If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Jezebel)   Nebraska elementary school gives fifth graders nine rules for how to deal with bullies, such as "Treat the bully like they're trying to help you" and "never, ever tell on them"   (jezebel.com) divider line 166
    More: Stupid, treating, elementary schools, graders, sore loser  
•       •       •

6339 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2014 at 1:10 PM (21 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



166 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-17 12:02:41 PM
In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.
 
2014-04-17 12:17:47 PM
Lincoln has always been a cesspool of a city.

/former Omaha resident
 
2014-04-17 12:22:14 PM
Some of these are dumb, no question - specifically 4, 7, and 8. 6 is mostly dumb, but just sort of useless (it reiterates point 2).

Aren't 1 and 2 (ironically enough) just rehashings of the teachings of Buddha? Anger as expression of internal conflict and pain, and responding to anger with anger only breeds more anger; while responding with love (a Jesusian ideal, which is, I suspect, where it "really" came from) is best?

3 is common sense - I was bullied in grade school, and showing fear was a great way to let the kid know he was winning. 5 is as well - NEVER be the first to throw a punch (and if you can help it, try not to be the second, either).

And while 9 is dumb as regards bullies, it's good life advice overall. If you can't or don't laugh at yourself, you will quickly find that others readily pick up your slack.
 
2014-04-17 12:57:51 PM
Nebraska makes Iowa look like a cosmopolitan paradise.
 
2014-04-17 01:01:16 PM
Rule #2: Treat the person being mean as if they are trying to help you.

Now that I think about it, the bully really was trying to stop me from hitting myself.
 
2014-04-17 01:12:15 PM
Day 1 of school: Find the biggest kid and break his nose with a paving stone
 
2014-04-17 01:13:05 PM
In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.
 
2014-04-17 01:14:07 PM
Snitches get stitches.
 
2014-04-17 01:14:52 PM
So your bully just beat you up for your lunch money, what do you do?

Rule #8: Don't be a sore loser.

Stop your whining biatch and take your beating like a man.
 
2014-04-17 01:15:03 PM
#10 - Wait until your temper bursts and shower your classmates with automatic weapons fire.
 
2014-04-17 01:15:08 PM
Rule #2: Treat the person being mean as if they are trying to help you.

Perfect training with future interaction with the government.
 
2014-04-17 01:16:13 PM
#7 just screams "Don't bother school admins with your inter-personal shiat. We've got better things to worry about.
 
2014-04-17 01:17:13 PM
THANKS, OMAHA!
 
2014-04-17 01:17:49 PM
Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.
 
2014-04-17 01:18:21 PM
"Learn to laugh at yourself"

//because everyone else is laughing at you
 
2014-04-17 01:18:44 PM
Has other ideas...
www.nerdist.com
 
2014-04-17 01:19:21 PM
3...OK.

#7 is conditional.

The one to absolutely throw out is #6. Harden the target and the bully will go find someone else.
 
2014-04-17 01:20:05 PM
Rule #1, shank the bully in the chow line.
 
2014-04-17 01:20:13 PM

Delawheredad: In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.

(favorite: After years of a vanilla existence i am now in a submissive relationship to a Dominant female)

 
2014-04-17 01:20:14 PM
Favorite is #4 - Do not verbally defend yourselves (that's not the best part) the best is why - We defend ourselves from enemies

Thus the implication is the bully is not the enemy.  Who the hell wrote this?  Maybe this is an Onion article?
 
2014-04-17 01:20:52 PM
jp3.r0tt.com
I hope the victims are given the same courtesy from the establishment when things get all bootstrappy.
 
2014-04-17 01:21:20 PM

scottydoesntknow: Rule #2: Treat the person being mean as if they are trying to help you.

Now that I think about it, the bully really was trying to stop me from hitting myself.


Thank you sir, may I have another.
 
2014-04-17 01:21:27 PM

letrole: In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.


Is this the principal?

ficassets.fichub.com
 
2014-04-17 01:21:37 PM
#11 stop hitting yourself
 
2014-04-17 01:22:21 PM
10. Borrow Mommy's gun when she's not looking...
 
2014-04-17 01:22:36 PM
I always wished my parents would have told me, "smash their faces in with the biggest textbook you have and we'll tell the teachers and other brat's parents to go to hell later."

/that's probably what I'll tell my kids if I ever have any
 
2014-04-17 01:22:54 PM
I really hope this is satire.
 
2014-04-17 01:24:29 PM

Delawheredad: In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.


These aren't mine!
They aren't even the right color!
 
2014-04-17 01:24:51 PM

Dr Dreidel: Some of these are dumb, no question - specifically 4, 7, and 8. 6 is mostly dumb, but just sort of useless (it reiterates point 2).

Aren't 1 and 2 (ironically enough) just rehashings of the teachings of Buddha? Anger as expression of internal conflict and pain, and responding to anger with anger only breeds more anger; while responding with love (a Jesusian ideal, which is, I suspect, where it "really" came from) is best?

3 is common sense - I was bullied in grade school, and showing fear was a great way to let the kid know he was winning. 5 is as well - NEVER be the first to throw a punch (and if you can help it, try not to be the second, either).

And while 9 is dumb as regards bullies, it's good life advice overall. If you can't or don't laugh at yourself, you will quickly find that others readily pick up your slack.


Dude, always throw the second punch. You'll be suspended either way, might as well make it worth while and get some shots in for your trouble.
 
2014-04-17 01:25:05 PM
Interesting.  It's basically promoting everyone to be bullies.
 
2014-04-17 01:26:32 PM

techgeek07: I really hope this is satire.


i assumed that it was satire.  either that, or written by a bully.
 
2014-04-17 01:26:32 PM

JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.


That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves
 
2014-04-17 01:27:16 PM

LeroyBourne: Interesting.  It's basically promoting everyone to be bullies.


When everyone is a bully, no one is a bully.
 
2014-04-17 01:29:22 PM
Sick and wrong. I was mercilessly bullied as a kid. I can tell you there is only one rule for dealing with a bully: learn to defend yourself, and use that skill to beat your attackers within an inch of their life. THAT is the only effective means to stop bullying and improve your situation.
 
2014-04-17 01:30:07 PM

pute kisses like a man: either that, or written by a bully.


Or someone who has never been bullied and thereby is completely clueless as to what it's like to be bullied.
 
2014-04-17 01:30:26 PM
I remember a kid three times my size beating on me in art class.  I went to tell the teacher, and she yelled at me to sit back down.

That's all I've really got.  If I could give younger me advice, it'd be to tell her to go fark herself and storm out.
 
2014-04-17 01:30:44 PM
They're not bullies, they're therapy job-creators.
 
2014-04-17 01:31:10 PM

FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


I advocated this in a college course once. The instructor pointed out that not all children are physically capable of standing up to their bully physically. My suggestion to use a baseball bat was not well received.
 
2014-04-17 01:31:17 PM

letrole: In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.


And that's how most towns in the old days picked a sheriff!
 
2014-04-17 01:32:02 PM
I love how TFA is so indignant about the fact that the correction was sent to the parents and not the children. It goes on to lament but what will the kids do/think/know, etc.

Have we come to a point of such a lack of parenting that parents are no longer entrusted or expected to convey this info to their kids? Great if the school also has training for the kids, I just think the lack of expectation for the parent to pass on the info is funny.
 
2014-04-17 01:32:31 PM

FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


i realized i wasn't going to beat the bully in a fair fight.  so, when he started to punch me, I punched his fist as hard as i could.

he went down holding his hand i walked away.  never messed with by that guy again.

/ the first time i tried to take on a bully, i broke my hand on his face.  so, i started trying to toughen up my hands at a young age.  bad idea, now they're crap hands that hurt all the time. but, effective for punching walls without pain... as a child.

// one more thing, sun tzu says the first to violence is the weaker position, so, the defender is the stronger position, stupid pamphlet
 
2014-04-17 01:33:12 PM
That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?
 
2014-04-17 01:33:28 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: 10. Borrow Mommy's gun when she's not looking...


...and 11. Let the Bodies Hit the Floor!

/was bullied
 
2014-04-17 01:35:33 PM
there's a reason they called the old colts Equalizers. Just steal your parents guns and shoot everyone who is "bullying" you. That'll do it
 
2014-04-17 01:35:33 PM

Russ1642: #10 - Wait until your temper bursts and shower your classmates with automatic weapons fire.


Seriously. It should have just read: bottle up all your emotions and do what you're told by those stronger than you. Then, around age 40, watch Michael Douglas in _Falling Down_ and do what he did.

