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(Newser)   Man writes his own obituary, and it's shorter than this headline   (newser.com ) divider line 112
    More: Spiffy  
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18376 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2014 at 3:02 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-14 03:33:55 PM  
Received total consciousness.
 
2014-04-14 03:34:28 PM  
Some say that he wrote the shortest obit for himself ever . All we know is he's called the Stig..... Kernell
 
2014-04-14 03:34:37 PM  
"Hold my beer."
 
2014-04-14 03:35:46 PM  

Swedish 92-year-old Stig Kernell


Some say that he is not moving about any more, and that all of his metabolic processes have ceased.

All we know is he's called the Stig.
 
2014-04-14 03:36:08 PM  
I'll swallow your soul.
 
2014-04-14 03:37:49 PM  
My aunt called the local paper to see about my uncle's obituary. When they told her they charged by the word, she told them to just write 'Paddy is dead'. They told her it was six words minimum so it came out 'Paddy is dead. Toyota for sale'.
 
2014-04-14 03:37:56 PM  

HairyNevus: Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "


Or the follow up, compliments of Buffett.
"Earl's dead, Cadillac for sale"
 
2014-04-14 03:43:04 PM  
peperony and chease
 
2014-04-14 03:44:57 PM  
"who reads these anyway?"
 
2014-04-14 03:45:01 PM  
Often Accused, Never Convicted
 
2014-04-14 03:45:59 PM  
Hope there's women.
 
2014-04-14 03:49:57 PM  
The cake is a Lie.
 
2014-04-14 03:52:56 PM  
Bye.
 
2014-04-14 03:53:14 PM  
The Aristocrats!
 
2014-04-14 03:53:31 PM  
Succinct+. Factual.
 
2014-04-14 03:53:42 PM  
99.998% Dead
 
2014-04-14 03:53:49 PM  

Valiente: The Aristocrats!


DAMMIT TO HELL!!!!
 
2014-04-14 03:53:53 PM  

My headstone:

Don't turn around

I'm right behind you

 
2014-04-14 03:58:09 PM  
You do better.
 
2014-04-14 04:00:22 PM  

Crewmannumber6: My headstone:Don't turn around I'm right behind you


Spike Miligan (if you never heard of him, look him up... he's a comic genius from post WWII UK) always said that he was going to have "I told you I was Ill" put on his tombstone.  The churchyard where he was buried wouldn't allow it and his family fought them for a little while.  The church eventually allowed a Gaelic translation of that put on his tombstone...

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2014-04-14 04:08:07 PM  

d23: Spike Miligan (if you never heard of him, look him up... he's a comic genius from post WWII UK) always said that he was going to have "I told you I was Ill" put on his tombstone.


It's Been Done.

No, seriously, in Key West:

www.aroundkeywest.com
 
2014-04-14 04:09:48 PM  
Ciao!
 
2014-04-14 04:11:48 PM  
Dead Dibbley.
 
2014-04-14 04:12:51 PM  

Crewmannumber6: My headstone:Don't turn around I'm right behind you


"Don't look here. The joke's in your hand"

"Got your ol' lady too"

"Next Stop: Valhalla"

Seriously, I ain't gonna have a tombstone. I'm giving my body to science for even more adventures.
 
2014-04-14 04:13:40 PM  
I'll have this put on my headstone......

img.fark.net
 
2014-04-14 04:15:41 PM  
Oh abuse liability, many would use the same adjective to describe him alive or dead.  Alas, a single word only.

Stiff
 
2014-04-14 04:17:44 PM  
*sniff* *sniff* yep.
 
2014-04-14 04:20:45 PM  
Oh my.
 
2014-04-14 04:24:58 PM  

a4dzac: So it goes...


That is my choice too.


/RIP KV
 
2014-04-14 04:26:30 PM  
Mistah Kurtz - he dead
 
2014-04-14 04:36:21 PM  
Without helpful link to obits so we can TL;DR
 
2014-04-14 04:36:37 PM  

charlesmartel11235: Mistah Kurtz - he dead


A penny for the old Guy
 
2014-04-14 04:43:23 PM  

d23:  The church eventually allowed a Gaelic translation of that put on his tombstone...

[i.dailymail.co.uk image 468x286]


How the Fark was I able to make sense of that writing?
The human brain is a wonderful thing.
Their tops are made out of rubber.
Their bottoms are made out of spines.
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
 
2014-04-14 04:59:35 PM  
Dammitsomuch .. was hoping to read something about (an elected official who has a large army protecting him) ..
 
2014-04-14 05:00:19 PM  
"I think not"
 
2014-04-14 05:20:49 PM  
"you are next"
 
2014-04-14 05:32:13 PM  
I've spent my entire life running from death,
And now, I'm out of breath.
 
2014-04-14 05:37:59 PM  
I buried the money in the neighbors' garden.

/next time
//keep your cats in your yard
///won't be mean to animals, will be hostile to bad owners
 
2014-04-14 05:49:08 PM  
Gone pottie
 
2014-04-14 06:09:54 PM  
My headstone and obituary will say one thing:

"He did the needful"
 
2014-04-14 06:12:04 PM  

farkin_Gary: Bye.


Dammit.
 
2014-04-14 06:12:58 PM  

Ned Stark: Fin.


winner
 
2014-04-14 06:20:40 PM  

a4dzac: So it goes...


Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
 
2014-04-14 06:30:12 PM  
I'm coming back for the rest of you.
 
2014-04-14 06:45:31 PM  
Haha I like this old bastard! Sounds like something i would write for my obituary.
 
2014-04-14 06:49:59 PM  

Antimatter: I don't really care about my obit, so long as i'm buried properly: in an ivory casket carved from the bones of my enemies.


And a nice "leather" liner made from their skin too. Gotta have some class :D
 
2014-04-14 07:11:14 PM  

charlesmartel11235: Mistah Kurtz - he dead


I'm gonna go with "the horror, the horror". In quotes. Hopefully the neighborhood kids will have some fun with that.
 
2014-04-14 07:15:06 PM  

StreetlightInTheGhetto: charlesmartel11235: Mistah Kurtz - he dead

I'm gonna go with "the horror, the horror". In quotes. Hopefully the neighborhood kids will have some fun with that.


But I also don't want a real burial (waste of space, donating or composting is cool) so maybe I'll just buy enough space for the stone then find a way to plant some rumors about my reanimated corpse to go live after I die. Obituary hints And whatnot. Then any intrepid kids trying to dig down would find no body. Or something more fun. Hmm...

Gotta be remembered *somehow*, right?
 
2014-04-14 07:22:18 PM  
That is awesome

See ya dude
 
2014-04-14 07:39:08 PM  
Life is like a frog
Short, with warts.
 
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