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(Science Daily)   Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church. SCIENCE HAS SPOKEN   (sciencedaily.com) divider line 143
    More: Obvious, applied research, gay sex, social ties, Pinto, quality of life, marital status, churches  
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6083 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Apr 2014 at 9:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



143 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-04-12 07:10:16 PM  
I imagine if I'd never heard of chocolate cake, I'd be satisfied eating a shiat sandwich.
 
2014-04-12 07:36:01 PM  
Going to church helped my brother. It came up in conversation, and he mentioned that he was having sex at least twice a week now. I said, "well, honestly, that doesn't sound like very much sex," and he explained, "well, you have to remember that I'm a priest with a small parish..."
 
2014-04-12 08:07:11 PM  
joewii.files.wordpress.com
Well, obviously.
 
2014-04-12 09:14:10 PM  
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.
 
2014-04-12 09:17:50 PM  
In other news, people who find someone they enjoy farking that also enjoys farking them have a better feeling about their love life.
 
2014-04-12 09:18:09 PM  
img3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-04-12 09:18:28 PM  

skinink: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.


Man, she sho is ugly. Yeah, but she sho can cook.
 
2014-04-12 09:18:55 PM  
thesouthlawn.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-04-12 09:19:17 PM  
My deviant sex life is just fine without doing it in a church, thank you.
 
2014-04-12 09:22:06 PM  

gravethoughts: In other news, people who find someone they enjoy farking that also enjoys farking them have a better feeling about their love life.


What, no walk of shame? How do they manage?
 
2014-04-12 09:24:24 PM  
blogs.babble.com

/oblig
 
2014-04-12 09:26:09 PM  
Lieutenant Ellerby explains the importance of marriage in The Departed.
 
2014-04-12 09:26:20 PM  
The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.
 
2014-04-12 09:26:28 PM  

gravethoughts: In other news, people who find someone they enjoy farking that also enjoys farking them have a better feeling about their love life.


In other other news, apparently there are lots of people that don't enjoy farking their husbands or wives.

I feel kinda sad for them.
 
2014-04-12 09:27:43 PM  

skinink: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.


*upbeat saxophone solo*
 
2014-04-12 09:28:25 PM  
Two other interpretations:

Churchgoers are bigger liars.

Churchgoers are ignorant simpletons.
 
2014-04-12 09:28:56 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-04-12 09:30:01 PM  
Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.
 
2014-04-12 09:31:19 PM  

fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.


Feelings of depression and alienation > search for spirituality > join a religion > sense of community and belonging > better mental health.

"Religious involvement" could really just read "emotional involvement and connectedness with other human beings," I think.
 
2014-04-12 09:31:25 PM  
My list of things to try for better sex would have
1) drop ecstacy
and
2) try tantric sex

before
99) go to church more
 
2014-04-12 09:33:06 PM  

leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.


Caveat:  Some cultures and religions will stone a woman for just aching for it.
 
2014-04-12 09:36:20 PM  
Every time I have sex its like being in church with the woman saying "oh god" over and over and over agai
 
2014-04-12 09:39:03 PM  

leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.


True.
 
2014-04-12 09:39:51 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-04-12 09:43:29 PM  
Hahahahahahahaha, eat it, haters! You're angry all the time cause you get no booty! Hahahahahahahaha!
 
2014-04-12 09:45:26 PM  

ghare: leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.

True.


Well, I think the real truth is that most women are just aching for it...   With someone that they feel that they can trust.

"Hey, he goes to my church!  He can't be a bad guy, like those creeps at the bar!"

I don't think that it's marriage that kills a couple's sex life, necessarily.   Having kids is more likely the culprit.  "I don't feel attractive!  And neither are you!"
 
2014-04-12 09:45:44 PM  

leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.


I don't see the connection.
 
2014-04-12 09:47:51 PM  

fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.


Mental health =\= intelligence.

"Mental health" is more of a happiness and satisfaction with life at large, than connotative of any sort of intellectual capability.

As they say, ignorance is bliss.
 
2014-04-12 09:48:29 PM  

ghare: leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.

True.


Well if they are true Christians they will not do the giggity giggity until they are married.

So here to finding a non true Christian...
 
2014-04-12 09:49:04 PM  
i224.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-12 09:49:54 PM  

Baz744: Lieutenant Ellerby explains the importance of marriage in The Departed.


not the "dick must work part" todays vaginas simply do not care and in fact PREFER your dick does not work, unless 1,000% on their terms when they say so and its rarer than you realize, FACT IS today in 2013's version of "gold-digger nation" they lust, care, and crave ONE thing and ONE thing only MONEY to the point they delude themselves into believing ANYTHING else other than your ability to provide the sewage smelling slit $ THAT IS FACT FROM A REALISTS PERSPECTIVE.
 
2014-04-12 09:50:31 PM  
YouTube Comments hurt my brain.
 
2014-04-12 09:50:33 PM  

noblewolf: ghare: leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.

True.

Well if they are true Christians they will not do the giggity giggity until they are married.

So here to finding a non true Christian...


That would be the vast majority of them.

The "I'm saving myself for marriage" crowd are usually a) batshiat insane and/or b) teenagers.
 
2014-04-12 09:51:24 PM  
Makes sense. The life satisfaction studies have been essentially given knowledge for decades. When you feel that your life is embued with divine purpose and your particular circumstances are of importance to a transcendent being, you tend to feel happier about yourself. I assume that the sex study is similar. If you feel that the bond you share with your spouse has been ordained since the beginning of time by God and is part of a divine plan and not simply hormonal rutting, you're bound to feel more satisfied with it.
 