/which is just about the point I'm at, not coincidentally
 
2014-04-17 01:35:53 PM
Principal: "Hey, did you send out this unauthorized advice on bullying?"

Counselor: "Um. Yeah. Why? You seem upset, but I..."

[Principal slowly turns his H.S. Class of 1986 ring on his finger so stone is facing his palm]

Principal: "NOOGIES!"
 
2014-04-17 01:37:15 PM

Wendy's Chili: They're not bullies, they're therapy job-creators.


You know, I've seen you in threads the last couple days but not a couple months ago when we actually had a thread about Wendy's Chili. And I told everyone, there's a person here on Fark called Wendy's Chili and he/she should chime in any moment now...but you never showed up.

One day, I tried Wendy's Chili and was surprised at how delicious it was. They should pay you.
 
2014-04-17 01:38:36 PM

theprinceofwands: Sick and wrong. I was mercilessly bullied as a kid. I can tell you there is only one rule for dealing with a bully: learn to defend yourself, and use that skill to beat your attackers within an inch of their life. THAT is the only effective means to stop bullying and improve your situation.


I somewhat agree with the sentiment but not all kids who are bullied are able to defend themselves.  They may have physical/mental limitations.  So what do those kids do?  Also, if you are being bullied by a group of people then defending yourself might not work even if you tried.

Yes, don't let yourself be a pushover, but the "learn to defend yourself" answer doesn't always work.  Something needs to be done about the bully.  Otherwise we are just going to end up with even more Columbines.
 
2014-04-17 01:38:42 PM

scottydoesntknow: LeroyBourne: Interesting.  It's basically promoting everyone to be bullies.

When everyone is a bully, no one is a bully.


Exactly.  In theory it would work, it just sounds like pure chaos.  I wonder if they make Lord of the Flies mandatory reading like when I was young.  These farking kids could learn something, even the bullies.
 
2014-04-17 01:38:50 PM

letrole: In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.


Well, that sounds just like Animal Farm. Upon graduation do the "sheep dogs' automatically enter the police academy.
 
2014-04-17 01:39:18 PM

HotWingConspiracy: Day 1 of school: Find the biggest kid and break his nose with a paving stone


This actually works, mostly.

I had a girl try to bully me in fifth grade... right up until I turned around and gave her a left hook that knocked her on her ass in front of about 40 people. Next bully, people warned. She didn't stop. I ignored her until she said something about my mother, then I picked her up and threw her into a wall (to be fair, she wasn't very heavy and the wall was only about 6 feet away--and my mother swears I've had a vicious temper since I was about two years old that makes me about ten times stronger when I get pissed, which is why I keep a tight lid on my temper).

I wasn't bullied again until sophomore year. I let that one hit me--from behind--about five times before I turned around and beat her bloody before throwing her through a plate glass window (can't say she wasn't warned--everyone who'd witnessed the other two incidents told her she did not want to fark with me. Even the teacher told her to watch her step). I wouldn't have been suspended at all except I used a racial slur (none of the black kids minded, and a few protested the suspension, saying "that biatch deserved it!") in front of about 2/3 of the school during the fight. The other girl was expelled. My parents took me out to dinner for observing the rule of "you'd better never start a fight, but you'd damn sure better finish it."

So yes, knocking bullies on their ass is a very effective deterrent. Unfortunately, in today's politically correct, zero tolerance (and zero intelligence) society, it's generally frowned upon.
 
2014-04-17 01:39:53 PM

Private_Citizen: That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?


i.usatoday.net
Kinda.  People will defend the popular kids to an astonishing degree.
 
2014-04-17 01:41:55 PM

letrole: In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.


Probably a cultural trait that contributed to Sweden's glorious role in WWII.   A lot of sheep herding going on there.
 
2014-04-17 01:43:16 PM

Private_Citizen: That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?


Pretend the rapist is trying to help you. Trying to help you overcome your fear of orgasm.

No matter what, do not tell anyone about the rapist. That will only bring shame on you and your family. Then you'll be stoned. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.
 
2014-04-17 01:43:30 PM

FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


<CSB>
In elementary school I was bullied pretty often, mostly because I would just sit and read books rather than play. I was new in town (military parents who moved often) and had no friends, so I was a prime target. I also had a streak of insurrection which continues to this day so I would do my best to not let the bully have his way.

One day a bully blindsides me and smashes my face into the ground. He walks away laughing and I go tell a teacher who said "We didn't see it so we can't enforce it.". When I got home, my father asked me what happened and I told him. He is the most understanding and underestimated badass I've ever known (He was Air Force Special Forces, 6'2 and incredibly fit, and has confirmed kills with both rifle and knife) and told me if a bully ever did that to me that I should immediately try to beat his ass. He also said if I got in trouble for it he would be there to tell off the school about their treatment.

Two days pass, bully does it again. I snap and go apeshiat on him and wind up giving him more than he bargained for. Teacher breaks us up and I am "the aggressor" and get immediate ISS. It took my father only 15 minutes of getting the phone call to come down to the school and have heated words with the administration about their "farking idiocy" and "knee-jerk stupidity" having me in trouble for defending myself.

Needless to say the resource officer was called, and a discussion happened. I have no farking clue how it went down but I had the administrator come out and apologize to me. He then asks for the bully's name and calls him in. The bully is then told he is not only suspended, but expelled. Parents are called, and of course this shiatstain's parents are probably the whitest trash I've ever laid eyes on in my life. Heated words are thrown at my father who shrugs them off, but the moment they say something about me I see something terrifying in my dad's eyes. I think he went feral for just a brief moment and spoke in that icy voice that deep in our subconscious reminds us of the demons in our dreams. Trash-dad steps up and gets vocal and in what appeared to be a blur he's on the floor in an arm-bar before the resource officer can even flinch.

I was never bullied at that school again, and the administration never once darkened my locker/classroom over it.

What I learned was threefold. 1) Always stand up to bullies, and make sure they realize the cost of getting physical. 2)Family watches over family. 3)My father is like a Jekyll/Hyde monster.

tl;dr -> Fight back, bullies hate kids with spines.
 
2014-04-17 01:44:33 PM
I remember how this worked in middle school just fine: The guy holding my arm and forcing me to punch my own face would repeatedly ask me "why are you punching yourself?". This article is correct; it was clearly my own fault that I was being punched.
 
2014-04-17 01:45:04 PM
Rule #1 Stab the school administrators with a very large knife
Rule #2 Stab the bully with a very large knife
Rule #3 Stab the school board with a very large knife
Rule #4 Stab local Republicans and Liberals with a very large knife
Rule #5 Declare independence and stab anyone that disagrees with you with a very large knife
Rule #6 Don't talk about stab club
 
2014-04-17 01:45:50 PM
#10 Always give the bully your lunch money or lunch when asked, in fact it's better to just surrender your monies to the bully when he 1st spots you. Bullying is hard work, and requires the bully to maintain proper nourishment in order to smash your geeky face off of a wall.

#11 Your mom really is a whore, so don't argue this point with a bully because he already did your mom last night.
 
2014-04-17 01:46:12 PM

Witness99: Private_Citizen: That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?

Pretend the rapist is trying to help you. Trying to help you overcome your fear of orgasm.

No matter what, do not tell anyone about the rapist. That will only bring shame on you and your family. Then you'll be stoned. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.


Exactly! When you apply those "rules" to the adult world, the jaw dropping stupidity is impossible to hide.
 
2014-04-17 01:46:15 PM

menschenfresser: I remember how this worked in middle school just fine: The guy holding my arm and forcing me to punch my own face would repeatedly ask me "why are you punching yourself?". This article is correct; it was clearly my own fault that I was being punched.


I always answered "Because you are forcing me to".  The bully appreciated my honesty and promptly let me go.
 
2014-04-17 01:47:02 PM
Sometimes, hitting the bully stops it.  Unless the bully is a true sociopath, in which case, he gets three friends to help him jump you to "even the score" and re-establish dominance, using your face. While it always works in movies, in real life, physically fighting back gives even odds of escalating the violence.
 
2014-04-17 01:47:14 PM

Dafatone: I remember a kid three times my size beating on me in art class.  I went to tell the teacher, and she yelled at me to sit back down.

That's all I've really got.  If I could give younger me advice, it'd be to tell her to go fark herself and storm out.


I was about 6'1" and 125 pounds in junior high.  I got lucky when the bully took a swing at me in the hall, missed, and slammed his hand into a locker at full force, spraining or breaking it.  I then jumped on him and proceeded to wail on him, Ralphie vs. Scut Farkus style, while he was unable to fight back.  It was dirty as hell, but he never farked with me again.

The Vice Principal later stopped me in the hall and asked if I was okay.

