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(Daily Star)   Boy sits on wooden bench at school, gets splinter in butt. Does he A) go to the school nurse to have it removed, B) ask to be excused early to go home to have it removed, C) receive over $4,600 when his family sues the school   (dailystar.co.uk) divider line 57
    More: Asinine, jokes, splinter  
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3282 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Apr 2014 at 2:10 AM (21 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-18 12:38:33 AM
What a prick.
 
2014-04-18 01:20:26 AM
Maybe if the kid didn't suck he wouldn't have been on the bench.
 
2014-04-18 01:43:39 AM
I slid down a playground slide with a wooden railing - backwards - in first grade and jammed a one inch splinter deep into my forearm.  the school put a Band Aid over the entry point and once school was over sent me home with a note.

Of course, when I reflect on it, I don't think pliers were the best choice, Dad.
 
2014-04-18 02:05:21 AM
When I was in the third grade, a classmate stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. Forty-three years later, one can still see the graphite mark on my hand. My parents didn't sue the school, but my dad did raise holy hell to get a suspension for the kid who did it.
 
2014-04-18 02:11:40 AM
At least it wasn't a slatted wooden chair


/never forget
 
2014-04-18 02:12:46 AM

Brainsick: At least it wasn't a slatted wooden chair


/never forget


Apparently submitter did. Shame on him or her.
 
2014-04-18 02:14:35 AM
England, ahh. Get used to much bigger "wood" splinters later. Probably a long line of peener slapping lawyers in the family.
 
2014-04-18 02:14:43 AM

HotWingAgenda: Brainsick: At least it wasn't a slatted wooden chair


/never forget

Apparently submitter did. Shame on him or her.


I've got a wooden splinter in my butt. I'm so very scared. Help.
 
2014-04-18 02:21:32 AM
I've had a lot of splinters in my life.  They hurt like hell, they can be a pain to get out, and yes - they leave scars.  That said, they aren't life-changing, health-destroying threats that should be eradicated, and they're definitely not worth even a single quid or buck in compensation. 

Here's how you deal with splinters: 

1)  Use tweezers and a sharp pin to extract the splinter and its fragments

2)  Clean and then put on a bandage if you're bleeding.

3)  Continue previous activity.
 
2014-04-18 02:22:02 AM

Lorelle: When I was in the third grade, a classmate stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. Forty-three years later, one can still see the graphite mark on my hand. My parents didn't sue the school, but my dad did raise holy hell to get a suspension for the kid who did it.


We are going to need verification for this, so post a pic of your butt.
 
2014-04-18 02:24:52 AM
The school got off light, IMO.

The going rate for personal injury tends to be a lot higher.
 
2014-04-18 02:26:03 AM
Money fixes everything. If you're hurt it's someone else's fault always and you deserve to get paid for it because it's proven that you heal faster when you're getting paid.
 
2014-04-18 02:31:38 AM
Once when I was a kid, I was brutally beaten within an inch of my life by this girl who said my skills with an E-Z Bake Oven sucked. I told her that her baking skills weren't good enough to be comparable to cafeteria food. She grabbed a wooden board and beat me bloody. There were little splotches of Weatherkiss blood all over the playground asphault, and I ended up swallowing several teeth and was kicked down a metal ladder that had been baking in the hot summer and had painful third degree burns. They say on the hottest days you can still smell my burning flesh on that ladder. I had splinters enlodged in my skull that only hit the soft spots of my brain that I don't use.

Anyway. The nurse gave me a band-aid and a hall pass, and the teacher let me take frequent bathroom breaks so I could urinate blood from the kidney damage.
 
2014-04-18 02:31:51 AM

Danger Avoid Death: I've got a wooden splinter in my butt. I'm so very scared. Help.


hey its not THAT small and you promised you would not tell others
 
2014-04-18 02:37:04 AM

theflatline: Lorelle: When I was in the third grade, a classmate stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. Forty-three years later, one can still see the graphite mark on my hand. My parents didn't sue the school, but my dad did raise holy hell to get a suspension for the kid who did it.

We are going to need verification for this, so post a pic of your butt.


Just picture Kim Kardashian's or Jennifer Lopez' butt, only older. Amazingly, it hasn't started sagging yet, unlike my boobs.
 
2014-04-18 02:39:08 AM

Lorelle: When I was in the third grade, a classmate stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. Forty-three years later, one can still see the graphite mark on my hand. My parents didn't sue the school, but my dad did raise holy hell to get a suspension for the kid who did it.


My dad would've beat the snot outta the Principal.
To each their own I guess (:
 
2014-04-18 02:45:52 AM
When I was a kid all we had to sit on on was rocks.
 
2014-04-18 02:53:16 AM
When I was in elementary school (early- to late-90s), we had all manner of injuries: wood splinters, skinned knees, bruised knuckles, the lot. School never got sued, but the secretary (it was a tiny parochial school with maybe 220 students by my estimation) was a nurse in all but formal education and title.

