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(NBC News)   A woman that said she was attacked by five bears was in fact only attacked by one   (nbcnews.com) divider line 65
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3679 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Apr 2014 at 7:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-04-13 05:08:40 PM  
public.dcexp.com
 
2014-04-13 05:15:34 PM  
First of all, bears do not hunt in packs so any idiot would know it wouldn't be 5 bears.

second, being attacked by one bear is enough to kill you and/or ruin your underwear.
 
2014-04-13 05:17:43 PM  
Bear javu
 
2014-04-13 05:19:21 PM  
I guess once you're being attacked by one bear, it probably seems like OMG BEARS EVERYWHERE
 
2014-04-13 05:21:37 PM  
Bears repeated
 
2014-04-13 05:27:51 PM  

Confabulat: I guess once you're being attacked by one bear, it probably seems like OMG BEARS EVERYWHERE


That is my feeling as well. One bear? 1000 bears? Who cares, you're getting mauled.
 
2014-04-13 05:45:32 PM  
 
2014-04-13 05:49:35 PM  

Ambivalence: First of all, bears do not hunt in packs so any idiot would know it wouldn't be 5 bears.


Once they are acclimated to raiding garbage cans they will congregate, not to act together, but just because they all know where the food is.
 
2014-04-13 06:11:00 PM  
I was attacked by a bear once, I just beat him off.
 
2014-04-13 06:12:40 PM  

optikeye: I was attacked by a bear once, I just beat him off.


Did he buy you a drink?

img.fark.net
 
2014-04-13 06:57:47 PM  
Next week's headline: [Obvious] Five bears, later determined to be only one bear, now revealed to be five stray dogs. Dog-counters on high alert
 
2014-04-13 07:06:58 PM  
4 sets of claws and 1 set of jaws?
 
2014-04-13 07:08:15 PM  
Why didn't she just give the bear the damn porridge.


/yeah I know 3 is not 5 is not 1.
 
2014-04-13 07:09:13 PM  
Black bears? With hoodies?
 
2014-04-13 07:09:54 PM  
Officials later said that just one wear was responsible for her injuries.

Why? Was she wearing a Jewish outfit?
 
2014-04-13 07:11:43 PM  
Werebears?
 
2014-04-13 07:13:19 PM  
Lions and tigers declined to be interviewed for this article.
 
2014-04-13 07:13:53 PM  

Old Man Winter: Werebears?


There bears. There castle.
 
2014-04-13 07:14:32 PM  

platkat: Lions and tigers declined to be interviewed for this article.


Oh my.
 
2014-04-13 07:14:44 PM  

"Officials later said that just one wear was responsible for her injuries.

The attack happened just before 8 p.m. Saturday at a home in Seminole County, Fla., authorities told NBC's Orlando affiliate WESH.

The woman, identified as Terri Frana, a had left her garage door open, officials with the state's Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) told the station."


Jeebus, this article has more mistakes than an abortion clinic.

 
2014-04-13 07:18:15 PM  
skinink:
Jeebus, this article has more mistakes than an abortion clinic.

That's offensive.  Some abortions are intentional.
 
2014-04-13 07:20:04 PM  
If you thought were wolves were dangerous, you don't even want to see a were bear.
 
2014-04-13 07:22:35 PM  
hallofbeorn.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-04-13 07:23:31 PM  
I was attacked by two and a half bears.
 
2014-04-13 07:24:13 PM  
Officials later said that just one wear was responsible for her injuries.

This is NBC News here folks, not some teenage blogger.
 
2014-04-13 07:25:13 PM  

Ambivalence: First of all, bears do not hunt in packs so any idiot would know it wouldn't be 5 bears.

second, being attacked by one bear is enough to kill you and/or ruin your underwear.


Correct. Bears share some features with geese, so a group of them is called a gaggle.
 
2014-04-13 07:25:26 PM  
When I was reading the article, I was wondering about the whole "five bears" thing. Once you see even one bear in your garage, about to attack you, are you really going to stop and make an accurate count? "Let's see, there's one about to tear my face off, there's two tipping over the garbage, so there's three. Oh! There's another sniffing the car... Wait a minute, you, yes you behind the work bench! DON'T TRY TO HIDE FROM ME!"
 
