If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Slate)   It's Passover, which is as good a time as any to remind you that YOU'RE CRACKING YOUR EGGS WRONG, DUMBASS   (slate.com) divider line 98
    More: Dumbass, Passover, dumbass  
•       •       •

9889 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Apr 2014 at 4:22 PM (14 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



98 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-04-15 02:32:10 PM
From the meshugaahs at Slate.
 
2014-04-15 02:36:21 PM
In order to watch a 1:05 video, I have to watch a 0:30 commercial? Nope.
 
2014-04-15 02:39:54 PM
Hold in one hand, smack on flat surface, spread thumb and indicator one way and stupid fingers the other way. Egg is now all over your countertop, as designed.
 
2014-04-15 02:41:02 PM
As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the way everyone cracks an egg.
 
2014-04-15 02:41:33 PM
Funny, you don't look big-endian
 
2014-04-15 02:58:48 PM
If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.
 
2014-04-15 03:13:56 PM
www.planetcalypsoforum.com
 
2014-04-15 03:23:29 PM

Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.


Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.
 
2014-04-15 03:50:22 PM

the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.



apassionateplate.com
If you make hard boiled eggs frequently, it's the best $25 you will ever spend.
Eggs always come out perfectly - simple to peel.
 
2014-04-15 04:24:11 PM
Dammit -- Passover, and I forgot to stock up on the blood of a slaughtered spring lamb again!  I suppose that since I have no children, it doesn't matter anyway...
 
2014-04-15 04:24:32 PM
Great. Next you're going to tell me I'm cooking my bacon wrong.
 
2014-04-15 04:25:11 PM

Gecko Gingrich: In order to watch a 1:05 video, I have to watch a 0:30 commercial? Nope.


If current trends hold, in about two years those numbers will be reversed.

And the video will just be a slideshow list with a bunch of animated reaction gifs.

Welcome to the Internet.
 
2014-04-15 04:26:13 PM

Principal Clarinet: it's the best $25 you will ever spend.
Eggs always come out perfectly - simple to peel.


I wish I had room for more neat stuff like that, than I do... I love kitchen gadgets.
 
2014-04-15 04:26:32 PM

YOU'RE CRACKING YOUR EGGS WRONG, DUMBASS


Unless you're going to come over here and crack them for me, feel free to piss off.
 
2014-04-15 04:26:53 PM
Nope.
www.iagreetosee.com
 
2014-04-15 04:27:22 PM
As long as the goop goes where you want with no shell shrapnel, it's the right way.
 
2014-04-15 04:29:04 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the way everyone cracks an egg.


This is the newsiest story to hit the main page today
 
2014-04-15 04:29:19 PM

the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.


Use older eggs.

Seriously.
 
2014-04-15 04:29:29 PM
I am also probably egging my crack wrong, too.
 
2014-04-15 04:29:38 PM

Tr0mBoNe: Hold in one hand, smack on flat surface, spread thumb and indicator one way and stupid fingers the other way. Egg is now all over your countertop, as designed.


Alton Brown also recommends the flat surface method, he claims you have less chance of getting bits of shell, but I learned the other way and never get those.  Still, I have tried the flat surface way and always get bits of shell.

/I know, I'm doing it wrong, but damn if the "wrong" way works for me and the "right" way doesn't
 
2014-04-15 04:31:35 PM
Okay. Then why has every chef on every cooking show I've ever watched has said to only crack eggs on a flat surface? OMG, don't tell me Slate is wrong about something. Unpossible.
 
2014-04-15 04:31:50 PM

Three Crooked Squirrels: As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the way everyone cracks an egg.


I now am incredibly curious to watch a video of someone doing it wrong.
 
2014-04-15 04:32:21 PM

the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.


This. It depends VERY much on how fresh the eggs are. When the eggs are older, the membrane won't peel easily off the whites.

For fresh eggs, hitting 'em on a flat surface is much less likely to cause trouble than trying to crack them on the rim of something.
 
2014-04-15 04:33:06 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.

Use older eggs.

Seriously.


I saw this video on giving blow jobs to your hardboiled eggs to cleanly pop them out of their shell, and it says you baking power but didn't say how much. So I made 18 hardboiled eggs using a tablespoon maybe two of baking power in a large stainless steel pasta pot and well what came out, I guess the only analogy would be to DDT hardboiled eggs.

Thin shells, trivially cracked, but impossible to remove from the whites.

I ended up eating most of them by slicing them in half with a butter knife and eating them in the shell using a small teaspoon or even a grapefruit spoon.