/Riveting tale, chap
 
2014-04-17 01:49:01 PM

Dr Dreidel: 3 is common sense - I was bullied in grade school, and showing fear was a great way to let the kid know he was winning. 5 is as well - NEVER be the first to throw a punch (and if you can help it, try not to be the second, either).


There are plenty of stories these days for kids getting suspended for "fighting" even though they never threw a blow. If you're going to get punished anyway, you may as well try your damndest to hit the guy first.
 
2014-04-17 01:49:42 PM

techgeek07: I really hope this is satire.


It's not. The school officially walked it back claiming it was never meant to be released.
 
2014-04-17 01:51:16 PM
Whenever I hear about some S.O.B. that I went to school with that was a bully/general pain getting arrested, fined... etc. I just sit back and smile. The feeling of schadenfreude is wonderful....

When I was just out of college, I ran into one of these schmuck's mothers and she was bragging about how good her boy is and it was just OK what I was doing just like she always did back in the good ol' days... I just reminded her that her little idiot didn't finish highschool, is at the same dead end fastfood job he's always had and swing shift manager is aiming just a little too high for his mental capacity. Standing up to this clown felt good, verbally biatch slapping his mother who supported all his activities felt great.
 
2014-04-17 01:51:47 PM

Sgt Otter: Dafatone: I remember a kid three times my size beating on me in art class.  I went to tell the teacher, and she yelled at me to sit back down.

That's all I've really got.  If I could give younger me advice, it'd be to tell her to go fark herself and storm out.

I was about 6'1" and 125 pounds in junior high.  I got lucky when the bully took a swing at me in the hall, missed, and slammed his hand into a locker at full force, spraining or breaking it.  I then jumped on him and proceeded to wail on him, Ralphie vs. Scut Farkus style, while he was unable to fight back.  It was dirty as hell, but he never farked with me again.

The Vice Principal later stopped me in the hall and asked if I was okay.

/Riveting tale, chap


I can't decide which is better: this one, or Jekyll/Hyde Monster Dad up there.
 
2014-04-17 01:56:32 PM
...because, as any avid fan of Jezebel would know, teaching kids to grow a thicker skin and beating a would-be bully at his own game is to be avoided at all cost. How can you be a VICTIM!!! if you don't allow it to happen. This sensibility will never stand.
 
2014-04-17 01:57:01 PM
Girls get bullied to, both physically and mentally by other girls. I think the most evil things on the planet are female, because they put so much thought into it. I was bullied as an 8yo by a couple sixth grade girls at my school. They wouldn't let me use the water fountain, they followed me home from school, and one day they made me their biatch. Basically, they told me I was under their authority and would have to do whatever they told me. So I said ok, and was their biatch for a couple days. But I was more like a mole, because I listened and got a bunch of dirt on them and then I got them in trouble, haha! Then I was in like a special witness protection program because the school knew about it and nothing ever happened after that. My family moved away the next year, so don't know how it would have escalated into high school.
 
2014-04-17 01:59:28 PM
If your bullies are girls, and one decides to attack you, make her bawl in front of the everyone who has gathered round to watch the fight. That worked well for me except for for a few male bullies. Got into a fight with them a few months later and they also found out someone who does a lot of physical labor at home is strong no matter how smart and geeky they are. That was 7th grade. Never had an issue again through graduation. The guys and I later became friends. The girls were to stuck up and stupid for me to want to do more than ignore them.
 
2014-04-17 01:59:39 PM

Witness99: Wendy's Chili: They're not bullies, they're therapy job-creators.

You know, I've seen you in threads the last couple days but not a couple months ago when we actually had a thread about Wendy's Chili. And I told everyone, there's a person here on Fark called Wendy's Chili and he/she should chime in any moment now...but you never showed up.

One day, I tried Wendy's Chili and was surprised at how delicious it was. They should pay you.


I got a time-out once because I started a thread about how awful their chili is.  I was lying, they really do have decent chili especially if you add a couple of their hot sauce packets to it.
 
2014-04-17 02:00:16 PM
Shut up and take yer lumps.
 
2014-04-17 02:00:34 PM

Delawheredad: In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.


So the problem is sand in the...that  would explain a lot, wouldn't it?
 
2014-04-17 02:04:00 PM

Any Pie Left: Sometimes, hitting the bully stops it.  Unless the bully is a true sociopath, in which case, he gets three friends to help him jump you to "even the score" and re-establish dominance, using your face. While it always works in movies, in real life, physically fighting back gives even odds of escalating the violence.


That just means he's is scared of you. If he wasn't, he wouldn't bring backup.
Just be sure to use that upperhand wisely and don't become the very thing that that you hated.
 
2014-04-17 02:04:06 PM

dartben: Dr Dreidel: NEVER be the first to throw a punch (and if you can help it, try not to be the second, either).

Dude, always throw the second punch. You'll be suspended either way, might as well make it worth while and get some shots in for your trouble.


Carousel Beast: There are plenty of stories these days for kids getting suspended for "fighting" even though they never threw a blow. If you're going to get punished anyway, you may as well try your damndest to hit the guy first.


1. I'm a pacifist, so I'd rather no one throw any punches. In the real world though, the one who hits back is often the one "caught". So take Punch 1, wait for Punch 2, THEN go to town now that everyone's witnessed at least one of the attacks. I can certainly see wanting to strike back as quickly (and brutally?) as possible, though I obviously disagree.

2. I finally got the bully to quit picking on me by giving him a fat lip and a tiny hook-scar on his lip (that he still has, 20+ years later). My dad had told me - repeatedly - that if I hit back, he'd buy me ice cream even if the school suspended me (which they did, and he did when I eventually did hit back). Give me a break, I was 8.

It did teach me that school disciplinary systems are unfair and totally farked - they had me and my bully meet to hang out for a few Sundays in the hopes of making friends out of us. What I remember is eating Fruity Pebbles in silence in his kitchen.
 
2014-04-17 02:04:36 PM
Best way to beat a bully... fark their mom...
 
2014-04-17 02:04:37 PM
More Onion writers come from this elementary school than any other -- unless of course the bully tells them not to.
 
2014-04-17 02:05:05 PM
 Not that some kinds of bullying should be allowed, but you need to get a certain amount of shiat in your life.
 
2014-04-17 02:05:07 PM

Kurgan Warlord: Any Pie Left: Sometimes, hitting the bully stops it.  Unless the bully is a true sociopath, in which case, he gets three friends to help him jump you to "even the score" and re-establish dominance, using your face. While it always works in movies, in real life, physically fighting back gives even odds of escalating the violence.

That just means he's scared of you. If he wasn't, he wouldn't bring backup.
Just be sure to use that upperhand wisely and don't become the very thing that that you hated.


/sorry for the redundant "is".
 
2014-04-17 02:05:15 PM
I guess that booklet forgot to add: "If a bully insults you, respond with a witty retort (something from Oscar Wilde). Then call for someone to open your locker and help get you out".
 
2014-04-17 02:05:23 PM

stevenboof: Witness99: Wendy's Chili: They're not bullies, they're therapy job-creators.

You know, I've seen you in threads the last couple days but not a couple months ago when we actually had a thread about Wendy's Chili. And I told everyone, there's a person here on Fark called Wendy's Chili and he/she should chime in any moment now...but you never showed up.

One day, I tried Wendy's Chili and was surprised at how delicious it was. They should pay you.

I got a time-out once because I started a thread about how awful their chili is.  I was lying, they really do have decent chili especially if you add a couple of their hot sauce packets to it.


AND you can ask for cheese on top.

WENDY'S CHILI THREAD!

just kidding, have to go back to work now
 
2014-04-17 02:07:37 PM
I taught my kid to respond quickly and strongly to bullies at an early age.  Bullies go to the point of least resistance.  Plenty of other sheep that they can go bother besides you.  He will graduate from high school this year.

//pushing him into sports didn't hurt either.  The rest of the team can be useful allies in a bully situation.
 
2014-04-17 02:09:28 PM

Sgt Otter: Dafatone: I remember a kid three times my size beating on me in art class.  I went to tell the teacher, and she yelled at me to sit back down.

That's all I've really got.  If I could give younger me advice, it'd be to tell her to go fark herself and storm out.

I was about 6'1" and 125 pounds in junior high.  I got lucky when the bully took a swing at me in the hall, missed, and slammed his hand into a locker at full force, spraining or breaking it.  I then jumped on him and proceeded to wail on him, Ralphie vs. Scut Farkus style, while he was unable to fight back.  It was dirty as hell, but he never farked with me again.

The Vice Principal later stopped me in the hall and asked if I was okay.

