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(Opposing Views)   One sign that you hired the wrong hitman to murder your wife: she kills the hitman with a claw hammer   (opposingviews.com) divider line 85
    More: Fail, Edward Haffey, murders  
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10283 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Apr 2014 at 1:26 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



85 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-04-15 02:42:04 PM  
While speaking to the parole board, she should look directly at her ex and say, "I still have my hammer, motherfarker."
 
2014-04-15 02:45:20 PM  
This article is written terribly. She did strangle him to death with her bare hands. He was the one who had the claw hammer when she walked in. (protip: if you're gonna assassinate someone in a planned sorta way, consider using a gun or poison or an actual weapon)

Pertinent details:
- Dude had the hammer and attacked her with it when she walked in (bastard had a free ambush round)
- She wrangled it from him (she won a disarm check)
- They struggled over it and it went flying (they both botched on a second disarm check)
- At this point neither has the hammer; the hammer is out of the equation
- They wrestled on the floor for 10d10 rounds
- She was finally able to get a choke-hold on him and strangled him to death (successful sustained clinch ftw)
- She stood, brushed her shirt off, and calmly walked to the neighbor's house with some swagger in her step to call the police


http://www.foxnews.com/story/2006/09/16/police-hit-man-strangled-by- in tended-victim/
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/kuhnhausen.html
 
2014-04-15 02:50:14 PM  
Was this the wife?
www.themoviescene.co.uk
 
2014-04-15 02:52:32 PM  
While we're on the subject does anyone know any good books about professional hitmen?  Fiction or nonfiction works.
 
2014-04-15 02:53:34 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: stevarooni: He's ready to help!
[screenrebellion.com image 672x403]

Old Boy is old news.  The new hotness is Hammer Girl:
[www.nerdist.com image 615x418]


One girl, two hammers?
 
2014-04-15 02:58:38 PM  

cgraves67: The Stealth Hippopotamus: sign you married the right woman.

that's hot

That's what I was thinking. I'd be damned impressed (although not surprised) if my wife killed an attacker with a claw hammer.



emertainmentmonthly.com
3 clueless guys: Hi, we were wandering by, and noticed all the men were out on a raid so we thought we'd stop by for a little pillaging and a lot of raping.
Lagertha: *graps fire poker* About that...
 
2014-04-15 03:01:31 PM  

Fark Against the Machine: While we're on the subject does anyone know any good books about professional hitmen?  Fiction or nonfiction works.


Try Hitman:A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors (link goes to page were you can get the PDF) written by Rex Feral (Also known as Dr Strongbone McAsskick).

It makes for an interesting, if not full-of-shiat read.
 
2014-04-15 03:03:24 PM  
Interesting.  I had come to the conclusion that hit men are a myth perpetuated by undercover police officers to arrest angry spouses.
 
2014-04-15 03:09:59 PM  

ryokosan: This article is written terribly. She did strangle him to death with her bare hands. He was the one who had the claw hammer when she walked in. (protip: if you're gonna assassinate someone in a planned sorta way, consider using a gun or poison or an actual weapon)

Pertinent details:
- Dude had the hammer and attacked her with it when she walked in (bastard had a free ambush round)
- She wrangled it from him (she won a disarm check)
- They struggled over it and it went flying (they both botched on a second disarm check)
- At this point neither has the hammer; the hammer is out of the equation
- They wrestled on the floor for 10d10 rounds
- She was finally able to get a choke-hold on him and strangled him to death (successful sustained clinch ftw)
- She stood, brushed her shirt off, and calmly walked to the neighbor's house with some swagger in her step to call the police


http://www.foxnews.com/story/2006/09/16/police-hit-man-strangled-by- in tended-victim/
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/kuhnhausen.html


Yea a nice silenced .22 or something clever involving poison. If i were in that business, those would be my preferred methods. Quick and silent, in and out. This guy just moseyed on in with a freaking claw hammer? 50,000 should have bought alot better.
 
