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(Gawker)   Are you a resident of North Carolina, Louisiana, Oklahoma, or Kansas? Congratulations, you can get arrested for giving someone a blowjob unless they're dead   (gawker.com) divider line 103
    More: Sick, North Carolina, Kansas, Oklahoma, crimes against nature, no problem  
•       •       •

8644 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2014 at 5:24 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-04-18 04:00:40 PM  
unless they're dead.

Phew.
 
2014-04-18 04:09:34 PM  
Q: What's the difference between your mom and a lawyer?
A: A lawyer will quit screwing you once you're dead.
 
2014-04-18 04:10:58 PM  
Who doesn't enjoy a little munging?
 
2014-04-18 04:20:36 PM  
Don't give AMC any more ideas for "The Walking Dead" spin-offs, please
 
2014-04-18 04:36:28 PM  
There they have a belief that dead people can get boners because:
scsuperman-the-legend.com
 
2014-04-18 04:37:41 PM  
I may have to rethink my plans for my trip to the Outer Banks next month.
 
2014-04-18 04:38:12 PM  
Hell, my ex wouldn't give me a blowjob if SHE was dead
 
2014-04-18 04:54:10 PM  
Contact your rep and get them to change the law.
 
2014-04-18 04:59:16 PM  

Gunny Highway: Contact your rep and get them to change the law.


Which one? Make blowjobs legal or make necrophilia illegal?
 
2014-04-18 05:00:18 PM  
Good thing I don't give BJs.
 
2014-04-18 05:04:01 PM  

FriarReb98: I may have to rethink my plans for my trip to the Outer Banks next month.


Apparently my annual vacation has made me a criminal.
 
2014-04-18 05:05:25 PM  

Gunny Highway: Contact your rep and get them to change the law.


Shouldn't be a need to - SCOTUS "contacted" them back in 2003, with a decision that rendered all bans on "consensual sodomy (between adults, because apparently we still need to specify that kiddie-farking is wrong)" unenforceable.

In VA and LA, though (probably others), they've had votes to symbolically repeal these unenforceable laws, which failed due to the GOP's concern about children.

Also, which of these Christier than thou folks wants to be seen voting FOR sodomy?
 
2014-04-18 05:09:49 PM  

Dr Dreidel: Gunny Highway: Contact your rep and get them to change the law.

Shouldn't be a need to - SCOTUS "contacted" them back in 2003, with a decision that rendered all bans on "consensual sodomy (between adults, because apparently we still need to specify that kiddie-farking is wrong)" unenforceable.

In VA and LA, though (probably others), they've had votes to symbolically repeal these unenforceable laws, which failed due to the GOP's concern about children.

Also, which of these Christier than thou folks wants to be seen voting FOR sodomy?


Interesting.  Thanks.
 
2014-04-18 05:14:35 PM  
That's basically a rule of thumb for me, if you having sex that won't get you arrested it ain't worth having.

Live in Oklahoma.
 
2014-04-18 05:21:21 PM  
Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.
 
2014-04-18 05:23:42 PM  

fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.


Sodomy
 
2014-04-18 05:27:07 PM  

Delta1212: FriarReb98: I may have to rethink my plans for my trip to the Outer Banks next month.

Apparently my annual vacation has made me a criminal.


How many blowjobs have you been giving?
 
2014-04-18 05:27:21 PM  
Ric Romero reports, some states have arcane laws on the books
 
2014-04-18 05:27:28 PM  
AirForceVet

Good thing I don't give BJs.


More of a Navy thing right?
 
2014-04-18 05:28:44 PM  

fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.


Any type of sex that puts semen somewhere other than a vagina is judged as wrong, based on a passage about a character (Onan, from whose name the archaic name for masturbation "onanism") "spilling his seed" instead of ejaculating in the woman (whose name I forget) and being punished for it.
 
2014-04-18 05:29:24 PM  

FriarReb98: I may have to rethink my plans for my trip to the Outer Banks next month.


