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(Opposing Views)   One sign that you hired the wrong hitman to murder your wife: she kills the hitman with a claw hammer   ( divider line
    More: Fail, Edward Haffey, murders  
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10499 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Apr 2014 at 1:26 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-04-15 02:05:06 PM  
7 votes:
Probably the only hitman ever hired by an ordinary person that was not, in fact, an undercover FBI agent.
2014-04-15 02:22:56 PM  
5 votes:

Magorn: moike: My Stepmom was an ER Nurse... and amazingly deceptively strong.

Rule 1.   Do not fark with ER Nurses as they are quite confident that they can kick your ass and patch up any damage they cause post-asskicking.

During her studies to become a PA, my sister did a rotation in the ER at Houston's Ben Taub Hospital (AKA the Houston Knife and Gun Club)  here "welcome to hell, rookie" moment came when they brought in a couple who had been in a domestic altercation and beat each other so badly they both needed urgent patching up in the ER.  The couple continued to verbally spar with each other even as the doc went to work, and then suddenly my sis was being thrown to the flood by one of the cops who brought the couple in as a stray bullet whizzed by where she had been seconds before.  The man of the couple had grabbed one of the Cops' guns and was trying to finish off the wife.  The remaining cops immediately each put at least one bullet center mass in the guy.....whereupon the ER personnel all picked themselves up off the floor and immediately went to work trying to revive the guy and patch him up (unsuccessfully)

Did she end up marrying the cop later? That's what movies have taught me to expect in those kinds of situations.
2014-04-15 01:29:37 PM  
5 votes:
2014-04-15 01:49:30 PM  
4 votes:
*house phone rings, wife picks up*

Husband: "You done?"
Wife: "Done with what?"
*awkward silence*
2014-04-15 02:45:20 PM  
3 votes:
This article is written terribly. She did strangle him to death with her bare hands. He was the one who had the claw hammer when she walked in. (protip: if you're gonna assassinate someone in a planned sorta way, consider using a gun or poison or an actual weapon)

Pertinent details:
- Dude had the hammer and attacked her with it when she walked in (bastard had a free ambush round)
- She wrangled it from him (she won a disarm check)
- They struggled over it and it went flying (they both botched on a second disarm check)
- At this point neither has the hammer; the hammer is out of the equation
- They wrestled on the floor for 10d10 rounds
- She was finally able to get a choke-hold on him and strangled him to death (successful sustained clinch ftw)
- She stood, brushed her shirt off, and calmly walked to the neighbor's house with some swagger in her step to call the police in tended-victim/
2014-04-15 01:29:13 PM  
3 votes:
She nailed him
2014-04-15 03:37:32 PM  
2 votes:
"Although I've forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he's capable of,"

If he knows what's good for him he won't forget what she's capable of.
2014-04-15 02:23:53 PM  
2 votes:
What? I should not have hit the hitman? Isn't that what they're for?
2014-04-15 01:56:33 PM  
2 votes:
She should take the hammer to his parole hearing.
2014-04-15 01:39:34 PM  
2 votes:
Haha, I watched some Investigation Discovery program about this story, and they showed photos of the hitman compared to the nurse. He was way out of his weight class.
2014-04-15 01:38:05 PM  
2 votes:
His last words were, "you're strong." I'm guessing the family left that out of the obit. I hope my last words are, "don't fight girls, you'll both get your turn."
2014-04-15 01:37:37 PM  
2 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: sign you married the right woman.

that's hot

I had a woman try to kill me with a claw hammer once.

Was NOT hot.
2014-04-15 01:35:44 PM  
2 votes:
"It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters "

So THATS what happened to him!
2014-04-15 10:42:30 PM  
1 vote:
Don't fark with people that work in very practical jobs.  Male or female.  The very brave ER nurse in the article is a person who has seen a lot of shiat without flinching.  Good for her.

I once saw a waitress that was attacked by a would-be mugger/rapist.  She walked out on her own, after dark.  She shouldn't have.  This young woman was violently attacked.  Policy was to never leave alone.  In my own place, my policy is still the same.

We heard the screams coming from just outside the front door.

Aside from being a very hard working and hard living person, she was also a multiple discipline black belt.   The guy was screaming and she was cursing at the top of her lungs as she repeatedly punched and kicked the living shiat out of him.  HE was screaming for 911.  This was in the pre-cell phone era.  We stood around and watched and cheered as she beat him to a pulp.  When we did call the police, this dickhead was in no shape to hurt anyone, or even to think about hurting a woman again.
2014-04-15 06:12:36 PM  
1 vote:

anuran: "Although I've forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he's capable of,"

If he knows what's good for him he won't forget what she's capable of.

He might want to consider using one of these next time.
2014-04-15 03:25:51 PM  
1 vote:

vudukungfu: She even gave him a chance to stop. Offered to call him the amberlamps.
jesus. dude. take the offer.

At that point, the humiliation would make you wish you were dead.
2014-04-15 02:31:28 PM  
1 vote:

pan fried monkey spunk: Dirty J1: Haha ameteure... I wonder what he paid for that guy. In the hitman business, you get what you pay for. Going rate minimum for a respectable professional hitman is around 50,000, give or take depending on the political/societal status of said target. Plus 5000 in expenses. This guy was obviously not a professional and did the job for next to nothing.

FTFA: ''It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters.''

Haha maybe I should have read the article first. But damn if i wasnt spot on with the cost after all! Well the guy was still an ameteure. Or had too short of a time frame. A proper hit takes a month to several months of recon, surveillance, working out a plan, covering your tracks, etc. it's common sense.
2014-04-15 02:18:44 PM  
1 vote:

stevarooni: He's ready to help!
[ image 672x403]

Old Boy is old news.  The new hotness is Hammer Girl:
2014-04-15 02:17:03 PM  
1 vote:
I can see why he hired someone instead of doing it himself.
2014-04-15 01:50:27 PM  
1 vote:
2014-04-15 01:49:08 PM  
1 vote:

fireclown: I had a woman try to kill me with a claw hammer once.

2014-04-15 01:46:51 PM  
1 vote:
What you hope the lady with a hammer looks like
2014-04-15 01:40:32 PM  
1 vote:
She even gave him a chance to stop. Offered to call him the amberlamps.
jesus. dude. take the offer.
2014-04-15 01:36:18 PM  
1 vote:
2014-04-15 01:26:40 PM  
1 vote:
Wasn't that a movie with Michael Douglas and Gwennwth Paltrow and Aragorn?
2014-04-15 01:11:48 PM  
1 vote:
TFA: Eight years ago, one woman was confronted by a hit man who had been hired by her husband to murder her. She killed the hit man with her bare hands.... Susan bravely fought back and wound up killing the hit man with her bare hands.

"I got the hammer and started hitting him with the hammer several times," recalled Walters in 2006. "My father, the carpenter, always taught me a hammer could be used for self defense - the claw end would work the best."

Dear Dominic Kelly: Bare hands != claw hammer.
2014-04-15 12:21:39 PM  
1 vote:
Well since someone is actually awake here and updating headlines to reflect reality:

It just goes to show you shouldn't underestimate the amount of sh*t that nurses are completely accustomed to dealing with, from life-or-death situations to violent assault and resistance from drugged-out and/or psychotic patients.  Even little old ladies go apeshiat on caregivers when their dementia leaves them confused about what the hell is going on.  Punk-ass hitman didn't know he what he was jumping in to.

But something tells me her old man is going to stay far away.
2014-04-15 11:58:46 AM  
1 vote:

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