2014-04-13 07:25:56 PM  

oukewldave: If you thought were wolves were dangerous, you don't even want to see a were bear.


img2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-13 07:28:20 PM  
Sure this isn't the chick from the quintuplet headline that didn't get green lighted?

abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2014/03/24/woman-has-phantom-pregnancy-wi t h-quintuplets
 
2014-04-13 07:33:38 PM  

SpdrJay: I was attacked by two and a half bears.


Is your real name Goldilocks?
 
2014-04-13 07:34:06 PM  

Confabulat: I guess once you're being attacked by one bear, it probably seems like OMG BEARS EVERYWHERE


Came here to say something like this.
 
2014-04-13 07:36:29 PM  

Old Man Winter: Werebears?


there bears there castle.
 
Skr
2014-04-13 07:43:09 PM  
Bear clone no jutsu!
 
2014-04-13 07:47:55 PM  
There is a bear in the woods.
 
2014-04-13 07:51:37 PM  
www.wearysloth.com
Five bears? Meh.
 
2014-04-13 08:15:42 PM  
How does one get rid of the big blue box covering the page to RTFA? No-script, maybe?
 
2014-04-13 08:20:07 PM  

fusillade762: oukewldave: If you thought were wolves were dangerous, you don't even want to see a were bear.

[img2.wikia.nocookie.net image 666x452]


exactly.  Shiat is scary!
 
2014-04-13 08:27:21 PM  

Confabulat: I guess once you're being attacked by one bear, it probably seems like OMG BEARS EVERYWHERE


bears repeating?
 
2014-04-13 08:27:57 PM  
5 bears is it's Indian name
 
2014-04-13 08:30:29 PM  
Better wears than bolves
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2014-04-13 08:40:34 PM  
That's some fine editing there, Editor.
 
2014-04-13 08:43:12 PM  
I fought a bear for a salmon, once.
You may have seen it on TV.
 
2014-04-13 09:04:47 PM  

noblewolf: 5 bears is it's Indian name


No, its actually Two-Bears-High-Fiving.
 
2014-04-13 09:10:04 PM  
I wouldn't think that the exact bear count would matter a lot to me if I was being mauled by a bear or bears.

Then again, she lived, so maybe one IS better than five.
 
2014-04-13 09:10:40 PM  
Maybe it was 5 little bears standing on each others' shoulders, or maybe a bear pyramid.
 
2014-04-13 09:16:44 PM  
Maybe Fark has a bear expert who can comment on the optimal number of bears to be mauled by (excluding both zero and fractional bears; I am thinking that you don't need any advanced bear training to see that these are the first options to pick).

Now I am wondering about negative bears, and am guessing that one negative bear would be worse than any number of regular bears, on account of the energy released by a bearful of antimatter colliding with matter.

And now that everyone including me is sorry that my phone has a web browser on it, I am going to sleep. Rawr.
 
2014-04-13 09:17:00 PM  

BadReligion: Confabulat: I guess once you're being attacked by one bear, it probably seems like OMG BEARS EVERYWHERE

That is my feeling as well. One bear? 1000 bears? Who cares, you're getting mauled bears.


gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net
but with bears
 
2014-04-13 09:30:06 PM  
OK, now fess up! You will only get in more trouble. Now which one of you attacked the lady? Come on............

api.ning.com
 
2014-04-13 09:36:11 PM  
You know Florida women. If she'd have said it was just one bear, everyone would have doubted her testicular fortitude.
 
2014-04-13 09:53:30 PM  
I saw a black bear once in Cashiers, NC, noshing on some garbage in a rental complex. Because mountains, the complex had a very confusing layout and I was lost. I took a wrong turn down what I soon discovered was a dead end and a very narrow alley. I was on my motorcycle. Just as I pull to a stop to figure out where the fark I was and why the hell the unit I was staying in wasn't in front of me, a black bear pops its head out of the bin of trash cans not 30 feet in front of me.

I was fully armored, helmeted, and on a 500 lb hunk of steel with a horn and motor and whatnot, but I wanted to be pointed the other way and leaving ASAP. I'm no stunter, but I immediately began performing the mental calculations necessary to break the rear wheel loose and pull a 180 on the spot, but luckily the bear ran off before I did anything irreparably stupid.
/CSB
 
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