Only serious "injury" I ever got was some f*cking ginger kid named Alex whanged me on the head with an aluminum baseball bat. Little sh*t got suspended (my mother was quite protective of me at the time) and the school banned aluminum bats...but not the wooden kind. No lawsuit, no medical bills. Although sometimes I get fuzzy memories and repeat myself.

Only resul was that I get some fuzzy memories on occasion and repeat myself.
 
2014-04-18 02:58:19 AM
There's a joke about half-assing it on the tip of my brain, but due to a worrisome amount of carbon monoxide poisoning I can't seem to make it work.

There's also the joke about the same thing happening at a Catholic school and the stereotypically-resulting mob.
 
2014-04-18 03:04:48 AM
This is why in 10 years we'll have to bubble-wrap kids before sending them to school and recess will consist of watching movies about child actors playing.
 
2014-04-18 03:35:44 AM

AbuHashish: England, ahh. Get used to much bigger "wood" splinters later. Probably a long line of peener slapping lawyers in the family.


Don't be slappin' my penis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hb8FeKfRXM
 
2014-04-18 03:49:54 AM
That amount is the average settlement amount of a nuisance suit filed by the ambulance-chasers that give lawyering such a good name.
 
2014-04-18 04:16:28 AM
This is giving me painful flashbacks to the time i wore a nylon unitard in 1st grade.

Slid forward on the bench at the park at lunch (during school hours), and got at least 20 splinters in my ass.

Didn't say anything til i got home, but damn it hurt to sit for the rest of the day.
 
2014-04-18 04:19:23 AM

spiritplumber: This is why in 10 years we'll have to bubble-wrap kids before sending them to school and recess will consist of watching movies about child actors

CG 'child actor' stunt doubles playing.
 
2014-04-18 04:30:36 AM
Got a splinter in the back of my thigh from the Bleachers at Memorial Stadium in Baltimore some 50 years ago. Dad couldn't get it out. Went to our family doctor and he couldn't get it either without digging a bigger hole in the back of my leg so they left it. He said it would get absorbed eventually. Now that stadium is gone and I'm still here. Sue? You just didn't do that kind of stuff for something like that back then. People in general just didn't Whine as much as they do today.
 
2014-04-18 04:43:50 AM
A friend in elementary school slid down a wooden railing on his front side and ended up with a 6 inch long sliver in his chest. Had to go to the hospital to get it removed. As far as I know they never sued and the offending playground fort thingy remained up for several years afterwards.
 
2014-04-18 06:21:35 AM
When my wife and I were dating early on, I was working all kinds of construction and had developed amazing calluses on my hands. One day we were hanging out and I asked her if she had a pair of tweezers as I had a splinter at the base of my thumb. She handed me the tweezers and I grabbed the little thing and pulled. Out came this quarter inch piece of wood ninety degrees from the skin. Zero blood. It shocked me but made her nearly faint. To this day she still thinks I am some sort of Wolverine.

/csb
 
2014-04-18 07:11:18 AM

SpdrJay: When I was a kid all we had to sit on on was rocks.


3.bp.blogspot.com

Luxury! In my day, sitting hadn't been invented yet, and we were all forced to stand all the time!
 
2014-04-18 07:15:31 AM
Lawyers will be the downfall of us all.
 
2014-04-18 07:43:55 AM

August11: When my wife and I were dating early on, I was working all kinds of construction and had developed amazing calluses on my hands. One day we were hanging out and I asked her if she had a pair of tweezers as I had a splinter at the base of my thumb. She handed me the tweezers and I grabbed the little thing and pulled. Out came this quarter inch piece of wood ninety degrees from the skin. Zero blood. It shocked me but made her nearly faint. To this day she still thinks I am some sort of Wolverine.

/csb


You're short and ugly and wear yellow spandex?
 
2014-04-18 07:51:53 AM
Nothing but a flesh wound

img.fark.net
 
2014-04-18 08:00:17 AM
I am sure this article is 100% accurate and objective and didn't leave facts out or distort them in order to gin up the outrage du jour.
 
2014-04-18 08:13:22 AM

Weatherkiss: Once when I was a kid, I was brutally beaten within an inch of my life by this girl who said my skills with an E-Z Bake Oven sucked. I told her that her baking skills weren't good enough to be comparable to cafeteria food. She grabbed a wooden board and beat me bloody. There were little splotches of Weatherkiss blood all over the playground asphault, and I ended up swallowing several teeth and was kicked down a metal ladder that had been baking in the hot summer and had painful third degree burns. They say on the hottest days you can still smell my burning flesh on that ladder. I had splinters enlodged in my skull that only hit the soft spots of my brain that I don't use.

Anyway. The nurse gave me a band-aid and a hall pass, and the teacher let me take frequent bathroom breaks so I could urinate blood from the kidney damage.