2014-04-12 09:53:45 PM  
Feelings of depression and alienation > search for spirituality > join a religion > sense of community and belonging > better mental health.

THIS.

Doesn't matter if Sky Wizard doesn't exist. IF you're willing to suspend disbelief, religion is very comforting to believers. Imagine how awesome it feels to believe, actually BELIEVE there's a wonderful afterlife waiting for you, and that some awesome power cares about you. Powerful stuff.

IF you're in a non-exploitative religion (not attacking others, not depriving yourself  and others of significant opportunities/stuff, etc.), it really is a win/no lose proposition. You win with a happier, longer life, and you can't lose because at no point are you disappointed to be found wrong, because you die, cease to exist, without ever finding out you're wrong.

Must be nice. I'll never know. Unless I get desperate. Then it will be just sad.
 
2014-04-12 09:54:58 PM  

senoy: Makes sense. The life satisfaction studies have been essentially given knowledge for decades. When you feel that your life is embued with divine purpose and your particular circumstances are of importance to a transcendent being, you tend to feel happier about yourself. I assume that the sex study is similar. If you feel that the bond you share with your spouse has been ordained since the beginning of time by God and is part of a divine plan and not simply hormonal rutting, you're bound to feel more satisfied with it.


And if your divine purpose is to have sex, well then, that's a happiness-two-fer.
 
2014-04-12 09:56:15 PM  
Weird...they asked my wife and I to leave when we tried to have sex at church.
 
2014-04-12 09:57:11 PM  
As a former church goer, yeah, there's a lot of easy chicks.  They're all curious and horny at the very least.
 
2014-04-12 09:57:29 PM  
That is why the jews have the rules for sabbath. Nothing allowed to get in the way. Means you don't work every day and thus you're sure to get more babies.
 
2014-04-12 09:58:12 PM  
"As far as church goes... I attend regularly!"

www.blogcdn.com
 
2014-04-12 09:59:22 PM  
So conservative christians are a bunch of freaky perverts? I'm shocked....

/that they aren't gay
//nttawwt
///dnrtfa
 
2014-04-12 09:59:48 PM  
I realize subby is not implying that churches are a great place for married people to hook up, but that's kind of how I read that headling.

And it probably is.
 
2014-04-12 10:00:53 PM  

sendtodave: leevis: Or just go to church. Those places are full of women just aching for it.

Caveat:  Some cultures and religions will stone a woman for just aching for it.


and yet that doesn't stop the Saudi chicks from sending out the UBIE.
 
2014-04-12 10:02:03 PM  

dv-ous: not the "dick must work part" todays vaginas simply do not care and in fact PREFER your dick does not work, unless 1,000% on their terms when they say so and its rarer than you realize, FACT IS today in 2013's version of "gold-digger nation" they lust, care, and crave ONE thing and ONE thing only MONEY to the point they delude themselves into believing ANYTHING else other than your ability to provide the sewage smelling slit $ THAT IS FACT FROM A REALISTS PERSPECTIVE.


WTF am I even reading here?!?
 
2014-04-12 10:02:08 PM  

senoy: Makes sense. The life satisfaction studies have been essentially given knowledge for decades. When you feel that your life is embued with divine purpose and your particular circumstances are of importance to a transcendent being, you tend to feel happier about yourself. I assume that the sex study is similar. If you feel that the bond you share with your spouse has been ordained since the beginning of time by God and is part of a divine plan and not simply hormonal rutting, you're bound to feel more satisfied with it.


Yeah, good point.  That, too.  A belief in God's plan ordaining your marriage would increase the whole "we are meant for each other" idea.

Does this all boil down to "cynicism and critical thinking are harmful to delusions of love; ergo those that set aside these things enjoy more love?"

/biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate
 
2014-04-12 10:03:09 PM  

Ambivalence: I realize subby is not implying that churches are a great place for married people to hook up, but that's kind of how I read that headling.

And it probably is.


Yeah, that's pretty much exactly where I went too. Probably has something to so with the large numbers of pastors who get caught cheating with members of their flock. If you can't keep it in your pants at least keep it in your church.
 
2014-04-12 10:05:09 PM  

sendtodave: gravethoughts: In other news, people who find someone they enjoy farking that also enjoys farking them have a better feeling about their love life.

In other other news, apparently there are lots of people that don't enjoy farking their husbands or wives.

I feel kinda sad for them.


I don't know how you arrived at that conclusion from my comment. If the two people who are farking each other are husband and wife, significant others, or any manner of consenting adults, and they are getting on a regular basis, I'm sure they are quite happy with their love life.
 
2014-04-12 10:05:51 PM  
Our formula for a better sex life is, she has a stronger sex drive than I do, and we play well with others.

It isn't for everyone,but it works quite well for us.
 
2014-04-12 10:06:01 PM  

wax_on: Ambivalence: I realize subby is not implying that churches are a great place for married people to hook up, but that's kind of how I read that headling.

And it probably is.

Yeah, that's pretty much exactly where I went too. Probably has something to so with the large numbers of pastors who get caught cheating with members of their flock. If you can't keep it in your pants at least keep it in your church.


"He's such a good christian man.  Sure, we're both married and schtupping each other, but..."
 
2014-04-12 10:06:15 PM  

proteus_b: dv-ous: not the "dick must work part" todays vaginas simply do not care and in fact PREFER your dick does not work, unless 1,000% on their terms when they say so and its rarer than you realize, FACT IS today in 2013's version of "gold-digger nation" they lust, care, and crave ONE thing and ONE thing only MONEY to the point they delude themselves into believing ANYTHING else other than your ability to provide the sewage smelling slit $ THAT IS FACT FROM A REALISTS PERSPECTIVE.