Are you thinking you might not go?

Or thinking you might want to stop by a cemetery first?
 
2014-04-18 05:29:48 PM  
static3.beanscdn.co.uk
 
2014-04-18 05:30:07 PM  
What's a blowjob?
  -Bobby Jindal
 
2014-04-18 05:30:33 PM  
From the comments:

"I met a really hot guy in Louisiana once, I totally dug him. He was kinda quiet, but we had a great time, until the rotten a**hole split on me."
 
2014-04-18 05:31:25 PM  
So much for the Party that gives lip service to the idea of staying out of people's lives.
 
2014-04-18 05:32:00 PM  
Dead before or after the blowjob?
 
2014-04-18 05:32:32 PM  

Thats_right_ALL_the_tea: fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.

Any type of sex that puts semen somewhere other than a vagina is judged as wrong, based on a passage about a character (Onan, from whose name the archaic name for masturbation "onanism") "spilling his seed" instead of ejaculating in the woman (whose name I forget) and being punished for it.


Funny how that's a dramatically convenient misinterpretation of that passage.
 
2014-04-18 05:32:54 PM  

Dr Dreidel: Gunny Highway: Contact your rep and get them to change the law.

Shouldn't be a need to - SCOTUS "contacted" them back in 2003, with a decision that rendered all bans on "consensual sodomy (between adults, because apparently we still need to specify that kiddie-farking is wrong)" unenforceable.

In VA and LA, though (probably others), they've had votes to symbolically repeal these unenforceable laws, which failed due to the GOP's concern about children.


Did the SCOTUS ruling also affect the UCMJ?  I seem to recall hummers fell into the "sodomy" category for the military, as well...
 
2014-04-18 05:35:11 PM  

Thats_right_ALL_the_tea: fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.

Any type of sex that puts semen somewhere other than a vagina is judged as wrong, based on a passage about a character (Onan, from whose name the archaic name for masturbation "onanism") "spilling his seed" instead of ejaculating in the woman (whose name I forget) and being punished for it.


I thought that was about not doing your duty. In this case, the duty to impregnate your dead brother's wife so that she won't be kicked out of the village.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-04-18 05:35:17 PM  
Make me give you a blow job and I'll kill you.

/ITG
 
2014-04-18 05:37:25 PM  

Gunny Highway: fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.

Sodomy


Thats_right_ALL_the_tea: Any type of sex that puts semen somewhere other than a vagina is judged as wrong, based on a passage about a character (Onan, from whose name the archaic name for masturbation "onanism") "spilling his seed" instead of ejaculating in the woman (whose name I forget) and being punished for it.


Hilariously, neither of those stories really has much to do with non-vaginal sex - the sin of Sodom was that they treated guests like shiat (possibly by raping them, but more obviously that they meant to rob them), and the sin of Onan was in not continuing his brother's line.

// FWIW, the way Judaism looks at sex (between married people, because what other kind is there?) is that whatever she wants happens, whether he drops his swimmers in her vag or on the curtains
// because even Talmudic-era Jews understood that good marriages involve good sex
// going further down the rabbit(fur) hole, the whole point of marriage is to subvert the "evil inclination" towards "wanton lust", and use it for a "godly purpose" - marital sex of whatever freaky variety she's into
 
2014-04-18 05:38:25 PM  
They must sell a lot of Chap Stick.
 
2014-04-18 05:38:57 PM  
Oral sex with corpses?  The very idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
 
2014-04-18 05:39:49 PM  
In North Carolina, the necrophilia would be covered by our crimes against nature statute.  Gawker is full of shiat.
 
2014-04-18 05:41:20 PM  

Thats_right_ALL_the_tea: fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.

Any type of sex that puts semen somewhere other than a vagina is judged as wrong, based on a passage about a character (Onan, from whose name the archaic name for masturbation "onanism") "spilling his seed" instead of ejaculating in the woman (whose name I forget) and being punished for it.