Anyway, I'm not giving blow jobs to any more hardboiled eggs. Made me feel really dumb.
 
2014-04-15 04:33:09 PM

Gecko Gingrich: In order to watch a 1:05 video, I have to watch a 0:30 commercial? Nope.


I only had to watch a 15 second commercial and it featured beer so I wasn't too angry about it, but yeah, these days when I click a link to watch a video I often end up closing the tab in frustration.

The right way to open an egg is any way that does not involve bits of shell getting into you food. The right way to separate an egg is with an empty water bottle. I have never done this as I never separate eggs but it looks so goddamn cool it has to be the best possible way to do it. Go to youtube and watch a video (see first point).
 
2014-04-15 04:33:10 PM

the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.


You want slightly older eggs. Not expired, just a week or so older.

Or leave em on the counter overnight if they are really fresh.

And drop them in an ice bath when they come out of the water.
 
2014-04-15 04:34:11 PM
What?! Doesn't everyone enjoy the pleasant surprise when enjoying your egg (-salad) sandwich and you bite eggshell??


*facial+shoulder twitch*
 
2014-04-15 04:34:15 PM
www.phoodie.info
 
2014-04-15 04:34:20 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: Nope.
[www.iagreetosee.com image 582x450]


I'd crack her eggs. With my penis.

/uh, in her ovaries, I guess.
 
2014-04-15 04:34:57 PM

big pig peaches: You want slightly older eggs. Not expired, just a week or so older.


This is the correct thing.
 
2014-04-15 04:35:13 PM
How about not letting a hairy old man dictate your dietary habits based upon his interpretation of a thousands years old tome and what's best for his pal, the baker?

I mean, it's OK to get scammed a few times in your life. That's how you learn. But when you have to completely alter your diet away from availability, and affordability, and nutritionally balanced, and tasty tasty bacon, then admit it. You're farked in the head.

You believe in some boogey man or some sky wizard or what have you and that affects what you eat. That's more farked up than imaginary gluten allergies and lactose intolerance.
I mean, those folks might have a shred of logic buried in their desire to fark up their diet.

And Matzo balls suck, I don't care who's recipe it is.
Damnit, been dating Jewish chicks tor 40 years and not once did I meet one that could cook.
 
2014-04-15 04:35:32 PM

demaL-demaL-yeH: the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.

Use older eggs.

Seriously.


Yep if you can remember, buy them about 3 weeks before you want to boil them.  Way easier.
 
2014-04-15 04:36:45 PM

jshine: Dammit -- Passover, and I forgot to stock up on the blood of a slaughtered spring lamb again!  I suppose that since I have no children, it doesn't matter anyway...


Thanks for reminding me. I gotta locate a shank bone within the next couple hours.
 
2014-04-15 04:38:03 PM
Here's a guy who solved the "how to crack an egg" dispute

northshorekid.com
 
2014-04-15 04:39:22 PM

Danger Avoid Death: Okay. Then why has every chef on every cooking show I've ever watched has said to only crack eggs on a flat surface? OMG, don't tell me Slate is wrong about something. Unpossible.


I also find it a hell of a lot faster to just separate the white and yolk with your hand from the start.  Why go through that back and forth nonsense?
 
2014-04-15 04:42:20 PM

the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.


I did that once. The same thing happened. Worst hard boiled eggs ever. I think it had me put the eggs into the pot, add cold water, bring to boil, remove from heat, then let them sit for ten minutes. Never again. If people think these kind of eggs are ideal, then these people should go back to eating paste.

Boil water, insert eggs, 10 minutes, remove eggs. Perfect.
 
2014-04-15 04:48:34 PM

Carn: Three Crooked Squirrels: As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the way everyone cracks an egg.

I now am incredibly curious to watch a video of someone doing it wrong.


Oblig:
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-15 04:50:18 PM

Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: Danger Avoid Death: Okay. Then why has every chef on every cooking show I've ever watched has said to only crack eggs on a flat surface? OMG, don't tell me Slate is wrong about something. Unpossible.

I also find it a hell of a lot faster to just separate the white and yolk with your hand from the start.  Why go through that back and forth nonsense?


Because you really want to contaminate the white with bacteria and risk puncturing the yolk with the sharp edge of the egg shell?
 
2014-04-15 04:50:57 PM

jshine: Dammit -- Passover, and I forgot to stock up on the blood of a slaughtered spring lamb again!  I suppose that since I have no children, it doesn't matter anyway...