WTF am I even reading here?!?


A big old pile of trying too hard. I give it 1/10.
 
2014-04-12 10:06:23 PM  
"As far as church goes... I attend regularly!"

Niiice. Just watch out for that Demon, that lives in the air.
 
2014-04-12 10:06:23 PM  

GilRuiz1: [i224.photobucket.com image 700x377]


WHO HAS DEACTIVATED MY BEAUTIFUL FROGS?!?!
 
2014-04-12 10:06:38 PM  

sendtodave: I don't think that it's marriage that kills a couple's sex life, necessarily.   Having kids is more likely the culprit.


Yeah, I've got a friend who has that problem.

Before the kid, he banged his mistress at least 4 times a week.  Now he only has time to get together with her about once a week.

I think it cut down on sex with his wife too.
 
2014-04-12 10:06:48 PM  
"...or those who enjoy harmonious social ties are most satisfied with their love life."

It's OK folks. No need to get married or go to church.

/not that I needed a study to tell me that.
 
2014-04-12 10:09:24 PM  

gravethoughts: sendtodave: gravethoughts: In other news, people who find someone they enjoy farking that also enjoys farking them have a better feeling about their love life.

In other other news, apparently there are lots of people that don't enjoy farking their husbands or wives.

I feel kinda sad for them.

I don't know how you arrived at that conclusion from my comment. If the two people who are farking each other are husband and wife, significant others, or any manner of consenting adults, and they are getting on a regular basis, I'm sure they are quite happy with their love life.


I was agreeing with you, while pre-mocking anyone that might want to complain about their sex life decreasing after they get married.
 
2014-04-12 10:14:05 PM  

DarkVader: sendtodave: I don't think that it's marriage that kills a couple's sex life, necessarily.   Having kids is more likely the culprit.

Yeah, I've got a friend who has that problem.

Before the kid, he banged his mistress at least 4 times a week.  Now he only has time to get together with her about once a week.

I think it cut down on sex with his wife too.


Ba dum.

I honestly don't get how adultery works.  There are only so many hours in the day.

How many business trips does the average working stiff get per year?  I'd think somewhere between zero and one.  So, that excuse would wear out pretty quick.
 
2014-04-12 10:14:24 PM  
I'll be sending this link on to my mother. She's 66 and attends church.
 
2014-04-12 10:25:42 PM  

sendtodave: How many business trips does the average working stiff get per year? I'd think somewhere between zero and one.


People who actually travel for their job? Probably more like between five and fifty trips...
 
2014-04-12 10:27:32 PM  

proteus_b: sendtodave: How many business trips does the average working stiff get per year? I'd think somewhere between zero and one.

People who actually travel for their job? Probably more like between five and fifty trips...


Or if you're in regional sales every damn day.
 
2014-04-12 10:28:00 PM  
Not married, no sex at all, lots of church.  I still have a peaceful and satisfied life.
 
2014-04-12 10:31:51 PM  

DubtodaIll: proteus_b: sendtodave: How many business trips does the average working stiff get per year? I'd think somewhere between zero and one.

People who actually travel for their job? Probably more like between five and fifty trips...

Or if you're in regional sales every damn day.


Well, sure.  But anyone that trusts a salesman kinda deserves what they get.
 
2014-04-12 10:36:35 PM  
meh... marry a virgin.

tell her 4 inches is all the cock in the world.
 
2014-04-12 10:36:51 PM  

proteus_b: sendtodave: How many business trips does the average working stiff get per year? I'd think somewhere between zero and one.

People who actually travel for their job? Probably more like between five and fifty trips...


Lies don't even have to be believable.  Plenty of women out there who just accept it because their journey to adulthood ground their self-esteem down so low that they just accept the cheating.   I mean, it's probably why they said "yes" to the guy in the first place, since he was probably a straying dog long before he met her.

But every story's different.
 
2014-04-12 10:38:05 PM  
Because you've tricked your mind into thinking you're already dead and trapped in Hell.
 
2014-04-12 10:39:51 PM  

Heraclitus: meh... marry a virgin.

tell her 4 inches is all the cock in the world.


No, virgins are no fun.  Date a woman who will sleep with anyone until she cheats then find another one.  Life is much more interesting that way and you destroy any lies you were telling yourself pretty quick and then can get on to living without self-delusion.
 
2014-04-12 10:40:52 PM  
check and check. What else you got?
 
2014-04-12 10:48:47 PM  
But I don't like bus station bathrooms.
 
2014-04-12 10:50:08 PM  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSWTVXh_Yns">https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=pSWTVXh_Yns
 
2014-04-12 10:50:37 PM  

cretinbob: [img3.wikia.nocookie.net image 640x360]


The fact that "Cretin" is derived from the word "christian" makes this post unintentionally amusing.

But no, they're serious because they're right.  You can lay down derisive reasons like, "lol good at self-delusion" or "tee-hee don't know no better" but the truth remains, religious people tend to like how they live.

The counterpoint to that is much simpler, going to church and practicing a religion would not improve MY life because I would be doing something I lack the ability to do, i.e. believe in the dogma.

Monogamy works for some people, nothing wrong with that.
 
2014-04-12 10:51:20 PM  

Candygram4Mongo: Going to church helped my brother. It came up in conversation, and he mentioned that he was having sex at least twice a week now. I said, "well, honestly, that doesn't sound like very much sex," and he explained, "well, you have to remember that I'm a priest with a small parish..."