Is masturbating illegal?
/since when is SwiftKey kid safe
//I don't think I spelled that right but there wasn't a suggestion
 
2014-04-18 05:41:46 PM  
I live in NC and got a consensual blow job from my wife last night!! Arrest me, come on!! Do it, pussies!! Yeah... thats what I thought....
 
2014-04-18 05:41:49 PM  
spacebison.com
 
2014-04-18 05:43:55 PM  
Well there are a lot of stiff dicks in the morgue.
 
2014-04-18 05:43:56 PM  

Because People in power are Stupid: There they have a belief that dead people can get boners because:
[scsuperman-the-legend.com image 801x596]


Dead people can actually get boners do to the blood settling.
 
2014-04-18 05:44:21 PM  
So, a smiling man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to set him up with 6 shots. The bartender asks, "What's the occasion?" The smiling man replies that he's celebrating his first blow job. The bartender congratulates him, and asks if he's sure that 6 drinks will be enough. The smiling man says, "Well, if 6 whiskeys won't get the taste out of my mouth then nothing will."

/Not in the face.
 
2014-04-18 05:45:07 PM  
Necrophilia is a dish best served cold
 
2014-04-18 05:45:28 PM  

CruJones: Ric Romero reports, some states have arcane laws on the books


It's actually a pretty obvious attempt to recriminalize homosexuality.
 
2014-04-18 05:47:00 PM  

PunGent: Dr Dreidel: Gunny Highway: Contact your rep and get them to change the law.

Shouldn't be a need to - SCOTUS "contacted" them back in 2003, with a decision that rendered all bans on "consensual sodomy (between adults, because apparently we still need to specify that kiddie-farking is wrong)" unenforceable.

In VA and LA, though (probably others), they've had votes to symbolically repeal these unenforceable laws, which failed due to the GOP's concern about children.

Did the SCOTUS ruling also affect the UCMJ?  I seem to recall hummers fell into the "sodomy" category for the military, as well...


You are not protected by the constitution when you are in the military.
 
2014-04-18 05:47:42 PM  

Gunny Highway: fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.

Sodomy


that only applies to boy-boy buttsecks. Oral and girl-girl anal aren't mentioned
 
2014-04-18 05:48:44 PM  

fusillade762: I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.


Not a Biblical scholar, but I grew up Catholic.  Basically the Bible infers (in a few places) that any sort of sexual activity (including masturbation) that isn't specifically for procreation is wrong.

At least that's what I remember being taught.
 
2014-04-18 05:48:54 PM  
Ohh Yeahh! Thats what makes it so NASTY!
 
2014-04-18 05:49:39 PM  
Necrophilia: the sudden urge to crack open a cold one.
 
2014-04-18 05:50:10 PM  
Ive broken the law in two of those states this week!

/Breakin the law, Breakin the law!
 
2014-04-18 05:50:46 PM  
Thats_right_ALL_the_tea:

Any type of sex that puts semen somewhere other than a vagina is judged as wrong, based on a passage about a character (Onan, from whose name the archaic name for masturbation "onanism") "spilling his seed" instead of ejaculating in the woman (whose name I forget) and being punished for it.

No, the sin was disobeying God's command to knock up his wife/sister-in-law.  It was a specific case of being required to use SIL as a cum-dumpster, not a general case where we all must always use a specific orifice as cum dumpsters.   The Catholic Church misread the fark out of that passage.
 
2014-04-18 05:52:12 PM  

anuran: Gunny Highway: fusillade762: Of course, Christian moralizers would say that's why all non-straight, non-missionary sex should be illegal: because parsing out the secular legal intricacies of various sex acts is a lot muddier than resting on the word of God.

I must have missed that part of the bible where God said blowjobs were forbidden.

Sodomy

that only applies to boy-boy buttsecks. Oral and girl-girl anal aren't mentioned


and let's be blunt here.  The purpose of that law was to increase the birth rate so that there would be more people to murder their neighbours.  Old testament morals are a tricky biatch.
 
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