2014-04-15 03:11:06 PM  

CJHardin: Interesting.  I had come to the conclusion that hit men are a myth perpetuated by undercover police officers to arrest angry spouses.


Lol nope they are real. Wouldn't go looking for one though.
 
2014-04-15 03:17:21 PM  
Who framed Roger Rabbit - OJ Simpson episode of Robot Chicken comes to mind..............
 
2014-04-15 03:25:51 PM  

vudukungfu: She even gave him a chance to stop. Offered to call him the amberlamps.
jesus. dude. take the offer.


At that point, the humiliation would make you wish you were dead.
 
2014-04-15 03:34:27 PM  

pan fried monkey spunk: Dirty J1: Haha ameteure... I wonder what he paid for that guy. In the hitman business, you get what you pay for. Going rate minimum for a respectable professional hitman is around 50,000, give or take depending on the political/societal status of said target. Plus 5000 in expenses. This guy was obviously not a professional and did the job for next to nothing.

FTFA: ''It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters.''


I read that and just thought "Damn... You got ripped the fark off"
 
2014-04-15 03:35:16 PM  
Opposing Views is the link-source? Do they want to outlaw hammers of something?
 
2014-04-15 03:35:58 PM  
Saw this on "I Survived..."
In that version, it was her massive girth and strength that killed him, she had all her weight on his neck/throat.
Yes, she's strong, but also very rotund.
Kudos to her killing that bastard though.
He shoulda brought a gun!
 
2014-04-15 03:37:32 PM  
"Although I've forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he's capable of,"

If he knows what's good for him he won't forget what she's capable of.
 
2014-04-15 03:49:56 PM  

MythDragon: Fark Against the Machine: While we're on the subject does anyone know any good books about professional hitmen?  Fiction or nonfiction works.

Try Hitman:A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors (link goes to page were you can get the PDF) written by Rex Feral (Also known as Dr Strongbone McAsskick).

It makes for an interesting, if not full-of-shiat read.


I've read that too, it's just that I can't help but feeling his tactics for covering his ass and getting and using fake ids are a bit dated. Have to go back and look at the copyright date.
 
2014-04-15 03:52:19 PM  

MythDragon: cgraves67: The Stealth Hippopotamus: sign you married the right woman.

that's hot

That's what I was thinking. I'd be damned impressed (although not surprised) if my wife killed an attacker with a claw hammer.


[emertainmentmonthly.com image 850x441]
3 clueless guys: Hi, we were wandering by, and noticed all the men were out on a raid so we thought we'd stop by for a little pillaging and a lot of raping.
Lagertha: *graps fire poker* About that...


God, but I love that series. Lagertha is awesome.
 
2014-04-15 04:02:57 PM  

MythDragon: One girl, two hammers?


One girl, two hammers, and maybe eight guys.

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-04-15 04:04:05 PM  

Rawhead Rex: Saw this on "I Survived..."
In that version, it was her massive girth and strength that killed him, she had all her weight on his neck/throat.
Yes, she's strong, but also very rotund.
Kudos to her killing that bastard though.
He shoulda brought a gun!


I guess there goes the fact that fat people are easy to kill...
 
2014-04-15 04:48:14 PM  
You know who ELSE fought off an assassin armed with a hammer?
 
2014-04-15 05:00:10 PM  

ryokosan: This article is written terribly. She did strangle him to death with her bare hands.


So their headline (and the original headline here) was accurate, just botched because of OV's casual relationship with writing facts.

Damn that lady's not screwing around.
 
2014-04-15 05:02:03 PM  

LazyMedia: You know who ELSE fought off an assassin armed with a hammer?


If only Gaston had a gun, he wouldn't have been injured.
 
2014-04-15 05:08:36 PM  
hahahahaahahaa. Her husband had better get a restraining order. And then he can find out how well it may or may not work, just like every domestic violence victim out there.