/Riveting tale, chap



The hell it was.  You took advantage of a tactical mistake on the part of the aggressor.
 
2014-04-17 02:14:06 PM

Private_Citizen: That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?


Yes, actually. It's a lot like that execrable manual for giving criminals hardons How To Say No To A Rapist And Survive.
 
2014-04-17 02:14:28 PM

Dr Dreidel:  5 is as well - NEVER be the first to throw a punch (and if you can help it, try not to be the second, either).



Never throwing the first punch even at the point where you know the other guy is going to is a great way to get your ass kicked.

Unless you are a trained fighter with good counterpunching skills, that first punch is going to leave your eyes watering, you off balance at least a little bit, and your mind now focusing on simple avoiding pain similar to what it just received rather than self defense.

While I do agree your best bet is always to try and talk your way out of a fight, there will come a point where you realize nothing you could possibly say will matter because the other guy has decided he wants a fight.  At that point, your best bet is to hit him first so he gets to suffer all those debilitating effects I described, use that opening for a hard kick to the side of the knee or anything that will leave your opponent temporarily unable to pursue, and then get away to safety.
 
2014-04-17 02:15:37 PM

Pincy: theprinceofwands: Sick and wrong. I was mercilessly bullied as a kid. I can tell you there is only one rule for dealing with a bully: learn to defend yourself, and use that skill to beat your attackers within an inch of their life. THAT is the only effective means to stop bullying and improve your situation.

I somewhat agree with the sentiment but not all kids who are bullied are able to defend themselves.  They may have physical/mental limitations.  So what do those kids do?  Also, if you are being bullied by a group of people then defending yourself might not work even if you tried.

Yes, don't let yourself be a pushover, but the "learn to defend yourself" answer doesn't always work.  Something needs to be done about the bully.  Otherwise we are just going to end up with even more Columbines.


Absolutely true, but we need to stop punishing the ones who can defend themselves. And we need to stop the post-Columbine idiocy of treating the victims as potential criminals.
 
2014-04-17 02:16:45 PM

advex101: I taught my kid to respond quickly and strongly to bullies at an early age.  Bullies go to the point of least resistance.  Plenty of other sheep that they can go bother besides you.  He will graduate from high school this year.

//pushing him into sports didn't hurt either.  The rest of the team can be useful allies in a bully situation.


This.  I was told to ignore verbal taunts but if anyone touched me then it was game on.  Only one person did during my sophomore year of high school and I broke her nose with my algebra book.  Then again, these days telling someone you don't like their shirt is considered bullying so I don't know.
 
2014-04-17 02:16:48 PM

FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


If they knock you down, take out one of their knees. After they fall down, you can kick them till they stop moving.
If they don't knock you down, kick/knee/punch them in the groin. After they fall down, you can kick them till they stop moving.
 
2014-04-17 02:19:23 PM
This is basically just the "you should never defend your home or property because you might hurt the criminal" mantra, only scaled down to grade school instead of homeowners.

Yep stupid.
 
2014-04-17 02:20:13 PM

Any Pie Left: Sometimes, hitting the bully stops it.  Unless the bully is a true sociopath, in which case, he gets three friends to help him jump you to "even the score" and re-establish dominance, using your face. While it always works in movies, in real life, physically fighting back gives even odds of escalating the violence.


In my experience it keeps more flies off than not. And when someone is trying to dominate and cause pain he's generally not interested in risking serious injury. Escalation past the point where what he wants is worth what he wants to pay is a pretty good strategy.
 
2014-04-17 02:26:19 PM
Reality vs. fantasy time.

Not telling is, in fact, GREAT advice. Tattlers get extra beatdowns.
 
2014-04-17 02:27:08 PM

Pincy: theprinceofwands: Sick and wrong. I was mercilessly bullied as a kid. I can tell you there is only one rule for dealing with a bully: learn to defend yourself, and use that skill to beat your attackers within an inch of their life. THAT is the only effective means to stop bullying and improve your situation.

I somewhat agree with the sentiment but not all kids who are bullied are able to defend themselves.  They may have physical/mental limitations.  So what do those kids do?  Also, if you are being bullied by a group of people then defending yourself might not work even if you tried.

Yes, don't let yourself be a pushover, but the "learn to defend yourself" answer doesn't always work.  Something needs to be done about the bully.  Otherwise we are just going to end up with even more Columbines.


This is true but it's an outlier, not the common problem. Fix the big issue first, then do what has to be done to address the random incidents. Honestly even correcting the bulk of 'average' bullying would probably begin to have impact on those unusual exceptions you talk about.
 
2014-04-17 02:27:53 PM

What_do_you_want_now: FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves

<CSB>
In elementary school I was bullied pretty often, mostly because I would just sit and read books rather than play. I was new in town (military parents who moved often) and had no friends, so I was a prime target. I also had a streak of insurrection which continues to this day so I would do my best to not let the bully have his way.

One day a bully blindsides me and smashes my face into the ground. He walks away laughing and I go tell a teacher who said "We didn't see it so we can't enforce it.". When I got home, my father asked me what happened and I told him. He is the most understanding and underestimated badass I've ever known (He was Air Force Special Forces, 6'2 and incredibly fit, and has confirmed kills with both rifle and knife) and told me if a bully ever did that to me that I should immediately try to beat his ass. He also said if I got in trouble for it he would be there to tell off the school about their treatment.

Two days pass, bully does it again. I snap and go apeshiat on him and wind up giving him more than he bargained for. Teacher breaks us up and I am "the aggressor" and get immediate ISS. It took my father only 15 minutes of getting the phone call to come down to the school and have heated words with the administration about their "farking idiocy" and "knee-jerk stupidity" having me in trouble for defending myself.

Needless to say the resource officer was called, and a discussion happened. I have no farking clue how it went down but I had the administrator come out and apologize to me. He then asks for the bully's name and calls him in. The bully is then told he is not only suspended, but expelled. ...


This was the problem I had. I always tried the 'ignore them, and they'll get bored and leave you alone' method. It never worked. It became a challenge to the bully to see just how much they could fark with you before you broke. Telling the school didn't work because if the child is an asshole, then the parents are most likely gonna be assholes, and no school administrator doesn't want meth-mom and crack dad showing up in their wife-beaters and alcohol breath to yell at them for daring to suggest little Sluggo isn't anything but the perfect snowflake. I was in the 9th grade before I finaly had enough. Some bastard in my class made it his life's mission to fark with me every day. Punching me in the hall. Kicking me in class. Booting my ass when I was trying to piss and making me wiener the urinal. So one day after being punched in the back of the head in the bathroom, I am going to my seat (he sat two chairs in front of me) and he trips me as a walk to my desk, sending me to the floor. I say "fark this" and punch him in his Goddamn ear. Of course that is the incident the social studies teacher (also gym teacer) happens to see. Not the last month of the kid hitting me every day in class. Not the bastard tripping me 4 seconds earlier, but me hitting him. Of course the kid is all like "Teacher! did you see what he did??" and the teacher says "That's it, I will not put up with that in my classroom (starting now apparently) go to the principal's office." So I gather up my stuff, and as I walk past him, I give him a punch right to the top of the shoulder, right at the rotator cuff just for good measure, and because fark it, I'm already in trouble.

I get to the principal's office and explain what happened to the secritary. She says "well it's last period. Just hang out here for half an hour and then go home". That kid never farked with me again. If I ever had kids with a bully problem, I'll tell them straight up to defend themselves. If I find my kid is being a bully, I'm going to put a stop to that shiat right quick.
 
2014-04-17 02:28:25 PM
Doesn't surprise me most farkers don't get it.
 
2014-04-17 02:30:19 PM

scottydoesntknow: LeroyBourne: Interesting.  It's basically promoting everyone to be bullies.

When everyone is a bully, no one is a bully.


When bullies are outlawed, only outlaws will bully.
 
2014-04-17 02:31:58 PM
www.impulsegamer.com
Knows how to deal with bullies.

"I didn't just want to win that fight, I wanted to win all the nexts ones too, right then, so they'd leave me alone"
 
2014-04-17 02:32:24 PM
They should just show this to those little sissies....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PQ6335puOc
 
2014-04-17 02:33:14 PM

doubled99: Doesn't surprise me most farkers don't get it.


No human with a functioning brain cell would get that bullshiat.
 
2014-04-17 02:37:13 PM

scottydoesntknow: Rule #2: Treat the person being mean as if they are trying to help you.

Now that I think about it, the bully really was trying to stop me from hitting myself.



