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(Newser)   Man writes his own obituary, and it's shorter than this headline   (newser.com) divider line 112
    More: Spiffy  
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18328 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Apr 2014 at 3:02 PM (15 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-14 01:30:32 PM

Here lies Gunny Highway.

Space Viking.

Please blast into Sun soon.

 
2014-04-14 01:34:53 PM
Even shorter:


i58.tinypic.com
 
2014-04-14 02:06:02 PM
"He's dead, Jim..."
 
2014-04-14 02:31:03 PM
Smell ya later.
 
2014-04-14 02:49:36 PM
Auuuuggghhhh
 
2014-04-14 03:03:16 PM
I was going to say, "I died, get over it.", but his is shorter.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-04-14 03:04:37 PM
When he went into bars to pick up chicks, his pickup line was "I am horny."

And sometimes it actually worked.
 
2014-04-14 03:05:48 PM
I would have chosen 'deceased' for the third word but I'm wordy.
 
2014-04-14 03:06:36 PM
Harry Freakstorm
No longer taxable
 
2014-04-14 03:06:49 PM
WTF was that?

/mine
 
2014-04-14 03:07:19 PM
So there.
 
2014-04-14 03:08:32 PM
Cool story, bro.
 
2014-04-14 03:10:05 PM
X X
  >
 _
 
2014-04-14 03:10:06 PM
Told you I was sick
 
2014-04-14 03:10:55 PM
IDK who is going to write my obituary... but I've always known the word "senseless" will be part of it.
 
2014-04-14 03:11:00 PM
Ta Dum.
 
2014-04-14 03:11:15 PM
I'm not dead!

blogs.mccombs.utexas.edu
 
2014-04-14 03:12:13 PM
If only the next obituary beneath it said.... "Me too!"
 
2014-04-14 03:13:29 PM
Woman, to Calvin Coolidge: "My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you."
Coolidge: "You lose."
 
2014-04-14 03:13:57 PM

d23: When he went into bars to pick up chicks, his pickup line was "I am horny."

And sometimes it actually worked.


csb
A former law partner of mine, after his divorce, did that whole middle-aged whoring thing, chasing tail every night he could.  He told me that when it got late, bar was going to close soon, he'd just go up to the women in the bar (in order of hotness, most hot to least) and say, "Nice shoes.  Wanna fark?"
  "How did that work out for you?" I asked.
  "About one out of ten threw her drink in my face, most said no, but I always ended up getting a yes."
  "Seriously?"
  "Sure.  If they didn't outright say no, I'd follow it up with 'C'mon who are we fooling?  I know why you're at bar at this time of night; you know why.  Let's just get to it.'"
/csb
 
2014-04-14 03:14:00 PM
I'm dead.

(checks TA)

Contraction FTW
 
2014-04-14 03:14:20 PM
I was always partial to:

let 'er RIP
 
2014-04-14 03:15:06 PM
Fin.
 
2014-04-14 03:15:24 PM
Veni vidi vici, baby!

Nah, too long.

BRB

or

AFK
 
2014-04-14 03:15:52 PM
The Aristocrats!
 
2014-04-14 03:17:41 PM
I care little about my obituary when I am gone.  My funeral?  Viking, or I haunt everyone I know.
 
2014-04-14 03:17:46 PM
I do, will cause your sex life to die.
 
2014-04-14 03:18:49 PM
"Screw you guys, i'm going home!"
 
2014-04-14 03:18:56 PM
The cash registers at B Dalton's used to* display that when they crashed.


* this was back in the late 80s/early 90s
 
2014-04-14 03:19:03 PM

Odd Bird: I'm dead.

(checks TA)

Contraction FTW


Maybe those words can't be contracted in Swedish.
 
2014-04-14 03:20:28 PM

kbronsito: IDK who is going to write my obituary... but I've always known the word "senseless" will be part of it.


Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83.

Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".

Tom Brokaw: Alright. Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83.
 
2014-04-14 03:20:47 PM
For sale, baby shoes. Never worn.
(Too small.)
 
2014-04-14 03:21:18 PM
"I could name that tune in 2 notes..."

"Go ahead and name that tune.."

"I Died".

Seriously, TFA puts in a picture, but they can't come up with a picture of the farking 3-word obituary? Jesus, this "journalism" thing is going downhill faster and faster every day. Hell, they didn't even publish the LONGER one that papers came up with.
 
2014-04-14 03:21:30 PM
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale.' "
 
2014-04-14 03:21:35 PM
tl;dr
 
2014-04-14 03:22:00 PM
I don't really care about my obit, so long as i'm buried properly: in an ivory casket carved from the bones of my enemies.
 
2014-04-14 03:22:08 PM
Lived, died, buried.
 
2014-04-14 03:22:18 PM
I was always annoyed that no newspaper went with the obvious headline after Princess Diana's death:

DI DID!
 
2014-04-14 03:23:06 PM

FarkingReading: kbronsito: IDK who is going to write my obituary... but I've always known the word "senseless" will be part of it.

Tom Brokaw: Gerald Ford shot dead today, at age 83.

Voice of Producer: Uh.. add the word "senseless".

Tom Brokaw: Alright. Gerald Ford shot dead today, at the senseless age of 83.


He was delicious.
 
2014-04-14 03:23:49 PM
So it goes...
 
2014-04-14 03:24:43 PM
He gone.
 
2014-04-14 03:24:46 PM
Are you sure?
 
2014-04-14 03:26:27 PM
Special20:
Don't pee here.
 
2014-04-14 03:26:35 PM
Turning undead in 3.....2...
 
2014-04-14 03:26:48 PM
Mostly harmless.
 
2014-04-14 03:29:14 PM

cgraves67: Odd Bird: I'm dead.

(checks TA)

Contraction FTW

Maybe those words can't be contracted in Swedish.


Could be. I didn't actually RTA, I just looked for the quote.
 
2014-04-14 03:29:17 PM
sayonara suckers
 
2014-04-14 03:30:38 PM
Sorry chicks, 86
 
2014-04-14 03:30:48 PM
this assignment sucks
 
2014-04-14 03:31:09 PM
"Kiss my ass."
 
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