Rotflmao!!!
 
2014-04-12 10:54:09 PM  
I don't know about the church thing but getting married certainly helps.  Once you get married there is always a vagina there just waiting to be poked.  You don't even have to try anymore.  As an example, the wife and I were recently out and saw some younger guy open a car door for the chick he was with.  My wife commented on it and asked why I don't do that any more.  I said, "because I already know I am going to get some."  She gave me the stink eye but guess what? That night I got some anyway.
 
2014-04-12 11:01:53 PM  

TheBigJerk: cretinbob: [img3.wikia.nocookie.net image 640x360]

The fact that "Cretin" is derived from the word "christian" makes this post unintentionally amusing.


I thought the word Cretin had to do with the Isle of Crete.  Someone who is from Crete is a Cretin.  Like how the term "Gyp" is derived from gypsies.
 
2014-04-12 11:02:12 PM  
Going to church did wonders for my sex life.  The preacher's daughter, half the choir, the wives of half the regulars...  Not my fault if their men don't satisfy.

/Preacher's daughter was the freakiest.  Still feeds my erotic daydreams thirty years later.
 
2014-04-12 11:02:27 PM  
They said love, not sex, subtard
 
2014-04-12 11:05:00 PM  

fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.


If someone has the right mindset, a healthy religious congregation can teach someone humility, respect for others, selflessness and satisfaction with what one has and, rather than "pray until it happens", you "pray as you MAKE IT happen."


But wait, this is Fark!


/waits for someone to call her an idiot
 
2014-04-12 11:10:06 PM  

Ima4nic8or: I don't know about the church thing but getting married certainly helps.  Once you get married there is always a vagina there just waiting to be poked.  You don't even have to try anymore.  As an example, the wife and I were recently out and saw some younger guy open a car door for the chick he was with.  My wife commented on it and asked why I don't do that any more.  I said, "because I already know I am going to get some."  She gave me the stink eye but guess what? That night I got some anyway.


Your wife is a lucky woman.
 
2014-04-12 11:13:33 PM  
The Christian church has traditionally been a reliable place to pick up relatively attractive people with low mileage for their age ranges.

Or at least it used to be.  I don't know if it is anymore
 
2014-04-12 11:14:22 PM  
I forget which farker it was but someone mentioned that their wife became highly religious and would no longer engage in sex with him.  Apparently it was sinful or something.
 
2014-04-12 11:15:08 PM  
I thought the word Cretin had to do with the Isle of Crete.  Someone who is from Crete is a Cretin.  Like how the term "Gyp" is derived from gypsies.

No, It's a corruption of the word Crouton. As in calling someone a little stale piece of bread....
 
2014-04-12 11:17:59 PM  

Candygram4Mongo: Going to church helped my brother. It came up in conversation, and he mentioned that he was having sex at least twice a week now. I said, "well, honestly, that doesn't sound like very much sex," and he explained, "well, you have to remember that I'm a priest with a small parish..."


HEY-OH
 
2014-04-12 11:21:12 PM  

TheBigJerk: cretinbob: [img3.wikia.nocookie.net image 640x360]

The fact that "Cretin" is derived from the word "christian" makes this post unintentionally amusing.

But no, they're serious because they're right.  You can lay down derisive reasons like, "lol good at self-delusion" or "tee-hee don't know no better" but the truth remains, religious people tend to like how they live.

The counterpoint to that is much simpler, going to church and practicing a religion would not improve MY life because I would be doing something I lack the ability to do, i.e. believe in the dogma.

Monogamy works for some people, nothing wrong with that.


like you.
 
2014-04-12 11:22:59 PM  

wax_on: Yeah, that's pretty much exactly where I went too. Probably has something to so with the large numbers of pastors who get caught cheating with members of their flock. If you can't keep it in your pants at least keep it in your church.


You marry a priest, you better know what you're getting yourself into and question everything.

/divorced nearly a year now
 
2014-04-12 11:23:06 PM  

skinink: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.


Maybe your the ugly one...........I'm just saying.
 
2014-04-12 11:26:24 PM  

EnderX: skinink: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.

Maybe your the ugly one...........I'm just saying.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NF5XU-k2Vk
 
2014-04-12 11:27:31 PM  
As a revering Catholic, I met lovely freaks through Church. But, they grew up to continue going to Church and became less fun.
 
2014-04-12 11:32:51 PM  
HAHAHA
 
2014-04-12 11:50:16 PM  

mark12A: Doesn't matter if Sky Wizard doesn't exist. IF you're willing to suspend disbelief, religion is very comforting to believers. Imagine how awesome it feels to believe, actually BELIEVE there's a wonderful afterlife waiting for you, and that some awesome power cares about you. Powerful stuff.

IF you're in a non-exploitative religion (not attacking others, not depriving yourself  and others of significant opportunities/stuff, etc.), it really is a win/no lose proposition. You win with a happier, longer life, and you can't lose because at no point are you disappointed to be found wrong, because you die, cease to exist, without ever finding out you're wrong.

Must be nice. I'll never know. Unless I get desperate. Then it will be just sad.


It's nice to come here and know there are other people who think the same things I do. I used to be a true, die-hard, drink-the-Koolaid believer, and I can tell you, it's worse knowing what it feels like, and not being able to have that security blanket and the community that came along with it anymore.  Then there's being ostracized from that community and much of my extended family, as well as being a disappointment to my parents to add to it.