This one worked really well when I was 13.  I saw a kid say, "Thank you bully, I needed help with pouring chocolate milk down the back of my pants.  I couldn't have done it without you.  I am ever grateful, and now we can be friends."  From that moment on there was no more bullying.
 
2014-04-17 02:43:27 PM

FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves



That may sound good in theory, but most bullies get where they are because they're skilled at bullying.  Keep in mind the bully may well have fighting skills honed by defending himself against drunk/abusive parents or older siblings, and if you're a regular dweeby kid trying to throw a punch, you're going to get the snot beat out of you.  Christmas Story comuppances pretty much are confined to stories written by adults based on wishful thinking.
 
2014-04-17 02:44:08 PM
Doesn't surprise me most farkers don't get it.

No human with a functioning brain cell would get that bullshiat.



and that's part of why you were bullied. Still don't get it.
 
2014-04-17 02:47:11 PM

Witness99: Wendy's Chili: They're not bullies, they're therapy job-creators.

You know, I've seen you in threads the last couple days but not a couple months ago when we actually had a thread about Wendy's Chili. And I told everyone, there's a person here on Fark called Wendy's Chili and he/she should chime in any moment now...but you never showed up.

One day, I tried Wendy's Chili and was surprised at how delicious it was. They should pay you.


You should have used his/her fark ID as the reason you came to Wendy's when you filled out the online survey on the receipt "Reason you came to Wendy's" "Some dude on an online forum had the name 'Wendy's Chili.' Totally elementary." At the very least you would have made some data-entry person's day.
 
2014-04-17 02:47:21 PM
What you don't want to do is talk shiat to bullies.  I used to be picked on a lot for reading quietly, listening to music, being skinny (read: easy target) and making good grades.  These assholes would fark with me unmercifully, pushing me into lockers, slapping the back of my head whenever they walked by.  Starting rumors involving me and various phallic vegetables (hehe, he likes it up the ass).  Well, I started embarrassing them in class or in front of girls whenever they said something that gave me an in...usually something stupid or obnoxious (i.e., must be tough being illiterate, and also not knowing the meaning of the word illiterate *class chuckles*).   However, this attitude put me in a world of hurt.  I eventually did fight back, which worked for about five days.  At this point, (even though I lost the first fight) they would make sure start fights with me as long as there were two or more assholes present, just to make sure.  Nothing worked until me, a couple of my friends and some other bullied kids (read:fat) banded together and pretty much just hung out in large groups, which deterred the physical assaults.  At that  point, they just kind of gave up trying to attack us and hurled the occasional insult every now and again.

tl,dr: Probably just better to go straight to the punching and overwhelming force when dealing with bullies
 
2014-04-17 02:48:55 PM

give me doughnuts: If they knock you down, take out one of their knees. After they fall down, you can kick them till they stop moving.
If they don't knock you down, kick/knee/punch them in the groin. After they fall down, you can kick them till they stop moving.


That's the Chicago way.
 
2014-04-17 02:50:07 PM
This arguably non-violent act worked for me a couple of times in grade and middle school:

Step 1: Run from bully.
Step 2: Lead bully over asphalt or gravel patch on playground.
Step 3: Just as he's catching up to you, drop to your hands and knees and form a turtle-like ball.
Step 4: Watch bully trip over your suddenly prone form and slide for feet across the gravel, carried by his own momentum.
Step 5: Enjoy sight of bully laying in the gravel in a sobbing, bloodied heap as you stand up, dust yourself off, and walk away.

Added bonus: it's indistinguishable from "I tripped as I was running for my life and the guy happened to trip over me while in hot pursuit."
 
2014-04-17 02:51:04 PM
I missed the rule where it said to stop being a little pussy. Although being a whiny little biatch was covered.
 
2014-04-17 02:51:29 PM
img.fark.net
And coming to Nebraska
 
2014-04-17 02:51:47 PM

Abuse Liability: What you don't want to do is talk shiat to bullies.  I used to be picked on a lot for reading quietly, listening to music, being skinny (read: easy target) and making good grades.  These assholes would fark with me unmercifully, pushing me into lockers, slapping the back of my head whenever they walked by.  Starting rumors involving me and various phallic vegetables (hehe, he likes it up the ass).  Well, I started embarrassing them in class or in front of girls whenever they said something that gave me an in...usually something stupid or obnoxious (i.e., must be tough being illiterate, and also not knowing the meaning of the word illiterate *class chuckles*).   However, this attitude put me in a world of hurt.  I eventually did fight back, which worked for about five days.  At this point, (even though I lost the first fight) they would make sure start fights with me as long as there were two or more assholes present, just to make sure.  Nothing worked until me, a couple of my friends and some other bullied kids (read:fat) banded together and pretty much just hung out in large groups, which deterred the physical assaults.  At that  point, they just kind of gave up trying to attack us and hurled the occasional insult every now and again.

tl,dr: Probably just better to go straight to the punching and overwhelming force when dealing with bullies



Indeed.  Get a half-dozen of your bully-victim cohorts, find the bully alone one night, and give him a cattle-prod to the crotch for 30 seconds or so.  That'll leave an impression he won't soon forget.

/ but no physical marks or proof of the event
 
2014-04-17 03:02:41 PM
"It takes to people to fight, so the person who responds is actualy the one starting the fight"

So the one who slams your face into the wall locker and then kicks you in the ribs for 10 minutes while you are lying on the ground is just making a polite suggestion that you engage into an altercation with him? So by that logic I can donkey punch some lady in the back of the head and then kick her in cooter and explain to the cops that I wasn't fighting since she didn't take a swing back at me.
 
2014-04-17 03:05:04 PM
You see, words are like bullets.
 
2014-04-17 03:13:11 PM

Delawheredad: In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.


Yes because beating up someone smaller than you is a great sign of Masculinity ...or was that a sign a a small dicked closeted gay?  I get them mixed up.
 
2014-04-17 03:24:10 PM

strife: I always wished my parents would have told me, "smash their faces in with the biggest textbook you have and we'll tell the teachers and other brat's parents to go to hell later."

/that's probably what I'll tell my kids if I ever have any


Had a few conferences at school wherein I was informed that one monster or the other was bullying. The school never could figure out my laughing reaction - I mean, where were you all when I was growing up? I actually TOLD people (family, school officials, etc.) about it, but was told to "toughen" myself. How in the hell does a nerd girl do that, actually? (No one ever gave me instructions.)

So my kids bully somebody else's? GOOD. Frankly, I hope the children of my old bullies are the targets.

/Karma's a biatch, isn't it?
 
2014-04-17 03:24:47 PM
I think whoever wrote that should use this advice in their daily lives.

Boss pinches your butt then starts stalking you? Don't tell the police, be afraid, or get mad .. treat him as if he's trying to help you.

Co-worker says you groped her? Don't verbally defend yourself. If you verbally defend yourself you lose.
 
2014-04-17 03:25:01 PM

Pincy: theprinceofwands: Sick and wrong. I was mercilessly bullied as a kid. I can tell you there is only one rule for dealing with a bully: learn to defend yourself, and use that skill to beat your attackers within an inch of their life. THAT is the only effective means to stop bullying and improve your situation.

I somewhat agree with the sentiment but not all kids who are bullied are able to defend themselves.  They may have physical/mental limitations.  So what do those kids do?  Also, if you are being bullied by a group of people then defending yourself might not work even if you tried.

Yes, don't let yourself be a pushover, but the "learn to defend yourself" answer doesn't always work.  Something needs to be done about the bully.  Otherwise we are just going to end up with even more Columbines.


This.
 
2014-04-17 03:26:32 PM
#12: Body slam.
 
2014-04-17 03:27:44 PM
There is this ridiculous notion that because they're all 8 and in the same school they have to be friends.
 
2014-04-17 03:27:53 PM

MythDragon: What_do_you_want_now: FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves

<CSB>
In elementary school I was bullied pretty often, mostly because I would just sit and read books rather than play. I was new in town (military parents who moved often) and had no friends, so I was a prime target. I also had a streak of insurrection which continues to this day so I would do my best to not let the bully have his way.

One day a bully blindsides me and smashes my face into the ground. He walks away laughing and I go tell a teacher who said "We didn't see it so we can't enforce it.". When I got home, my father asked me what happened and I told him. He is the most understanding and underestimated badass I've ever known (He was Air Force Special Forces, 6'2 and incredibly fit, and has confirmed kills with both rifle and knife) and told me if a bully ever did that to me that I should immediately try to beat his ass. He also said if I got in trouble for it he would be there to tell off the school about their treatment.