/didn't read shiat
 
2014-04-15 05:43:30 PM  

Dirty J1: pan fried monkey spunk: Dirty J1: Haha ameteure... I wonder what he paid for that guy. In the hitman business, you get what you pay for. Going rate minimum for a respectable professional hitman is around 50,000, give or take depending on the political/societal status of said target. Plus 5000 in expenses. This guy was obviously not a professional and did the job for next to nothing.

FTFA: ''It was eventually uncovered that Michael Kuhnhausen had paid Haffey $50,000 to murder Walters.''

Haha maybe I should have read the article first. But damn if i wasnt spot on with the cost after all! Well the guy was still an ameteure. Or had too short of a time frame. A proper hit takes a month to several months of recon, surveillance, working out a plan, covering your tracks, etc. it's common sense.


And... done. I now have you favorited as "Profeshunul"
 
2014-04-15 06:11:06 PM  

MythDragon: Try Hitman:A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors (link goes to page were you can get the PDF) written by Rex Feral (Also known as Dr Strongbone McAsskick).

It makes for an interesting, if not full-of-shiat read.


1983--the forensics have to be badly out of date.
 
2014-04-15 06:12:36 PM  

anuran: "Although I've forgiven my ex-husband for what he became, and what he did to me and all those who he loved, I cannot forget what he's capable of,"

If he knows what's good for him he won't forget what she's capable of.


He might want to consider using one of these next time.
olive-drab.com
 
2014-04-15 06:28:20 PM  
Been done
 www.ticketsplease.ca
 
2014-04-15 06:57:05 PM  

MythDragon: LazyMedia: You know who ELSE fought off an assassin armed with a hammer?

If only Gaston had a gun, he wouldn't have been injured.


Like a M1911 or a Smith & Wesson.
 
2014-04-15 07:55:54 PM  
www.mentalfloss.com
approves
 
2014-04-15 07:58:20 PM  
why aren't people who kill or arrange to have others killed

sent away forever and ever, amen?


sure, she didn't die
but no thanks to her husband.


murder is bad.
10 years in jail suggests it isn't.
 
2014-04-15 10:42:30 PM  
Don't fark with people that work in very practical jobs.  Male or female.  The very brave ER nurse in the article is a person who has seen a lot of shiat without flinching.  Good for her.

I once saw a waitress that was attacked by a would-be mugger/rapist.  She walked out on her own, after dark.  She shouldn't have.  This young woman was violently attacked.  Policy was to never leave alone.  In my own place, my policy is still the same.

We heard the screams coming from just outside the front door.

Aside from being a very hard working and hard living person, she was also a multiple discipline black belt.   The guy was screaming and she was cursing at the top of her lungs as she repeatedly punched and kicked the living shiat out of him.  HE was screaming for 911.  This was in the pre-cell phone era.  We stood around and watched and cheered as she beat him to a pulp.  When we did call the police, this dickhead was in no shape to hurt anyone, or even to think about hurting a woman again.
 
TWX
2014-04-16 02:49:27 AM  

davynelson: why aren't people who kill or arrange to have others killed

sent away forever and ever, amen?


sure, she didn't die
but no thanks to her husband.


murder is bad.
10 years in jail suggests it isn't.


I was wondering the same thing, though from a different angle. In many cases where multiple people perpetrate an illegal act where someone ends up dying (armed robbery that escalates to homicide comes to mind) they sometimes charge the other assailants with Felony Murder even though only one person actually committed the murder. They've even used this on assailants when one of their own on the crew is killed during the illegal act by a victim of the crew, citing that the act of committing the original crime led to the death.

It wouldn't bother me if the person that did the hiring was charged with felony murder when there's a fairly clear-cut case of their involvement, like the rather large financial transaction...
 
2014-04-16 08:07:39 AM  
That's kinda hot.
 
2014-04-16 11:50:44 AM  
The Iceman get clobberethed.
 
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