You can't make yourself believe something that you just don't, though.  It's like when a kid finds out there's no Santa, and no matter how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise, he just can't go back to believing in him.  No more writing wishes in letters and sending them to the north pole.  No more giddy, restless nights, lying in bed straining to hear hoof-beats on the roof.  He could go see Santa at the mall to try to get that whimsical excitement back, but now it's just some creepy stranger wearing a fake beard and a sweaty fat-suit, and he goes home feeling worse than before.

After many years, I've made a happy, loving family with someone I like to fark and who likes to fark me.  I've surrounded myself with a new community of people who are way cooler than the ones I had to leave behind, and who provide me with much more inspiration.  I don't have everything figured out, but my word-view has evolved a lot and I feel more fulfilled than I ever did as a believer.  Now the only thing I really miss is the feeling of "singing for God" in the choir loft of an old, beautiful church.  But singing bed-time songs to my children comes pretty darn close.
 
2014-04-13 12:21:09 AM  
From my experience going to church improves your sex life if for no other reason than it expands your pool of potential partners.
 
2014-04-13 12:22:52 AM  
Look skeptically on any self-reported survey.
 
2014-04-13 12:25:50 AM  

Hermione_Granger: From my experience going to church improves your sex life if for no other reason than it expands your pool of potential partners.


Yep. In a pool you'd like to swim in.
 
2014-04-13 12:30:45 AM  
Satan can't get enough of those holy cherries.
 
2014-04-13 12:33:01 AM  
Someone want to get married and bang after church???? Taking applications
 
2014-04-13 12:34:44 AM  
Do they mean go have sex in church? 'Cause that's hot.
 
2014-04-13 12:39:59 AM  
Nobody noticed this is from Portugal? Science does not apply.
 
2014-04-13 12:42:18 AM  

gravethoughts: I don't know how you arrived at that conclusion from my comment. If the two people who are farking each other are husband and wife, significant others, or any manner of consenting adults, and they are getting on a regular basis, I'm sure they are quite happy with their love life.


Not necessarily true. Monogamous people often fall into a routine with their sex life which is established not by what they each truly want out of sex but by the minimum amount of their partner's style or kinks they are willing to tolerate. They basically settle for "what works" and then don't stray out of that formula. People can have sex every night and be regularly orgasmic without realizing they're only temporarily satisfying their hormonal/physical needs and not truly pushing their sexual potential forward by failing to take a chance and explore new and exciting psychological dimensions through sex. They think everything's fine because they're having frequent sex but they can't quite pinpoint the empty feeling that is continually growing. It's all tied together with growing non-sexual issues as well, and results in something like this:

sendtodave: I was agreeing with you, while pre-mocking anyone that might want to complain about their sex life decreasing after they get married.


It happens. It's a totally normal thing. There are underlying issues in any marriage. When whatever conflict you are avoiding all comes to a head but you refuse to stand up for yourself and dive straight into that conflict (instead avoiding it by clinging to the mistaken belief that a good marriage is based on compromise) then the sex will suffer.

Agreed, complaining on the internet about it doesn't help. Anyone in this position needs to face their problems head on. Stop trying to please or appease your partner, stop trying to protect their feelings, and tell it like it is. Tell them what isn't working. Tell them the stuff you're afraid is going to make them leave you. Jump right into that conflict with guns blazing. Stand up for yourself. Don't back down until you truly see it their way. When you do this, one or both of you will legitimately change your position (as opposed to just compromising or "settling" on the issue). OR, you'll divorce. But either way is better than remaining in a sexless marriage because you're too chickenshiat to reveal your true self and your true desires.
 
2014-04-13 12:44:23 AM  

farkette716: Someone want to get married and bang after church???? Taking applications


Well, that's pretty much what is expected after getting married.

Now, having a good bang in the church (after hours) and later getting married - that would be a story. (though one that has been repeated many times by many others)
 
2014-04-13 12:44:52 AM  

fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.


Yeah, I remember back when I was a kid, my dad dragged me to his evangelical church. Looking back, I can't really think of anybody at that church who wasn't seriously farked up in the head. Same with his men's group shiat, those guys were all seriously farked up. Their only source of happiness, it seems, is that weird mob mentality high they get from going to church. It really is like a drug for them, which is why the God shiat is so appealing to recovering addicts. They get high without the drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, or whatever obviously destructive thing they got themselves hooked on. Their Jesus high is considered a good thing by our society, so them being addicted to it never crosses their mind.
 
2014-04-13 12:47:02 AM  

omeganuepsilon: fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.

Mental health =\= intelligence.

"Mental health" is more of a happiness and satisfaction with life at large, than connotative of any sort of intellectual capability.

As they say, ignorance is bliss.


All of the intelligence in the world won't do you much good if the brain harboring it is strewn across a room with a shotgun blast.

/balance is the key
 
2014-04-13 12:51:09 AM  

dv-ous: Baz744: Lieutenant Ellerby explains the importance of marriage in The Departed.

not the "dick must work part" todays vaginas simply do not care and in fact PREFER your dick does not work, unless 1,000% on their terms when they say so and its rarer than you realize, FACT IS today in 2013's version of "gold-digger nation" they lust, care, and crave ONE thing and ONE thing only MONEY to the point they delude themselves into believing ANYTHING else other than your ability to provide the sewage smelling slit $ THAT IS FACT FROM A REALISTS PERSPECTIVE.


So that's why I used to have no problems meeting women while wearing cheap dirty clothes and a haircut I obviously gave myself, while driving a late 70's Honda Civic. Yeah, I was in a band back then.
 
2014-04-13 12:59:37 AM  
That's not what the study says at all.  It says "more satisfied" in the self-defined survey sense, which is something else entirely... and not necessarily a positive thing at all.