Two days pass, bully does it again. I snap and go apeshiat on him and wind up giving him more than he bargained for. Teacher breaks us up and I am "the aggressor" and get immediate ISS. It took my father only 15 minutes of getting the phone call to come down to the school and have heated words with the administration about their "farking idiocy" and "knee-jerk stupidity" having me in trouble for defending myself.

Needless to say the resource officer was called, and a discussion happened. I have no farking clue how it went down but I had the administrator come out and apologize to me. He then asks for the bully's name and calls him in. The bully is then told he is not only su ...


I was lucky enough as a kid to be "mostly" a cool kid and under the radar of the UltraFarks. I was in fact confronted with a beating  out of the blue (apparently something tweaked this idiots brain to subject lesser sized people to his wrath). I turned to him and stood straight and told him to go ahead and do it. "You are twice my size... of course you can beat me up. If it makes you feel better, go ahead!, I'll give you the first shot..." and jutted my jaw to him and waited...and waited... said "so nothing then?", and walked away, he never bothered me again and a couple years later, we were still OK and he seemed to be less aggressive than he was then, hope I was part of showing him what was what in dealing with others.
 
2014-04-17 03:29:09 PM
Prescription for Bully

www.adslgr.com
 
2014-04-17 03:30:31 PM

Dr Dreidel: Some of these are dumb, no question - specifically 4, 7, and 8. 6 is mostly dumb, but just sort of useless (it reiterates point 2).

Aren't 1 and 2 (ironically enough) just rehashings of the teachings of Buddha? Anger as expression of internal conflict and pain, and responding to anger with anger only breeds more anger; while responding with love (a Jesusian ideal, which is, I suspect, where it "really" came from) is best?

3 is common sense - I was bullied in grade school, and showing fear was a great way to let the kid know he was winning. 5 is as well - NEVER be the first to throw a punch (and if you can help it, try not to be the second, either).

And while 9 is dumb as regards bullies, it's good life advice overall. If you can't or don't laugh at yourself, you will quickly find that others readily pick up your slack.


Wow, you're quick. I came here to make some of the same points, only to note that this isn't so much "rehashing" as "complete dumbing-down plus minus necessary context" of Buddhism.  As an adult following the Buddhist path, one can learn to withhold anger, show compassion in the face of meanness, learn from adversity, deal with problems by learning to define them as life-changing opportunities, view the world as something that can be improved by changing oneself first, practice moderation and avoid suffering, and so forth.

Children, though, have neither the control over themselves or their environment that this requires.  And just as a Buddhist actually requires someone else to ready to do violence to bad men in order to survive (one of the reasons I no longer follow the Buddhist path), children can't survive by turning the other cheek to bullies.  In their vulnerable state, this is like suggesting the children that Gerry Sandusky victimized should have just tried to learn something about themselves from his actions.  No. Children need protection, and need to learn to protect themselves first, by whatever means.  Fight back, tell authorities, use mind games, be rude (as Miss Manners would say, the polite child should be taught that not all adults or children behave decently, and if this happens, all the ordinary rules of polite behavior should go out the window).  Whatever needs to be done.
 
2014-04-17 03:32:49 PM
Rule 1 - don't draw an attack
Rule 2 - fight back early, fight back hard
Rule 3 - success is the best revenge
 
2014-04-17 03:36:56 PM
A kid at the school where my wife teaches recently was suspended for "retaliating" against the kid who had just cut him with a knife. Seriously.

Bullies find kids who don't want to get into trouble and target them because they won't fight back. I tell my son to stand up for himself. If you're not in trouble with me, you're not in trouble. Of course, if you get in trouble at school for a legitimate reason, you will be in trouble with me.
 
2014-04-17 03:37:26 PM

Private_Citizen: That's some of the worst advice I've seen in years. Could you imagine that being adapted for an anti rape program?


What makes you think it isn't a prototype? After all, start training the victims young, and there'll be far fewer problems with uppity wimmin in the future.
 
2014-04-17 03:37:44 PM

MythDragon: [www.impulsegamer.com image 556x414]
Knows how to deal with bullies.

"I didn't just want to win that fight, I wanted to win all the nexts ones too, right then, so they'd leave me alone"


100% This (When warranted ... 99.99999 of the time .. friggin' dysfunctional asshats)
 
2014-04-17 03:38:21 PM

Delawheredad: In the  not too distant future males will have their balls amputated at birth sand returned to them after they finish college.


They won't be returned. Likewise, little girls will all be pre-emptively raped by school authorities and instructed to not tell the police, since that would be like "telling on" a bully.
 
2014-04-17 03:39:46 PM

jshine: Snitches get stitches.


And then they nurse passive-aggressive hatred for years until they finally get the opportunity to build that gasoline bomb that takes out the WHOLE farkING CITY BLOCK!
 
2014-04-17 03:42:40 PM

JohnCarter: Favorite is #4 - Do not verbally defend yourselves (that's not the best part) the best is why - We defend ourselves from enemies

Thus the implication is the bully is not the enemy.  Who the hell wrote this?  Maybe this is an Onion article?


no, this is the marxist dictum that 'individualism' is bad, as expressede by the marxist teacher unions. see also:stand your ground.
 
2014-04-17 03:43:18 PM
I can't wait to see their handout on child molestation and rape.
 
2014-04-17 03:46:40 PM

Iowan73: A kid at the school where my wife teaches recently was suspended for "retaliating" against the kid who had just cut him with a knife. Seriously.

Bullies find kids who don't want to get into trouble and target them because they won't fight back. I tell my son to stand up for himself. If you're not in trouble with me, you're not in trouble. Of course, if you get in trouble at school for a legitimate reason, you will be in trouble with me.


We have come to the point of affluence and ignorance that our kids run the gamut of what boils down to guerrilla warfare., not so much when I was a kid, a fight was maybe a bloodying experience, but not fatal, but there all the same. No problemo, you suck it up and learn. Now...not so much and age doesn't seem to matter... Crazy  bastards, and blame the parents quite frankly. But at the same time...we can't beat the little shiats into line without repercussions either. So... what is one to do with this?
 
2014-04-17 03:47:37 PM
The only kid to ever give me bullying trouble joined the marines and got blown to bits in Iraq. 

Nelsonhaha.jpg
 
2014-04-17 03:48:00 PM

Do you think the school's lawyers reviewed the rules


before they published a list that included


"Don't tell the adults bad things are happening" ?

 
2014-04-17 03:52:06 PM
Cool Dialogue Sis:

[Friday at junior high]

Head bully: We're going to kill you this weekend.

Me, scornfully: No you won't!

Head bully: Oh, why not?!?

Me: Because then you wouldn't have anybody to pick on on Monday.

Bullies: ... [walk away with confused expressions]

Me: [still alive]
 
2014-04-17 03:54:16 PM
It's Nebraska, so DUH, they don't want to expel their best football players.
 
2014-04-17 03:56:43 PM
While I was bullied a bit as a kid, it was mostly verbal, only happened once or twice a year before 5th grade.  There was a bad period with some jerks who thought they'd make a target out of me for a year, but after their ringleader wasn't allowed to come back (private school, and more to do with his bad grades) it died off.

The one time I got in a physical altercation was with another bullied kid of all things.  Apparently he thought I was stealing his girlfriend.  He was a little touched in the head, or more accurately his mom was in a car accident while she was pregnant and he came out not quite right.  As un-PC as it may be, that phrase "retard strength" really has a basis in reality.  Dude knocked me to the ground and straddled my chest.  I guess I was so intent on getting him off my chest I completely didn't notice him punching me in the face repeatedly.  I only found out after I managed to hook my foot around his neck and throw him to the ground, and a friend asked if my face hurt.  Oh yeah, it hurt THEN, thanks for reminding me, you jerk. :P

Still, weird as it sounds, getting punched in the face repeatedly was a good experience.  After I realized that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as you might expect, it made me fear physical altercations a lot less.  Yeah, I'd flinch a bit still when the threat of physical violence came up, but if pressed on it I could always fall back on "eh, you've already been punched in the face and it wasn't so bad."  Whatever that did to my outward appearance it apparently took the fun of following through out of it for the bullies.

I guess my advice to a young bullied kid would be "go get punched in the face a few times, it's not as bad as you think."  Bit hard to arrange that in the current helicopter parent bubble wrap environment, but there are options.  Martial arts classes, asking a friend to do it.  Just make sure if you as a friend that you don't do it where people can see you giggling about it or people will get some weiiiirrrddd ideas.
 
2014-04-17 03:58:04 PM

DemonStrayted: Iowan73: A kid at the school where my wife teaches recently was suspended for "retaliating" against the kid who had just cut him with a knife. Seriously.