Literally nothing you typed makes any sense, apart from some individual words. Unless they've radically changed the holiday in the last...few hundred years or so, and didn't bother telling anyone.

// and it never mattered if you had kids
 
2014-04-15 04:51:51 PM

sxacho: the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.

I did that once. The same thing happened. Worst hard boiled eggs ever. I think it had me put the eggs into the pot, add cold water, bring to boil, remove from heat, then let them sit for ten minutes. Never again. If people think these kind of eggs are ideal, then these people should go back to eating paste.

Boil water, insert eggs, 10 minutes, remove eggs. Perfect.


That's a recipe for hard eggs with green around the yolk. You should never actually boil eggs; they should be just simmered. My halogen stove allows the following hack: Cover eggs with cold water and turn burner to high; set timer for 9 minutes. When eggs begin to boil, or 9 minutes elapses, turn the burner off and leave the eggs on the hot burner. THOSE are perfect boiled eggs; same as if you carefully simmered them for 15 minutes.
 
2014-04-15 04:52:40 PM
www.thirteenvintage.com
www.thirteenvintage.com
I want one of these.
 
2014-04-15 04:52:57 PM

LazyMedia: sxacho: the_rev: Diogenes: If you prepare them correctly, they're easy to crack and peel.

Usually...but not always. I think some eggs are just stubborn, regardless of what you do. A few weeks ago I made some boiled eggs, and I made sure to follow the correct procedure (as outlined on about a million different websites if you google "perfect hard boiled eggs").

You couldn't peel one of those fcuckers to save your life; half the whites stuck to the shells. It was a frustrating mess.

I did that once. The same thing happened. Worst hard boiled eggs ever. I think it had me put the eggs into the pot, add cold water, bring to boil, remove from heat, then let them sit for ten minutes. Never again. If people think these kind of eggs are ideal, then these people should go back to eating paste.

Boil water, insert eggs, 10 minutes, remove eggs. Perfect.

That's a recipe for hard eggs with green around the yolk. You should never actually boil eggs; they should be just simmered. My halogen stove allows the following hack: Cover eggs with cold water and turn burner to high; set timer for 9 minutes. When eggs begin to boil, or 9 minutes elapses, turn the burner off and leave the eggs on the hot burner. THOSE are perfect boiled eggs; same as if you carefully simmered them for 15 minutes.


Duh. Leave the eggs on the burner for another 9 minutes, I should have said.
 
2014-04-15 04:52:59 PM

Danger Avoid Death: Great. Next you're going to tell me I'm cooking my bacon wrong.


You are if you're doing it on the stove rather than in the oven.
 
2014-04-15 04:54:00 PM

Danger Avoid Death: [www.thirteenvintage.com image 520x630]
[www.thirteenvintage.com image 520x630]
I want one of these.


Gross. Runny yolks are disgusting. Now, if you could flip that thing, maybe.
 
2014-04-15 04:54:50 PM
Put egg in hand. Bring egg down on edge or flat surface, I don't care.  Dump egg in whatever, throw away shell.

Voila.
 
2014-04-15 04:55:44 PM
Now I have a craving for:
p-ec1.pixstatic.com

haven't had soft-boiled eggs in decades.....
 
2014-04-15 04:56:11 PM
 
2014-04-15 04:56:28 PM

Dr Dreidel: jshine: Dammit -- Passover, and I forgot to stock up on the blood of a slaughtered spring lamb again!  I suppose that since I have no children, it doesn't matter anyway...

Literally nothing you typed makes any sense, apart from some individual words. Unless they've radically changed the holiday in the last...few hundred years or so, and didn't bother telling anyone.

// and it never mattered if you had kids


It mattered to that one little kid.


Which my father bought for two zuzim.
 
wee [TotalFark]
2014-04-15 04:56:32 PM

Principal Clarinet: If you make hard boiled eggs frequently, it's the best $25 you will ever spend.


Here is $6.21 you can spend that doesn't take up half the goddam counter only doing one thing that a pot of simmering water can do: http://www.amazon.com/Norpro-Egg-Rite-Timer/dp/B00004UE75

Ought to last about 18 years, if ours is any indication.
 
2014-04-15 05:01:11 PM

Danger Avoid Death: [www.thirteenvintage.com image 520x630]
[www.thirteenvintage.com image 520x630]
I want one of these.


It's twelve bucks.  Knock yourself out.

http://www.amazon.com/Funny-Side-Skull-Shaped-Novelty/dp/B00FL2CMMQ/ re f=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1397595636&sr=8-2&keywords=egg+shaper
 
Displayed 50 of 98 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report