Your funny. Are you cute? Cant tell how sharp your knees are from that pic in your profile.
 
2014-04-18 08:20:51 AM
I didn't get that much when a lady plowed into the back of my car giving me a hellacious case of whiplash. Tort reform was code for FU accident victims.
 
2014-04-18 08:21:06 AM

JohnCarter: Nothing but a flesh wound

[img.fark.net image 253x199]


"Your arm ass is off!"
 
2014-04-18 08:23:23 AM

cman: Weatherkiss: Once when I was a kid, I was brutally beaten within an inch of my life by this girl who said my skills with an E-Z Bake Oven sucked. I told her that her baking skills weren't good enough to be comparable to cafeteria food. She grabbed a wooden board and beat me bloody. There were little splotches of Weatherkiss blood all over the playground asphault, and I ended up swallowing several teeth and was kicked down a metal ladder that had been baking in the hot summer and had painful third degree burns. They say on the hottest days you can still smell my burning flesh on that ladder. I had splinters enlodged in my skull that only hit the soft spots of my brain that I don't use.

Anyway. The nurse gave me a band-aid and a hall pass, and the teacher let me take frequent bathroom breaks so I could urinate blood from the kidney damage.

Your funny. Are you cute? Cant tell how sharp your knees are from that pic in your profile.


You should ask for her sign while you're at it Romeo.
 
2014-04-18 08:27:03 AM

SpdrJay: When I was a kid all we had to sit on on was rocks.


Yeah, yeah.. And you walked up hill, in the snow, 40 miles, both to and from school everyday, with no shoes, splinters in your butt from dad's paddle, jizz in your hair from the nice neighbor... Blah blah.
 
2014-04-18 08:34:55 AM

RobSeace: SpdrJay: When I was a kid all we had to sit on on was rocks.

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 360x217]

Luxury! In my day, sitting hadn't been invented yet, and we were all forced to stand all the time!


Standing, is it? I used to dream of standing.
All we could do was kneel in a pile of broken glass after Dad cut off all of our feet.
 
2014-04-18 08:39:55 AM

Danger Avoid Death: HotWingAgenda: Brainsick: At least it wasn't a slatted wooden chair


/never forget

Apparently submitter did. Shame on him or her.

I've got a wooden splinter in my butt. I'm so very scared. Help.


Is it a Modified wooden toilet roll? Wow, just wow.
 
2014-04-18 08:55:39 AM
He actually got almost ten splinters, so it was really more nineinass than asinine.
 
2014-04-18 08:58:22 AM

Craps the Gorilla: Danger Avoid Death: HotWingAgenda: Brainsick: At least it wasn't a slatted wooden chair


/never forget

Apparently submitter did. Shame on him or her.

I've got a wooden splinter in my butt. I'm so very scared. Help.

Is it a Modified wooden toilet roll? Wow, just wow.


Did you drop a quad?
 
2014-04-18 09:26:17 AM

Lorelle: When I was in the third grade, a classmate stabbed me in the hand with a pencil. Forty-three years later, one can still see the graphite mark on my hand. My parents didn't sue the school, but my dad did raise holy hell to get a suspension for the kid who did it.


Stabbed myself in the hand with a pencil over 20 years ago and I too can see the graphite mark on the palm of my hand.

/ CSB
// Let's be graphite mark friends
 
2014-04-18 09:40:43 AM
Butt hurt?

Yeah, but there's nothing like a cash settlement to salve all pricks.
 
2014-04-18 09:46:22 AM
When I was in 1st or 2nd grade I had a splinter.  I remember the teacher heating up a needle with a lighter then digging out the splinter in my finger.  I'm 29 now so it wasn't all that long ago, but it was a simpler time when people weren't sue happy.
 
2014-04-18 09:55:02 AM
hopefully his parents don't pay taxes, or else they just sued themselves. murka.
 
2014-04-18 10:17:02 AM
What's the boy's FARK handle? bigz2k?
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-18 10:38:34 AM

spiritplumber: This is why in 10 years we'll have to bubble-wrap kids before sending them to school and recess will consist of watching movies about child actors playing.


KIDS: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
 
2014-04-18 10:47:52 AM
Hanging out on the wooden deck at my friend's house one day (I was probably 16 or 17), I got a big-ass splinter in my right buttock (pun intended). 3" long and fairly thick, easily visible poking out the back of my pants (that's what she said).

That was painful to remove (but didn't need tweezers!), and thank the FSM's dear and fluffy lord it came out in one piece.

// no lasting damage - brain's in the left buttock
 
2014-04-18 10:56:37 AM

Pattuq: I've had a lot of splinters in my life.  They hurt like hell, they can be a pain to get out, and yes - they leave scars.


They leave scars? What are you made of, marshmallow?
 
2014-04-18 11:16:51 AM
"All of the mums have laughing about it."

Look a them there, laughing:

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
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