Married people by definition have decided to put an active investment of resources and effort into making the relationship work long-term, and made an active decision that they don't  care how their relationship compares to others.  Church-goers are literally brainwashed into thinking that settling for one sexual partner and staying loyal to that partner for as long as possible is a moral value in itself.  I mean, maybe 'brainwashed' sounds creepier than it actually is, since it's voluntary and mostly self-inflicted, but they're literally using socially-enforced operant conditioning and repetition conditioning/hypnosis on themselves to alter their behavior.

This is "good" in the sense that it means that you are more satisfied with your current relationship in the short-term.  It becomes less good when the somewhat artificial/irrational nature of this satisfaction leads to ignoring a partner's flaws... something that will annoy your friends at worst when you just decide that your spouse/boyfriend's habit of chewing his nails in public in endearing rather than disgusting, but gets significantly dire in the very, very common case that it causes someone to stay with an abusive partner until they suffer serious injury or even death, or even worse causes you to still think everything's sunshine and daisies when your partner is abusing your  children.

// This is not saying that all married couples are this bad, some level of active investment in a relationship is helpful.  I'm just pointing out that the extreme end has an equally extreme dark side, here.  And in the case of religiosity it extends all the way past ignoring domestic abuse to rationalizing  genocide, so that end kinda takes it up to 11.

// At least it's just Subby being a moron this time, Science Daily is actually doing the science reporting thing pretty much right in this instance, not spinning or misinterpreting the results at all, just simplifying them for general readership.
 
2014-04-13 01:05:37 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Married people by definition have decided to put an active investment of resources and effort into making the relationship work long-term, and made an active decision that they don't care how their relationship compares to others.


Show your work, please.
 
2014-04-13 01:20:52 AM  
Well duh.  Sex is always more exhilarating when mixed with a healthy dose of shame.
 
2014-04-13 01:26:33 AM  
Subby, I would tell you to go to Hell, but I'm an atheist, and we don't believe in such things.
 
2014-04-13 01:27:26 AM  

skinink: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.


I'll be 40 in a few years, and I'm finally beginning to figure this out.
 
2014-04-13 01:27:45 AM  
Think about it, Jesus bummed around with fishermen.  Notorious liars and drunks.  He was shacked up with a whore.  He kicked the shiat out of bankers in a government building.  He threw a party so epic that 2000 years later we're still talking about it.  And then the best they could do was convict him for disturbing the peace.

You can't go wrong following a man like that.
 
2014-04-13 01:37:49 AM  

joaquin closet: Nobody noticed this is from Portugal? Science does not apply.


I was going to say, probably a huge cultural difference right there.
 
2014-04-13 01:40:27 AM  
I forgot to mention that Jesus turned water into wine so he also approved of being drunk which explained much of the gospel and his hanging out with drunken fishermen
 
2014-04-13 01:40:49 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: Think about it, Jesus bummed around with fishermen.  Notorious liars and drunks.  He was shacked up with a whore.  He kicked the shiat out of bankers in a government building.  He threw a party so epic that 2000 years later we're still talking about it.  And then the best they could do was convict him for disturbing the peace.

You can't go wrong following a man like that.


www.castingfrontier.com

Farkin' A, man.
 
2014-04-13 01:51:33 AM  

The Flexecutioner: Well duh.  Sex is always more exhilarating when mixed with a healthy dose of shame.


You don't need religion for that :P
 
2014-04-13 01:56:05 AM  
I'll dispute this. The wife and I get some pretty intense action during Sunday nooners while the righteous are busy praying.

/She is on her knees though.
 
2014-04-13 02:01:05 AM  
Obviously I went to the wrong church; should have hung out with the Catholics or Mormons.

/the charismatic-evangelical Protestants were no fun
 
2014-04-13 02:18:28 AM  

skinink: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.


Yep, that's true. If you're a manipulative coont, always marry "down". That way, they're so happy to have you, you can get away with all kinds of bullshiat someone else wouldn't tolerate.
 
2014-04-13 02:32:31 AM  
Assumes self-reported stupid study. Checks article. Yep.
 
2014-04-13 03:28:20 AM  
Wow, a lot of anti-science people here. I guess y'all will join with the Anti-Global Warming crowd.
 
2014-04-13 04:20:12 AM  

Prophet of Loss: Wow, a lot of anti-science people here. I guess y'all will join with the Anti-Global Warming crowd.


You do realize the study was performed in Portugal, right, and was actually a write-up of a test of a proposed scale to evaluate satisfaction and mental/social health in regards to romantic relationships, right?
 
2014-04-13 06:51:53 AM  
Church? Ain't nobody got time for that. Sex? You're married now. Ain't nobody in the mood for that. Sex IN church? Well I suppose if you're a priest or a choirboy. But not in front of the altar! It's disrespectful.
 
2014-04-13 07:33:58 AM  
Makes sense. In both cases, you're constantly thinking "fark this!"
 
2014-04-13 07:46:11 AM  
Wide stance.
 
2014-04-13 07:49:46 AM  

hardinparamedic: Prophet of Loss: Wow, a lot of anti-science people here. I guess y'all will join with the Anti-Global Warming crowd.

You do realize the study was performed in Portugal, right, and was actually a write-up of a test of a proposed scale to evaluate satisfaction and mental/social health in regards to romantic relationships, right?


Oh you mean just like climate change deniers - unwarranted attacks on the research and the source.

"Its cold right now! Disprove that! Global warming is lie!" is no different than what you are spewing.
 
2014-04-13 07:51:22 AM  
I thought they only had Alter Boys?  I don't want to have sex with no boys.  Then I realized they also have Alter Girls...
 