Bullies find kids who don't want to get into trouble and target them because they won't fight back. I tell my son to stand up for himself. If you're not in trouble with me, you're not in trouble. Of course, if you get in trouble at school for a legitimate reason, you will be in trouble with me.

We have come to the point of affluence and ignorance that our kids run the gamut of what boils down to guerrilla warfare., not so much when I was a kid, a fight was maybe a bloodying experience, but not fatal, but there all the same. No problemo, you suck it up and learn. Now...not so much and age doesn't seem to matter... Crazy  bastards, and blame the parents quite frankly. But at the same time...we can't beat the little shiats into line without repercussions either. So... what is one to do with this?


/When fighting happened, spent most of the aftermath of battle day shaking hands
//missing the cavalier/knighthood of battleground honor... apparently no more
///Slashies
 
2014-04-17 04:04:42 PM

yukichigai: I guess my advice to a young bullied kid would be "go get punched in the face a few times, it's not as bad as you think."


Do you work for a Nebraska school district?
 
2014-04-17 04:14:27 PM

albatros183: Rule #1 Stab the school administrators with a very large knife
Rule #2 Stab the bully with a very large knife
Rule #3 Stab the school board with a very large knife
Rule #4 Stab local Republicans and Liberals with a very large knife
Rule #5 Declare independence and stab anyone that disagrees with you with a very large knife
Rule #6 Don't talk about stab club


Rule #7 DON'T TALK ABOUT KNIFE CLUB!!!
 
2014-04-17 04:14:46 PM
It tells the kid to stand up for themselves.
There is no issue with that.

Now, idiots that tell their kids "report them!", and "run to a teacher!", those I have a problem with.
Learn to take care of yourself, no one else is going to do it for you later on.

/no, I don't care about your children
// I punched my bully. He quit.
 
2014-04-17 04:18:15 PM

What_do_you_want_now: tl;dr -> Fight back, bullies hate kids with spines.


CSB and good advice to boot. Glad it turned out the way it did.
 
2014-04-17 04:25:16 PM

MythDragon: "It takes to people to fight, so the person who responds is actualy the one starting the fight"


Yeah, not quite sure where that mentality comes from, but it's always fun to remind them that the courts/police/press (they especially don't like drawing attention from the last one) have a tendency to disagree.

So long as it doesn't interrupt their lives, I truly think that many adults in the education system would let the kids wipe each other out if they could allow it.
 
2014-04-17 04:28:50 PM
CF'S MAD AWESOME TIPS FOR DEALING WITH BULLYS

1.  Figure out why the bully is targeting you, maybe you're the problem and you should change yourself to fit in with a judgmental and unsympathetic society

2.  Watch every episode of "Saved by the Bell" one of them has to have been about bullying

3.  Make friends with a Latino gang, have your new gang friends drive you to school and pick you up

4.  Make a trolling political comment on a FARK thread that has nothing to politics, someone will take the bait and you'll feel superior for a bit.

5.  Find weaker more socially awkward kids to be your friends, bullies survival instincts will kick in and they will go for them

6.  All these liberals are saying that punching bullies is the only way to stop bullying but banning guns is the only way to keep us safe from gun violence. Come on libs, make up your mind.

7.  If you can just hold out until high school is over, you'll find out that life is fair and adults are kind and thoughtful towards each other.
 
2014-04-17 04:34:12 PM

trippdogg: letrole: In Sweden, bullies are identified early on in grade school. Rather than suppress the trait, the bullies are taught to think of themselves as 'sheep dogs', and their classmates are the flock they protect. They still 'bully' and sometimes berate, but with their behaviour corrected to a useful, or at least more benign role.

Probably a cultural trait that contributed to Sweden's glorious role in WWII.   A lot of sheep herding going on there.


Soon the Swedes will have Halal sheepdogs.
 
2014-04-17 04:35:36 PM
Yeah whomever wrote this is...not someone who has ever been bullied or knows how to handle bullying.

They might as well have written:

1. Step one, become very attractive.
2. Use your attractiveness to become popular.
3. Make fun of other less attractive people.
4. Make sure you hand them an anti-bullying list so they won't tattle on you.
 
2014-04-17 04:54:08 PM

Raoul Eaton: FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


That may sound good in theory, but most bullies get where they are because they're skilled at bullying.  Keep in mind the bully may well have fighting skills honed by defending himself against drunk/abusive parents or older siblings, and if you're a regular dweeby kid trying to throw a punch, you're going to get the snot beat out of you.  Christmas Story comuppances pretty much are confined to stories written by adults based on wishful thinking.


Not true at all. In point of fact there's a very high rate of confrontation ending bullying, even when not 'winning that one fight'.

Bullies get where they are because people don't stand up to them. All it takes is opposition, ANY opposition, and most stop. What's more, many bullies are utter cowards who are initial aggressors to prevent potential harm. The moment their actions cause, or even increase the risk of causing personal loss, they either move on to other targets, or modify their behavior completely.

I say this as a former bully target, and as an academic who has spent a lot of time studying bullying and self-defense from various social science disciplines.
 
2014-04-17 04:57:47 PM

BolshyGreatYarblocks: It's Nebraska, so DUH, they don't want to expel their best football players.


I LOL'd

/Lincolnite
//wife works for the public schools
///go big red
 
2014-04-17 05:01:09 PM

theprinceofwands: Raoul Eaton: FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


That may sound good in theory, but most bullies get where they are because they're skilled at bullying.  Keep in mind the bully may well have fighting skills honed by defending himself against drunk/abusive parents or older siblings, and if you're a regular dweeby kid trying to throw a punch, you're going to get the snot beat out of you.  Christmas Story comuppances pretty much are confined to stories written by adults based on wishful thinking.

Not true at all. In point of fact there's a very high rate of confrontation ending bullying, even when not 'winning that one fight'.

Bullies get where they are because people don't stand up to them. All it takes is opposition, ANY opposition, and most stop. What's more, many bullies are utter cowards who are initial aggressors to prevent potential harm. The moment their actions cause, or even increase the risk of causing personal loss, they either move on to other targets, or modify their behavior completely.

I say this as a former bully target, and as an academic who has spent a lot of time studying bullying and self-defense from various social science disciplines.


This... See previous post...
 
2014-04-17 05:06:07 PM

DemonStrayted: theprinceofwands: Raoul Eaton: FloridaFarkTag: JerkyMeat: Rule #1 - Use overwhelming force to permanently disable the bully.

That should be rule #1

The only way you stop bullying is to defend yourself. Nothing stops a bully more than a fat lip and a black eye

We have a bullying problem because PsychoBabblelists value attackers more than those who defend themselves


That may sound good in theory, but most bullies get where they are because they're skilled at bullying.  Keep in mind the bully may well have fighting skills honed by defending himself against drunk/abusive parents or older siblings, and if you're a regular dweeby kid trying to throw a punch, you're going to get the snot beat out of you.  Christmas Story comuppances pretty much are confined to stories written by adults based on wishful thinking.

Not true at all. In point of fact there's a very high rate of confrontation ending bullying, even when not 'winning that one fight'.

Bullies get where they are because people don't stand up to them. All it takes is opposition, ANY opposition, and most stop. What's more, many bullies are utter cowards who are initial aggressors to prevent potential harm. The moment their actions cause, or even increase the risk of causing personal loss, they either move on to other targets, or modify their behavior completely.

I say this as a former bully target, and as an academic who has spent a lot of time studying bullying and self-defense from various social science disciplines.

This... See previous post...


Ah, the one above clemkadidlefark's King Slap gif...
 
2014-04-17 06:04:52 PM

Any Pie Left: Sometimes, hitting the bully stops it.  Unless the bully is a true sociopath, in which case, he gets three friends to help him jump you to "even the score" and re-establish dominance, using your face. While it always works in movies, in real life, physically fighting back gives even odds of escalating the violence.


you sound like a pussy.
 
2014-04-17 06:31:51 PM

menschenfresser: I remember how this worked in middle school just fine: The guy holding my arm and forcing me to punch my own face would repeatedly ask me "why are you punching yourself?". This article is correct; it was clearly my own fault that I was being punched.


Well, as long as you didn't retaliate against yourself. That's the important thing.
 
2014-04-17 06:45:44 PM
how about we just wrap bullies in chains and throw them in the ocean, a deep lake or pond or river
Oh, and their parents too
 
2014-04-17 06:57:33 PM
My father was a cop when I was in middle school.  He told me to pretty much defend my self and he would stick up for me.  I threw the only bully who bothered me into the lockers and held him there with his feet off the ground, yelling at him "Do you have a f*cking problem or something you want to discuss with me?"  After that he left me alone, and all was better in the world.
 
