshole, she's a criminal.

So are pot smokers in 48 states.

...and that makes her less of a criminal, how?  Because some people are committing a crime under federal law that has absolutely nothing to do with what she is doing?


Perhaps you are one of the three non pot smoking Farkers that exist today.
 
2014-04-22 12:11:39 PM  

meanmutton: DROxINxTHExWIND: I don't advocate stealing but if it were a bottle of Friday's Jack Daniels sauce...I understand.

Or just spend a few bucks and buy it?



Is that a question?  My position is clearly stated.
 
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