2014-04-13 08:08:32 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: Hermione_Granger: From my experience going to church improves your sex life if for no other reason than it expands your pool of potential partners.

Yep. In a pool you'd like to swim in.


Baptismal pool party?
 
2014-04-13 08:57:09 AM  
A lot of freaky girls go to church. Don't rule it out.
 
2014-04-13 08:59:32 AM  
Or instead of wasting time at church, you could have sex.
 
rpm
2014-04-13 09:10:44 AM  

FullMetalPanda: I thought they only had Alter Boys?  I don't want to have sex with no boys.  Then I realized they also have Alter Girls...


You like alter girls? Whatever floats your boat. NTTAWWT

www.laweekly.com
 
2014-04-13 09:31:35 AM  

fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.


Religion gives easy, convenient, and satisfying answers to all of life's difficult answers. Why bother wondering why we exist, or how we came to be, or if we have any purpose, or the big one - what happens to use when we die? Those kind of questions and uncertainties can crush a weak mind. In comes religion. All of those are answered with answers that make the person feel special. Plus, if anything bad happens they now get to pray, which makes them feel less helpless as it makes them feel like they're able to do something about a situation which is otherwise beyond their control.

It makes them think that they exist through divine purpose instead of facing the idea that their existence is completely random and ultimately meaningless. All of the things that they cannot directly control? No worries, the big guy has it covered. Even so, life is hard and they have to struggle through it. Not a problem, heaven is waiting for them. Little Timmy has brain cancer and wont make it to his 8th birthday? God works in mysterious ways.

Some people drink or do drugs to make all of life's problems go away, at least for a little while. Other's pray.
 
2014-04-13 09:36:40 AM  

Pincy: Ima4nic8or: I don't know about the church thing but getting married certainly helps.  Once you get married there is always a vagina there just waiting to be poked.  You don't even have to try anymore.  As an example, the wife and I were recently out and saw some younger guy open a car door for the chick he was with.  My wife commented on it and asked why I don't do that any more.  I said, "because I already know I am going to get some."  She gave me the stink eye but guess what? That night I got some anyway.

Your wife is a lucky woman.


True that
 
2014-04-13 09:42:45 AM  

CtrlAltDestroy: fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.

Religion gives easy, convenient, and satisfying answers to all of life's difficult answers. Why bother wondering why we exist, or how we came to be, or if we have any purpose, or the big one - what happens to use when we die? Those kind of questions and uncertainties can crush a weak mind. In comes religion. All of those are answered with answers that make the person feel special. Plus, if anything bad happens they now get to pray, which makes them feel less helpless as it makes them feel like they're able to do something about a situation which is otherwise beyond their control.

It makes them think that they exist through divine purpose instead of facing the idea that their existence is completely random and ultimately meaningless. All of the things that they cannot directly control? No worries, the big guy has it covered. Even so, life is hard and they have to struggle through it. Not a problem, heaven is waiting for them. Little Timmy has brain cancer and wont make it to his 8th birthday? God works in mysterious ways.

Some people drink or do drugs to make all of life's problems go away, at least for a little while. Other's pray.


Amen brother..  Sorry couldn't help it
 
2014-04-13 10:44:47 AM  
"Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church."

Oh yeah? I'm both evangelical Christian and married. My sex life sucks and has sucked from day one. The woman used the promise of sex to seal the deal (even though we had already agreed to marry) with no intention to follow through. Her words, "I only did those things because I wanted you to marry me." I always, naively, thought that if you make the woman cum you get invited back. Well, that isn't true. I can get more and better action from any street walker. They put some effort into it since they want you to come back again.  Any kind of sex talk by me, either serious or joke, unleashes a torrent of Bible verses and the admonition that I'm going to Hell.  You want my advice? Do not marry a 29 year old virgin. If she is still a virgin at 29 there is something wrong.

Bitter? You have no idea!
 
2014-04-13 10:49:00 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: farkette716: Someone want to get married and bang after church???? Taking applications

Well, that's pretty much what is expected after getting married.

Now, having a good bang in the church (after hours) and later getting married - that would be a story. (though one that has been repeated many times by many others)


My friend had gay sex in a church once.
 
2014-04-13 11:04:21 AM  

Ambivalence: TheBigJerk: cretinbob: [img3.wikia.nocookie.net image 640x360]

The fact that "Cretin" is derived from the word "christian" makes this post unintentionally amusing.

I thought the word Cretin had to do with the Isle of Crete.  Someone who is from Crete is a Cretin.  Like how the term "Gyp" is derived from gypsies.


Well, my source for that statement is impeachable.
 
2014-04-13 11:47:07 AM  

sendtodave: fusillade762: The finding that believers and regular churchgoers are positive about their love lives is in line with previous studies that associate religious involvement with better mental health and greater satisfaction with life and sexual relationships in general.

OK, I'm calling shenanigans.

Feelings of depression and alienation > search for spirituality > join a religion > sense of community and belonging > better mental health.

"Religious involvement" could really just read "emotional involvement and connectedness with other human beings," I think.


Pretty much this. Of course when you spent the past few decades making your day off a Sunday and then forcing everything but churches to close down on a sunday, you limit the available choices. Even the post office being open on a Sunday was considered a threat as people would turn up to communicate.

I imagine as more stuff opened on a Sunday, that this will slowly change.
 
2014-04-13 01:30:36 PM  

pudgyv: "Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church."