2014-04-17 07:12:58 PM
It's fascinating how almost every single man (obviously) in this thread equates "bullying" to "physical violence".  In this day and age, it is rarely physical violence even amongst boys, so there's no fight to win.  So quit it with your outdated fantasies of sexual gratification via violence.

I have had a couple of relatives recently mercilessly bullied over a couple of years at school.  One of them is okay, but it caused the other one to develop a severe anxiety disorder (to the point of hallucinations, that's how severe).  Never once was there any physical violence.
 
2014-04-17 07:29:06 PM

if_i_really_have_to: It's fascinating how almost every single man (obviously) in this thread equates "bullying" to "physical violence".  In this day and age, it is rarely physical violence even amongst boys, so there's no fight to win.  So quit it with your outdated fantasies of sexual gratification via violence.

I have had a couple of relatives recently mercilessly bullied over a couple of years at school.  One of them is okay, but it caused the other one to develop a severe anxiety disorder (to the point of hallucinations, that's how severe).  Never once was there any physical violence.


Had there been physical violence, ie beating the snot out of the offenders, then the other bullying aspects would have likely stopped. That's what you do with bad people - utilize force to coerce them to stop. It's why we used tanks and bombers against Hitler rather than flowers and psychobabble.

The PROBLEM in modern times isn't that mindset, it's people who want to punish others for that mindset. When someone is abused, and acts to stop that abuse, they themselves are generally the ones punished by the system.

The system is broken. It prevents solving problems, or taking personal responsibility. In fact, I would argue that the system is more to blame for our problems than many of the individuals acting out within that system (ie the bullies in question).

As for your ignorant and offensive 'sexual gratification' bs, shove it up any available orifice of your body. Yours is PRECISELY the kind of post-modernist bullying that invites physical violence, and I for one would be quite happy to slap some god damned sense into you.
 
2014-04-17 07:32:54 PM
BTW, blocked the sexist post-modernist female dog (obviously, right?) before she gets me REALLY angry.
 
2014-04-17 07:39:34 PM
What_do_you_want_now: I see something terrifying in my dad's eyes. I think he went feral for just a brief moment


I have always been the most laid back person, and only really stood up for myself in serious shiat storm situations. You could say and do gnarly shiat to me, and I will never flinch.

That being said as a parent now I can't tell you the beast that overcomes me when I imagine someone farking with my kids. "Mama Bear" is an endearing term for it. Luckily they are little enough they haven't seen the shiatty place the world can be. It's one thing for my kid to get a toy stolen and have to stick up for himself. It's another thing for other adults to act that way towards a child. This makes me angry that you went through that, but happy with how it turned out.

I am glad you had that experience. It makes you trust your parents more, I think. Good on your dad.
 
2014-04-17 08:14:54 PM
I can't begin to fathom the emotional issues the person who created that list must have.

I was constantly bullied growing up, to the point of feeling suicidal because it was so overwhelming. I'm still socially awkward, out of touch with fashion trends, interested in things that may or may not be weird. I've accepted that I'm just who I am and it's way too damn much work to try to be any other way.

I now have school-aged children who are occasionally bullied. I tell them they need to examine why they are being bullied and see if there is validity to what is being said. Are you being called stinky? You may choose to bathe more often. Son being called a sissy girl for painting his nails? Tell them you aren't interested in their fashion advice.

There will always be someone who doesn't like something about you. Embrace that which makes you different because those are the things you'll come to be celebrated for by everyone who is worth listening to.  want them to have a strong/loud enough inner voice that they all the assholes in the world are just background noise.
 
2014-04-17 09:13:12 PM
In the early 2000's I listened to a lot of "conspiracy AM radio" at work (not really by my choice -but it can be entertaining).  One of the frequent conspiracies proffered was that bullying is systemically tolerated by design to indoctrinate children into accepting government control -ie police, ATF, eminent domain, etc*.

It's eery how many of the "conspiracies" gain legitimacy over time.  It's almost prophetic.

*those were the big issues at the time
 
2014-04-17 09:14:58 PM

theprinceofwands: BTW, blocked the sexist post-modernist female dog (obviously, right?) before she gets me REALLY angry.


If opinions like hers make you that angry, you might want to throw me on ignore as well.  Honestly, Fark might not be the right place for you if it's that easy to get you to throw a temper tantrum.  Quite a lot of people here are what you would call "sexist post-modernist female dogs"  to one degree or another, and you seem rather ill-equipped to handle us.
 
2014-04-17 11:29:38 PM
How long until one of those fifth graders comes to school with a firearm?
 
2014-04-17 11:31:18 PM

Marcus Aurelius: Nebraska makes Iowa look like a cosmopolitan paradise.


sad but true
 
2014-04-18 12:19:52 AM
The school board:
www.thefilteredlens.com

www.blastr.com

img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-18 12:21:15 AM
Rule ten:  after playing out the last 9 rules to no avail, get very close to your bully and when close enough,  rapidly, and with as much force as you can muster, apply the top center of your forehead directly to the bridge of your bullies nose, at this point step back exactly1 pace and, in a kicking motion, try and lift your bully off the ground with your right foot carefully placed directly in between both his legs. At this point,If your bully is still standing, utilize the fact you are only half his size and start running in any direction that offers an opportunity to out run this unhappy sod. Keep running as necessary.
 
2014-04-18 01:37:23 AM

ciberido: theprinceofwands: BTW, blocked the sexist post-modernist female dog (obviously, right?) before she gets me REALLY angry.

If opinions like hers make you that angry, you might want to throw me on ignore as well.  Honestly, Fark might not be the right place for you if it's that easy to get you to throw a temper tantrum.  Quite a lot of people here are what you would call "sexist post-modernist female dogs"  to one degree or another, and you seem rather ill-equipped to handle us.


I'm fine with anything anyone wants to be...I'm less fine when they make sexist, abusive, offensive comments directed at those that fit in their narrow, butthurt bias, without other impetus.
 
2014-04-18 06:26:23 AM

What_do_you_want_now: Fight back, bullies hate kids with spines


My dad was kinda like yours - so I only called him in once
he kinda farked it up but it worked anyway

I think it is not best to directly engage bullies, ostracise them (build a group)

I was a good fighter (martial arts training etc...) but a total nerd and military brat (school to school to school)
I would befriend the kids that were bullied, safety in numbers.

Bullies are cowards - they hunt the weak they will not take on a group.
Friends and groups of friends have this reward and MANY other rewards
 
2014-04-18 08:22:08 AM
I was practically raised according to those rules. Still have problems blaming myself whenever anyone decides to bully me.

/which in turn means nobody will ever have my back for anything less than outright physical violence
//because my self-doubt is interpreted as being guilty of something, and therefore deserving of the bullying
 
2014-04-18 09:15:36 AM
The wailing, flailing knee-jerk responses to this advice only serve to show how accurate it is
 
2014-04-18 06:08:34 PM

Aigoo: HotWingConspiracy: Day 1 of school: Find the biggest kid and break his nose with a paving stone

This actually works, mostly.

I had a girl try to bully me in fifth grade... right up until I turned around and gave her a left hook that knocked her on her ass in front of about 40 people. Next bully, people warned. She didn't stop. I ignored her until she said something about my mother, then I picked her up and threw her into a wall (to be fair, she wasn't very heavy and the wall was only about 6 feet away--and my mother swears I've had a vicious temper since I was about two years old that makes me about ten times stronger when I get pissed, which is why I keep a tight lid on my temper).

I wasn't bullied again until sophomore year. I let that one hit me--from behind--about five times before I turned around and beat her bloody before throwing her through a plate glass window (can't say she wasn't warned--everyone who'd witnessed the other two incidents told her she did not want to fark with me. Even the teacher told her to watch her step). I wouldn't have been suspended at all except I used a racial slur (none of the black kids minded, and a few protested the suspension, saying "that biatch deserved it!") in front of about 2/3 of the school during the fight. The other girl was expelled. My parents took me out to dinner for observing the rule of "you'd better never start a fight, but you'd damn sure better finish it."

So yes, knocking bullies on their ass is a very effective deterrent. Unfortunately, in today's politically correct, zero tolerance (and zero intelligence) society, it's generally frowned upon.


I think I love you.
 
2014-04-18 09:30:40 PM

doubled99: The wailing, flailing knee-jerk responses to this advice only serve to show how accurate it is


Which ones? Fight back? Get a group of friends? Keep that shiat out of the school system?
If you're saying to be a good little victim, identify with the bully, never snitch, never defend yourself, never allow yourself to get angry, then try and have a nice life. Carry lots of Astroglide and practice with cucumbers.
 
Displayed 166 of 166 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report