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(Newser)   Man writes his own obituary, and it's shorter than this headline   (newser.com ) divider line
    More: Spiffy  
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18388 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2014 at 3:02 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-04-14 01:34:53 PM  
5 votes:
Even shorter:


i58.tinypic.com
2014-04-14 03:34:28 PM  
4 votes:
Some say that he wrote the shortest obit for himself ever . All we know is he's called the Stig..... Kernell
2014-04-14 03:13:29 PM  
3 votes:
Woman, to Calvin Coolidge: "My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you."
Coolidge: "You lose."
2014-04-14 04:00:22 PM  
2 votes:

Crewmannumber6: My headstone:Don't turn around I'm right behind you


Spike Miligan (if you never heard of him, look him up... he's a comic genius from post WWII UK) always said that he was going to have "I told you I was Ill" put on his tombstone.  The churchyard where he was buried wouldn't allow it and his family fought them for a little while.  The church eventually allowed a Gaelic translation of that put on his tombstone...

i.dailymail.co.uk
2014-04-14 03:37:49 PM  
2 votes:
My aunt called the local paper to see about my uncle's obituary. When they told her they charged by the word, she told them to just write 'Paddy is dead'. They told her it was six words minimum so it came out 'Paddy is dead. Toyota for sale'.
2014-04-14 03:35:46 PM  
2 votes:

Swedish 92-year-old Stig Kernell


Some say that he is not moving about any more, and that all of his metabolic processes have ceased.

All we know is he's called the Stig.
2014-04-14 03:34:37 PM  
2 votes:
"Hold my beer."
2014-04-14 03:22:00 PM  
2 votes:
I don't really care about my obit, so long as i'm buried properly: in an ivory casket carved from the bones of my enemies.
2014-04-14 03:21:35 PM  
2 votes:
tl;dr
2014-04-14 03:20:28 PM  
2 votes:

kbronsito: IDK who is going to write my obituary... but I've always known the word "senseless" will be part of it.


Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83.

Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".

Tom Brokaw: Alright. Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83.
2014-04-14 03:14:00 PM  
2 votes:
I'm dead.

(checks TA)

Contraction FTW
2014-04-14 03:12:13 PM  
2 votes:
If only the next obituary beneath it said.... "Me too!"
2014-04-14 02:49:36 PM  
2 votes:
Auuuuggghhhh
2014-04-14 03:53:14 PM  
1 vote:
The Aristocrats!
2014-04-14 03:43:04 PM  
1 vote:
peperony and chease
2014-04-14 03:36:08 PM  
1 vote:
I'll swallow your soul.
2014-04-14 03:30:38 PM  
1 vote:
Sorry chicks, 86
2014-04-14 03:23:06 PM  
1 vote:

FarkingReading: kbronsito: IDK who is going to write my obituary... but I've always known the word "senseless" will be part of it.

Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83.

Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".

Tom Brokaw: Alright. Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83.


He was delicious.
2014-04-14 03:21:30 PM  
1 vote:
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "
2014-04-14 03:18:49 PM  
1 vote:
"Screw you guys, i'm going home!"
2014-04-14 03:17:41 PM  
1 vote:
I care little about my obituary when I am gone.  My funeral?  Viking, or I haunt everyone I know.
2014-04-14 03:15:24 PM  
1 vote:
Veni vidi vici, baby!

Nah, too long.

BRB

or

AFK
2014-04-14 03:13:57 PM  
1 vote:

d23: When he went into bars to pick up chicks, his pickup line was "I am horny."

And sometimes it actually worked.


csb
A former law partner of mine, after his divorce, did that whole middle-aged whoring thing, chasing tail every night he could.  He told me that when it got late, bar was going to close soon, he'd just go up to the women in the bar (in order of hotness, most hot to least) and say, "Nice shoes.  Wanna fark?"
  "How did that work out for you?" I asked.
  "About one out of ten threw her drink in my face, most said no, but I always ended up getting a yes."
  "Seriously?"
  "Sure.  If they didn't outright say no, I'd follow it up with 'C'mon who are we fooling?  I know why you're at bar at this time of night; you know why.  Let's just get to it.'"
/csb
2014-04-14 03:11:15 PM  
1 vote:
I'm not dead!

blogs.mccombs.utexas.edu
2014-04-14 03:11:00 PM  
1 vote:
Ta Dum.
2014-04-14 03:10:55 PM  
1 vote:
IDK who is going to write my obituary... but I've always known the word "senseless" will be part of it.
2014-04-14 03:10:06 PM  
1 vote:
Told you I was sick
2014-04-14 03:06:36 PM  
1 vote:
Harry Freakstorm
No longer taxable
2014-04-14 03:04:37 PM  
1 vote:
When he went into bars to pick up chicks, his pickup line was "I am horny."

And sometimes it actually worked.
2014-04-14 02:31:03 PM  
1 vote:
Smell ya later.
 
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