Oh yeah? I'm both evangelical Christian and married. My sex life sucks and has sucked from day one. The woman used the promise of sex to seal the deal (even though we had already agreed to marry) with no intention to follow through. Her words, "I only did those things because I wanted you to marry me." I always, naively, thought that if you make the woman cum you get invited back. Well, that isn't true. I can get more and better action from any street walker. They put some effort into it since they want you to come back again.  Any kind of sex talk by me, either serious or joke, unleashes a torrent of Bible verses and the admonition that I'm going to Hell.  You want my advice? Do not marry a 29 year old virgin. If she is still a virgin at 29 there is something wrong.

Bitter? You have no idea!


Why are you still married?
 
2014-04-13 01:52:57 PM  
Universidade do Porto in Portugal

i340.photobucket.com
 
2014-04-13 01:55:55 PM  

peacheslatour: pudgyv: "Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church."

Oh yeah? I'm both evangelical Christian and married. My sex life sucks and has sucked from day one. The woman used the promise of sex to seal the deal (even though we had already agreed to marry) with no intention to follow through. Her words, "I only did those things because I wanted you to marry me." I always, naively, thought that if you make the woman cum you get invited back. Well, that isn't true. I can get more and better action from any street walker. They put some effort into it since they want you to come back again.  Any kind of sex talk by me, either serious or joke, unleashes a torrent of Bible verses and the admonition that I'm going to Hell.  You want my advice? Do not marry a 29 year old virgin. If she is still a virgin at 29 there is something wrong.

Bitter? You have no idea!

Why are you still married?


My question as well.
 
2014-04-13 01:59:04 PM  

peacheslatour: pudgyv: "Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church."

Oh yeah? I'm both evangelical Christian and married. My sex life sucks and has sucked from day one. The woman used the promise of sex to seal the deal (even though we had already agreed to marry) with no intention to follow through. Her words, "I only did those things because I wanted you to marry me." I always, naively, thought that if you make the woman cum you get invited back. Well, that isn't true. I can get more and better action from any street walker. They put some effort into it since they want you to come back again.  Any kind of sex talk by me, either serious or joke, unleashes a torrent of Bible verses and the admonition that I'm going to Hell.  You want my advice? Do not marry a 29 year old virgin. If she is still a virgin at 29 there is something wrong.

Bitter? You have no idea!

Why are you still married?


I guess divorce is a bigger sin than screwing hookers.
 
2014-04-13 02:00:51 PM  

pudgyv: "Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church."

Oh yeah? I'm both evangelical Christian and married. My sex life sucks and has sucked from day one. The woman used the promise of sex to seal the deal (even though we had already agreed to marry) with no intention to follow through. Her words, "I only did those things because I wanted you to marry me." I always, naively, thought that if you make the woman cum you get invited back. Well, that isn't true. I can get more and better action from any street walker. They put some effort into it since they want you to come back again.  Any kind of sex talk by me, either serious or joke, unleashes a torrent of Bible verses and the admonition that I'm going to Hell.  You want my advice? Do not marry a 29 year old virgin. If she is still a virgin at 29 there is something wrong.

Bitter? You have no idea!


Yeah, time to leave that marriage. It's not going to get better. Probably should write up a restraining order too, because she sounds like the type who will say that the divorce doesn't count.
 
2014-04-13 02:10:03 PM  

MadCat221: GilRuiz1: [i224.photobucket.com image 700x377]

WHO HAS DEACTIVATED MY BEAUTIFUL FROGS?!?!


"HE DID!!!!!!"
 
2014-04-13 04:20:45 PM  

hardinparamedic: My deviant sex life is just fine without doing it in a church, thank you.


Odd as it sounds to some, those friends of mine who are into some really hardcore S&M are all regular churchgoers. For those familiar with how repressed those churches are, it's not exactly a shocker.

If you are at all familiar with Joan Cusack's character on Shameless, the women you find in these churches are a lot like that.
 
2014-04-13 04:22:18 PM  

Prophet of Loss: Oh you mean just like climate change deniers - unwarranted attacks on the research and the source.

"Its cold right now! Disprove that! Global warming is lie!" is no different than what you are spewing.


d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net
 
2014-04-13 06:53:01 PM  

hardinparamedic: .

[d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net image 420x294]


I was telling a woman at work a couple weeks ago about how "bless your heart" is actually an insult in southern speak and she was mortified "I say that all the time!"
 
2014-04-13 07:47:54 PM  

LoneWolf343: pudgyv: "Want a better sex life? Get married and go to church."

Oh yeah? I'm both evangelical Christian and married. My sex life sucks and has sucked from day one. The woman used the promise of sex to seal the deal (even though we had already agreed to marry) with no intention to follow through. Her words, "I only did those things because I wanted you to marry me." I always, naively, thought that if you make the woman cum you get invited back. Well, that isn't true. I can get more and better action from any street walker. They put some effort into it since they want you to come back again.  Any kind of sex talk by me, either serious or joke, unleashes a torrent of Bible verses and the admonition that I'm going to Hell.  You want my advice? Do not marry a 29 year old virgin. If she is still a virgin at 29 there is something wrong.

Bitter? You have no idea!

Yeah, time to leave that marriage. It's not going to get better. Probably should write up a restraining order too, because she sounds like the type who will say that the divorce doesn't count.


Indeed.  Why be bitter when you can be free?
 
2014-04-13 11:51:29 PM  
It's all fun and games until a magical sky daddy bangs your virgin bride!
 
2014-04-14 12:27:40 AM  

SBinRR: Our formula for a better sex life is, she has a stronger sex drive than I do, and we play well with others.

It isn't for everyone,but it works quite well for us.


And all the people she isn't telling you about.

/so it is for everyone
 
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